Beach Lane (6 page)

“I’m not responsible for your being a challenge. You just are.”

“Then I’m surprised you want to have dinner with me at all,” she said testily.

Mack laughed. “Come on, Susie. Let’s go before you work yourself up into a bad case of indigestion without having the first bite of food.”

She frowned but went with him. “I have no idea why I bother with you,” she muttered as she walked down the steps to the alley where his car was parked.

“Because I’m charming and sexy,” he suggested.

“No, those are the reasons I should steer clear of you,” she countered.

“Then it must be because I make you laugh.”

She smiled. “I’m sure that’s it.”

As he started the car, he glanced over at her. “Want to know why I bother with you?”

She looked flustered by the question. “I’m not entirely sure I do.”

“You need to hear this,” he said, suddenly solemn. “Because you ground me, you fascinate me and you make me feel like a whole person, someone worth loving.”

When she met his gaze, there were tears in her eyes.

“Oh, Mack, of course you’re worth loving,” she said softly. “You’re surrounded by friends who prove that, not just me. You have to let go of the past. Your father—whoever he was—was obviously a worthless jerk, and your mother did the best she could. You’re worth a hundred of either one of them. When are you going to believe that?”

“I do sometimes,” he said, then added, “When I’m with you.”

And that’s why, no matter how this job mess worked itself out, he couldn’t let himself lose her. No matter what it took.

That one sweet moment in the car when Mack had admitted how she made him feel sustained Susie for the next week. She’d sensed that there was more he wanted to say. A lot more. But as always, he’d quickly made a joke that had altered the mood at once. And he’d keep things light all through dinner at Brady’s, casting a warning look in her direction any time she tried to turn the conversation to anything serious, or even remotely personal. She’d gone along with it, knowing he needed laughter right now more than he needed advice or even consolation.

Oddly, she’d concluded that evening feeling more hopeful about the two of them than she had for a long time. Not even Mack’s absence over the past few days had thrown her. He’d called regularly to let her know he was okay, but the brief conversations hadn’t been terribly revealing about how he was spending his time or what he was thinking about his future. She’d told herself to accept his need to work through things on his own. It was a struggle, but she was mostly succeeding.

In an odd way, it helped that she hadn’t been feeling all that great. In fact, today she’d actually gone home from the office, suffering from the worst cramps she’d ever had. She crawled into bed with a heating pad and slept most of the day away. She’d always had terrible periods, so she knew the drill.

When she woke up in the morning and the pain had gotten worse, she felt a momentary glimmer of concern. Something about this time felt different, but maybe she was just on edge about everything these days. At least, that’s what she told herself when she called her father and told him she was taking another sick day.

An hour later, there was a brisk knock on her door. Then a key turned in the lock before she could even think of stirring from bed, and her mother came in.

Susie immediately sat up. “Mom, what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be at school.”

“Your father called me. What’s going on?”

“Cramps. You know. It’s no big deal. Nothing to bring you racing over here.”

“Have you seen your doctor recently?” Jo inquired, worry creasing her brow.

“There’s no need. I had my annual checkup a few months ago. Everything’s fine.”

“How often have you had pain this severe?”

“It’s a little worse this time, but I’ve always been this way. Remember how often I had to stay home from school?”

“I thought you’d gotten over that long ago.”

“I guess when I started on birth control pills, it did get a little better,” she admitted.

“Are you still on them?” Jo asked matter-of-factly.

Susie blushed. “I haven’t had any reason to be. I took a break.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have, if they were helping. Let’s call your doctor and get you checked out.”

Susie felt too lousy to argue. “Fine. I’ll call and make an appointment.”

“It’ll take weeks to get in, unless you tell him it’s an emergency. Where’s your address book? Do you have the number in there? I’ll call.”

“Mom, it’s not an emergency. By tomorrow I’ll be perfectly fine.”

“I’ll feel better if a medical professional tells me that.”

Susie regarded her mother curiously. “Why are you so worked up about this?”

Jo sat down on the edge of the bed, her expression drawn. “I’ve never really felt any need to get into this with you, but it’s obviously time I did.”

Susie regarded her with concern. She sounded so somber. “Get into what?”

