Because (Seven Year Itch #4) (7 page)

Chapter 9

I’m confident that after what happened between us last night Shay has calmed down. I’d hate to come home after a long day and deal with more bullshit, but I’m always prepared for anything when it comes to my wife.

I know she’s not home when I pull into the driveway and find her car gone. It’s not unusual for her to run out to the store because she forgot some ingredient for what she’s making for dinner. I turn off the ignition and climb out of the car at the same time my neighbor is walking into my yard.

Miss Patsy is famous for asking me for favors, because she’s too old to do the things herself. She’s been a widow for the past five years, and Shay and I feel sorry for her. Her kids live out of state, so they’re no help to her. I offer her a smile when she gets close enough. “Hi, Miss Patsy. How are you today?”

“I’m good, Brandon. I’m doing real good, all except for my hip. It gives me hell every time it rains.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Is there something I can do for you?” I’m still in my work Khakis and a polo shirt, so if it’s a dirty job I’ll have to go inside and change. I hope it’s something small like changing a light bulb.

“I was just wondering how long Shayla will be gone.”

I shrug. “I’m not real sure. She didn’t say she had to be anywhere.”

She gives me an inquisitive gaze. “From the amount of luggage she was loading into the car I assumed she was going on a trip.”

I don’t hesitate. I leave the old lady standing in my driveway while I bolt for my back door. Once inside I see the white folded piece of paper on the kitchen table. It isn’t addressed, but it’s obvious it was meant for me. I sit down and stare at it for a second before opening it.

Brandon,

This has been a long time coming. You and I both know it. I can’t keep going like this. As much as our family means to me, I have to leave. We can’t be in the same room together unless we’re fighting or fucking. That’s no way to live.

The truth is, I’m not happy. Neither are you. We’re making each other miserable. I love you, but it’s not enough. I think we both know that much.

I’ll be staying at my parent’s house until I can figure out what to do next. Give me some time and we’ll get a schedule in order for Aberdeen. I’d like to keep this amicable for her benefit. She’s going to be devastated, so it’s important we still work together to show her we can still love her the same from separate homes.

For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for my part in this. You’ve been good to me, but it’s never been enough. I’ve settled for too long. I hope you won’t fight me. Maybe one day you’ll appreciate that I made this decision for the both of us. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

Shayla

I swallow the lump in my throat and read it again. Is she serious? She thinks she can leave me without discussing it like normal adults?

I pick the phone from my pocket and call her. It rings two times before she answers.
“I guess you’re home.”

“What the hell are you doing, Shay?”

“I’m not getting into this with you. Our daughter wants to stay with you tonight. Where do you want to meet?”

“Meet? Why can’t you bring her to me?”

“Because that’s not how it’s going to work,” she argues.

My stomach hurts. I’m shaking, and if someone walks in front of me at this very moment I’ll rip their throat out. I’ve never been vulnerable, but this is torture. “Babe, don’t do this. Come home. We’ll figure it out together.”

I can tell she’s fighting her own emotions. “Bran, please. Just meet me somewhere.”

I hate this. I only found out she was gone minutes ago and I’m barely able to keep it together. This sucks. “Where?” I ask. I want to get Aberdeen home, but not just because it’s where she belongs. I hope her mother will follow.

“Meet me in the grocery store parking lot in thirty minutes. I promised Ab I’d get her a burger. We’re on the way there now.”

I imagine them having a special meal without me. She’s obviously taken our daughter out to butter her up. She wants Aberdeen on her side of this, and I’m not ready to let that happen. I won’t be the bad guy. “I’ll see you in half hour,” I say before hanging up.

I’ve had a change of plans after getting out of my work clothes. I throw on some jeans and a clean T-shirt and head in the direction of my child’s favorite fast food franchise. When I spot my wife’s car I know I’m in the right place. She’s asked me to meet her somewhere else, but I don’t follow directions well when I’m being forced to do something. If she thinks she can leave me without a fight I’m going to show her how difficult I can be.

I waste no time. I saunter in the place like I own it, scoping the tables to locate them. They don’t see me as I approach, but when my wife does catch a glimpse I can tell she’s pissed. I scoot in next to her and steal a fry from Aberdeen. It takes everything in me not to make a big deal out of it. “Look who we have here,” I tease.

“Daddy’s here,” Ab says as she smiles with two front teeth missing.

