Beauty and the Earl (17 page)

The carriage came to a stop at the house, and Malcolm stepped down and helped Olivia from the rig. Violet glanced toward the door and Liam repeated Malcolm’s action. Once they were standing on the drive, he leaned over to his friend.

“Violet and I are going to go upstairs. I’m sure you and Olivia can find an amusement for yourselves.”

Mal arched a brow in Olivia’s direction. “I’m sure.”

Violet looked at him in surprise, but she didn’t resist when he placed her hand in the crook of his good arm and led her into the house and up the stairs. He took her into his room, then stepped out to speak to a servant in the hallway.
 

“I would like the tub in my adjoining room filled,” he said, softly enough that Violet wouldn’t be able to hear.

The footman bowed. “Of course. Right away.”

The other man scurried off and Liam rejoined Violet, shutting the door behind him.

“Have I done something to displease you?” she asked, shuffling with discomfort.

He shook his head. “Not at all. Why would you think you had?”

She shrugged. “Your expression is very grave.”

“As was yours in the carriage.” He moved toward her and touched her arm. Her olive skin was soft, irresistible. “Violet, I’m actually worried about you.”

Her brow furrowed. “About me?”

The way she said it made his heart drop. Of course she didn’t expect anyone to worry about her.

“Your whole life it seems you have been tasked to give to others.” He leaned down to press a gentle kiss against her smooth forehead. “And now you do not know what to expect when someone wants to tend to your needs.”

She swallowed. “You tend to my needs just fine, my lord,” she whispered, twitching her hips in an attempt at seduction.

His body reacted, but he refused to surrender to the call. She was trying to push him away through sex. Why hadn’t he ever recognized that before?

Aside from the obvious reasons, of course.

“I’m not talking about the needs of your flesh,” he said, moving away to pour her a glass of wine from the side bar by the fire. “I’m talking about your
needs
.”

Her discomfort only seemed to increase as she took the wine he held out toward her. She downed half of it in one sip but refused to meet his eyes as she released a nervous laugh.

“Oh Liam, you misunderstand. I don’t have any needs unfulfilled or—”

“You have trusted me with part of your story,” he interrupted and tilted his head to try to find the stare she so skillfully withheld. “Can you not trust me with something more?”

She didn’t speak for what seemed like forever.

“I don’t know,” she finally whispered, and he realized that was the most honest statement she had ever made to him.
 

He saw the fear in her stare, the longing, and a desperation that made him both sad and nervous.

He drew her closer, holding her free hand between his.

“What troubled you today in Bath?” he asked. “I left you a happy, laughing woman chattering about shopping with her friend. I returned and you were withdrawn.”
 

He thought of the letter he had seen, the one to Peter. Could
he
be the cause of her concerns? But he didn’t ask. He feared the answer too deeply.

“Liam,” she whispered, covering his hand with hers. “You really needn’t worry yourself.”

He pressed his lips together. “Do you not wish to share the truth or just not share the truth with me?”

Her eyes widened. “I have confided more in you than I have in any other person,” she said. “I promise it isn’t a lack of faith in you that keeps me silent. I had a great deal on my mind today. I have concerns about Olivia and Mal and the relationship they are developing, I have been thinking about London and I sometimes reflect upon what I’ve told you and wonder if I’ve gone too far.”

“I wouldn’t betray you,” he promised swiftly.

Her cheeks paled, and she pulled away slowly. “Yes. I’m certain you wouldn’t.”

Liam frowned. “And this is truly all that troubles you?”

She hesitated, but when she turned back, she nodded. “Yes.”

He had his doubts, but he shoved them aside, determined not to withhold his faith after all she had revealed since she came to Bath.
 

“I wish I could ease your troubles,” he said, smoothing a lock of hair away from her face with the back of his hand. Her eyes fluttered shut at the touch and she sighed almost imperceptibly.

“You do,” she vowed. “Liam, you do. You make me—well, you make me forget everything else when I’m with you. Even though I shouldn’t.”

“Why?” he pressed.

“Because if I don’t take care of myself, no one else will,” she burst out. The moment she said the words, her eyes widened. “I didn’t mean that.”

He let his fingers caress her face. “It has always been that way for you, I know. You had to be strong when your mother died, when your father passed you off to people who resented your presence and didn’t care for you. Even when he came back into your life and pretended to do something for you, it was another way to help himself. I cannot imagine what you felt after you were assaulted and he insisted you marry your attacker, nor how you have guarded your heart since becoming a mistress. But I am not any of the people who have mistreated you, Violet.”

She blinked, tears welling in her eyes. “I know that. I wish you were.”

He tilted his head at that surprising statement. “Why?”

“Then this would be easier,” she gasped.

He spread his fingers open on her cheek and gently kissed her. It wasn’t a kiss meant to inspire passion, but to bring her close. To comfort her. To give the tenderness that had been withheld from her for so long. He couldn’t yet offer his protection to her with words, but he hoped to offer that and more with his kiss.

She sighed as they parted, and he drew her toward the connecting chamber where the bath he had ordered was likely waiting for them.

As he opened the door and drew her inside, he said, “I want to make this easier.”

She stared at the steaming tub, the candles that flickered all around it in a romantic scene. Slowly she turned toward him.

“This is…this is for me?”

He nodded. “It’s all for you. Not as a seduction, though I wouldn’t doubt we’ll end the night making love. But I do this because you need it. You need me. And I want to be there for you. Now.”

