Beautiful Storm (29 page)

L
ITTLE MAN…

My heart’s in my throat as I observe my son while he plays cars. I soak in everything about him, from his thick, dark hair to the dimple on his left cheek, so like his mum’s when she smiles. My gaze roams further down to his tiny hands. Chubby fingers grasp onto a die-cast Ducati and a black Mustang.

Fuck
.

I turn to Lizzie, as a small but peaceful smile tugs at her full lips. She has introduced fragments of my life into his. The sting at the back of my eyes burns fiercer, as I fight to gain control of my emotions. All along, she wanted me in his life. Blood rushes through my veins and my whole body shakes with apprehension.

She wanted him to know me.

My attention returns to Kai, who’s now on his hands and knees, while he zooms the vehicles across the carpet, then bashes them together. Vrooming and crashing noises accompany the actions like any other little boy. But for
my
boy to be doing it, tugs at my heart so hard it almost stops.

He looks up from his playthings and stares straight into my eyes, his little dark brown ones lighting up at the prospect of a playmate. I take a few slow steps forward, get down onto my knees, and sit back on my heels. He drops his toys, pushes himself off the floor, and toddles over to me. Little feet nudge my knees as he stops directly in front of me. I can’t help the tears surging down my cheeks, or the stupid smile on my face.

His beauty overwhelms me.

My boy.

Tiny hands touch my face. Then his face breaks out into a toothy grin, and he says, “‘Ars.” He points towards his cars.

“Would you like me to play cars with you, little man?” I ask him.

His easy acceptance of a stranger unnerves me. I make a mental note to talk to Lizzie about it later. I’ve got no right to dictate to her how she should do things, but fuck, that scares the shit out of me.

“Yeash. Wanna p’ay ‘ars wiv me?” He grabs my hand and tugs.

I glance back at the doorway to see Lizzie with tears tracking down her cheeks. The happiest look I’ve ever seen graces her face. She shines like fucking Christmas as she smiles at me, and then retreats away out of sight.

My eyes move back to Kai, who hasn’t let go of my hand, but
has
continued to tug on it. The trust in his eyes annihilates me. I take a second to try and balance my emotions and wipe my eyes.

“Come on then. Let’s play cars.”

I spend the next half hour zooming and crashing cars and bikes as I try to talk to my son. Even though conversation with a two-year-old is not what I would call easy, I love every minute of it. Lizzie comes in a couple of times and watches us, but doesn’t involve herself.

Finally she says, “Bedtime, poppet.”

He looks her full in the face, with a complete look of disgust on his. “No, ‘ars.”

I try to hide my laugh behind my hands, as she scowls at me to hide her own.

“Daddy will play cars with you again tomorrow.” The tenderness in her voice as she speaks warms me, along with the word
tomorrow
.

He looks up at me with wide, hopeful eyes. “Da-dad, ‘ars?”

My heart almost explodes. I’ve never wanted to hear those words, never thought of myself worthy enough to deserve them. But fuck, I’d trade everything I own to hear the little boy in front of me say them again.

“Best do as Mummy says, Kai.” I stand up and smile down at him. “We don’t want her getting grumpy.”

Lizzie rolls her eyes at me, as he goes to toddle out of reach. She scoops him up into her arms before he can make a break for freedom.

“Do you want Daddy to give you your milky before bedtime?” His little eyes meet mine before he turns back to his mum.

“Da-dad, ‘ilky.” His little voice talks to my soul.

Lizzie throws a nervous glance my way. “Is that okay?”

Really? She’s asking me that.

“There’s nothing I would rather be doing, but I haven’t got a clue what to do.”

Panic rushes through me. I’m a fucking mechanic; he doesn’t have a cylinder head, brake callipers, or an exhaust. What do I do? With Kai wrapped around her, she takes a few steps towards me, then passes him into my open arms.

“You’ll learn,” she says gently. “Just snuggle down with him on the settee and I’ll fetch his milk.”