“Sorry I’m late.”

I watch Shay roll her eyes. She’s pissed. If I didn’t know any better I’d say she’s also amused. Unbeknownst to me, I’ve gone out of my way for her attention. It’s exactly what she’s been asking me to do for years. She shakes her head. “I told you to meet me in the parking lot, Bran.”

“That wasn’t going to work for me.”

She leans over to speak directly to our daughter. “Why don’t you take the rest of your fries and go play in the funhouse while Daddy and I talk?”

She seems excited. Usually we make her finish eating first. We both watch her leave the area before I’m given the stink eye. Shay shoves me. “You’re an asshole.”

I laugh. “Just stop being stupid and come home where you belong.”

“Why? Why would I want to be there? All we do is fight. It’s redundant.”

Even if I don’t know for sure, I feel like this is a test to see how I’ll react to her leaving. I’m not sure if I should be mad, or do what it takes to please her so she’ll stop being ridiculous and come home with me. “Shay, I can give you plenty of reasons why you shouldn’t leave.”

“Are any of them unselfish? Doing your laundry, packing your lunches, and making sure you’re taken care of isn’t what I’m talking about. Give me another reason. I’m not asking for a lot. Just start with one.”

I shrug. “Because I don’t want you to leave. Isn’t that enough?” I wait for her response, though I already know it’s not what I want to hear.

“No. Not anymore. I’m sorry,” she says as she stands and puts her purse over her shoulder. She waves for Aberdeen to come back to the table. It’s obvious she’s not happy she has to stop playing in the germ infested tubes.

“How long do you think this will last?”

“Bran, I don’t know, and I’m done talking about it. I need time.”

“How much time?”

Her apprehension scares me. She shrugs but won’t answer.

“So you’re leaving me? That’s how it’s going to be? We’re done? All the years of bickering and you pick today to leave? What triggered it? What did I do that was the last straw? How am I supposed to fix this?”

“You can’t. This should have happened a long time ago, but I kept telling myself it would get better. It’s not getting better. I’m tired of holding out hope that you’ll change. I’m sick of hating the way I feel about myself. You want reasons, there you go. There’s two good reasons why I’m not giving in. We’re done discussing this tonight, Bran. The damage is done. Our daughter is coming back, so put on a happy face like we’re okay.”

I’m clenching my jaw to keep my thoughts at bay. She still hasn’t told me what triggered this. Not even twenty four hours before we were in bed together, and now she’s about to walk out of my life like she doesn’t give a damn about me. If she’s trying to hurt me it’s working.

Shayla fixes Aberdeen’s hair when she gets back to the table. She leans down and kisses our daughter before looking back at me. I hate how she’s acting like everything is okay, as if we’ve agreed to this separation. She wants me to put on a brave face and pretend I’m content. I don’t know if I can look into my daughter’s eyes and lie to her. It’s not right.

Shayla keeps her cool as she speaks again, but I can tell she’s about to fall apart. I’ve seen that look before. She’s fighting tears, and it’s only a matter of time before she loses it. “I’m going to go since you’re here. Do you need me to come by to put her on the bus in the morning or do you think you can manage it on your own?”

My brow furrows. I’m pissed she thinks I can’t take care of our daughter without her help. “You don’t have to come by. I can handle it.” I want to prove to her that I’m capable. She thinks I’m worthless, so it’s important I show her I’m not.

“Good. I’ll pick her up like I did today and we’ll figure out where she wants to stay tomorrow night and so on. I’m sure after a few weeks we’ll be able to come up with a schedule that works for us both without having to get the courts involved.”

Wait a minute. She’s talking like she knows she’s not coming back. Weeks? Is she seriously going along with this idea of hers? Is my wife leaving me for good? I’m not happy about this, and it’s probably flashing across my face like a neon sign. “If that’s what you think is best.”

She nods. “It is.” Shayla manages to give me another fake smile. I can see that she’s about to break down. It’s killing me not to be able to take her in my arms and make the pain go away, even when I know I’m the reason.

“I love you.” It comes out sudden, but exactly at the right time. “You know where to find us.”

She walks out of the restaurant abruptly. I grit my teeth and avoid eye contact with Aberdeen for a few seconds to control my emotions. This is like a kick to the balls. How am I supposed to act like nothing is wrong around my child when I have no idea what the hell is going to happen? If my wife doesn’t change her mind, what am I supposed to do? Does she expect to move on? Is there someone already in her life?