“After I had Luke, I had to have a hysterectomy. For years I’d had symptoms very much like yours. After Matthew the doctor suggested I have one, but I refused. Your father and I wanted more children, and the symptoms weren’t that bad. I looked at the research on hyperplasia—that’s what I had, some abnormal cells in my uterus—and was convinced I could afford to wait. But when Luke was born, it was worse. They couldn’t stop the bleeding. They found the abnormal cells had spread. There was no longer any choice.”

Susie stared at her mother in shock. “You had cancer?”

“I suppose you’d call it precancer. The abnormal cells hadn’t spread beyond the uterus, and with that gone, along with my ovaries, the prognosis was good. I didn’t even need chemotherapy or radiation. You were much too young to be aware that any of this was going on. Since then, I’ve never really seen the need to talk about it, but I don’t like what’s going on with you right now. I think you need to get checked out. Will you do this for me?”

Susie nodded at once. “Of course, but you’re worrying for no reason. I promise.”

Her mother squeezed her hand. “I’m counting on that.”

She made the call to the doctor’s office, waited while Susie dressed, then insisted on driving her to his office.

Alone in the examining room, Susie sat on the cold, hard table and told herself that she was here only to put her mom’s fears to rest. There was no reason to panic. She’d been dealing with the same symptoms for years, and they hadn’t meant anything. They were more of a nuisance than anything else.

When Dr. Kinnear came in, he gave her a warm smile. “Under the circumstances, I’m glad you came in.”

Susie managed a wan smile in return. “I had no idea until today that there was any family history to be concerned about.”

“I’m glad your mother finally filled you in. Better to be safe than sorry,” he said. “Now let’s do a quick examination and see where we are.”

Gynecological exams had never been at the top of Susie’s list of favorite things, but this one proved more uncomfortable than most. At one point she nearly yelped out loud in pain.

Dr. Kinnear glanced at her. “Tender there?”

She nodded.

He patted her knee. “Okay, then. That’s it for now, but I’d like to have you go in for another test.”

Susie regarded him with alarm. “You found something?”

“Maybe,” he hedged. “I can’t say with certainty without more tests. There’s no need to start worrying yet. An ultrasound will be more definitive.”

An ultrasound wouldn’t be so bad, Susie thought. “And then?”

“Perhaps a biopsy.”

She swallowed hard, trying to force the words past the sudden lumps in her throat. “What?” she asked eventually. “What do you think’s going on?”

“There could be a problem with one of your ovaries. More than likely it’s nothing more than a cyst, but we don’t like to fool around with this. We’ll want answers as quickly as possible.”

Susie read between the lines and guessed what he wasn’t saying. “It could be ovarian cancer?” she asked, stunned.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, okay?” he soothed. “I’ll get you in for that ultrasound in the next day or two. My receptionist will make the appointment and call you.”

All Susie knew about ovarian cancer was that it could be deadly, because it was generally caught too late. This morning she’d thought she was simply having a particularly painful period, and now she could die? She couldn’t even begin to process it.

Again Dr. Kinnear gave her a reassuring look. “One step at a time, young lady. If you have questions at any time, call me. We’ll find the answers, and whatever the situation is, we’ll deal with it.”

She nodded. After he’d left the examining room, she sat there frozen.

A few minutes later, her mother stepped into the room. Susie met her gaze.

“He told you?”

Her mother nodded. “He told me there’s no cause for alarm yet. You are not to panic, okay? Neither one of us is going to panic.”

Susie nodded, then gave her mother a plaintive look. “Is it okay to be scared out of my wits?”

Her mother gathered her into her arms. “We can be scared together, but we are going to think positively, Susie. I mean it. No negative thoughts. People do beat ovarian cancer, and we’re not even sure yet that you have it. It could be nothing more than a cyst, okay?”

Susie blinked back tears. “Got it.” She hesitated. “Mom, can we keep this just between us for now? It’s not as if we know anything. I don’t think I could stand having Dad and everyone hovering.”

“If that’s what you want,” her mother agreed. “I do wish you’d consider telling your grandmother, thought.”

“Why Gram? It’ll only worry her.”

“But she’s the one with the direct link to God,” Jo said with a smile. “I think her prayers are exactly what you need right now.”

Susie smiled back. The whole family counted on Nell O’Brien to save them. The rest of them might be believers, they might be churchgoers, but it was Gram’s faith that was steadfast, no matter what the crisis.

“Let’s see what happens with the ultrasound,” Susie said. “If there’s a problem with that, then we’ll call in the big guns.”

