Becca (10 page)

“So why did you wait so long to tell me, if you knew from way back then?”

“I was scared. I didn’t want to lose you as a friend. And I knew you could never feel the same way because you’re straight.”

“You could never lose me as a friend.” she said. She looked over at me and smiled through her tears. “It’s so weird. I’ve never once thought about being with a girl.” she said. She laughed. “But someone confesses being in love with you and you kinda can’t help at least thinking about that, what it would be like.”

“I’m sorry, Tasha. I should never have said anything.”

“I’m glad you told me. I don’t want you to ever filter yourself because of me, Becca. You are the most important person in the world to me.”

“Your parents...”

“Are probably dead. Even if they’re not, I think losing them would be easier than losing you. I don’t know who I am if you’re not here.” She kinda laughed, but it had no humor in it. “That sounds so lame.”

“I know what you mean, though. In my head we’ve always been a team. Rebecca and Natasha. Never just one or the other. When you have something good happen, I feel so happy. And when you have something make you sad, I feel that way too.”

“Exactly.”

What’s it going to do to her if I do get sick? If I split up the team. I expect her to take care of Bridget, but who’s going to take care of Tasha?

“The thought wasn’t bad.” she said.

“What thought?”

“The idea of being with a girl. I mean you, not just any girl.”

“What?”

“I just imagined things, like
life
, ya know? All the points people usually care about. Marriage, kids, getting old, being sick in the hospital. I imagine it with a guy usually. But since you made your revelation, I’ve forced myself to imagine it with you.”
 

“Oh?”

“It wasn’t bad. I thought it would be, I thought I would spend the whole time with images of a guy popping in there, but it didn’t happen. I imagined us together, and it... I was happy.” She rubbed her eyes and laughed. “And confused.”

“I guess so.”

“I like guys, Becca. I’m straight.”

“I know. It’s okay.”

“I might make an exception.”

An exception? What is she talking about? An exception to what, then? Is this me dying, the confusion that comes with the insanity of that disease?

“What?” I finally asked. I felt tears trickling down my face.

“It would be hard for me, Becca. And there may be times, days even, when I have to be left alone. When I’ll need to just stop and reevaluate what I feel. And I may even just decide one day that I can’t do it any more, ya know? But... I love you. And I don’t know if it’s in that way, or even if it could ever be in that way, but if you want to try, I’d be okay with that.”

“Th-this isn’t just... because I’m dying?”

“You’re not. If you were going to get sick I think you would have by now.”

“Then, um, why are you telling me this now?”

“I don’t know. Because today I thought I’d lose you and it killed me.” She laughed again, another nervous laugh, and then she nodded over at the others. “And the thought that you would end up with her was just... awful.”

“
So
not going to happen.”
 

“I’m glad you say so, but honestly I wasn’t going to let it anyway.” she said.

“So, um... well... are you sure about... this?”

“No.” she said, laughing. “Have you not been listening? But I want to try it.”

“Are you sure you want to try?”

“Yes, Becca, I am.”

“So... so what do we do now?”

“Well, I was thinking we wake the others up and send them up to bed. That cannot be comfortable. And then we should probably get some rest, too.”

“I don’t... I mean I’m not sure I can guard tonight, Tasha. I don’t know if I can be trusted yet. Wait ‘til tomorrow to see if I’m sick, okay?”

“At some point we’re going to figure out a way to not need a guard every night. At least if we’re going to stay. An alarm or something, maybe?”

“With what electricity?”

“Well isn’t there some kind of battery powered thing we can get? You’re the brains behind this operation, Becca, you tell me.”

We got up and I was going to wake the others, but Tasha grabbed my hand. She kind of smiled at me, and I think she was blushing. Hard to tell in what little light we had from the lantern.

“What do you want to tell them?” she asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean us. Like... we’re together.”

“Whatever makes you feel most comfortable, Tasha.”

“I guess we can tell them.” She pulled me close and wrapped her arms around me. “They’ll notice soon enough, anyway.”

“Oh will they?”

“Well... I mean I kinda figured you’d want to, um, kiss me?” she said. She’s looking at my feet. “I mean if I’m your girlfriend now, or whatever. I sort of figured we could get the first one out of the way now.”

“No.”

“No?” She looked up. “But...”

“First, you need to think about this and be sure.”

“I am, Becca.”

“And I have no idea if I’m sick. I won’t take a chance on infecting you.”

“You’re not sick.”

“We’ll wait.”

“Um, okay.”

“Besides, we’ve kissed before.”

“When?” she asked. She’s giving me one of those ‘you’re nuts’ looks.

