Beautiful Lies (25 page)

For the first time since his outburst he looks at me. “I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at me.”

“I don’t understand.” Why would he be mad at himself?

“I know, and that’s my fault,” he lifts his hand to my face and gently caresses my cheek. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I need you to get out the car.” He drops his hand and turns so that his body is facing the front again.

“When will I see you?”

“I just need some space. Please just leave.”

“Ok,” I agree reluctantly. He waits for me to get out before driving off, leaving me standing there wondering if I will ever see him again....

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

PAIGE’S STORY

G
uilt is quite possibly the worst feeling in the entire world. I didn’t get any sleep last night. I just kept replaying the one sentence that Taylor said in my head last night.
Because she’s dead!
I never expected him to say that. I can’t imagine how he must be feeling and then I went and ruined everything. It was all going so well and in the space of a few minutes, I changed everything.

I sent him a message this morning. When I didn’t get a response, I just kept reading it back, wondering if I had said something that only made things worse. I doubt it. I did all the damage last night. I sit on my bed staring at the message for the umpteenth time today.

I shouldn’t have pushed you yesterday. It was wrong. You asked me to wait until you were ready and that’s exactly what I should have done. I just want you to know how sorry I am and that I’m here if you need to talk. Please don’t shut me out...x

I cringe every time that I read it back. I sound a little pathetic, but not hearing from him is driving me crazy. He did ask for space, so I guess that’s what I need to give him.

Rather than moping around, I decide to get up, get ready and get out. I’ve done enough sitting around the house lately and I’m not doing it anymore. If he said that he needs space, then that’s what I’ll give him. I feel terrible about pushing him into telling me that Marie was dead, but I’m not going to sit around feeling sorry for myself.

I get dressed in record time and decide to give Jen a call.

“Hey, what you doing?” I ask as soon as she picks up the phone.

“Nothing much, just lazing around, you?”

“On my way to bug you for a bit.”

“Oh joy. Bring a bar of candy, I need it,” she groans.

“One of those days?” I laugh.

“Yup, hurry,” she says before cutting the call.

I laugh to myself before finding my car keys and getting out of my apartment.

* * *

When I get to Jen’s, she’s still in her pajamas. She lets me in with a barely audible hello, and practically snatches the bar of candy out of my hand. Her hair is tied up in a messy bun and she makes her way to the couch and falls into it heavily.

“Wow,” I say, just staring at her.

“She’s been like this all day,” Emma says, appearing from down the hallway.

“What happened to her?” I ask.

“Something to do with that Liam guy.” I mouth a silent O, and take a seat next to Jen.

“You know, you two are talking like I can’t hear you,” she mutters once I am sat down.

“We knew you could hear us, we just didn’t care,” Emma says leaning over the back of the chair. She plants a dramatic kiss on Jen’s head. “Right, Grumpy, I’m off. Now that Paige is here to relieve me of my babysitting duties, I’m going to find some people that smile,” she chuckles as she heads out. “Bye, Paige.”

“See you later, Emma.”

“Oh, and good luck,” she laughs, before the door slams closed.

“Isn’t she just the most sympathetic thing ever? And the sister of the year award goes to...” Jen says sarcastically.

“I don’t know, are you going to tell me what happened?”

“Nothing...everything,” she lets out a deep breath.

“What exactly does that mean?”

“I think that I like him,” she says it like it is the worst thing in the world.

“Who, Liam?” I ask smiling.

“You can wipe that stupid grin off your face. There is nothing amusing about this situation.”

“Is it really that bad to like somebody?”

“Yes!”

“No, Jen, that’s just what you’ve been telling yourself all these years to avoid getting hurt.”

“It works,” she says sadly.

“Ok, so what if he ends up with someone else? Are you going to be ok with that?”

“No.”

“Well he can’t stay single forever and you can only push him away for so long.”

“I know that. I’m just...scared. It sounds stupid but it scares the crap out of me.”

“It doesn’t sound stupid. I get why you’re scared. After everything you’ve been through, I get it. But not everyone is the same...there are some good people left.”

“Yeah, but what if I get it wrong? What if I think that he’s great, and then he’s not?”

“Then that’s just a risk that you take. It beats ending up lonely with fifteen cats,” I tease.

“That’s where you’re wrong, there is no way that living with fifteen cats could ever be lonely. Way too much noise,” she chuckles.

“You might be right, but the point is, humans need other humans.”

“I know. So...your turn,” she says knowingly.

“What?”

“Come on, I know an escape plan when I see one. You’re here so that you don’t stay in your apartment all day which can only mean one thing. You and lover boy had a fight.”

“We didn’t fight.”

“But something did happen, right?”

“Yeah,” I confess.

“Come on then, tell Aunty Jen all about it,” she laughs.

“What’s to tell, other than the fact that I’ve probably ruined everything?”

“I bet it’s not that bad. What happened?”

“I got mad because of a girl from his past. I kept pushing, accusing him of still being in love with her.”

“And is he?”

“Yes.” It hurts to admit it even if she is dead.

“Then I don’t see why you are sat there looking so guilty. Surely he’s the one that should be feeling bad right now?”

“Not quite. She’s dead.”

“Who?”

“The girl he’s in love with...the ex girlfriend. She died.”

