Because of You

I’d like to thank Alan, my “sweetie” for making all my dreams come true. Without your encouragement and love this book would never have been published. You are and always will be my hero.

Also a little bit of advice for my son Tim. I am living proof that you’re never too old to follow your dreams. Just remember to hold on tight with both hands and never let go.

A big shout out to my very first reader, Miranda. For making me understand that the word count wasn’t as important as the writing.

To my editor Peter from
firstediting.com
for showing me that the period is my friend and the comma is overrated.

 Thanks to all the readers who took a chance on me. I hope you loved Hunter and Riley’s journey as much as I loved writing it.

This is for my parents—Jeanne and Roland—who are no longer of this earth but are eternally in my heart. And there is no doubt in my mind that they’re looking down from the heavens, sending their love times a million.

Sitting up, I look around as my eyes adjust to the darkness surrounding me.Someone’s screaming my name over and over again.

The voice is so familiar that it causes a prickling sensation that runs up and down my spine. Suddenly, a feeling of dread washes over me; my heart bangs wildly inside my chest.

Getting up from the chair, I stumble because my legs feel like lead.

I follow the voice as he chants my name. Hunter, Hunter, Hunter. The waves crashing against the beach are no match compared to that deafening wail.

Once I’m down by the shoreline I desperately search for the person who’s beckoning me. He’s lying on the beach about fifty yards away and even with the blackness of night there’s no doubt in my mind. It’s Brady.

Instinct takes over and I’m running as fast as I possibly can. Dropping to my knees I can’t help the desperation that consumes me. There’s so much blood… no…no…no…no…no! Taking him in my arms I cradle him against my chest as my tears join the blood that’s congealing in the sand.

Brady keeps telling me over and over again how sorry he is, then there’s only silence.

The guttural scream that’s clawing at my chest is finally set free as I look up to the heavens for answers. The sky’s blanketed with a twinkling of stars gazing down at me, my only light in this now dark world. They are the only witnesses to the gut wrenching pain that rips through me, body and soul.

Jerking awake I feel the sweat pouring down every crevice of my body. My heart’s pounding against my ribs. My throat’s parched and sore, making it hard to swallow. I tell myself it’s just a nightmare, but it’s just me reliving his death over again.

Taking in my surroundings, I realize I’m still sitting on the lounge chair by the pool, waiting for Riley. I guess she never showed up, or maybe she never heard me when I asked her to meet me here. Yeah right.

As I stagger around the corner I see her getting into Scott’s car. Her eyes lock on mine for a brief second before turning away. Climbing up the stairs I grab my phone so I can text Connor. I so need a diversion tonight and it starts with alcohol, then we’ll see what else comes up—no pun intended.

It’s a miracle that I’ve made it seventeen years with a mother who’s constantly told me that I was a mistake. I’ll be eighteen tomorrow and I’ll be out of her house and her life forever. God knows; she’s told me as far back as I can remember that when I’m an adult, her job is done. I know what this truly means—her child support checks will stop so she can throw me out just like yesterday’s trash.

My dad left when I was six and I’ve only seen him a handful of times since then. Mom always blamed me for his leaving, telling me if I hadn’t been a bad girl he would’ve stayed. I wasn’t a bad girl—she was—I heard them arguing the day he left. She stopped cooking and doing the housework; I remember all I ate for a week was stale bread, cheese and peanut butter. Going to school was my safe haven, where I could interact and be myself. Unfortunately, after the last bell rang I didn’t have a choice but to get on the bus and go back to the one person who hated me the most.

So when my dad called offering to pay for my college if I moved to South Carolina, how could I pass it up? I was able to register online for all my classes and Dad did all the paperwork on his end. Between the e-mails and faxes it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be.

I’ll miss my best friend, Ashley—we’ve been inseparable for the past six years since she moved in next door. Ashley’s mom said I would be welcome to stay with them for as long as I needed, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable living so close to my mother. No; it’s best to make a clean break.

As I unzip another suitcase and throw it on my bed, my bedroom door opens. Ashley is standing there with tears in her eyes.

“You’re really going to South Carolina? There’s nothing I can say that will change your mind?”

“Ash, we’ve been over this a thousand times. Dad wants me to move down there so we can get to know each another. You know this is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make but he’s willing to pay for college. ” She has to understand that I have to do this for me.

“Why would you want to move so far away to be with a stranger?” Walking over I wrap my arms around her. My heart’s breaking. “You and your mom mean the world to me, and I don’t think I would have survived without the both of you these last six years. But we just graduated last week and your future is all laid out for you. Mine’s not. ” I let her go so I can continue packing.