A few seconds later I’m sitting on the sofa with Kai on my lap, his head snuggled up on my chest. He’s gone all sleepy and I feel like I’ve won the fucking lottery. I bury my nose in his dark, fuzzy hair and my senses are engulfed by his smell. Something so unique to him, but at the same time so familiar. I could bury my nose in there for fucking days.

When Lizzie walks back in she stops in her tracks, her hand flies to her mouth. A choked sob emits from her chest as she stares wide-eyed at the two of us. I finally realise, in this moment, that it’s all she’s ever wanted. She could tell me until the cows come home that she did, but real emotion can’t be faked, especially not the ones written all over her face. Those grey eyes of hers are soft and filled with pure, unadulterated love, so honest in its simplicity.

She comes over and snuggles up to my side on the sofa. Kai sleepily takes the plastic beaker of milk from her hands and starts sipping it. His weight gets heavier as he relaxes further. The quiet suckling noises he makes lull me into a place of complete peace.

My gaze finds Lizzie’s and I can’t look away. Her mouth is upturned in a fucking gorgeous smile.

She captured my heart years ago, and she can fucking keep it.
They
can keep it. It belongs to them. I knew I loved her, but her being back? Having Kai? Love seems inadequate to explain what I feel.

She snuggles her head onto my shoulder. Her hand finds mine, our fingers entwine, and my thumb traces over her soft skin.

Home. I’m finally fucking home. I struggle to swallow past the dry lump in my throat.

My head falls back to rest on the soft leather and I stare at the ceiling, just enjoying the closeness and warmth of my family.

After a few minutes, Lizzie shifts away. “His eyes are drooping; it’s time to get him to bed.” She gestures towards Kai, and sure enough he’s fighting to keep them open. A pang of fear runs through me. I don’t want him to go. I don’t want her to go.

She pushes off of the sofa and the fear heightens, constricting my chest.

“You two are moving in with me, tomorrow,” I blurt out, my tone every bit demanding.

It’s not up for discussion, but she’ll tell me straight, regardless of how fucking domineering I am. It’s one of the things I’ve always loved about her. She doesn’t take my shit. She’ll stand up to me regardless. Challenge me. And it’s hot as fucking hell. I just pray now is not one of those moments. I need them to be with me. I can’t let them go now.

Not ever.

Her eyes search my face. I’m not sure what she’s looking for. They flare with heat and then soften. For the first time I can see love clearly in her eyes. It’s unguarded and swirling in the depths. It’s as innocent and pure as the little man in my arms.

She nods her head and sucks in a breath. “Are you sure, Noah?” A sad smile crosses her face. “It’s a lot to take us both on. I know he’s yours, but you haven’t lived this life.”

I can feel the disappointment building. She gets down on her knees in front of me and places a hand on my thigh. “I’m not saying I don’t want to, but I have to think about the two of us. That little boy in your arms can’t be discarded when the going gets tough. Or if he doesn’t fit into the life you want to lead—’’

“I would—” I begin to argue.

“Let me finish.
Please
.” Her eyes beg with me to be quiet. I give in and nod at her to continue. She can spout whatever bollocks she wants to, it’s not going to change my mind.

“If that’s what you truly want, then there’s nothing more I would like. But
please
just think about it. You will always be in his life, no matter what you choose. I would never keep him away from you, not now. I just don’t want you to jump into something you’ll regret and he’ll be caught up in the middle. I won’t do it to him, or me.”

She finally shuts the fuck up.

“Stand up.” My voice is hoarse.

She complies, her wary eyes flicking over to mine, and she wraps her arms around herself. It’s a habit of hers when she’s tense. I adjust a now sleeping Kai in my arms to enable me to stand up. With great care, I lay him back on the sofa and turn to Lizzie.

Reaching for her shoulders, I give them a gentle squeeze with each hand before sliding them down around her waist, and pulling her hard against me. Her heartbeat races and I feel each frantic pulse through her clothes.

“I will say this fucking once, so you better listen.”

Her hands tentatively creep up onto my chest, which makes my fucking cock twitch. Gliding one of my hands up her back, I grasp onto the nape of her neck.

