Before Now (Sometimes Never) (11 page)

I hear his
low, sexy chuckle and try not to shiver. He pulls the blanket out of my hand, allowing it to slide down my body slowly, almost teasingly. It’s like a soft caress that has me instantly turned on. “Lucy,” he says huskily. I peer at him out of one eye. But he’s not looking at my face. His gaze is glued to my body as he continues to drag the blanket further off me. He licks his lips and I can’t help my reaction to him. A chill runs over me. Goose bumps burst across my arms and legs, and my nipples tighten visibly. I’m thoroughly awake now.

Park makes a noise in his throat and finally meets my eyes. “Lucy,” he nearly chokes my name. “Please get out of my bed before I
do something very fucking stupid.”

My breathing is erratic.
My heart hammering in my chest. “How stupid?” I say thickly.

He moans and closes his eyes. “I don’t know,” he say
s softly. I can feel the desire in his stare when he finally looks at me. It’s pure hunger. “It’s starting to feel like the smartest move I could ever make.”

“Why
,” I whisper.

He growls. Oh, my God
, he growls and I lose all ability to breathe, or think, or…breathe. The blanket is swept away and Park lowers himself until he’s hovering just above me. His arms lock on either side of my head. “I can’t control myself when I’m near you,” he mutters.

“
Why do you try?”

H
is breathing races until it matches mine. He transfers his weight to one arm and traces his fingers over my face, from temple to chin. “Because you don’t do one night stands and I need a place to live.” And with that he pushes himself up, rolling away from me.

Right. Just a one night stand. That’s it. Nothing more.
I’m so close to shouting that I’ve changed my mind. Hell, I’m close to begging him to demoralize and corrupt me all day long.

But that’s not who I am.

I stare at the ceiling for several heart beats, trying to regain some sense of control over my raging libido. “I have to pick my brothers up today,” I say, turning my head to look at him. He raises a brow, but doesn’t respond. “Do you want to come with me?”

Now h
is brows pull together and he shakes his head. “Why?”

I sit up and hug my legs to my chest. Park eyes my legs before sitting
up beside me. “I like hanging out with you, Park,” I say honestly. “I know it’s dumb to you, and I’ll probably wind up being sorry, but I just…” I shake my head and bite my lip. “I want to be with you.”

His eyes narrow before he looks away. He glares at the floor
for an awkward amount of time. The room is so full of his silence, thick with indecision, I nearly suffocate on it. I stand up, feeling stupid for opening my mouth. His fingers wrap around my wrist and he sighs loudly.

“What time are you leaving
? I need a cold shower before I can go anywhere.”

I grin at him. “I need to leave by eleven,” I say as I head for the door.

“I’ll be ready,” he calls. I shudder, because the way he says it—it feels like he means so much more than the car ride.

***

“And where have you been, my slutty friend?” Bree sings as soon as I close the door. She crosses her arms, smirking at me. “I know you didn’t sleep in your bed last night. I know this because when I snuck in your window first thing this morning, your room was empty.”

“You stayed all night with Jessie?” I ask
, my voice filled with the surprise and excitement I’m currently feeling.

Bree grins and shakes her head. “Don’t change the subject on me. You did the deed with Park Reed.” She smiles at her little rhyme before forging on. “First, I want to say: It is about damn time you got laid. Secondly, I want every single detail.” She perches on the end of the couch and clasps her hands in her lap expectantly. “Is he as good as they say? What does he look like naked? Is it big? I bet it’s big.”

I toss my shoes in the pile by the door and pad to the other side of the couch. “Sorry to disappoint, but we didn’t have sex. We slept together—literally—and that is all.”

She eyes me skeptically. “I call bullshit. You might not have had sex, but there was more going on than sleeping. Spill.” She makes herself comfortable as if expecting some long, entertaining story and I sigh.

“He almost kissed me again.”

She grins knowingly. “And…?”

I take a deep breath and let it out in a rush. “And he didn’t.”

Her brows scrunch. “Okay, but there was touching and panting, right?”

“No. Well, he kind of touched my face for like a second, but that’s it. There may have been some heavy breathing, but mostly from me. For such a slut, he is irritatingly prude when it comes to me.”

“Why? You’re hot?”

I laugh at her dumbfounded expression. “Dare I say Park is kind of a good guy? He said I don’t do one night stands. And I think Jessie may have threatened to kick him out, too. I need to have a talk with him about that. He thinks this is Jared all over again.”

“Jared was a creep,” Bree says quickly.

“Yeah, I know,” I agree, remembering Jessie’s old roommate. He and I seemed to hit it off right away. We started dating and it was great until he realized it was going to take more than a few dates to get me to spread my legs. We had all gone to a party that Jessie was working—Bree, Jared, and I. I was having fun, drinking and dancing. When Jared led me into a room, I didn’t think much of it. It wasn’t the first time we had snuck off to talk. But he didn’t feel like talking anymore. This was our fourth date, and in his mind, I owed him. He was clumsy from the alcohol we’d consumed, pawing at me like a dog in heat. I had to shove him off me before he understood the word ‘NO.’ And then he had no issue hitting on my best friend. We were interchangeable in his mind and his bed. Sad thing is I was falling for his game. We had fun together and I seriously believed it could turn into something special. When Bree shot him down with direct threats of castration, he hooked up with some other girl that night. 

I cried like i
t was my first broken heart and, God, it felt like it was. Jess kicked him out the next day. I think that was more because of Bree than me, but ever since, he feels some weird responsibility for me. Thus, Park. I have to admit, the similarities are eerily present, but I’m not the same girl I was then. Hell, I’m not the same girl I was a month ago. And…

“Park isn’t Jared,” I say.