I’m hurt. It’s sudden and unexpected. I’m going to need time to figure out what I want to do to save my family. Right now I’ll give her the space she requires, but I can’t hold out forever. I refuse to. I’m a man with needs, and after seven years of sticking around, I feel like she owes me more than a quick goodbye.

Chapter 10

I don’t even make it to my car before I break down. I stand in the middle of the parking lot with my hands covering my face. I feel like I can’t hold my weight up, so I make a dash for the driver’s side door. I manage to climb in my vehicle, start it up, and pull around to the back of a hardware store so Brandon and Aberdeen don’t see me when they leave the restaurant. Then I sob like I’m watching everything I love slip away from me. In so many ways I’m taking that risk.

I feel like this is a mistake. Brandon showed up to be with us. He could have met me where I asked him and I wouldn’t have been angry. He’s clearly proving he can be the man I need him to be, but I know it’s only a temporary fix. He’s only doing this because he’s scared. It doesn’t mean anything has changed, it only shows me he’s capable. It proves I’m right. When Brandon wants something he’ll do whatever it takes. Clearly, he hasn’t wanted to save our relationship for a very long time. He’s settled. We’ve been living in a monotonous circle.

I’m doing this for us. I’m not being selfish. I can’t take anything for granted. This is my life, and in my heart I’m determined to repair it.

Torn to pieces, I manage to finally get it together enough to make it to my parent’s house. I wipe my eyes like windshield wipers in a storm. They burn and feel swollen when I try to blink. My chest hurts, and I’m shaking. I know my blood pressure is on the verge of sending me to the ER, but I push the worry of that aside. I can’t add to my already filled plate.

I park out on the street and walk up the long driveway. My dad is working in the garage with the door open. As I get closer I wipe my eyes and notice a brisk breeze against my face. It’s comforting to the burn I’m feeling, so I stand for a second to let it soothe me.

Leave it to my dad to linger outside in the cold for one of his manly projects.

When he spots me he invites me inside by waving his hands. “Hey honey. Your mom said you were coming back tonight.” He slides a wheeled stool in my direction for me to sit. It’s what he uses when he’s sitting at his metal desk doing small repairs. “Do you feel like talking about it?”

Unlike my mother, my dad is a little more open. He doesn’t think life is fixed with a little Duct tape and a lot of overlooking. He’s done things in his life that he regrets, which makes him the perfect person to confide in. “I left Brandon today, Dad. I’m sure Mom told you.”

“Yeah she mentioned it when I got home. She also called Susan, so be warned. You’ll probably be getting a call from her before the night is over.” Susan is my mother-in-law. Of course my mother wouldn’t take my word for it. She had to get right on the phone and run her mouth so the whole family was involved. This was going to escalate quickly. Soon they’ll all be against me.

“Mom thinks I should go home.”

He continues to work as he replies. “Yeah, your mom is a hard one to convince. Why’d you leave? Is it something that can be fixed or do I need to go rough up my son-in-law?”

I manage a smile. “No. You don’t need to hurt Bran. I left for more than one reason. I’d like to put all the blame on him, but it’s only half of it. Dad, I don’t know who I am anymore. How can my husband love me when I don’t even love myself?”

He finally stops what he’s doing and gives me his full attention. “Well I know who you are. You’re my beautiful daughter.”

“Thanks, but you know it’s more than that. I’m lost, and I can’t be around Brandon to figure it out. I need a breather, and while I’m working on myself I want him to do the same. We don’t like each other right now, and I can’t live like that anymore. I’m tired of pretending we’ll be okay. It’s getting worse. Not to be too personal, but all things can’t be fixed with sex.”

He chuckles. “It’s man thing, honey. We’re wired differently.”

“His priorities aren’t in order, and I’m sick of hoping he’ll change. I feel like he doesn’t appreciate me. I’m difficult to live with. I don’t trust him, because I assume he can do so much better.”

“Sometimes we have to lose something to understand it’s value. Trust me, I know from experience.” He pauses for a minute and rubs his thigh as if he’s uncomfortable. “I’m not going to ask if either of you have been unfaithful. I’d rather not know the details, but you need to hear this from me just this once, Shayla. We’re human and we all make mistakes. Not a day goes by where I don’t regret the pain I caused your mother years ago, but she’s forgiven me, even when I can’t forgive myself. I don’t know your situation, but if you love each other you can overcome adversity, no matter what the case. Don’t give up without trying every route first.”

