Beautiful Distraction (46 page)

Now that it was over, I wished I had seen all the things I
didn’t see: Jett’s enthusiasm to be with me, to listen to my life stories, and
deal with my commitment phobia. He had been trying to get me to fall in love
with him, which I had foolishly let happen when I should have listened to my
gut feeling instead. After years of putting up defenses I let my guard down,
trusting the one guy who’d go on to conquer me with beautiful words and
attention, only to betray me.

He always acted so
composed, so perfect. Was it because he never really cared about me?
Irrespective of how I tried to see it, what excuses I gave him, he had broken
my heart in a million pieces. And to think of all the times I trusted him. All
the hours I prayed we’d last forever. How I thought he might be ‘the one’. The
way glass shatters—so did my trust.

How stupid of me.
Why did I always end up loving the person who hurt me the most? Why was love so
cruel?

I wanted to banish
and forget the moments we spent together, I needed to erase him from my mind
and heart. But the harder I tried, the more I thought about him. His image had
been engraved into my mind, invading every fiber of my being like poison. I
couldn’t tell Sylvie how much his actions had hurt me, so I kept my head high
in the hope she wouldn’t guess how broken I felt inside. I smiled at my best
friend, telling her that I’d find a way to hurt him; that the world didn’t end
with him...but the truth was, I wasn’t okay.

I couldn’t see him
without feeling the magnitude of his betrayal.

I couldn’t speak to
him without thinking of the way he kissed me. And how little it meant now.

Our past together
was nothing more than a bottle tossed out into the ocean, its message never
reaching the owner.

Although Sylvie had put things into perspective, I had
recognized the kind of man he was the moment I met him. I should have trusted
my instincts rather than listen to his sweet words. It had all been too good to
be true. I should have known the moment he lavished me with attention, the way
he cooked for me, and swept me off my feet. I should have known deep in my
heart it wasn’t real.

He was nothing but a lie.

A terrible, hurtful lie.

But the heart is foolish, and I had been a fool to let it
lead the way. It had made me blind, leaving me with no option to get out before
I got too involved. Surrendering to love was a mistake, just like letting Jenna
visit Danny, even though I knew it wasn’t right.

“Brooke? Are you okay?” Sylvie’s hushed voice carried
through the quiet room a moment before she peered through the door, hesitating.
“Can I come in?”

I barely managed a choked “Yeah”.

“Oh, sweetie,” Sylvie said, grabbing me in a tight hug. “I’m
so sorry.”

I melted into her motherly embrace, my face turned away from
her, hiding the tears I had thought depleted.

***

Nearly twelve hours later, I stepped into the elevator
riding up to the Mayfield Properties head office, knowing it’d be a brief
visit. I had risen at four
a.m.
, unable to sleep, and spring-cleaned
the apartment to keep my mind from venturing onto dangerous terrain. By six I
had finished and drove through the pre-rush hour traffic to reach the office as
early as possible. My back pressed against the smooth metal wall, I forced
conditioned air into my lungs to calm my racing heart. Less than three weeks
into the job, and I was already searching the classified ads for another
position. But this time it wasn’t the prospect of unemployment that sent hot
and cold shivers down my spine.

I tilted my chin up to inspect myself in the narrow mirror
strip on the left side of the elevator. My navy skirt and the white ruffle top
that emphasized my narrow waist looked presentable enough, and certainly didn’t
reflect the way I felt inside. Soft ringlets of dark hair cascaded down my
shoulders. My lips were painted a sheer red tint, and my cheeks were dusted
with just a hint of bronzing powder to highlight my new tan, courtesy of the
lovely Italian weather. Come to think of it, I had paid way more attention to
my outfit and hair than I should have. I didn’t want to be pretty for him. I
wanted
him to look at me and acknowledge
what he couldn’t have anymore, what he was losing out on. That was how I want
him to remember me...composed and poised, as though his actions never hurt me.

Deep down I knew I had to get him out of my system as fast
as I could, but the thing with love is, you cannot choose who you fall for. Falling
in love often happens at the wrong time, in the wrong place, with the wrong
person. Just as much as you cannot stop growing feelings for a certain man,
there’s no switch to turn off your heart. And even though my mind knew better,
it was powerless against the weak, sappy fool I called my heart. To me, love
was a drug. Jett was my drug. It kept me addicted to him, making my thoughts circle
back to him and him alone. The best way to escape was to get away, which was
the plan, right after breaking up with Jett.