“No. He’s not.” Bree picks at the polish on her nails, holding back what she really wants to say.

“What?”

“It’s just…Park doesn’t hide who he is. Jared was a dick in sheep’s clothing.” She pauses to make sure I appreciate her misquoting of a timeless phrase. I roll my eyes and she continues. “You know Park’s a pig when it comes to women. I think, as long as you remember that, you’ll be fine.”

I shake my head. “That’s the thing, he is constantly contradicting his asshole persona. He does these really sweet things all the time. He defended me at the diner. And he won’t sleep with me because I told him I want to be friends—because I d
on’t have one night stands.” I groan. “Why did I tell him that?”

Bree laughs. “Uh, because you
don’t
have one night stands? You’ve been with exactly two dudes. You aren’t a hoochie.” She grins mischievously. “But it’s never too late to join the club. I think you’d make an excellent tramp.”

“Awe, thanks, B.”

“Anytime, Lu.”

“I need to get ready. Park’s goin
g with me to pick up the monsters.”

Both brows lift in surprise. “Really? Meeting the family?”

“Yep. Do you see how all those lines blur for me?”

“Yeah, but those lines
aren’t blurring for Park. You need to remember that. If you guys end up sleeping together—where you aren’t really
sleeping
—you need to know that’s all it is. Jess said Park has never been in a real relationship. Ever.”

“It’s cool, Bree. Right now, it’s just a lot of attraction. Lust isn’t love.
We’re friends and I’m okay with that.”

“Fine line, Lu. Fine line.”

“Got it,” I say thickly.

Truth is I
really
like Park. I think there’s more to him than he lets people see. A lot more. I care about him and I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep everything separate.

14

Park

I didn’t know what to expect when I followed Lucy to her car, but the ride has been surprisingly easy so far. When she starts talking about her parents, we fall into easy conversation, and I can’t recall ever enjoying spending this much time with a girl outside of her bed.

“They are seriously crazy,” she laughs. “My dad will offer you a beer just to test you. Don’t
take it. Also, you’ll probably ‘catch’ him smoking a joint, which he’ll offer you a hit of. Don’t hit it.”

“Why? What is it?”

“It’s pot.”

“Then why—”

“It’s a test.”

“But if he’s smoking it then why does he care if I do?”
I ask, confused.

“They’re crazy,” she says, her voice rising to a higher pitch.
I love the sound and it makes me smile instantly. “You don’t even get it.”

“I get crazy parents. Trust me.”

She shakes her head. “No. You think you get it, but you really don’t. My parents tripped too much acid when they were younger. They’re seriously twisted.” She bites her lip, fighting a smile. “And they’re going to tell you stories about me as a kid. Do not believe anything they say.”

I chuckle. “Skeletons, Lucy? I didn’t picture you as the type.
Now I’m thoroughly intrigued.”

“No. I’m serious, Park. Don’t believe anything they say. It’s a game with them.” She shakes her head, laughing quietly. “They try to one up the other with the most outrageous and embarrassing stories. Every time I bring somebody new to the house, they freaking do it. It only ends when you call bullshit. This one time, they had my friend Mandy believing I drank toilet water until I was seven.”

I grin at her. “
Did
you drink toilet water until you were seven?”

She bites down on her lip and shakes her head
, her hair swaying around her thighs. “Oh, they’re going to have so much fun with you.”

I gaze out the window, watching the sun reflect off the other cars for a moment. “They sound pretty cool.”

“They are,” she agrees. “So, I should probably warn you about my youngest brother, too,” she says slowly. I look at her sideways and she shrugs. “I just want you to know all this ahead of time. When my parents adopted him—”

“Your
brother’s adopted?”

She glances at me quickly. “Yeah. We all are.”

“You all are,” I say slowly.

“Mm-hm
…”

Who the hell is fucking with me?
I want out of the car. I need to get away before I freak out.

“You’re adopted?” I verify one more time,
my voice barely audible.

She nods, her brows merging in confusion over my reaction.

I push down
the rising panic and try to ignore the feelings I shouldn’t be having for this girl. This is a sick reminder. It’s too similar. I rub my hands over my face. “I knew a girl… Guy’s family fostered a girl. She was…”
Shut up. Just shut the fuck up
.

“Hope,” she provides.

I freeze. My blood is ice. “You know Hope?” My knees start bouncing and my hands are shaking.
How does she know Hope?

“Guy told me about her.” She bites her lip
again, shooting a quick look at me.
Guy. Of fucking course. What the hell did he tell her?
“Your band name—
A Fool’s Paradise
—it’s named for her. Right?”

I feel the bile rise to the back of my throat. My heart is racing
too fast, too hard. I think I’m having a fucking heart attack. I’m only nineteen.
Can nineteen year olds have heart attacks?

“
What did you just say?” The words barely come out, but she hears me. Her cheeks redden and she shakes her head.

“Nothing. Never mind.” She releases her grip on the steering wheel and waves her hand in between us as if that will dismiss the tension in the car.

“What the fuck did you just say, Lucy?” Her body tenses at my tone, but she still doesn’t answer me. “Answer the fucking question,” I say tightly.

“A fool’s paradise—
the illusion of happiness, false hope. I just thought…after Guy told me—I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. I’m sorry.”

“Pull over.”

“What?”

“Pull the fuck over,” I demand. “Now.”

She
glances at me, but complies. As soon as the car stops, I throw the door open and start walking back the way we came. I can’t be around her right now. I don’t know if I want to yell at her to shut her mouth or if I want to cover her mouth with mine. Either way, I need her to stop talking. I feel translucent and I want to crawl out of my own skin. Her talking to me at this moment just grates against all the wrong nerves.