Before Time (The Time Trilogy Book 1) (15 page)

She had to go to Lahore, as there was a wedding in her family. She had to reach by the morning of the 9
^th
of this month. I offered to drop her, but she rejected the offer. She tried to catch a local bus but there was no seat available there. Her students had exams, which was why she had stayed until the last day in Multan. On the 10
^th
, we had no other way to go, so we made the mistake of our lives. On the 10
^{t of}
July 2006, exactly at 11:45 a.m., I went to see her off at the airport. I told her that in my twenty-two years, there had never been any girl who was going away that I would miss so much. She smiled and pinched me. When her plane took off, I left the airport and had just reached the office when I found some of my colleagues huddling around the television.

I asked about the news that everyone was curious about. The television was tuned to Geo and reporting a plane crash. On the 10
^th
of July 2006, that Fokker plane crashed within ten minutes of its landing, killing all the passengers on board. I tried to go to the crash site, but all the roads were blocked by the police till the time I reached there. I had a friend in the emergency casualty ward in a local hospital, so I informed him of the accident and that I couldn’t find her dead body. He told me that the dead bodies were being brought in. I reached the hospital, and he sneaked me inside to the place they were placing them. All the people were almost burnt, and nobody could be recognized.

Three days later, after a DNA test, they found her. They handed her burnt body to her parents. She was the same girl who was laughing and smiling at me when I dropped her at the airport. Those seven days changed my life forever. She died, but I was alive yet dead. Today I am twenty-six. Four years have passed, and I still think maybe it was because of me her life was taken from her. The End.

ME:
Well, well, well! That is really sad. I can understand your pain, but you can’t blame yourself like that. You are trying to blame yourself for something that wasn’t your fault. Maybe she wasn’t meant for you, or perhaps she came into your life to teach your humility and let go off your arrogance. You can’t decide things like this. She came as a light in your life, and she showered you with happiness, but she also taught you things that you have forgotten. You need to realize those.

And then he left without a word. I was deeply touched by what he had told me, but what he was doing to himself was wrong. He had forgotten what life was and what happiness was. If I wasn’t happy with my life, I could at least make somebody happy. I would make him know happiness, I vowed.

Chapter 9

I flicked through different channels on the television, utterly bored with myself. I didn’t want to switch on my laptop and log in to mIRC, as I felt that I was spending a lot of time there and it wasn’t too good for me. I was trying to avoid mIRC because I was growing closer to him than I should. It was wrong. I didn’t know him, really, except for what he told me about himself. He could be a serial killer for all I knew, and these were his tactics. I planned to watch either HBO or Star Movies. I paused on the music station for a moment, as it was airing my favorite song by Bonnie Taylor, “Total Eclipse of The Heart”.

As I sat there listening to the song, my mind drifted towards last night’s conversation. All that he had told me yesterday came back to me. So that was why he was so unapproachable and unlike other guys who I knew. He was different, I knew that, but I didn’t know there was so much more to him. My heart went out to him, because I could relate to how someone could fall into darkness. Everyone has their secrets, and I did too. I couldn’t tell anyone how I could understand his predicament, but I could. I wanted him to see the light. He was a friend to me; so what if we didn’t know each other’s names? That’s not a big deal. What mattered was that I just wanted to see him happy.

In the past, I had hated this soft and forgiving side of myself. Today, it finally seemed as though it would help me. Maybe this softness had a purpose: I was supposed to help someone see the light. I vowed to make sure he saw life through my eyes, despite the fact that I wasn’t too happy with it. I could see the happiness and the expectation of something that would be happening to me. I would talk to him about her tonight. Maybe then he would open up and share, so that he felt better.

It was night when I logged in. I looked around for him and thankfully, he was online.

ME:
There?

Impassioned:
Yes.

ME:
Why did you run away last night?

I wanted know what had really made him log off before hearing my reactions. What had he wanted to accomplish with that?

Impassioned:
Don’t play with fire. It obviously will burn your hands.

Ugh! Another cryptic remark,
I thought and then I realized that I had set my away message to
Playing with fire.

Impassioned:
I never run away. I just chose to leave.

ME:
Why?

Impassioned:
Because it is very painful to remind myself of that incident all over once again.

I was genuinely sorry for him. Nobody should have to go through what he did. It was so saddening.

ME:
I’m so sorry for that.