The elevator doors opened, spitting me out into the chic
reception area. Emma was nowhere in sight, and I used the opportunity to dash
for my office. Not that I didn’t like Emma, but in my twisted logic she
belonged to Jett’s world, and if I was to push him out of my life for good, I
had to ensure I was getting rid of all accessories in the process. If I could
erase all traces and memories of ever being here, then I would. As much as I
liked this building and some of the people working here, I didn’t like that
everything belonged to
him
.
Forgetting the past involved leaving everything behind—everything I’d
ever associate with him.

I squeezed all my belongings into my oversized bag and
searched the drawers for the rest of my stuff. It wasn’t much, just a bunch of
pens and notepads, a diary and address book, a digital voice recorder for
taking notes on the go, and the cactus I brought over from Sunrise Properties.
It wasn’t much, and from all the belongings I probably would have only missed
my plant, but I didn’t want to forget anything.

At ten past seven the hallway was quiet, with only a handful
of people sipping their morning coffee in the company’s own kitchen cum bar
area. I used the opportunity to leave my office and sneak behind their backs
into Jett’s office with no one noticing, and closed the door behind me. Luckily,
Jett didn’t lock the door. I closed the drapes, and then moved over to his
desk. I knew he hadn’t arrived yet because he never started work before eight, and
I would have seen him pass by my office. I figured doing what I was about to do
would scare me.

It didn’t.

My heartbeat remained surprisingly calm as I sat down in his
chair and began to open one drawer after another, skimming through his files. People
say the truth can set you free. I hoped that by finding evidence in a written
form I could finally force my heart to let go of its foolish hopes. By knowing
the truth, I could maybe free myself from Jett’s magic and expose him for the
bastard he was. A few minutes later I found three files, all marked as
Lucazzone’s estate. My heart hammered in my chest, as I picked up the largest
one.

I sat down in his chair and opened it with trembling as ice
cold dread settled in the pit of my stomach. The first page provided a summary
of everything he needed to know about the estate, from its value to its size,
to the current owner.

My name was right at the bottom, marked as the heir. A small
sob escaped my throat. There was my answer and all the proof I needed. I had no
more excuses left for him. Instead of immediate relief, more pain shot through
me because I knew some part of me had
still
hoped, prayed, wished that I was wrong, even though I had known all along I
wasn’t.

Unshed tears pricked the corners of my eyes as I closed the
file and returned it to its drawer, and then I resumed my seat in his chair,
mentally preparing my words. I knew I couldn’t possibly mean anything to him;
it was just a ploy to get what he wanted. His feelings for me weren’t his
weakest point, but his ego was. I wanted to hurt him as much as he had hurt me.

Eyes closed, my forehead pressed against the cold glass
window to cool my feverish skin, I didn’t know how much time passed or how long
I just sat there, lost in the dark void of my emotions. When reason finally
pushed through, urging me to leave this place, I re-arranged the files in his
cabinet and grabbed my bag to leave. The door clicked open and Jett entered. As
usual, he looked divine dressed in one of his business suits with his hair all
messed up, his green eyes twinkling at my sight, leaving me weak and exposed. A
sharp pang of pain cut off my air supply, and I turned my gaze onto the soft
rug beneath my feet so he wouldn’t see the damage he had inflicted upon me. I didn’t
want him to see all the uproar he had caused. He didn’t deserve the knowledge.

“Brooke?” His voice came gently, as he inched closer. “Are
you okay?” He wrapped his arms around me and tried to pull me to his chest. I
took a step back, putting some distance between us.

“Don’t touch me.” I tried to keep my voice as nonchalant as
possible “And it’s over.”

He didn’t say anything. Several moments passed by and I
looked up to see his reaction. Our eyes connected, and for one minute I could
feel the spark. It was still there. Along with my feelings—my stupid,
cursed feelings. But much stronger was the pain that I cared so much about him
while he couldn’t give a crap about me.

“You found out,” he whispered, his beautiful eyes slicing
into me, begging me to understand a truth that was a lie. “I can explain.”

“You’re not even denying it?” I raised my voice as anger
consumed me. The dam was breaking. I couldn’t hold it inside any longer.
“You’re an asshole, a liar. You’re worse than the lowest scumbag. I trusted
you, while you were planning to use me. I don’t need your fucking explanations,
not now and not forever.”

