Because I Love You (6 page)

With a sigh, he stood and put a hand on each of my upper arms. “Is that what this is about? Andie, you know I meant it. But I thought we’d decided, for Heather’s sake—”

“I’m pregnant.”

Color drained from Carter’s cheeks, and his hands dropped from my arms. He took a step backward. “What?”

“It’s yours.” My voice shook.

Carter ran his hands through his hair and down his face. He sat back in his swing. “How? I thought . . . I mean . . . we were safe, right?”

“I know. I didn’t want to believe it either, but Heather took me to Planned Parenthood to have a test.”

His gaze snapped to me. “Heather knows?”

“Of course she knows.”

He jumped out of his seat and put his hands on his head. “I thought we agreed we weren’t going to tell her what we did.”

“What was I supposed to do? Not tell my best friend I was pregnant?”

“You could’ve at least kept my name out of it!”

I glared at him. “I wasn’t going to lie to Heather. How do you think she’d feel if she found out the truth from someone else?”

“She didn’t have to find out. You made an appointment to get rid of it, right?”

My heart stopped. Was that really what he wanted—for me to get an
abortion?
I searched his face for any sign he might be joking and took in a quick breath when I found none.

I pressed a hand to my stomach. “I’m not going that route, Carter.”

“Then what’d you go to Planned Parenthood for?”

“To have a test! I already told you that.”

Carter paced in front of me, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. He stopped and looked at me, and his shoulders fell. “Andie, you know I can’t do this. My parents . . . .”

He didn’t have to finish the sentence. His parents had a strict ten-year plan for him to follow. I was there the day his mother found a pack of cigarettes in his gym bag and threatened to pull him from River Springs Prep so he could “go hang out with all the deadbeats in the world of public school.” A baby would get him kicked out of the house, for sure.

I placed a hand on his chest and looked at him through bleary eyes. “We’ll figure it out. Just give me a couple days to tell my mom, and then we’ll come up with a way to tell your parents. I’m sure if we have a plan—”

Carter removed my hand, letting my fingertips linger in his palm. For the first time in years, he was on the verge of tears. He dropped my hand, kissed my forehead, and stepped back. “I’m sorry, Andie. I wasn’t lying when I said I loved you, but I can’t be a father. Not yet. If you do this, you’ll have to do it without me.” He turned and jogged around the side of the house without another glance in my direction.

I stared after him, coldness rolling through me. My knees buckled, and I crashed to the ground. Shivering, I dug my fingers into the grass.
This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening, this can’t be happening
. My shoulders rolled forward as a sob broke free.

Another followed. Another. I gripped the back of my neck and rocked as heat radiated from my knees, all the way up my spine. He’d abandoned me. My best friend had actually walked away. With shoulders curled over my chest, my sobs turned into gasps, and I clenched my teeth, desperate to ensure my family remained asleep. I whipped my cell phone out of my pocket.

I hate you, Carter Lambert! I hate you!
I texted him, meaning it with all that was left of my heart.

chapter six

For two days, I managed to skip school. Both mornings, I woke up puking my guts out, so I was able to convince Mom to let me stay home. But the third day, she threatened to take me to the doctor. It was time to go to school, regardless of how miserable I felt. After applying coats of concealer to my almost-swollen-shut eyes, I dressed in my cheerleading uniform—it was still Spirit Week, after all—and moseyed downstairs.

“How are you feeling?” Mom asked when I entered the kitchen.

“Better.”

“You look better.”

Thanks?

She kissed me on my cheek and grabbed her briefcase before adjusting her belt around her ever-shrinking waistline. “I’ve got an early meeting, so I need to go. Make sure you call your aunt and uncle and say goodbye. They left before you were up, but their flight hasn’t taken off yet. Oh, and come home right after school.”

I nodded as she walked out the door. Where else was I going to go? Neither Heather nor Carter had texted me in two days.

I dug my phone out of my purse, dialed my aunt, and then, after pouring a bowl of cereal before deciding I wasn’t hungry, sat at the kitchen counter and stared at the rooster magnets on the fridge. When it was obvious Heather wasn’t going to pick me up, I swung my book bag over my shoulder, grabbed my purse, and made my way down the street. It’d been a long time since I’d ridden the private bus that shipped students to and from my high school. One of these days, I had to convince Mom to let me get my driver’s license.

When the bus stopped at the corner, I climbed in and shuffled down the aisle. Almost everyone was a freshman, but there were a couple juniors I recognized from the halls. I sat next to one of them, a Native American girl I’d seen maybe once or twice, not planning to make conversation. That lasted only five minutes.

“You’re Andie Hamilton, right?” she asked. Her bright pink glasses slid down her nose, and her sleek, black hair fell over her shoulder.

“Um, yeah. Why?”

She flicked her thumb across her phone then turned the device in her hand so I could see what was on her screen—a text that read,
Dude, did you hear Andie’s preggers?

The world slowed. If she’d gotten that text, how many other people had? Heat burned through my body, and I clenched my jaw to keep from throwing up all over my schoolmate.

“Who sent that?” I asked, my voice shaking.

“Someone from homeroom. But, apparently, they heard it from Beth Donaghue.”

Of course.
Neil saw me buy the test. And if he told his sister, that meant the whole school knew. I gripped my book bag and stared out the window.

How long did I really think I would be able to keep it a secret?
Newsflash: Teen daughter of deceased Christian speaker, Kyle Hamilton, pregnant! Read all about it!
That was how our city worked. Everyone’s dirty laundry aired out in Town Square for all to see. But still—three days? That’s all it took?

Fighting tears, I turned to her. “You won’t delete that from your phone, will you?”

She tapped her phone a few times. “There. Gone.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

Wow. Not many people would be that kind. I flashed her the most genuine smile I could muster. “Thank you. I’m sorry—what’s your name again?”