Impassioned:
After she was buried, everyone left. She was afraid of the dark. I swore on her grave that this heart would not beat for anyone else in this life again. I know it’s impractical to say, but my heart beat for you for a while. I WILL KILL THIS HEART IF I have to, but I will not let it betray my promise.

What did he mean that his heart beat for me for a while? Surely, he wasn’t falling in love with me? I didn’t think so; he hardly knew me. Love didn’t come this easily; there should be hardships that the books described. This is not how I thought it would be. I didn’t love him. I just wanted him to start living his life again, like a normal person.

ME:
Neither would I let you do that. I won’t let you spoil your life, and I believe that you need to talk.

Impassioned:
There is no life left, and there is nothing to be spoiled now. I didn’t choose life the way it is. Back then, I was a really different person, full of life, who used to love being with people and enjoy gatherings. I used to be like normal people.

ME:
You are normal. You need to realize this fact.

Impassioned:
Now girls think I’m arrogant, egotistical and whatnot, but what they don’t understand is what’s in my heart, or my history. I don’t even accept anyone’s offers for lunch or coffee. I can’t make them understand that the guy they consider an eligible bachelor is actually hollow inside.

ME:
I don’t think you are hollow YET. But you will be if you don’t get it out of your system. You really need to talk to someone, and I’m not lying.

Impassioned:
Look, you are a nice girl. I am sure you want to console me, but I am aware of all the realities myself. Whatever you want to say, I already know. There is nothing that would matter to me, and I don’t want to do anything about it. She made me successful in only a week. You know why? Because there was nothing else left in my life to distract myself with, except my work.

I could almost feel him shaking his head at me as if I was a naughty kid and he didn’t believe a word I said to him. Believing is one thing but I actually felt like that.

ME:
I agree with you, but there is a difference between consolation and changing someone’s life. You of all people should know that.

Impassioned:
I live in my own world. I like to wear the finest clothes, stay professional; that’s all. I don’t want change in my life anymore.

ME:
You can’t live like this. I’m sorry to say it, but nobody can.

Impassioned:
I am living PERFECTLY well.

I didn’t believe him for even a second if he said he was perfectly well and happy. It’s just possible. How can someone live without happiness in their life? I didn’t know.

ME:
You have to realize that she wouldn’t have wanted you to live like this.

Impassioned:
She wanted me to be successful, which I am now, and she knew that without her, I wouldn’t have anything else. So therefore, I am successful.

Successful? Was he now? Getting corporate excellence, a perfect job and an empty house, he thought he was successful? He had literally lost his mind, I thought. How can he think himself happy when even I, being a total stranger, knew he wasn’t? I just didn’t get positive vibes from him; it was more like he was depressed. What he was saying was just preposterous.

ME:
You know what, you are not successful. You are a FAILURE. You heard me. You are not successful.

Impassioned:
Everyone is a failure in some ways. So what if I am as well? The world goes after apparent success; nobody cares about ignorable failures.

ME:
Well, it’s not about the world, sweets, it’s about you and being what you are. I wonder how you live with yourself.

Impassioned:
Then what should I do?

ME:
Get out of it or over it. Stop blaming yourself for something that wasn’t in your hands.

Impassioned:
Even if I don’t blame anyone, even then, the reality doesn’t change because she is no more. I’m one of those people who used to think that there would be always the ONE, and no other. I appreciate that you care, but the fact is that I don’t care anymore. Let it go.

I had to give him that, he was one of a kind. I could see that through his arguments though. I could easily judge his state of mind and although, I knew I had no right to interfere in his life but something made me want to reach out to him and make him feel better. Something inside me wanted to ease his pain.

ME:
I don’t think I will.

Impassioned:
Nobody would believe the story, and I don’t want either sympathy or pity.

ME:
I’m giving you neither.

Impassioned:
Let it go for me, please.

My mind failed to let it go. This was so wrong, and my brain screamed at me to do the right thing. I said what was on my mind.

ME:
This is not right.

Impassioned:
For me?

ME:
Okay, for the time being, I will. But I won’t stop badgering you.

Impassioned:
Don’t make me ignore you, please.

Oh! So it had come to this. Now, he will ignore me because I was telling him to do the right thing.
Big deal, go ahead and do it now.

ME:
Sure, go ahead and ignore me.