“Brooke, please calm down. I wasn’t planning to use you.
Just listen to me.” He grabbed my arm to pull me to him. I pushed him away and
took a step toward the door, as tears gathered in my eyes, clouding my vision.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Brooke, please listen.” He inched closer but didn’t attempt
to touch me, probably knowing I’d run out the door the moment he so much as
laid a finger on me.

“You’ve destroyed everything I thought we had. You’ve broken
my trust. There’s no way I’ll ever listen to any more of your lies. And there I
was thinking you cared about me, when it was all about money.”

“I care about you, Brooke. It wasn’t a lie. I didn’t mean to
hurt you. You have to believe me.”

“I can’t, I don’t trust you. You lied about everything,” I
spat, unable to contain my voice.

He shook his head and for the first time I could see pain
reflected in his features. A stubborn glint appeared in his eyes. “Not
everything.”

“No, you’re right. You didn’t lie about everything. You just
chose to keep the truth to yourself. That’s not better than lying. It’s worse.”

“Okay, I admit I didn’t tell you everything. But I had a
very good reason. I didn’t tell you that I’m in love with you, and I didn’t
tell you the whole story, but I was afraid, for you, for us. You don’t
understand.”

For a moment, the fact he said he was in love with me almost
made my heart flutter with renewed hope, until I realized it was a lie. He was
trying to wriggle his way out of the situation. I had made myself too
available, let him sense my growing feelings for him, and he used that as an
advantage. He wasn’t going to manipulate me again.

“How can you say you love me when you lied to me?” I
moistened my lips to gather my thoughts. “How can you say you care for me when
you only care about yourself and money?”

“Because it’s the truth,” he whispered. I searched his gaze
and found no traces of lying, but then again wasn’t he a master of persuasion?
We had even joked about it.

“Let me explain, please? Just not here. It’s too dangerous.”
His gaze implored me to come with him. He reached out his hand, waiting for me
to grab it.

“No. We’re not going anywhere.” I turned my back on him, unable
to look at him, unable to take the pain his sight caused me. I couldn’t bear
him telling another lie.

“Tell me the truth. Just say yes or no,” I said in a tone
that could have frozen over a desert. “Did you plan to meet me because of the
estate?”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“No,” I cut him short. “Just say yes or no.”

“Yes.” A defeated sigh escaped his throat.

Swallowing down the choking knot inside my throat, I reached
the door in two long strides, but he was faster. His arm pushed past me to
block the door.

“Brooke, please...stop. We need to talk. You have to trust
me,” he whispered.

“No.” My voice, my whole being, trembled. I drew a shaky
breath to steady myself for what I was about to say. “I’m sorry, I can’t do
this anymore. There’s nothing more to be said, nothing that would ever make me
trust you again. You did what you had to do. But it’s time to let me go because
you’ll never get the estate. I’ll make sure of it. And if you ever cared about
me, even if only for a bit, then you’ll let me go.”

Tension emanated from him in strong waves. His gaze brushed
my cheek and lips, sending my heart into a deep plunge. Before I could move
away, he inched so close his hot breath caressed my skin, making me tingle all
over.

“I care enough for you to let you go,” Jett whispered. “But
I’ll never stop protecting you.”

I pushed him aside, opened the door, and walked out,
ignoring the curious glances in the hall. He didn’t follow me. With each step I
took putting distance between us, the pain in my chest increased, but I had no
choice. This one time, I had to listen to my mind and ignore the feeble
attempts of my heart telling me to at least listen to him, to give him a chance
to explain because, maybe, just maybe, he meant what he said.

But I didn’t want to know, so I forced myself to keep on
walking.

Leaving the building, stepping outside, I took a deep breath
of the exhaust fume infused New York air.

Morning’s rays of light warmed my skin, and people hurried
past me. New York was abuzz with life. Even though my pain overwhelmed me, I
was still alive, and that was what really mattered.

I took another steadying breath and let it out slowly,
thinking I’d be okay…in time. My heart would heal. Maybe someday, I’d find
someone who’d prove he really loved me. Someone who’d hold me rather than let
me fall. Someone who’d never lie to me.

But that someone wasn’t Jett.

Even though moving on was hard, I knew I’d do it eventually,
so I could look back one day in the knowledge that I had learned from my
mistakes…