Beautiful Warrior (7 page)

Chapter Ten

Silence
. Confusion.

The tunnel was
gone, and I was no longer spinning. But I wasn’t back to normal, not by any stretch of my screwed-up imagination. Hazy shadows clouded my vision. Was I in a hospital? Was this a psych ward?

I didn’t seem capable of speaking or moving or doing anything, aside from blinking my lashes
. And even they seemed too heavy for my eyes, as if they had weights attached.

I wanted to return to the warrior and burrow in the shelter of his arms
. I should have agreed to stay with him, to love him, to marry him. Then it wouldn’t matter if I was hospitalized, because in my mind, I would be safe.

Or as safe as a crazy person could be.

“Vanessa.”  A man’s voice came out of the shadows.

I blinked my weighty lashes again. Was it the warrior? Was he calling out to me from Room 105?

I attempted to speak, to tell him I was listening, but my vocal
cords wouldn’t cooperate.

“Vanessa.”  He repeated my name, his voice soft
. “I don’t know what to do.”

He didn’t know what to do
? If I could’ve laughed, I would’ve cackled like a loon. Or more than likely, I would’ve cried.

“Should I call your doctor?” he asked, just as quietly
. “Should I dial 9-1-1?”

Suddenly, my reality became clear
. I wasn’t in a hospital. I was with Duncan in the hotel room we’d rented. It was his voice I was hearing.

Duncan
.

I squinted, trying to force my vision to clear, desperate to see him
. But nothing happened.

Nothing
. Nothing.

Then
…

One of the shadows took the glorious shape of a man, and there he was
. My friend, my real-life lover, with his shiny dark hair, deep-set eyes, and perfect cheekbones.

The most beautiful warrior of all.

We were in a queen-size bed, facing each other, surrounded by polished wood furniture. The blinds were open.  It was dark outside, but the lights were on.

“Don’t call anyone,” I managed to say, the plea
scratching my throat. “I can talk now.” 

“Oh, Christ,” he responded and wrapped his arms around me
. “Sweet Christ.”

Grateful for his embrace, I savored the feeling of being held by him
. He was everything to me, so much more than any hallucination could ever be.

When he released me, I took a curious glance at mysel
f, peeking down at my clothes. My fluffy white dress was gone. I was back in my original top and jeans.

“I was so scared,” he said
. “So damned scared you wouldn’t come out of the state you were in. Jack was never catatonic. I’ve never seen anyone like that before. You were like that for almost an hour.”

I lifted my hand to his jaw
. He was even more confused than I was. “I’ve been gone for days.”

“No, baby, it’s only been about an hour
. Believe me, I know. I’ve been watching the clock and wondering what the hell I should do.”

I dropped my hand, arguing my case
. “But I spent the night in the past realm on the first day, and on the second day, I went to the present and future realms.”

“It must have been playing
in your head like a movie, where things happen at a quicker pace.”

A movie like
Oz
? “I met three different versions of you.”  I spouted off my tale, sounding like Dorothy after she was back in Kansas, only my story was much racier than hers. “I got attached to all of them. I even had sex with one of them.”

“I don’t care if you slept with the Man on the Moon, as long as you’re all right
. Please, don’t ever ask me to help you go to Room 105 again. I couldn’t take it.”

“I don’t think I could handle it, either.”  Nor could I bring myself to tell him that I’d had fantasies about becoming the third warrior’s bride or that he’d asked me to marry him
.

“Do you need anything?” he asked
. “Can I get you a soda? Or some food?” 

“I’ll take some water.”  My mouth was horribly dry
.

He got out of bed and grabbed a plastic bottle from the mini fridge
. Not many guys would be able to deal with someone like me. But Duncan’s experiences with Jack gave him an understanding of schizophrenia that most people would never have. I worried that he would get burned out from it, though, and I would become too much for him.

He twisted the cap and handed me the bottle, and I thought about the
rainbow-colored wine I’d drunk in the future realm.

“It’s so strange to be back in this world,” I said.

“Just as long as you stay here, everything will be fine.”

“No, it won’t.”  I sipped the water
. It was bland compared to the wine. “The magic I’m supposed to use to break the curse is in my mind. All I’m supposed to do is believe that you won’t die by next year, and you won’t.”

He sat on the edge of the bed
. “What’s wrong with that?”

“You realize who you’re dealing with, right?”  I made a wigged-out face, just to remind him, and we both burst into a quick, painful laugh.

In the silence that followed, I white-knuckled the bottle. He pried it from my fingers. Was he concerned that my hand was going to cramp?

He put it on the nightstand
. Then he said, “You can do it, Vanessa. I know you can.”

“I can do what
? Stop obsessing about you dying?”

“Yes.” 

“I’m going to try, but I don’t know how well I’ll do.”

“Maybe you can have
your doctor adjust your meds or something. Maybe that will help.”

“I
stopped taking them, but only so I could have a stronger hallucination.”  I tore at a loose thread on the seam of my jeans. “I’ll start taking them again.”

“You better,” he said in a gently reprimanding tone
. Then he asked, “How long has it been since you took them?”

“Just today
. I skipped them this morning.”  Except that it felt like several days ago to me since my hallucination seemed longer than it was.