Her mother met her gaze. “What about Mack?”

“What about him?”

“I think he’d want to know.”

Susie shook her head. “It’s not like that between us.”

“Remember how upset you were that he’d kept losing his job from you? How do you think he’ll feel if he finds out about this later?”

“I can’t tell him,” Susie said simply. “Not until I know more.”

Because if she needed to have surgery, if she couldn’t have children, it would change everything between them. And, of course, if she wasn’t one of those who beat the odds, they’d have absolutely no future at all.

6

M
ack didn’t like Susie’s pale complexion or the dark shadows under her eyes. It had been evident for a few days now that she was worried about something, and he was very much afraid it was him. He didn’t want to be responsible for making her sick.

“Okay, we need to get out of here,” he said after taking a good look at her when he stopped by her office at lunchtime. If anything, she looked worse than she had when he’d seen her the day before.

Before she could argue, he marched into Jeff’s office and announced, “I’m taking Susie away from here for the afternoon. You can manage without her for a few hours, right?”

Jeff frowned. “Of course, but I haven’t heard her say she wanted to go anywhere with you.”

“I’m not giving her an option,” Mack responded. “She needs some sunshine and a long walk on the beach. Haven’t you noticed her color’s not good?” He lowered his voice. “Any idea what’s going on with her?”

Jeff shook his head, then cast a worried glance in his daughter’s direction. “Not a clue. She took a couple of sick days, which isn’t like her, but she swears she’s fine, and Jo’s backing her up. I’m at a loss.”

Mack glanced in Susie’s direction. “No offense intended, but they’re both lying. I want to know why. I’m worried, Jeff. Something’s not right.”

Her father nodded. “I agree. If you can get to the bottom of it, I’d appreciate it. She’s not herself, that’s for sure. I thought it had something to do with you.”

“Maybe it does,” Mack admitted. “If so, I’ll do whatever it takes to fix it. That’s a promise.”

Just then Susie appeared at Mack’s side, her cheeks flaming. “I do not appreciate the two of you whispering behind my back as if I’m not right here.” She directed her scowl at Mack. “Nor am I happy about you making decisions for me. I have work to do, Mack. I’m not going anywhere.”

“The work can wait,” Mack countered, leveling a look into her eyes that matched his determination against her stubbornness. She looked as if she were wavering, so he cajoled, “If you won’t do this for yourself, do it for me. I need an outing and a fresh perspective. You can boss me around and tell me what I need to be doing. It’ll cheer you up.”

Her lips curved, but the smile never quite reached her eyes. “Well, when you make such an appealing offer, how can I possibly resist? But we’ll just go for a couple of hours, okay?”

“We’ll see how it goes,” Mack responded, his tone noncommittal.

Mack usually walked into town, but today he’d brought his convertible. When they’d settled in the front seat, he turned the heat up full blast, then put the top down. Susie just stared at him.

“Are you crazy? It’s almost December.”

“Riding around with the top down is the quickest way I know to blow the cobwebs out of your brain. I think it encourages the absorption of oxygen or something.”

She looked justifiably skeptical. “I can’t wait to see the scientific proof of that. Until then, maybe you should put the top up. I’d hate to refresh all those brain cells and then die of pneumonia.”

He gave her a disappointed look. “You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Okay, then,” he said. He put the top up, then turned the car toward Annapolis. “Maybe we can convince Kevin and your uncle Thomas to treat us to lunch. One of the advantages to being unemployed, I’ve discovered, is that people can’t wait to buy me meals.”

She shook her head. “You’ve gone from having too much pride to being totally shameless. How did that happen?”

He winked at her. “I’ve always been just a little shameless. Didn’t you notice?”

“I thought that was only with regard to your dating history.”

He shrugged. “Apparently not.”

“You’re in an odd mood today,” she assessed. “What’s gotten into you?”

He glanced over and met her gaze. “I could ask you the same thing. You haven’t been yourself for a couple of days now. You’re obviously worried about something. Is it me?”

“There’s that streak of modesty we all know and love,” she commented acerbically. “Not everything is about you, Mack.”

“Then what is going on?”

She turned away. “Nothing that concerns you.”

Something stilled inside him. “What does that mean? If you have something on your mind that’s making you look like death warmed over, then yeah, it concerns me.”