I reach my hand out and touch his. “Thanks, Dad. That’s a lot better advice than Mom gave earlier.”

“Your mother is a romantic. She wants to ignore the bad in people in order to keep up appearances. She can’t help it. She’s not able to handle failure.”

I sniffle, but manage to hold back another bought of tears. “I’m determined to fix this. Brandon can promise me the world, but it’s never going to repair what’s broken inside of me. I have to do that myself. It’s going to be hard, but this fight isn’t just for me. It’s for my family.”

“Is there anything I can do to help make it easier?”

“Don’t buy junk food. Don’t let me binge eat. If you see me sitting around moping, make me get up.”

“We all need a snack every once in a while.”

I shake my head. “This is important to me. From this moment on I’m changing my life. I need to be healthy first. It’s time I lose the rest of this excess baby weight. I’m going to start running every morning like I did in high school. I want to get back in shape. Are you up for the early morning challenge? Do you want to do it with me?”

He sticks out his arms and flexes his biceps on either side, feeling one with a sarcastic look on his face. “I could use a tune-up.”

“Good.” I stand up and pat him on the shoulder before leaning over to kiss his cheek. “Be up at five. I need to workout before getting Aberdeen ready for school in the mornings she’s here. Thanks for the talk, Dad. It really means a lot.”

I leave my dad in the garage and head into the warm house. He’s going to regret agreeing to be my run buddy, but I’ll force him to do it because I need the support.

I can smell the remnants of something Italian, but don’t dare go in the kitchen to see what it is. My mother sounds like she’s doing the dishes, so I sneak down the hallway to my bedroom.

From now on I’m steering clear of carbs, sugar, and fatty meats. If I want to be the woman I used to be, I need to start from the outside and work my way to my mind. I have to treat this like it’s the only way to save my marriage. Brandon may say he’s content with the way I look, but I’m not. I know I can be better. I don’t just want his approval, I want him to look at me and be proud to be seen with me. I want him to feel like he can’t get better. I need to be everything he fell in love with and more. I’m older. I’m wiser. I’ve given birth to his only child. What I’m looking for isn’t far-fetched. It’s possible if I stick to the plan and see it through.

I only hope he can keep it in his pants long enough to wait for me, but if he doesn’t at least I’ll know I love myself again. I’ll be able to accept what I couldn’t change in my husband, and appreciate the things I learn along the way.

I’m praying it’s as easy as I think it can be, but nothing ever is.

Day one is in the books and I’ve survived. I’ll probably shed more tears before falling asleep, but I don’t give in and head home. One way or another, I’m doing this for me. I have to.

As soon as I change and slip under the covers I hear my phone vibrating. I know it’s either my mother-in-law or my husband, and as much as I want to ignore it, I open the message anyway.

It’s a text from Brandon. My stomach flutters where I see his name appear.

I hate this. You should be here with us. Ab’s been crying all night. She thinks we’re getting a divorce. Is this what you want? Is this how it’s going to be? – Bran

I don’t want to, but I feel the need to write back, even if it causes a fuss. I can’t sleep knowing my daughter is a mess. I feel awful about it and wonder if I should rush over to soothe her. Her fears are normal and expected. I knew this would happen, so I take a few deep breaths and reassure myself that this will pass. She’s going to be okay no matter what, because she has two parents that would do anything for her.

I didn’t set out to hurt my family, if that’s what your asking. You said you would give me time. I’m doing this to make things better. We both knew she’d be sad. It’s the first night. We’ll get on a good schedule and it be easier for her. – Shay

I watch my message get opened and then the phone shows that he’s writing back.

Please come home. – Bran

No. Please don’t ask me again. I’m turning off my phone. If there is some kind of medical emergency call the house number. If not, I’ll talk to you tomorrow morning. I’ll call before she gets on the bus. – Shay

This isn’t going to help our marriage. It’s going to end it. Mark my word. This is all on you. – Bran

He’s getting mad. I expect this to happen, so I suck it up and turn off my device. I’m not going to go back and forth with him for hours, and I’m definitely not going to jump in my car and run home to him. I’m sure I’ll wake up to more messages, but for now it’s quiet.