She bent her head, and her face was all surrender. Almost against her will surrender. She nodded.

“I need you, Liam. More than you will ever understand.”

Then she stripped the front of her gown open and undressed for the bath they would share. And for the first time, Liam was more concerned with how to best tend to her heart than her body. He would do this tonight. And he would not regret it.

Violet stroked her hand across Liam’s bare chest as the steaming water sloshed around them. They had been in the bath together a quarter of an hour and he hadn’t made any move to seduce her.

She had no idea how to respond to that. To men, she had spent her life as nothing more than a body to own, to barter with, to take. She had adjusted to accept that fact and eventually even use it to her advantage.
 

But now she felt lost. And more than lost, she felt exposed. She had made a confession to him in his bedroom that went far further than any other. She had made it without a thought to quid pro quo.

She had talked to him because of his kindness and his gentleness and his promise to protect her that she longed to believe even though it couldn’t be true. It
wouldn’t
be true when and if the facts about why she was here were exposed.

And yet here she still lay, his arms wrapped around her, cradling her as they shared the intimacy of silence.

Her mind turned again and again back to Olivia’s earlier statement that all this would be over soon. It was true, and it left her with anxiety and concerns.

She knew things about Liam, she knew thoughts that troubled her. Could she walk away without doing everything she could to address that?
 

She rolled over in the water so that she lay on his chest facing him. He smiled at her and shook his head as she straddled his hips. She felt his cock stir at the movement.

“You do test a man,” he chuckled.
 

She smiled in return, despite her troubling thoughts. “Oh come, Liam, you are strong.”

His eyebrows lifted. “No man would be strong enough to resist you.”

She laughed but found herself looking first at the scar that slashed down the length of his face and the one on his weaker shoulder. Slowly, she reached out to caress his arm. Despite the injury, she still felt muscle there beneath the skin. Her hand touched his other arm, though, and it was obviously much more powerful.

“You compensated for your injury well,” she said, gliding a fingertip down his scar lightly.

In the past, her intrusion on this subject had seemed to make him uncomfortable, but now he merely watched her touch him with an unreadable expression.

“Since the accident, I have learned that the human body is an amazing thing. It does adjust itself.”

“And you helped it,” she pressed.

He nodded slowly. “I admit, once I was well enough to move freely, all I wanted to do was forget everything and anything. Part of that was working with my body. Soon I found myself capable of lifting something heavy with one arm rather than two. Now it is a habit.”

“You can certainly lift me without any trouble,” she mused softly, thinking of how many times he had done just that while they were making love. “But do you think you will build up your injured arm at some point?”

He hesitated. “I will work past the pain someday, I’m sure.”

His voice was soft and she realized they were no longer talking about simple physical pain. The loss of the use of his left arm was tied to the loss of Matilda for him. And that led her very easily to her next point of inquiry.

“I know the pain caused by your accident was great,” she said, treading carefully. “And I have been thinking a great deal about what you told me in regards to your reaction to that pain.”

His expression was unreadable as he nodded. “Mmmm.”

She swallowed. “Thinking about your statement about wanting to…to hurt yourself after Matilda’s death.”

Once again, he was unreadable, though his gaze slid away from hers. “Yes.”

She touched his chin, drawing him back to focus on her, and asked the question that terrified her more than any other she had ever asked.

“Liam, you don’t still have those terrible thoughts, do you?”

Chapter Fourteen

Silence stretched between them, and Violet fought hard against tears that welled in her eyes the longer it took for Liam to respond. She watched his face, and the neutral expression was gone. He was struggling with memory and loss, sorrow and pain. All things Violet wished to strike from his heart and mind forever.

“Liam?” she whispered, her voice breaking. “Please.”

He reached up to touch her cheek, stroking a wet thumb along her jawline and her lip.

“I don’t know,” he finally admitted.

Her body clenched at that answer, which wasn’t the worst one he could have given, but was far from the best.
 

“What does that mean?” she asked, voice trembling.

He bent his head. “Violet, I haven’t thought about or been able to picture a future for so long. The one I had in mind was snatched from me when Matilda died.” He stopped talking for a moment, as if to gather himself. “But I can tell you that right now… Right now I don’t wish for death. I don’t court it or plan it.”

She supposed that was as much comfort as she might expect, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t nearly enough. She cupped his face and forced him to look at her.

“Promise me you won’t ever desire such an end again.”

He didn’t respond, but leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. She allowed the caress, but her heart broke and she couldn’t stop the tears that began to stream down her face.

She broke the kiss and said, “Liam, promise me!”

He swiped at her tears with his hand and sighed. “I can tell you that you make those thoughts go away. You make all the ugliness in my life go away. If that has given me meaning back to what had become a meaningless life, than I suppose you could say you have saved me. And you can walk away if you like and know that you gave me that.”

She stared at him, taken aback by this powerful confession. And taken aback by something else, as well.
 

As she stared at him, moved by his words, touched by the way he looked at her…she realized she was in love with this man.
 

She stilled, still straddling him, her hands cradling his handsome face, and his eyes locked with hers. She loved him. With everything good and hopeful left in her, with all the naivety she had been able to save even through years where life had stolen everything and anything that mattered. She hadn’t realized it, but some part of her hopes and dreams had remained, slumbering until the right man came along to wake them.