Bedded Bliss (Found in Oblivion Book 1) (29 page)

“I was. I’d started to, and then there was you. You’ve already given him experiences he never would have had. He never had anyone who was like a father to him.”

Something akin to hope surged in Michael’s chest. “He had Nick.”

“Nick is a friend to me, and to my son. But he was never like a father. He didn’t tuck him in at night and hold him while he cried.” She let out a watery laugh. “He didn’t tell Axl he was going to use a flamethrower to kill the two-headed monster in his closet.”

“You heard that, huh?” He had to chuckle. “That was a bit of a pop fly, but hey, it seemed to work—hey, hey,” he said as she plastered herself to his chest. “What?” He stroked her hair. “What is it?”

“I could withstand you. It wouldn’t be easy, and I’d probably wish I could punch myself in the face later on. But I could do it. What I can’t withstand is you loving my baby. You
wanting
to love him, when I was never sure anyone would but me and my Daddy.” She made a muffled sound against his throat. “Snake did. He would have, but God, he died and left us. He made another choice and picked something that was more important to him than me and his kid. I know it wasn’t entirely his fault, but he still did it. And ever since, I’ve been trying not to blame myself for not being enough to save him.”

Michael gripped her shoulders and eased her back though he wanted nothing more but to enfold her in his arms and never let go. But she needed to see his eyes. To know he was being honest. “You can’t save someone else. It’s not possible. You can love someone, and you can stand with them, and you can try to help. At the end of the day, it’s their decision. Yours was to take care of the baby you’d made. You hadn’t planned Axl.”

She shook her head. “No.”

“You never expected him, and he turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to you. Just like that night in Vegas for me. Except I got a two-for-one deal.” He tipped up her chin as it quivered. Her eyes were swimming yet her tears never fell.

She had the biggest balls of anyone he’d ever known. Way bigger than his own.

“He chose drugs. I don’t know all of the particulars of the story, but I know that much. I know he used for a long time, and he gave up the two best people he could have ever had in his life. I won’t. There’s nothing I would ever choose over you or Axl.”

She shook her head. “You could change your mind.”

“Not gonna happen. When I know, I know. You don’t have to know yet, and that’s fine. We have forever to—”

“Haven’t you been listening at all?” Her exasperation made him grin, especially when she followed it up with a swift whack to the gut. “I know, and it scares the hell out of me. Taking a risk that could hurt him is selfish.”

“He’s not going to get hurt. You’re not going to get hurt. Me, on the other hand…” He shook his head. “You just bruised my stomach, Red.”

“You can take it.”

“Probably.” He gripped her hand and kissed her knuckles. “I most likely won’t sue. I wouldn’t mind a couple sexual favors though.”

“I just bet you wouldn’t.” She grinned up at him and slipped her hand behind his neck. His favorite fucking thing in the world was the way she pulled him down to her for a kiss. No matter how many times she did it, every time he got hard as a damn baton. “I suppose that could be arranged—”

The shrill cry had them breaking apart and dashing out of the kitchen toward Axl’s room. They struggled to get out of the kitchen doorway at the same time, then grasped at each’s other clothes to push and shove their way down the hall. Michael stepped into Axl’s room first by a hair and found Axl pointing at his dresser. He wasn’t even crying. “Lego.”

Chloe inched past Michael and scooped up Axl. “The Lego hurt you?”

“No. Lego.” He pointed at the dresser again and Michael kneeled down to look underneath the dresser.

Sure enough, a red Lego sat beneath it.

He grabbed the play piece and stood to give it to Axl, who beamed the second his chubby fingers closed around it.

“You screamed because you couldn’t get your toy?” Chloe asked with a heavy sigh. “Though we shouldn’t have left you alone so long anyway.”

“No, we shouldn’t have.” Michael whipped out his phone and swiped through screens. “Ordering that baby monitor. Maybe we should spring for a camera too?”

“I think we’re good for now.” Still holding Axl, Chloe came closer and gave Michael an uncertain look. Then she reached up and grasped his neck, bringing him down to her mouth again. The kiss she gave him was decidedly more chaste than it would’ve been if they’d still been in the kitchen, but Michael had no complaints.