“You, and that little boy, are my fucking universe. I don’t give one flying fuck about tough times. And if you think for one fucking minute that my life hasn’t already changed, you’re wrong.”

Her hands come up to cup my face and I fight my body tooth and nail to get out what I need to say, instead of resorting to burying myself in her, and saying it with my dick.

“When I walked away from you, I didn’t live. I existed. The first time I saw you outside the coffee shop, my reason to live returned. Yeah, I’ve been a bastard to you and I’m sorry—”

“Noah—” Her eyes grow wide and hopeful.

“No. I’m sorry. You need to know that you
are
my fucking life. Whatever life throws at us”—my voice cracks as I move my hands to her face, my thumb tracing her cheek—“I’m prepared to face it head-on. I’m not letting you go again. I’m not going to be a weekend dad, and I’m not having my son not know me.”

The corner of my mouth lifts in a half smile and her eyes glisten at me. “You think the pair of you will make my life difficult? You couldn’t be more fucking wrong. I didn’t have a life before you walked back in it. And I’ll be fucked if I’m letting you go again.”

My eyes bore into hers, willing her to understand what they both mean to me. Her sight shifts to my lips and my hesitance evaporates. My mouth claims hers. Controlling my need to brand her as mine, I take my time. As her lips part, my tongue entwines with hers with gentle strokes. Her taste drives me to the edge as I tug on her bottom lip with my teeth. Hard as stone, I press her against me tighter and a moan escapes her lips. The beckoning pulse in my jeans lets me know I need to pull away. My good intentions of not pushing this further will be extinguished if I don’t.

My breath’s as ragged as hers as we pull apart. Our eyes meet as we pant in unison. I could get lost in her gaze for days. My arms pull her back against me, wrapping her so close she’s part of me. She’s the only part I need.

“We better get Kai to bed.” My breathy whisper sends tremors down her body.

She nods into my chest but doesn’t move.

“Noah?”

“Yeah?”

“I was sold on ‘my fucking universe.’”

A laugh bursts out of me as I hold her away from me. “Do you have any idea how much I fucking love you?”

Her eyes flare and the flecks glint like sunshine on water. “I think I’m beginning to realise.”

Bringing my hand down, it cracks soundly on her arse and her laugh reverberates in my chest.

“Come on, let’s get our little boy comfortable.” My heart swells with the words.

Lifting him up in my arms, his sleepy dead weight falls against my chest, and once again, it overwhelms me. A thought crosses my mind. I’ve never had anything or anyone I feared losing, before, not even my life. But her? Fuck yeah. If I lost her now, I’d lose him. Neither is a risk I’m prepared to take.

We go up the stairs of Layla’s home and place Kai on a bed. Leaning against the wall of the bedroom, my eyes take in everything Lizzie does. Gently undressing Kai, changing his nappy, and dressing him in his pyjamas, all while he sleeps. The reality of how much I have to learn hits hard. When she’s finished, she places a feather-light kiss on his forehead before turning to face me. So much love fills her eyes, it’s humbling.

“May I?” I ask, my voice gruff.

She beams at me. “You don’t have to ask to kiss your own son goodnight.”

Walking over, I grasp her to my side as I lean in to kiss him, the same way she did. Straightening up, I spin her so we are face-to-face.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” It’s still early evening, but I want to hold her close. Feel her skin on mine.

Her eyes burn as she nods and leads me to another room. We collapse on the bed and she snuggles up into my side, lifting her head and laying it onto my chest to watch me. Propping my head on my arm, I wrap the other around her, drawing her closer, but unable to get close enough.

“Do you want to order pizza?” she asks, eyes full of humour.

“What? Like we used to?” Memories flood my mind of afternoons spent in bed eating pizza and watching old black and white films. She loves them. I think they’re shit, but I watched the fucking things anyway.

She gives me a slow nod of her head, like she’s unsure.

“Can I choose the film?” I joke, my cheeky grin displayed at full throttle.