"What about
the uterine rupture. Where you able to fix it? I mean will I be
able to have more kids?" I asked frantically.
My doctor
shook his head slowly before he said, "We stopped the bleeding and
fixed the tear but chances of you getting pregnant again are very
slim. You and your baby are very lucky to be alive Jenna. If you
were to get pregnant again I can't promise that you or your baby
will survive. If you did get pregnant it would be a very high risk
pregnancy. I advise against getting pregnant again, not just for
your health and safety but for your child’s."
I closed my
eyes and laid my head back against the pillow nodding slowly. "Ok.
Thank you. When can I see my little girl?"
"I will send
her doctor down and after you talk with him you are free to visit
her."
My eyes were
still closed but I felt Gage and Sadie grabbing my hands as I said,
"Thank you Dr. Robertson." I opened my eyes to see the sad smile on
his face.
"I am truly
sorry, Jenna. If you have any other questions I am here." Dr.
Sexypants rubbed my shin before turning to face Gage.
Gage stuck out
his hand and said, "Thanks." After Dr. Robertson and Gage shook
hands my doctor left.
I let out a
soft sigh, rolling my head to look at Gage and sadly said, "Gage,
thank you for everything."
"Jenna, you’re
my world and now we have a beautiful little girl. I would do
anything for the two of you."
There was
another knock on the door before an older balding man walked in
"Hello, Miss. Reylan. I'm Dr. Tomlin. I’m the doctor who has been
assigned to your daughter. She is beautiful, by the
way."
I smiled and
said, "Thanks."
"Dr. Robertson
told me you woke up and I wanted to fill you in on what has been
going on. Your daughter was born over nine weeks premature which
isn't good but it could be worse. Her lungs were not fully
developed so she is currently on a respirator. She is also having a
hard time regulating her body temperature so we have her in a
special incubator to help her stay warm. She does have a feeding
tube but we are hoping within the next few weeks we will be able to
remove it and allow you to try to feed her. Over all your daughter
is doing amazing, she had to fight hard but she has done great. The
first few days were the toughest." Dr. Tomlin looked at Gage and
smiled before continuing "This guy did an amazing job and never
left her side. After sitting by her for four days I talked him into
coming to see you for a while. Luckily he did so he was here when
you woke."
I smiled at
Gage then turned back to the doctor and asked, "So when can I see
her?"
"Whenever you
would like. I will warn you she is small, only four pounds and nine
ounces. She also has a lot of wires and machines around
her."
"Will I be
able to hold her?" I asked my voice breaking.
"Unfortunately
not yet. Hopefully in a few days you will be able to."
"I am ready to
meet my little peanut."
Dr. Tomlin
said, "I bet you are. She is just precious."
After Dr.
Tomlin left everyone decided to take that time to head back to
their hotels, giving Gage and I some alone time with our baby. Gage
went to get a wheelchair and we were on our way to see our baby. In
the elevator my emotions started catching up to me. "Jenna, babe,
it’s going to be ok. She is tough like her mama. You need to stay
strong for her."
Gage was
right, I was a mom now and I needed to pull it together, my little
peanut needed me to be strong. I nodded and said, "I love you,
Gage."
Gage kissed me
softly. "I love you, too."
The doors
opened and Gage rolled me into the NICU. We went passed two doors
before coming to a large door. Gage pushed the call button and we
waited for a nurse to come.
The door
opened and a pretty nurse stepped out. "Ah Gage I was wondering
when you would be back. I see you brought mommy this time. Gage has
talked so much about you. It’s nice to finally meet you. I'm Erin,
your daughters nurse. If you two follow me we can wash up then you
can meet your little girl."
Gage rolled me
along behind the nurse. We washed our hands then Erin turned to me
saying, "Ok, did Dr. Tomlin talk to you about what you’re going to
see?"
I nodded and
replied, "Yes, he told me about the wires and machines. Honestly, I
don't care about any of that. I just want to see my
baby."