Axl screwed up his mouth as if he was deciding how he felt about what he’d seen. Then he stretched out his arms toward Michael. “Kiss.”

Michael’s stomach twisted as if he’d been pummeled by two tiny fists. He had been, for all intents and purposes.

Michael tucked his phone into his pocket, then lifted the baby out of Chloe’s arms and gave him a loud smacking kiss. Axl giggled and flung his arm at his mouth to wipe it away, but he was all smiles.

So was Chloe.

Switching Axl to his hip, Michael slung his arm around Chloe’s shoulders. “So you guys off to the store?” He buried his face in Axl’s red hair. The smells of baby powder and Michael’s minty soap clung to the kid and made him ridiculously happy.

Everything did.

“Yeah, we’re low on supplies. I wanted to get a pork loin for dinner, and someone needs diapers.” She poked a finger into Axl’s Mickey Mouse-covered belly.

Axl scrunched up his nose. “No.”

“Yes. You’ve got a ways to go until you’re potty trained, bucko.”

Axl glanced up at Michael. “No.”

He had to laugh. “At least his mind is made up.”

At the front door, he passed the baby to Chloe and decided to test his luck by drawing her in for another kiss, equally as chaste. Axl showed his approval by pushing his face in between for a kiss of his own.

Chloe grinned and picked up the baby bag she left beside the door. “So rehearsal today?”

“Yeah, all day probably. Show Friday night at Vista.”

“Cool. Maybe we’ll stop by for a little while.”

Unreasonable pride swelled Michael’s chest. A music studio wasn’t the typical workplace for a dad to show off to his kid—and fuck if that wasn’t weird to think, but nice—but it still counted. “Really?”

“Sure. If we won’t be in the way.”

“Are you kidding me? You’ll inspire me to new heights.” He kissed her once more then planted on Axl’s forehead. “Be good for your mama at the store, all right, Ax-Man?”

Axl smiled sweetly. “No.”

“Sounds about right.” Chloe huffed out a breath and threw the strap of the baby bag over her shoulder. “Good luck at rehearsal. See you later.”

Love you.

He nearly said the words. They were right there, but at the last second, he swallowed them. “Thanks. Have fun shopping.”

She rolled her eyes. “Funny man.”

He shut the door and pried his cell out of his pocket. Instead of completing the order still on his screen once he swiped the phone awake, he just stood there and grinned. Dopily, he was sure.

Being nominated for a Spectrum award hadn’t made him half as frigging happy, and he’d been over the moon for that one.

He loved Chloe and Axl, and he was pretty sure Chloe loved him back. On the way anyway. Axl was harder to peg, but he’d take his chances there too.

They had time. All the time in the world.

Michael completed the baby monitor purchase and started to slip his phone back into his pocket. He needed to get his stuff together for rehearsal, and shit, he was still hungry. Maybe he’d slap together a sandwich and stick it into one of those little plastic containers Chloe left everywhere for Axl. She had enough little boxes and baggies for Axl’s snacks to keep him fed for a month.

The ring tone for his father sounded and Michael sighed. So much for his good mood continuing until practice. Then again, when better to deal with his father than when he was capable of deflecting anything rude he might have to say?

Forget might. Martin Shawcross used rudeness to keep people in line as a rule. In a case like this, he’d be in super attack mode. All he’d be concerned about was Chloe not getting a chance to put a finger on his precious money. Nothing else would make a difference. Especially not his son’s happiness. That was probably at the bottom of the list.

He clicked to accept the call. “Hi Dad.”

“So you finally deigned to answer me, Michael.”

“Can’t answer a phone call you haven’t made. You’re the one who chose to text.”

“I was between meetings. I’ve been out of the country.”

“Yes, so I’ve been told. Thanks for sharing ahead of time. I might’ve called to tell you about Mom if I hadn’t been informed by your secretary that you and your teen bride were gone yet again.”

The teen bride crack was rude and uncalled for. Petaluma or Petunia or whatever his father’s new wife was named wasn’t a teenager. She was at least twenty-one, he was almost sure. But since the best defense was a good offense, he was ready for the attack.

