Bayview Heights Trilogy (83 page)

Zoe sipped her wine, remembering her
conversation with Alex after school when he’d asked her to go out
next Saturday...

“I can’t, Alex.”

Smart in the ways of the world, his brown
eyes had narrowed on her. “Lansing’s worn you down, hasn’t he?”

“Not exactly. But...”

He took her hand. “I don’t want him to hurt
you again, Zoe.”

“I don’t want that, either. It’s just that
I’ve never really gotten over him.”

“I know.” For some reason Alex had rubbed his
rib cage. “And it’s mutual. Pierre and I watched you two at
Hotshots that night and commiserated about it.”

“I’m sorry, Alex.” She’d smiled at the young
boy she’d watched become a very good man. “Someday you’ll find
someone. Your own age,” she’d joked, breaking the tension.

“Nah, I like older women...”

“Damn it Zoe, this shouldn’t be such a big
decision.”

Zoe hadn’t realized she’d been silent so
long. She looked at Kurt—it took him a long time to get
exasperated, but she could see that his temper had frayed. She
thought about how helpful he’d been with Ashley, how he’d taken
tender care of the Lansing girls and how he’d stood up to Bosco
tonight. In so many ways, he was a man to count on, to believe
in.

“It’s not that big of a decision.” This time
she reached for his hand. “I won’t see other men. You know it never
even got physical with anyone else, anyway.”

That statement brought images of Elizabeth
and how it
had
gotten physical between her and Kurt. “But
I’m not over the hump yet, Kurt. When I think about your sleeping
with Elizabeth...” She let go of his hand, stood and crossed to the
window. “It hurts so much I can’t stand it.”

“Do you want to talk about that?”

She whirled around. “Oh, God, no. I couldn’t
bear it.

Staring up at her from the couch, he said,
“All right. Come back here and we’ll plan some fun things that we
used to do.”

It took more courage than she thought she had
to cross back to him and sit down.

“Lauren’s got a birthday coming up,” he said
lightly. “And I need to shop for her.”

Zoe brightened. “Shop?”

“Thought that would perk you up. Let’s go to
the mall this week and you can help me pick out some things for
her.”

“It’s a date, Dr. Lansing.”

He kissed her quickly on the mouth. “Well,
that’s progress.”

o0o

“ARE YOU LEAVING?” Ashley watched Dr. Lansing
from the doorway. He was dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt and had
just put on his bomber jacket. He looked cool, as he had at the
Down to Earth weekend.

He shrugged back out of his coat. “I’ve got
a...something in about an hour. But I always have time for you.
Come in and sit.”

Hesitating a moment, she entered the room and
took a seat. She was feeling a lot better physically, even though
her emotions were crazy these days. “I won’t hang you up long. We
just haven’t talked in a while.”

“How are you feeling?”

She shrugged. “Fine, I guess.”

“Ms. Caufield told me you were seeing a
counselor.” He watched her. “I hope it’s okay that she told
me.”

Ashley rolled her eyes. “I don’t have any
secrets from you, Dr. Lansing. I’m seeing Dr. Sheffield.”

“Louise is the best.”

“She’s helping me see things better,
understand myself more.” Ashley looked thoughtful. “You know, she’s
starting a program that trains students to act as peer educators
and assist your staff at outreach events. For kids who are making
choices about birth control and other things.”

“You’d be great at that.”

“I hope so. I’m joining.”

He smiled at her. “Anything I can do for
you?”

“Yeah, you can get Evan off my back.” She was
only half joking.

“Evan?”

She frowned. “He won’t leave me alone. He
says he’s sorry. He wants another chance. That he acted selfish and
stupid, but he wasn’t thinking straight.”

A muscle leaped in Dr. Lansing’s neck. He was
probably as angry at Evan as her parents were. “He behaved badly,
Ashley.”

“I know.” She smoothed down her new flowered
skirt she’d bought on a special shopping trip with her mother. “He
says he wants me to forgive him.”

Dr. Lansing shifted uncomfortably in his
seat. “It’s a tall order.”

“You’re a guy, Dr. Lansing. Do all guys think
it’s that easy to forget something awful they do to you?”

“No, Ashley, not all guys think that.” He
cleared his throat. “But everybody wants forgiveness. It’s
human.”