“In fifth grade,”

“The play!” She said. “Yeah, we did. Did I thank you?”

“Yes, you did.”

She was in a play in fifth grade, and she was supposed to be kissed by a boy. She was scared, and she needed to practice the scene, so I stood in for the boy. It bothered me for a while that I had to pretend to be a boy to get her to kiss me.

“We should wake them.” I said.

“I guess.” She stepped back and laughed. “I’ve never actually said I was in a committed relationship before.”

“You still haven’t.”

“Did you forget the part where I just said I was your girlfriend?”

“
Or whatever
, you said.”

“Well I’m still adjusting to this idea, okay?”

“I’m just happy you want to try it at all, Tasha.” I bent down and shook Bridget. “Bridge. Hey, wake up honey.”

“Hm?” she asked. Her eyes went wide and she reached for the gun as she sat up.

“No, Bridget, I’m okay.”

“Oh.” She started crying. “Thank God.”

“For now, anyway. We’ll see tomorrow.”

“What time is it?”

“Late. Why don’t you go upstairs to sleep.”

“Are you sure?” Bridget asked. 

“Yeah, go on.”

“Um,” She stuck the gun out toward me.

“Not yet. I don’t want that until I’m sure I’m not going to go psycho on everyone.”

“She’s going to be fine.” Tasha told her. “I promise. She’s just being extra careful because she wants to protect you.”

“I want to go back and see if Mom is home.” David mumbled. He was still half asleep. “She might be there now.”

“Maybe some day.” I told him. “Go upstairs and go to bed, David.”

“Go on up, David.” Amber told him. She gave him a little hug. “I’m staying down here.”

“No, you go upstairs, too.” Tasha told her.

“I’m not leaving Becca.”

It’s really sweet that she feels like that about me, but I can’t help her. I wish I knew what to do about this. She clearly is just crushing on me because of this hero worship thing, but it’s getting old. I’m glad I didn’t make Tasha feel like this.

“Go up to bed, Amber.” I said.

“I want to stay with you.”

“You need to go to bed.”

“I want to be with you, Becca.”

“She’s taken!” Tasha snapped at her. “Give it up.”

Amber locked eyes with me for a second, and her look went from angry that I was making her go up to bed, to angry because I didn’t choose her. I think she’s embarrassed, too. She looked over at Tasha, then back at me, and then she crawled over the back of the sofa and hurried up the stairs.

“Amber, wait!” I yelled after her.

“I could have handled that better.” Tasha said. She sighed loudly and sat on the sofa. “I’m sorry, Becca.”  

“So you two are together now?” Bridget asked. “When did this happen? I’m never sleeping again, I miss too much.”

“We’re just... trying it.” I said.

“So what, I’m going to wind up alone for the rest of my life, and you have two people who want you. That’s fair.”

“Well David’s your age.” Tasha pointed out.

“Shut up, Tasha! I don’t want her getting ideas.”

“Okay, gross.” Bridget said.

“You’re thirteen. If we don’t have more available boys around for you by the time you’re seventeen we will go on a trip, okay? We’ll scour the country until my little sis finds a guy that meets her standards.”

“I’m going to remember you said that, Becca.”

“Okay, good. So go up to bed. Take that gun with you. Tasha, go up to bed. I’ll keep watch.”

“With no gun?” Tasha said. ”Becca, that’s stupid.”

“I’ll be fine. If anyone shows up, I’ll scream.”

“I don’t like this.”

Friday, April 15
^th
 

I still feel like I could get sick. I’m scared, but it’s mostly gone. It looks like I might be

okay. Which is great, actually. So I’m making a cake for everyone to celebrate. Believe it or not, this place has a propane stove, so it still works.

“Smells wonderful.” Tasha said.

“Thank you.”

“And the cake smells good, too.”

“Did you sleep well?”

“I did.”

“Are you, um, still sure you want to... try to be my girlfriend?”

“I’m sure.”

“Good.” I pulled her close and leaned in and gave her a quick kiss. “I don’t think I’m going to infect you at this point.”

“I like that.” She kissed me quickly. “You’re so much softer than the guys I’ve kissed.”

“Guys? As in plural? I know about Mike. And Justin, from the play, I guess.”

“And there was Joey and Robert.”

“Oh. I didn’t know. You never told me?”

“I was humiliated about Robert. I mean that was sixth grade, and he really didn’t even ask, he just did it.”

“And Joey?”

“That was last year, in school actually. And I was going to tell you, but I got distracted.” She kissed me again. “That’s the day Mom and Dad told me we were moving away.”

“Get a room.” Amber whined. She came in and sat at the table. She’s been in a really bad mood since she found out Tasha and I were together now.