“Petula isn’t a teenager, and I don’t appreciate your tone. The fact that you’d take it with me after what you just did is laughable.”

“What I just did? What is that exactly?”

“You know what you did. You shacked up with a junkie’s ex, one who wouldn’t hesitate to filch every spare nickel she could use to provide for her bastard.”

Shock rendered Michael speechless for a full thirty seconds. “How dare you?” he spat. “You don’t even know anything about her. Hell, you don’t know a damn thing about me either if you think what we did is just ‘shacking up’. That’s what
you
do. Not me.”

“And how would I know? You’re not exactly forthcoming. You’re no better than Malachi nowadays.”

“Malachi was a lot smarter than I was. He stopped talking to you years ago.”

His father rolled over Michael as if he’d never spoken. “I called your mother, and she had no information to offer me about the situation as you hadn’t bothered to fill her in. So my next step was your former stepmother, as I know you’ve always been cozied up nice and tight to her bosom.”

The jab in his back wasn’t unexpected, nor was the feeling of betrayal. Of course Lila wouldn’t hesitate to badmouth Chloe. She would figure she was protecting Michael too.

Even if she gave ammunition to a complete asshole.

“And?”

“Lila wouldn’t tell me much. She’s spent too much time in recent years with trashy rockstar types, so I suppose she considers herself more part of that crowd now than a responsible parental figure for you. Besides, that wasn’t quite what you saw her as, is it?”

Michael gripped his phone to keep from pitching it at the wall. “You have no idea about my relationship with Lila, but I can guarantee we have more of a real one than you ever did with her—or any of the other females you trot out like fancy pet poodles.”

His father chuckled. “Right. Your relationship is so real that she didn’t even do her due diligence to help you out of an unfortunate mess. She just stepped back and let you live your own life, as she called it. Well, son, be grateful I’m not the same kind of person as your former stepmother. You’re always my first concern, not my own personal life.”

The irony of that made Michael choke out a laugh. There was absolutely no humor behind it whatsoever. “Right. Your personal life never mattered to you. That’s why you’re having baby number two with a woman you barely know while your sons are practically strangers. And why is that? Because you’ve proven where your priorities lay, and it’s never with your sons.”

“Speaking of babies and women you barely know, I want to reassure you. You’re not stuck, no matter how much you think you are.”

“I’m not fucking stuck. I’m right where I want to be. Axl is going to be mine, and Chloe is my wife—”

“Wrong answer. That baby is her brat, and not your responsibility. And Chloe Adams is not your wife.”

Michael barked out another laugh. “Because you say so? You weren’t fucking there. I have the marriage license and I have the rings—”

“You filed for a license, but you never married her. You got to the aisle, and you stopped it at the last minute. She never said I do, and neither did you.”

Pain slashed through him so fast that he nearly doubled over. Of course he’d said “I do”. He had to have said it. But of course he didn’t truly know.

Because he couldn’t fucking
remember
.

“You don’t know that. You can’t,” Michael breathed.

“I have proof. I have the video from the so-called ceremony. You didn’t know they did those, did you? Insurance for the ridiculous chapel that took your money and gave you nothing in return. No refunds. But they make sure to cover their own asses with video proof, in case the brand new bride and groom come back the next day and don’t remember taking their vows.”

Michael sucked in breath after breath and it didn’t clear away the dots forming in front of his eyes. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You’d be surprised.” His father’s tone turned taunting. “That wouldn’t be you though, right? After what your mother and I have done with our marriages, you would never be like us. You’d never get married on a whim. Isn’t that what you always said? I’m sure you loved your bride so much that you remember every single little detail. Isn’t that right, Michael?”

Michael clicked off and threw the phone against the wall just as he’d wished. When it hit the ground, he stomped on it with the heel of his boot, slamming it again and again until it was in pieces.

It didn’t matter. He could still hear his father’s sly voice echoing in his head.

“She never said I do, and neither did you.”

T
hree days
.

For three days, he’d known he wasn’t married.