“Jill. Jill Anderson.” She held out a hand, and I took it.

“Do we have any classes together?”

“Yeah. History. And Chemistry. And French.”

I grimaced. Was I really that self-absorbed? “Sorry.”

She shrugged. “No one remembers me. I’m used to it.”

The bus pulled into the parking lot, and my stomach sank. I really didn’t want to go in there. I fought the urge to cling to the seat.

I turned to Jill. “Did you maybe want to sit with me at lunch today?”

If I was going to make it through the day, I would need someone to help me.

She smiled. “Sure.”

I tried to return the gesture, but only one corner of my mouth twitched. For someone so kind, I was amazed more people didn’t notice her. Myself included.

Stepping off the bus, everything seemed normal. No one looked at me weirdly. In fact, they didn’t really look at me at all. But as I entered the school, more and more people turned their backs to me, giggling amongst each other. I winced, my neck and ears on fire, and forced myself to keep moving. If people thought I didn’t care that they were laughing at me, maybe they’d leave me alone.

Then I reached my locker, and I forgot how to breathe.

Mary’s not a virgin anymore! Whore!
was written with bright red lipstick on the door. Underneath, a picture had been taped to the metal—my cheerleading portrait with a pregnant belly drawn on in permanent marker.

My book bag fell to the floor as I leaned against the locker next to mine, my knees weakening.

Snickers floated down the hall, and I turned my head. My skin flushed from head to toe. Beth leered, twirling the lipstick in her fingers as she stood next to Gwen and April—and Heather. Grabbing my backpack, I ran from the school and around the side of the building.

I paced, my hand on my stomach as I tried to catch my breath. It was bad enough that Beth had been the one to write the message on my locker, but why did Heather have to be involved? She’d smiled that devilish grin she usually reserved for
Beth
. Did Heather really hate me
that
much for sleeping with Carter?

“Hey, Hamilton. You all right?” a guy asked not far from where I stood.

I snapped my head in the direction of his voice.
You’ve got to be kidding me.
Neil Donaghue flicked his cigarette to the ground. Because that’s how my luck went.

I stormed at him. “You! You . . . assbutt! What did you say to your sister?”

Neil’s hands went up like I was holding him at gunpoint. “Whoa there, crazy woman. I didn’t tell my sister anything. She doesn’t even live with me anymore. And assbutt? Really?”

I pushed him. “I know you saw me buy that test. Did you tell her I was pregnant? Did you?”

He raised an eyebrow. “You’re pregnant?”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh, like you didn’t know! It’s all over school, especially now that your sister wrote it on my locker. What did I ever do to her?”

“Well, you did take the co-captain spot.”

“Ugh!” I stormed away before I could smack him and crossed the parking lot, heading home. So what if it was a twenty-minute walk? Anything was better than sitting in classrooms full of jerks. Maybe I could transfer to some other school—or finish high school at home. It wasn’t like I had to worry about college anymore, not if I wanted to raise a baby on my own.

I’d gone three blocks when the anger subsided enough for humiliation and despair to set in. I’d known it for days, but the fact that I couldn’t go to NYU, that I wasn’t going to become a doctor, finally hit me. Not to mention, I had become the laughingstock of River Springs Prep. It wouldn’t be long before the news got back to my mom.

And now Carter
and
Heather had betrayed me. I was alone. Helpless and utterly alone.

Stopping in someone’s front yard, I screamed, stomping my feet on the ground. I punched my stomach again and again.
Why did you have to ruin my life?
I fell on the grass, bringing my knees up to my chin, and wrapped my arms around my legs. It wasn’t the baby’s fault that my life was completely screwed up.

It was mine.

I wept into my knees, scrunching my eyes until they hurt, and balled my hands into fists. A loud motor echoed down the street. Next thing I knew, the driver stopped in front of me. I looked up as a rusty, brown truck parallel parked, and then Neil climbed out and walked toward me.

“Oh, God.” I dropped my head back to my knees.

“Get up, Hamilton.”

Lifting my head, I glared at him and the hand he extended to me.

He flexed his fingers. “Get up.”

“Why would I ever get into that truck with you?”

“Hey, there’s no stranger danger here. Plus, I’m thinking you probably don’t want to go home right now, but you don’t want to go back to school. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be sitting on some poor old lady’s front yard, flashing your bright purple underwear.”

My cheeks burned, and my legs dropped until they were flat against the grass. I’d forgotten I was wearing my cheerleading skirt—and that I didn’t have on spanks beneath it. Unless I had a game to go to, granny panties remained in my dresser at all times.

“So, what? You’re here to help me play hooky?” I asked.

“Exactly.” The corners of Neil’s baby-blue eyes crinkled as a mischievous grin spread across his face.

I remembered now what had drawn me to him in the first place. He
was
incredibly attractive. Tall, dark, and handsome. He wasn’t as muscular as Carter, but neither is Ian Somerhalder, and he’s freakin’ sexy. But bad boys have a bad reputation for a reason, and Neil’s was pretty dirty. Getting into a car with
him
was something I had told myself I’d never do.

Until now.

I hated to admit he was right, but going back to school was out of the question. I also didn’t want to go home. Thursdays were Mom’s shortest days, and I’d already spent two wallowing in my room. With a sigh, I took Neil’s hand, and he pulled me to my feet.

He led me to his truck without a word. Inside, Owen Danielson, Neil’s best friend and fellow pothead, snored in the passenger’s seat. Neil pushed him over. Owen sprung awake, flinging his arms like Kermit.

“Change of plans. I’m dropping you off at your house,” Neil said.

“Why?” Then Owen spotted me standing behind Neil. “Oh.” Owen wiggled his eyebrows. “Well, in that case, I won’t coc—”

“Move, shithead.”