“Thanks for the lovely compliment,” she said sourly. “If I look that awful, I’m surprised you want to be seen with me.”

Mack counted to ten. He knew all her defense mechanisms, probably even better than she did. She resorted to jokes or turn-the-table attacks when things were cutting a little too close to home.

“Don’t pull that garbage with me, Susie. This isn’t about me. It’s about you. What’s on your mind? Something obviously is. Even your dad recognizes that something’s not right. If it’s not me, then what?”

“Absolutely nothing,” she said with a stubborn set to her jaw. “Leave it alone, Mack.”

He might have ignored her and kept pressing, but there was an oddly imploring look in her eyes that cautioned him to let it go for now. Unlike him, Susie wasn’t used to keeping secrets. Sooner or later she’d reveal the truth.

“Mack?” she said eventually.

“Yes?”

“Do you really want to have lunch with Kevin and Uncle Thomas?”

“It was just an idea. Why? Would you rather not?”

She nodded. “I’m not all that hungry, to be honest. Maybe we could just go for that walk on the beach you mentioned earlier.”

He didn’t even hesitate. “If that’s what you want, sure.”

He turned the car back toward Chesapeake Shores, then drove south of town to a rare undeveloped area along the water. He turned onto Beach Lane, a narrow, rutted dirt road that was barely more than a wide path cut into the woods. At the end, it opened onto a sliver of beach. Like Moonlight Cove on the other side of town, it was secluded and almost always deserted. Its advantage over Moonlight Cove was that it could at least be reached by car.

The weak late-autumn sun filtered through the old oaks, weeping willows and pine trees. Leaves crunched underfoot as they walked down to the beach.

“I always thought I’d buy this piece of property and build a house here someday,” Mack said. “Not one of those huge places that Mick builds, but something cozy and warm and just big enough for a family. Hardwood floors. Maybe a big fireplace that opens to the living room on one side and to the kitchen on the other.”

“It sounds amazing,” Susie said, an oddly wistful note in her voice.

He held his hand out to help her over a few boulders that blocked their way.

“It’s peaceful, isn’t it?” she said in a tone of near reverence. “It’s as if no one else knows about this place.”

“Someone must. They put a road in.”

“My father,” she revealed. “He owns it.”

Mack didn’t even attempt to hide his surprise. “He does?”

She nodded. “Back when he and Mick were fighting, I think he had some idea of starting his own development along here, but his heart wasn’t really in it. He kept the property for me, Matthew and Luke, in case we ever wanted to build along the bay. He knew the land would be worth a fortune someday.”

“You’ve never mentioned that before,” he said, not sure whether to be disappointed or delighted by the news. It meant he’d never get his hands on the land, but at least it belonged to someone who’d treat it with respect.

“I never knew how much you cared about it,” she said. “Funny how things turn out, isn’t it? Maybe I’ll put in a good word and Dad will let you buy my parcel someday.”

There was a note in her voice he couldn’t interpret. Regret? Sorrow? He wasn’t intuitive enough to figure it out. “Why on earth would you ever let him sell it?”

“Because you want it so badly,” she said simply.

Mack shook his head. “Absolutely not. I could never let you do that. It’s your legacy, Susie. You could build the home of your dreams right here.”

There was a faraway look in her eyes, and once more Mack had the feeling there was something important he was missing.

“Susie, is everything okay?” he asked yet again, hoping that this time she’d open up about whatever was bothering her.

“I told you it was,” she said, her tone once more defensive.

He studied her with a penetrating look. “And you wouldn’t lie to me, would you?”

“I never have.”

Until now.
Mack heard the words as clearly as if she’d spoken them aloud. But looking at her, he couldn’t bring himself to press for answers—she suddenly seemed so fragile, not at all like the vibrant, fight-to-the-finish woman who usually challenged his every word. He had this sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that if she responded, he wouldn’t like what she said one bit.

Susie hated lying to Mack, especially in light of her own reaction to his recent evasions. She simply couldn’t tell him what was going on with her health. Not until she knew more. She’d have the ultrasound in a few days. After that, things would be clearer.

It had almost killed her when he’d told her his dream of owning the Beach Lane property. For years now, ever since her father had told her a piece of it was to be hers, she’d envisioned a home there for herself, Mack and their children. A whole houseful of children. It was what she wanted more than anything.