Might as well have been a lifetime.

First, he’d struggled with the fact that he’d married a stranger. Who does that? A drunk asshole, that was who. Then when he’d begun to come to terms with that possibility, he’d had to face the reality that Chloe came with a baby. Axl was more of a toddler now, but still. He was damn small, and he had tons of needs, and Michael had never been around kids. Had never felt a huge draw toward them either. They seemed like too much trouble.

Loud. Impatient. Demanding.

Turned out they were all those things. At least Axl was. And it didn’t seem to make a bit of difference, because they were other things too.

Sweet. Loving. Soft.

Everything about Axl was so damn soft. His skin, his hair, his tiny fingers when they curled around Michael’s. Sometimes he pushed and shoved, but for the most part, he wasn’t too much of a wrestler.

At night, when Chloe gave him a bath and shampooed his hair into a mini faux hawk like Michael’s, he was pretty damn cute. And he smelled so good. Now and then he was even quiet.

Somewhere along the way he’d decided he liked having a wife and a child. Instead of feeling scared by being counted on, he’d discovered he enjoyed it. Life had more meaning when someone needed you. When you needed them right back.

And fuck, even beyond that, he
wanted
them around. He could live without them, sure. He’d gone through twenty-plus years without Chloe and Axl in his world. He could carry on if they were gone. But why should he? Chloe’s smiles made him feel like Superman. Axl’s laughter triggered his own every damn time, no matter what kind of a mood he came home in. And band shit ceased to be quite as important.

Like Lila’s not-so-subtle concern about Malachi’s whereabouts.

“Donovan’s talking about a full EP. He thinks the success of the ‘In Your Arms’ mix is a positive sign and that if you had more room to showcase your songs, you’d do even better. He’s even mentioned a real tour. Across the US, Michael. His goal is to put together a kind of a package concert with a couple of the Ripper acts to get you all more exposure.”

Michael scraped his fingers through his hair and leaned forward on the leather sofa in the studio. They’d been at it for hours to prep for tomorrow’s show at The Troubadour. After Guns ‘n Roses had played one of their reunion shows there, artists had been clamoring to get in. Lila had managed to book them a slot, and once again, working without a healthy drummer.

Ryan was back on the drums after the latest studio dude had split, citing creative differences, but he had to take lots of breaks. His failure to heal as fast as the doctors had hoped had sent him back to be checked out again, and they’d discovered he had a partial ligament tear. It wasn’t bad enough to warrant surgery—yet—but the splint he put on as soon as he was off the kit didn’t seem to be doing much.

All Michael could hope for was that he’d make it through tomorrow’s set, and then he’d try harder to reach Malachi. Even trying to find a dude who clearly didn’t want to be found was better than imagining what might be occurring behind the scenes with his father.

Martin’s cryptic texts certainly hadn’t reassured him.

M
S
: I told you the marriage hadn’t gone through so you wouldn’t find out on TV. People are digging into what happened besides me. It’s going to come out.

M
S
: Knowledge is a weapon. You can be proactive. Come up with a story now. That’s one thing Lila is good at, at least.

M
S
: This is the best ending for this story. In time, you’ll see. You’re free now.

F
ree
. Right. That was exactly what he was. He was free to not be married, though he liked it. He was free to not be tied to Axl and Chloe, though he ached for it with a fierceness that made no sense.

He’d wanted to keep the marriage going for two reasons—to save his shaky rep and because he didn’t believe in divorce. In no time, he’d stopped thinking about his rep and started thinking about the man he should be. One worthy of having a kid like Axl and a sweet, smart, beautiful wife.

Drinking wasn’t a part of his life anymore. Sleeping around absolutely wasn’t. His idea of trashing a place now meant building a fort of boxes with his son. In the process of becoming a decent man on paper, he’d become one in reality too.

And now he was supposed to be glad he was free. Christ.

“Maybe I can drive out to Encino tomorrow,” Michael said, popping the top on his cup of takeout coffee. “See if Mal’s still living in the last address I had for him. I don’t want Ry to get any more hurt because of all this.”