“Did you bring them with you?”

“Yes. I figured I would need them after my 105 experience was over.”

“You should take them
now. Where are they? I’ll get them for you.”

“In the outside pocket of my suitcase.”

He retrieved the bottle and brought it to me. He handed me my water, too, and I swallowed the pills.

Then
I said, “I met Abby’s people when I was in 105.”

He sat back down
. “How did that go?”

“I made friends with Seven
. I got close to Bud and Dingo, too. Face was annoying, but I liked him anyway.”  I found another loose thread on my jeans and twined it between my fingers. “I promised Seven that I wouldn’t forget about him and Abby. That I would do my best to make sure they are able to stay together.”

Duncan frowned
. “You promised him that you would keep hallucinating about them?”

“They deserve to be happy.”
 

“So do you, Vanessa.”

“It will make me happy to know they’re together.”  Duncan didn’t reply, so I quickly added, “I’m going to visit Abby at The Manor and make sure that Seven is with her and that everyone got back safely. Then I’ll be able to focus on myself.”

“I hope so.”

“You should do it, too.”

“Do what
? Visit Abby and her people? You know I wouldn’t be able to see them.”

“
I was talking about focusing on your inner self. You don’t even know who you are, Duncan. Don’t you think it’s time to start searching for your past?”

He
flinched. “This isn’t about me.”

“
Yes, it is. It’s about both of us. If I have to work on controlling my fear of you dying, then you should learn to cope with the trauma that caused your amnesia, no matter what it turns out to be.” 

“That’s a shitty exchange.”

“It’s the right thing, and you know it.”

He grabbed a pillow and crammed it against his chest
. Since the moment he’d learned that I was ill, he’d become my champion, doing whatever he could to help me. But he wasn’t nearly as kind to himself.

“You need to be your own warrior,” I said
. “Not just mine.”

“I’m no
body’s warrior.”

“Yes, you are
. Without you, I couldn’t have come this far.”

He shoved the pillow away
. “I don’t want to know about my past.”

“Then do it for me.”

“That’s fucking unfair.”

“Please,” I implored him
. I needed to know who he was and where he came from. I needed to look into his eyes and see the life he’d led.

He remained seated
on the edge of the bed, his handsome face marred with discontent. “What if it makes things worse?”

“How much worse can it get between a mentally ill g
irl and a guy with amnesia?” I meant it to be funny, but it didn’t lighten his mood.

To combat the ache, I reached for him, encouraging him to lie down with me.

We got under the covers, and he took me in his arms, a tad too tightly, behaving like the troubled guy that he was.

“I’ll think about it,” he said
.

I smiled against his shirt, enjoying the familiarity of his scent
. “I’m going to keep bugging you about it until you agree.”

He nuzzled my hair
. “How did I ever get tangled up with a pesky little butterfly like you?”

“You got lucky, I guess.” I loved
him so much I could’ve died from it.

No, not died, I warned myself
. I needed to live, and so did he.

“I wish you could meet Seven,” I said, tossing a bit of my nuttiness back into the mix
. “I think you’d like him.”

“I’ll just take your word for it.”  He paused
. “So you slept with one of the warriors, huh?”

I lifted my head
. “I thought it didn’t matter if I did it with the Man on the Moon.”

“I’m just curious, that’s all
. So which one was it?”

I let out the breath I was holding
. Thinking about it made me miss each and every one of them. “He was from the past. He scooped me up onto his horse and took me to his cabin. It was like the hut you painted in
Danger.
”

“And the other guys?”

“The present warrior lived in the ranch house from your
Life
painting, and the future one owned the fancy estate in
Magic
.” 

“Why didn’t they sleep with you?”

“The future one would have if I would have spent more time there.”  And become his bride, I thought. “And the present one had a different set of morals. He wasn’t going to sleep with a girl who belonged to someone else.”

Duncan
furrowed his brow. “Who did you belong to while you were there?”

A ball of anxiety tightened my stomach
. If he had to ask, then he wasn’t seeing the whole picture. “Who do you think?”

He hesitated before a light bulb went off
. “The present guy was being loyal to me?”

I nodded, my emotions as crackly as my heart.

“It seems weird. I mean, what type of guy wouldn’t give in to the temptation of having you, especially if he was supposed to be like me?”

“Because you couldn’t resist when I offered myself to you
?” 

He broke into a smile
. “Yeah.”

I studied the naughty tilt of his lips
. Duncan didn’t have a problem talking about sex. It was love that dumbfounded him. “Did you think that my hallucination wouldn’t be weird?”

“No, but I didn’t think
it would involve three different versions of me.” 

“I didn’t expect that, either.
”  I snuggled against him, wanting to be as close to him as humanly possible. With a feminine sigh, I slid my hand along his zipper.

“What are you doing?” he whispered.

“What does it feel like I’m doing?”

“Are you sure you’re not too worn out for this?”

I’m sure.”  Being with him gave me strength. The kind of power that came from being in love. “Did you bring any condoms?”

“Not purposely.”

“But you have some in your luggage?”

“In my shaving kit
. I always keep some in there.”  He went into the bathroom to get one, then came back to bed, showing me the colorful packet.