She sits on the edge of the bed wiping away her tears. “All right, but we need to get you a cell phone so we can keep in touch. I can’t stand the thought of not being able to tell you about all the
hot
guys you’ll be missing when I’m on campus. ”

Smiling, I look up at her. “Well, it will have to be one with a camera so I can take pictures of all the
hot
guys I’ll be seeing on the
beach
and at school. ” I’m relieved that she’s finally accepted the fact that I’m leaving, and that makes me feel a whole lot better about my decision.

It feels like I’m going through life in slow motion; my feet are stuck in the sand and it’s a struggle to pick them up and put one in front of the other. There’s an emptiness inside of me that at times consumes me. My shrink tells me that I can’t dwell on the past; I need to move forward with my life. Easy for her to say, sitting in her cushy chair with her husband and house with the white picket fence.

For those times when I want to forget, which is quite often, I pick up a girl after work and let her blow me in the back seat of my Jeep. If she has a place of her own I let her take me there and for a few hours I forget about my fucked up life. I have mind-blowing and meaningless sex and walk out the door. I never take them to my place, never.

When you’re a lifeguard at one of the most popular beaches in South Carolina you can have your share of women anytime you want, and they are always wet and ready, just the way I like them. Don’t get me wrong—I take my job very seriously, but after I’m off the clock my time’s my own.

I’m heading over to Connor’s house to shoot some pool and have a few beers. He’s the only friend I trust with my deepest, darkest secrets and he doesn’t judge me. As I round the corner I see a few more cars than expected. I’m tempted to bail but pull into the driveway anyway.

“I thought for sure you weren’t going to show. ” I look up to see Connor leaning on the porch railing, smoking a cigarette.

“You know those things will kill you. ” Walking up the stairs I grab the cig and throw it to the ground, crushing it with my boot. “You told me last week you quit. What the hell?”

“I was doing great until Beth showed up. I needed something to calm my nerves. Did you know she was back in town?” He crosses his arms and studies my reaction. If looks could kill I’d be dead.

Running my hand through my hair I let out a groan. “No, I didn’t know she was in town. We haven’t spoken since the day she stormed out of your house. ” Beth had been one of our best friends until Connor took it to the next level and fucked it up.

“Well, she came back to tell me she’s pregnant and swears the baby’s mine. ” He looks so miserable that the only thing I can think of is to get him far away from here, now.

Throwing my arm over his shoulder I say the only thing that comes to mind. “You need to get the fuck out of here for a few hours, so let’s go to The Sands for a couple of beers. ” So much for a boring Friday night of playing pool. Shit.

My eighteenth birthday was a whirlwind to say the least. After the impromptu party that Ashley and her mom gave me—I got my cell phone—and all the tears, hugging and promising to keep in touch, they dropped me off at the airport. To say I was nervous would be an understatement; I’ve never flown before and I’m meeting my father whom I haven’t seen in two years.

When I hear the pilot’s announcement letting us know we are ready for takeoff I can’t help but feel a sense of sadness wash over me. My mom wasn’t even home to say goodbye or wish me a happy birthday. This shouldn’t bother me considering we never had a relationship, but some small part of me wanted her to be there. She never physically abused me, but she left me scarred for life emotionally.

After the plane takes off I reach inside my carry-on bag for my Kindle, hoping that reading a good book will make the time go by faster. It doesn’t take long before my eyes feel heavy. I didn’t sleep well last night.

“Miss, we’ve landed. You can de-board now. ” I feel someone lightly shaking my arm.

“I’m sorry; I must have dozed off. Thank you. ” Giving her a shy smile I stretch to work out the kinks in my neck before getting up. I can’t believe I slept through the whole flight. Standing up on shaky legs I feel the butterflies circling in my stomach. This is the beginning of my new life.

As I step off the plane I anxiously search the crowd for my father. I’ve only seen him a handful of times since he left, truly making him a stranger. I have no clue what I should call him but I have to decide like yesterday since he’s standing ten feet away from me.

“Riley, it’s so good to see you. How was your flight?” He leans into me, giving me an awkward hug and kiss on my cheek.

“I was asleep for the whole flight. ” Whenever I’m embarrassed my cheeks blush instantly.

“I know this move can’t be easy for you so your friends are welcome to come for a visit, anytime,” he says, smiling down at me.

“That would mean a lot to me, thank you. ” My thoughts wander to the only true friends I have—Ashley and her mom.