“Don’t worry about me.” Ry leaned across the back of the couch and jabbed a knuckle into Michael’s back. “Just worry about your situation.”

Michael shot his best friend a glance over his shoulder. He’d confided in Ry that morning after about the twenty-third time Michael had fumbled the bridge to “Exile” in spite of the fact he’d nailed it flawlessly for months. So of course Ry had to blab in front of Lila.

Why not? His life already sucked.

Lila crossed her legs and set aside her iPad. “You spoke to your father, I’m assuming.” She kept her voice low, and her blue eyes were surprisingly gentle.

Michael was so used to anything involving Chloe bringing out Lila’s claws that he was immediately on guard. “Yeah, so?”

“I didn’t tell him anything.”

Michael stared into the little hole on top of his cup. He needed a refill. His coffee had gone cold.

No, what he needed was a real drink. Why the hell was he being so careful with everything if he was just going to lose it anyway?

Just tell her. Don’t let her find out from someone else. You don’t know that she’ll leave.

He didn’t. They were making progress. The other day they hadn’t said “I love you” but they’d gotten close. At least he had. Then the thing had happened with his father, and he’d locked down his emotions and shut her out. Even knowing he was doing it hadn’t been enough to cause him to stop.

That morning, she’d mentioned maybe coming to rehearsal again with Axl. She’d come on Monday, and he’d been so on guard after his father’s phone call that he’d scarcely been able to get through practice. Somewhere around the fourth unsuccessful run-through of “In Your Arms”—thanks to Michael bungling his part each time—Chloe had finally made some excuse and escaped with the baby.

She was no better than Michael. She blamed herself every time stuff went wrong with them. Just like he did.

But cripes, he wasn’t going to lie to himself. If she wasn’t married to him, she definitely wouldn’t stay in his apartment. He knew that without a doubt. She’d tell him it was best if she found her own place, and she’d get a job, and both of those things would be great for her if they made her happy. But he had a sneaking suspicion if she didn’t have to stay around him, she wouldn’t. She’d go back to her own life, and the distance would grow between them until she convinced herself they’d been some flash in the pan based on necessity.

And he would lose the family he’d only just begun to feel like he had a chance to have.

It wasn’t like he didn’t know all the Oprah advice. His mother was big on all that BS.

Just let people go. If they don’t come back, they weren’t yours to begin with.

Stuff that sounded just awesome on paper but not nearly as great if it meant you’d end up fucking alone.

He’d practiced that with Mal. How long had he let him do his own thing and let him be? Felt like frigging forever. Sure, Mal had eventually shown up again when he needed something. He’d left again just as quickly.

Now his older brother might as well be in the witness protection program. And Chloe would saw off her own tongue before she came to him for help if they didn’t have those signatures binding them together. Even with them, she’d barely managed it.

So what the hell was he supposed to say to his stepmother? Yes, he’d talked to his father, and yes, he was denial, and no, he didn’t want her advice.

As the silence between him and Lila extended, Ryan cleared his throat. “Okay, so that’s my cue to leave. I’m going to grab a couple drinks from that café down the street. Need the walk to clear my head. You guys need anything?”

“Whisky would be good,” Michael muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You’re not drinking again,” Lila said. “You’re never going to hold on to Chloe if you self-medicate. You know that, right?”

Michael stared at her. “Self-medicate? Is that the California term you’re using now? I didn’t self-medicate. I drank because I needed—”

Not to think.

“It helped me have an even better time. Is that so wrong?”

Ryan cleared his throat again. “Guys, I’m going to take off. See ya in a few.”

“No. You’re an adult and you’re free to make your own choices. But with Chloe’s past with Snake, there is no way in hell she’d be with a man who abused any kind of drug or substance. Trust me, I know. After your father, at the first sign that Nick might be with someone else, I split. He wasn’t, and I jumped the gun. My psyche was sitting on the trigger because of my past.”

“No more Oprah, all right? I get enough of that in my own head.”

Lila’s brows knitted. “Oprah? Hardly. Try Lila Ronson. I’m just saying you’re going to make exactly what you don’t want to happen if you scurry back into a bottle.”