Erin smiled
sweetly and said, "Your daughter is absolutely beautiful and
perfect. I must say she has me and her daddy wrapped around her
tiny little pinky. And I'm sure the moment you see her you will be
right there with us."
"She is my
little miracle, she already has me wrapped around her tiny little
pinky."
Erin placed
her hand on my shoulder saying, "You’re going to be an amazing
mommy."
She opened the
door for us and Gage rolled my wheelchair up to my precious
babygirl. My eyes were filled with tears as I stuck my hand inside
her incubator. She was perfect. I wrapped my hand around her tiny
one as my tears fell. Whispering to my baby as I cried, "Mommy
loves you sweet girl. You are absolutely perfect. Please fight
through this. You are my little miracle and I can't wait to watch
you grow. I love you peanut."
Gage knelt
down beside me and said, "She's perfect, just like her mommy."
Kissing my temple he slid his hand into her incubator and rubbed
her little cheek. "She's strong just like her mom too, she will get
through this and we will go home as a family. I love you and I love
our little girl."
"I love you
too, Gage."
I smiled
looking at my tiny, beautiful little girl. I couldn't help but fall
in love with her even more. After sitting by my perfect peanut for
a few hours I was tired and hungry. I decided to go back to my room
to rest and eat before everyone else got back. When we got back to
the room I slowly got back into bed and looked to Gage who was
studying me.
"What?" I
asked. He was making me nervous, looking at me like
that.
Gage let out a
breath before sitting beside me. "He knows, Jenna."
I shook my
head in confusion and asked, "Huh? Who knows what?"
Dropping his
eyes to my hands Gage's voice was shaky when he said, "Larkin. He
knows about the baby. He knows he's the father. He said when he saw
you he knew. I'm sorry."
More tears.
"Well he's not here so obviously that’s my sign that he didn't want
anything to do with me or my baby."
Gage brought
his eyes back to mine, he had unshed tears he was fighting. "No,
Jenna. He wants to be in his child’s life. He has been next to me
these past few days watching over her. When the nurse talked me
into coming to see you he told me he was going to his hotel to
shower and get a little sleep. If I had to guess Jinx called or
texted him letting him know you’re awake, so I'm sure he will be
here when everyone else comes back. You need to talk to him,
babe."
I shook my
head and softly said, "I can't Gage. I won't allow myself or my
baby to get hurt. I hear people talk. I heard y'all talking about
how he went back to his old self. I'm with you, I love you. I'm
marrying you, Gage."
"I love you
too, babe. I'm not Larkin.” Gage shrugged his shoulders before
dropping his eyes to my hands and sadly said, “I know you love me
but not like you love him. I will never be him and you will never
love me like him. I will always be by your side but you need to
talk to him. He still loves you and even if you don't want to admit
it you love him."
I brought my
hand up to cup Gage's face and said, "I love you, you Gage. You. I
will always love Larkin, I can't lie to you but you’re my safe
place. My comfort, my home. With you I don't have to worry, I know
you."
Gage didn't
get a chance to respond. My door was opening, Sadie, Tyler, Trent,
and Jinx walked in. "Hey momma, how you feeling?"
I sighed and
said, "Ok, I guess."
Sadie hugged
me followed by the guys. Sadie looked into my eyes asking, "You
know he knows, huh?" I nodded and Sadie hugged me again. "He still
loves you. He has been by his babygirl this whole time. He's there
right now. Maybe you guys could talk?"
"Sadie, I
can't do this. Gage has already tried. You know about my past and
you know why I can't go through that again. Larkin is too much of
my past. I have to focus on my baby and what’s best for her. If he
wants to be in her life, there is nothing I can do about that but
just because he's her father doesn't mean we have to be together.
She has a family, Gage and I. I'm marrying Gage, I love him. I love
Gage." It sounded like I was trying to convince myself more than
Sadie.
She realized
what I was doing and pulled me into her before saying, "Just talk
to him. I'm not saying you guys will get back together or that
things with him are perfect. Hell, we know what a major fuckwad he
can be but when you were with him I saw a side of you I had never
seen and these last few months that side has disappeared. I know
you love Gage, you two have been best friends forever and he has
always been there. Never settle for anything less than butterflies,
babe. That's all I'm saying."