“You think I should give him another
chance?”

His eyes narrowed. “No, I don’t. Not now,
anyway. You need to recover from this ordeal physically. You should
talk to Dr. Sheffield at length about Evan and a lot of other
things. And you should take your time and search your heart for how
you really feel about the boy.”

“What if he finds somebody else?”

“Then he wasn’t worth it. I’m more concerned
that you find
yourself
in all this. Forget about Evan for
now. Just concentrate on you.”

o0o

KURT HURRIED UP to Zoe’s door ten minutes
late, feeling like the worst hypocrite. The advice he’d given
Ashley had been good, though his own parallel with Evan didn’t
escape him. It was why he’d stopped to pick up flowers. He was
starkly reminded of what he had to make up for with Zoe.

She pulled open the door, dressed like him in
jeans and a sweatshirt, though the way the denim conformed to her
legs was a hell of a lot different and...arousing. Her face broke
out in a delighted smile as he handed her the delicate tiger
lilies. “Oh, Kurt, how sweet.”

It had been a joy to be able to buy them for
her again. The thought choked him up.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He stepped inside. “Sorry
I’m late.”

Burying her face in the flowers, she said,
“The lilies are worth it. I haven’t had any of these since—” She
cut off her words. There was that elephant in the room again.

As she was snipping the ends and placing the
flowers in a vase, he came up and slid his arms around her waist.
She stiffened, so he dropped a kiss on her hair and drew back. “We
can’t watch every word we say, sweetheart. I’m glad nobody else
bought you your favorite flowers, though I wish like hell I’d been
delivering them by the truckload for the last year.”

Still facing away from him, she said, “This
is going to be hard, isn’t it?”

He leaned against the counter. “Yeah. It is.”
He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“You know what?” she said, circling around.
“Let’s banish those words from your vocabulary for a while. I know
you’re sorry. What we’re trying to find out here is if too much
damage has been done to get together again.”

The thought sent a bolt of pure panic through
him. He quelled it. “All right.” He sniffed. “What are we having
for dinner? I can’t smell anything.”

She eyed him up and down. “At least you’re
dressed for it.”

“You told me to wear casual clothes.”

Grinning, she went to the refrigerator and
pulled out two bottles of his favorite beer, which she topped with
chunks of limes. Handing him one, she said, “Come on,” and headed
for her glassed-in porch.

“Isn’t it a little cold to be on the porch
this time of year?”

“I put the space heaters out here today so we
could use it.”

He saw why when he followed her out.

The floor was spread with a plaid blanket. On
it were all his favorite picnic foods.

Touched, he smiled. “Is that your recipe for
potato salad?”

“None other. And Lacey’s recipe for Coney
Island sauce.” She sank onto the blanket and nodded to the
outdoors. Under the deck light was the grill. “You’ll have to cook
the hot dogs out there, though. I’m glad you brought your bomber
jacket.”

He smiled, and the knot that had formed in
his stomach after he’d spoken to Ashley began to loosen.

For two hours they laughed at funny school
stories, talked about clinic events, discussed the Lansing girls
and Cassie’ s reaction when she found out they’d been sick. By
tacit agreement they stayed away from personal issues or even
difficult ones like Bosco. They joked about the Down to Earth
weekend over s’mores and ended the evening on the big rattan
couch—where they’d made love more than once—staring out at the bay.
The view had always soothed him. Tonight the water crashed on the
rocks violently, but there was a raw beauty about it.

“It’s getting cold out here,” she said,
shivering.

He reached behind them for a heavy quilt she
kept there. Covering her, then himself, he tugged her close. She
stiffened again. He sighed, frustrated.

“I...I don’t want you to get any ideas, is
all.”

“Being
near
you gives me ideas,
lady. I just wish you’d stop acting like I’m going to attack you
every time I touch you.”

“I don’t think that.”

“You said we needed to take this slow.
Obviously you meant physically, too. Though I don’t quite
understand it, because we already made love last month.”

“We weren’t thinking straight. It wasn’t the
best thing to have happened.”

Like hell
. “Fine, but I’m not some
teenage boy who can’t control himself.”

She looked up at him with wide brown eyes. “I
know. Maybe I’m more afraid I won’t be able to control myself.”