“How do you know what I want to happen?”

“I’ve been with you these past weeks. I’ve seen how you’ve changed. Just because your father threatened you doesn’t mean you have to use a grenade on your life first.”

“What do you mean he threatened me?”

She gripped her iPad until her fingers went white around the knuckles. “You know how Martin operates. He was never going to let you share his money with Chloe. Even if it’s your money by rights, thanks to the trust. That’s just not how he operates.” Briefly, she shut her eyes. “I’m sorry I ever appeared to be siding with him. I was just worried about you. I’m sure Chloe is a lovely girl. We just got off on a wrong foot because of Snake, and because of Nick.” She opened her eyes and stared directly into Michael’s. “Because I was jealous of her.”

Michael tightened his hand around his cup. “You’re admitting it?”

“She said some things to me on the plane ride back from Vegas that struck too close to home. I’ve had time to examine myself and my motivations. Talking to your father helped remind me of who I am—and who I’m not, and don’t ever want to be out of a misguided idea that I could possibly know what’s better for you than you do. I don’t. And even if I still believed I did, I’ve seen you these last weeks, Michael.” She leaned forward and squeezed his wrist. “You’ve been better with her. More yourself, the boy I used to know.” She sat back and sighed. “You were always too sweet. I worried about you.”

He started to argue the
sweet
label. What man wanted to be labeled sweet when you could be called badass like Malachi would be called? But he wasn’t badass. And drinking too much and being careless with people and possessions wouldn’t make him so.

“I didn’t know I’d want this.” He ground the heel of his hand into the ache in his temple. “I like having a family, L. My own family. How was I supposed to know how good it would feel, when I’d never had one like this before?”

“You weren’t. You couldn’t.” She sat forward and slid her arm around his shoulders. “You have no reason to beat yourself up for that. Your mom and dad and me—we all gave you horrible examples. You did the best you could with what you had available.”

His eyes were so dry that they burned. He’d cried after the phone call with his dad. He’d sat right on the fucking floor and buried his head in his hands, knowing full well he wasn’t going to have enough balls to be honest. The idea of spelling everything out to Chloe and facing the repercussions—fuck, he wasn’t man enough.

Would he
ever
be man enough to deserve them?

“I don’t want to lose her,” he said hoarsely. “He keeps telling me that I’m lucky to have a loophole, but it’s not a loophole. He searched for a way so his money wouldn’t be on the hook, and because I was drunk enough to get married to a near stranger, I was also drunk enough not to seal the deal.”

Lila rubbed his back, just like she had when he was twelve and pissed about getting cut from the JV football team. “You know that statement doesn’t make any sense.”

“I do.”

“But I still understand it.”

He turned his head and smiled. “Because you’re my mom.”

Her eyes sheened and he held up a hand. “Don’t. Do not cry, especially not because I’ve been a jerk to you for so long and now you think I’ve seen the light. I always saw it when it comes to you. You were the only good thing that came out of my father’s relationships. The only thing,” he repeated over the soft snick of the door opening. Ryan must be back from the café already. “Even when I hated them, I loved you.”

Lila didn’t respond. Probably some sort of mom sense made her turn around and drop her arm from his back. But it was too late.

Not because Chloe—and he knew it had to be Chloe, because he smelled her, for fuck’s sake—had witnessed something she shouldn’t. But he’d ripped the lid off his emotions, and the truth was right there, staring him in the face. He couldn’t tuck it away and pretend. He loved her too much, and she deserved honesty.

She deserved for him to grow up and be the man he’d never been capable of being before this very fucking second.

“Can you leave us alone?” he asked Lila. The rest of the band had scattered before their break, so for the next few minutes, he and Chloe would have studio B to themselves.

Handy that the walls were soundproof.

“Sure. Of course.” Lila rose and clasped her iPad to her chest, facing Chloe over the back of the sofa.

He still hadn’t looked yet. He couldn’t.

“Whatever you think you heard, you didn’t.” Michael shut his eyes. Chloe’s expression must have been every bit as stricken as he’d feared. “He’s my son.”