She’d always thought it was Mack who’d stand in the way of making that dream come true. Now it could be her. Even if she lived, children might be out of the question. How would Mack feel about that? They’d never really talked about it. In fact, the whole subject of fatherhood was a touchy one because of his own history. Ironically she knew that past was what would make him the best possible father, because of all people, he knew exactly what not to do. He’d be the kind of steadfast man his own father hadn’t been.

Thinking about what might or might not happen in the future was too depressing. If she stayed in her apartment worrying, she’d go crazy. She wished she’d maintained closer ties to her cousins, but the discord between their fathers had always made her feel like a traitor if she spent much time with Abby, Bree or Jess. Especially Jess, in fact, who was closest to her own age. Jess had always had some kind of oddly competitive thing going on with her, likely because Jess’s attention deficit disorder had made learning difficult, while school had come easily to Susie. At any rate, the family dynamics had made the forming of any bonds awkward.

She had, however, grown close to Shanna, Kevin’s wife, who had none of the O’Brien baggage. She knew if she revealed to her what was going on, Shanna would keep it to herself and offer sage advice, if asked.

Even though the bookstore was closed by now, she knew Shanna stayed late to tally the day’s receipts before heading home to her family. Susie walked downstairs and around the corner to her shop, then tapped on the front door.

Shanna emerged from the back, spotted Susie and flipped on lights as she came to the door. “Hey, what brings you by here this late?” she asked, stepping aside to let Susie in. Then she frowned. “You don’t look so hot.”

“That seems to be the consensus of the day,” Susie said, forcing an upbeat note into her voice. “Nothing like hearing that from a bunch of people to perk up a woman’s ego.”

“Was one of those people Mack?”

Susie gave her a weary look. “It was.”

“I thought the man was known for his charm,” Shanna muttered.

“He apparently used it all up on other women.”

“Okay, so bottom line, you’re feeling low and need a pep talk,” Shanna said. “Want to come to dinner at my house? I guarantee you an hour or two with Davy and Henry underfoot will make you happy to go home to the peace and quiet of your own apartment.”

“There’s nothing wrong with those boys,” Susie said, jumping to their defense. “They’re just energetic, typical kids.”

“Don’t I know it!” Shanna grinned. “And to think Henry was this shy, studious little boy when I first became his stepmother. Now that my ex has allowed Kevin and me to adopt him, Henry’s suddenly blossoming into a wild child. It would be wonderful to see, if it weren’t so exhausting.”

“You and Kevin are responsible for the transformation,” Susie said. “Having a sick, alcoholic dad for so long had that poor child tiptoeing around in fear of doing anything to upset his father.”

“True enough,” Shanna said. “Of course, Davy didn’t come into my life with any baggage. His mom died when he was just a baby, and Kevin was always an amazing father. Plus he was surrounded by all those O’Briens. He’s just a rambunctious little kid, exactly the way he’s supposed to be. Funny how I thought Henry would be a quieting influence on him, but instead it’s been just the opposite.”

She studied Susie. “So, do you want to join us for dinner? It might actually be a quiet meal, if Kevin’s managed to get the boys bathed and in bed by the time I get home.”

Susie regarded her with humor. “So that’s why you hang around here after hours, so your husband will settle your children down for the night.”

Shanna laughed. “Guilty. Bedtime stories are my favorite part of the day. All the rest—getting soaked to the skin during their baths, fighting with them about going to bed—not so much.”

“I wouldn’t mind reading a bedtime story tonight,” Susie confessed. “Would that be okay?”

“It’s a deal. You do that, and I’ll make us something spectacular for dinner.” Her gaze narrowed. “Or would you rather stay here and talk? Is there something on your mind? Are you really after a sounding board, rather than a distraction?”

“No, this is nothing that a good distraction won’t cure,” Susie insisted. “As long as you’re sure I’m not imposing.”

“Friends can’t possibly impose,” Shanna assured her, then impulsively gave her a hug.

“What was that for?” Susie asked.

“You looked like you needed it. I’ve learned to read the signs.”

“Thanks,” Susie said, smiling. “I really did.”

Even without saying a single word about her problems, the burden suddenly felt a thousand percent lighter.

Davy streaked naked through the foyer as Susie and Shanna arrived at Shanna’s house.

“Get back up those stairs right this second,” Shanna ordered, trying unsuccessfully to hide her laughter. She turned to Susie. “Told you it might be a little wild around here.”