“Oh...wow. How? I mean, what happened?”

“I have no idea; we haven’t spoken since last night. I just know that I feel awful. He said that he wanted to tell me things in his own time but I kept pushing. You should have seen his face, Jen. He looked so sad.”

“Look, if he likes you even half as much as I can see that you like him then he will come around.”

“It’s different for me. I have all the history of the dreams. I feel ridiculously close to him...I feel this connection. He didn’t experience his dreams like me. I’ve probably scared him off.”

“Did you try calling him?”

“No, but I messaged him.”

“And?”

“He didn’t reply.”

“Just give him time, Paige. Everything’s probably just fresh right now. He’s a guy--they handle stuff differently to us. Sometimes they just need a bit of space.”

“Maybe.”

“He’d be crazy not to want to fix things with you, and if he can’t see that, then good riddance, I say.” I laugh at her comment.

* * *

Jen and I spend the day watching movies, chatting and eating way too much junk food.

“This reminds me of when we were in high school and we’d have sleepovers at my house,” Jen laughs.

“I know, and we still haven’t grown out of it.”

“Everyone’s a child at heart, I guess.”

I’m suddenly distracted by the sound of my phone. I pull it out of my jean’s pocket while Jen continues talking about some old high school memories. I see Taylor’s name, and suddenly her voice disappears and everything becomes silent. I sit up and open the message in eager anticipation.

I need to see you.

That’s all that his message says.

“Are you even listening to me?” I ignore her question and instead just show her the message. “Are you going to reply?”

“Yeah.”

“Well hurry then, I want to know what this is all about!”

“Ok,” I giggle before typing a reply.

When?

His reply comes instantly.

Now

I show Jen, again, who does a crazy high pitched scream. “Ah, this is like those rom-com movie moments. Come on, what are you waiting for? Go to him. That sounds like a cheesy film line, right?” She teases.

“Jen, come on, this is serious.”

“I know, and putting the cheesiness aside, I really think that you should go to him.”

“Really?”

“Yes! At least one of us needs to be happy, and since I’m here in my PJs, munching on crap, it might as well be you.”

“And you’re sure you don’t mind me leaving you?”

“Oh, come on, I’m not an unstable crazy person, you know! Go, and send him a message, the poor guy is probably staring at his phone like a psycho.” I laugh before quickly typing a reply.

Heading back to my apartment now

I grab my jacket and shoes, and shove them on as I race out the door. “Thanks for understanding,” I shout as I leave.

“It’s fine, just don’t forget to give me all the
dirty
details tomorrow,” she winks. I roll my eyes before leaving.

“Bye!”

The drive home is a blur because all I can think about is what he is going to say. I park my car, step outside, and look around. I can’t see him anywhere. I walk inside the building and head to my apartment. I freeze for a moment when I see him sat on the floor outside of my apartment door. He is so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t even hear me coming. I don’t say a word as I approach him. I sit down on the floor next to him. He acknowledges me briefly, before we both sit in silence. I lean my back against the door and try to get comfortable. I feel him slide his fingers between mine and something inside of me relaxes.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“So am I.”

“We went to the same high school. Our parents were friends and we grew up as best friends. Everyone knew we were going to end up together, except us,” he smiles at the memory. “We just thought that we would be best friends forever, but when we turned seventeen, something changed. We stopped looking at each other as just Marie and Taylor. Suddenly we were a young guy and girl with hormones and displaced feelings. We were each others’ first in many ways.” I listen in silence. “I thought that we were going to be together forever. I was wrong. She died a year ago and my whole world literally came crashing down. I didn’t even think that it was possible to survive without her, but I did, bit by bit...I started to learn to survive again. I immersed myself in my paintings more than ever, and I
lived.
..without her.” He finally turns to look at me. “I never thought that I could have feelings for anyone again. You scare the crap out of me, Paige. I feel things for you that I didn’t think were possible, and it scares me. I want to protect you and I’m terrified that I can’t. I don’t want to mess up again.”

“You won’t,” I whisper.

“How do you know that?”

“Because I believe in you and even if you do mess up, we’ll fix it...together.”

His hand finds my cheek and he traces his thumb over it softly.

“You’re a beautiful person, Paige. I can’t damage you.”

“I’m not a porcelain doll, Taylor. I’m stronger than I look.”

“There are still things that you don’t know, things that I’m not ready to share.”

“I don’t care.”

“You might.”

“I won’t. I pushed you once already and I’m never going to do that again. We take this one step at a time, ok?”

“Ok,” he nods. “I will tell you...one day.”

“I know.”

I lean forward and press my lips against his. He holds me there for a moment before moving back slightly.

“Thank you,” he smiles and my heart melts.

“Are you going to come inside?” I chuckle.

“Not tonight.” He sees the disappointment on my face. “I want to, believe me, I do, but not until you know everything about me.” He stands to his feet, pulling me up with him. He kisses me softly on the lips. “Goodnight, beautiful.”

“Goodnight.”

I watch as he walks away.

My phone beeps with a message as I walk into my apartment. I pull it out of my jeans pocket and read it.

In the car you asked me if I still love Marie...the answer is yes, I do. I will always love her. When she died I made a promise to myself that I would never open up my heart to anyone unless they made me feel something more than she did...I haven’t broken that promise, Paige.