“Would that be so bad?”

“Now I think it would be.”

“All right. But come close just for a few
minutes. I miss touching you. Feeling you against me.” He
whispered, “I need to be near you, love.”

After a moment she slid over to him; after a
while, her whole body nestled into him. He inhaled the perfume that
always clung to her hair and skin. “Mmm. That’s good.”

“Too good,” she muttered.

He didn’t disagree aloud, just watched the
water in the bay and thanked God for this second chance.

o0o

HECATE’S PALACE was a cute little shop
halfway between New York City and Bayview Heights. Thirteen months
ago Julia had found it on a Web site for Wiccans and had driven out
to look around; she’d ended up with a job. The store was small,
with rows of books, even more rows of herbs and baskets full of
stones with mystical properties. The air was filled with the exotic
scent of incense.

Dan Caruso walked in and she almost dropped a
bag of stones as she was restocking the shelves. Dressed in his
trademark black, he’d cut his hair so it only skimmed his collar
now. His small diamond stud winked in the overhead lights. Holding
his hand was a darling little boy.

“Hi, guys,” Julia said. He’d come through for
her during Ashley’s ordeal, but she’d felt uneasy around him ever
since. It had something to do with all the rotten things the guys
around her were doing lately, like Evan and even Dr. Lansing.

“Hi.” Dan’s dark eyes twinkled at her. “How
you doin’, Sabrina?” He’d been teasing her about being a Wiccan and
had taken to calling her Sabrina, the teenage witch.

She bristled. “Did you come to my store to
mock me, Caruso?”

“Nah, Jimmy and I are lookin’ for a book,
aren’t we kid?”

“Uh-huh.” The boy was a miniature of his
brother, with his black windbreaker and jeans, black high tops,
longish hair and even a little earring. She knew Dan paid for all
his clothes.

Julia was immediately smitten by the child.
She hunkered down to face him. “Hi, cutie. I’m Julia.”

He studied her the way Dan did. “You don’t
look like a witch.”

“That’s because you’ve only seen storybook
ones.” She stood. “Come on, I’ll show you something.”

With a death grip on Dan’s hand, the little
boy followed her to a section in the back. She pulled out a picture
book and said, “We got a great chair over there. Wanna read this
with me?”

Jimmy’s eyes sought his brother’s. Dan nodded
and said, “I’ll just look around.”

“For what?”

“Nothing in particular.”

Julia settled down with Jimmy on the big
chair and began to read him the children’s book
What It Means
To Be a Witch
. The boy listened intently and his eyes widened
at the pictures. When she was done, she found Dan watching her.

“Can we buy this, Danny?” Jimmy asked.

Julia slid Jimmy to the floor and stood.
“Nope, you can’t.” She leaned down and kissed his nose. ‘Cause it’s
a present from me.”

Dan studied her. “I’ll buy this.” He held up
a book.

She moved closer to him, but not too close.
“What’s that?”

“
Living Wiccan, A Guide for the Solitary
Practitioner
. The cover says this book is the best resource on
Wicca.”

“Why’re you buying it?” she asked as she went
behind the counter.

“Because you’re interested in this stuff.
Even if you have been treatin’ me like crap since Ashley was in the
hospital.”

“I haven’t been...” But she stopped because
he was right. She had been avoiding him.

“You know,” he said, watching her as she
cashed him out, “Vivian asked me to hang out with her Friday
night.”

“Aren’t you working?”

“Till six.”

“Oh, so you can be with Vivian
afterward.”

“I’d rather be with you.”

“Dan, look...”

When she hesitated, he looked at her
unnervingly. Finally he said, “Never mind.” He picked up the
package. “I get the picture. I’m outta here.” He walked over to the
stones Jimmy was perusing. Taking his brother’s hand, Dan headed to
the door, but turned back to face her. “I thought you were
different, Jules, from the rest of Caufield’s Chicks. But you’re
not. You’re still afraid to go your own way.” He shook his head
sadly. “Have a nice life.”

And he left.

Julia stared after him, feeling bereft.

o0o

“COME ON, WE HAVE stores to visit yet.” Zoe
yanked on Kurt’s arm.

“Only a masochist shops on Saturday.” He held
up the two shopping bags. “Besides isn’t this enough for one
kid?”