I just lowered
my head and closed my eyes. When I opened them it was only Sadie in
my room. "Sadie, I will talk to Larkin, just not now. I need time.
I need to figure out what the hell is going on in my head. Yes, I
love Larkin but sometimes that’s not enough. With Gage I have
everything I need."
"True. With
Gage you have everything you need but not everything you want. With
Gage you’re warm and fuzzy, safe but with Larkin you’re alive and
wild. I'm not saying what Larkin did is ok or that you should even
forgive him but at least give him a chance to explain."
I let out a
sigh and turned my head to look out the window as I said, "I know
your right Sadie but I just need to sort shit out. I don't have
just me anymore to think about. I have my babygirl who comes first.
She deserves the world and I'm just not sure I can trust Larkin to
give that to her. The first sign of problems and he could go
running to some other girl, just like he did before. Then what do I
say to my baby?"
"Sweetie I
wish I could tell you that life is perfect and nothing bad will
ever happen but you know what a lie that would be. I know life with
Larkin will be full of ups and downs and chances are he will hurt
you, more than once. You deserve to be happy and have a love like
Ty and I have. You don't have that with Gage, you have that with
Larkin. I'm not trying to tell you what to do but maybe you should
stop focusing on the past, worrying about the future and focus on
what you have now. And right now you have a guy who is crazy in
love with you and his daughter, don't fight it." Sadie got up and
walked out the door without another word.
I felt my
tears streaming down my face. I knew what Sadie was saying was true
but it was a hell of a lot easier said than done. Leaning my head
back I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. There was a knock at
my door, figuring it was Gage or my family I kept my eyes closed as
they walked in. As soon as they were in the room I had goose bumps
covering my body. Larkin.
CHAPTER 30
Larkin was in
my room.
I slowly
opened my eyes and saw Larkin standing at the end of my bed
watching me closely.
"Why didn't
you just tell me, Jenna?"
I blinked a
few times and took a few deep breaths before angrily asking, "Are
you serious? We have a fight and the next thing I know you’re
running into the arms of some other girl. What the hell was I
supposed to do? I wasn't going to tell you and hope you would come
back to me and then worry the next fight that you run again. I also
heard the stuff you were into. I refuse to have that around my
child." Larkin started to open his mouth but I held up my hand to
stop him. "No, dammit, let to me finish. I told you about my past.
You have no idea how hard that was for me then the next thing I
know there’s a picture of you and some hoe snuggled up together. So
excuse me for protecting myself and my child. You are everything
from my past that I want to forget. I can't allow myself or my
child to be hurt."
Larkin was
gripping my bed so tight his knuckles were white. It looked like he
closed his eyes and counted to ten before turning his dark and
serious eyes to me and biting out, "Jenna, I told you I fucking
loved you and you basically told me to fuck off. I was hurt and I
fucked up. I got shit faced that night. I know that’s not an excuse
but dammit Jenna, you fuckin’ hurt me. Bad. After you called me I
knew I lost you because I was so damn stupid. I tried to stay away
but I asked about you, constantly. It got to the point it hurt so
much to hear about you I just stopped. The day I saw you in the
student union...when I saw your ring I wanted to freak the fuck
out. You were mine and Gage took you. I knew that day that I had to
let you go, let you live your life and be happy. I swear if I'd had
known you were pregnant I wouldn't have let you go so easy. When I
saw you at the draft, I knew. I tried to talk to you but Sadie drug
you away and the guys told me if I loved you I should walk away. I
tried, I really did. I saw Jinx a little later and he told me you
were in the hospital. When he told me that it took everything I had
not to come down here and save you. Jenna, I love you and I love
our baby. Sitting by her side watching her fight just to live, that
is the hardest thing I have ever done. I wanted to trade places
with her and with you. Knowing it’s my fault you and our baby are
in this situation kills me. I am so fucking sorry,
Jenna."