BeForeplay (4 page)

While we’re getting dressed I tell him, “I
have a few things that’ll be light. Grilled tuna steak with some
greens. A salad with grilled chicken, egg, and feta cheese. Or a
spinach and feta quiche. What sounds good?”

We’re walking towards the kitchen when he
laces his fingers through mine and kisses the back of my hand. “Any
of it sounds good. Whatever is the least trouble and I can help
make it.”

I smile at him and point at a bar stool for
him to sit at. He does and I turn the oven back on to finish up the
cookies. “I have everything cooked already I only need to assemble
it. Drink?”

“Water, please. What do you have a taste
for?”

“Any of it but I asked you to decide.”

“How about the tuna and greens.”

“Coming right up.”

We have dinner and I finish baking the
cookies. When I have everything cleaned up and put away we go to
bed. While we’re brushing our teeth I ask what time he has to be to
work tomorrow. He has to be there by six so I set the alarm for
five. He lays down so we’re face to face. He starts stroking my
hair, looking at me like he wants to say something, leans in and
gives me a tender kiss.

“I’m going to be holding onto you tight
tonight.”

I nod my head and roll over. He pulls me to
his front and his arm tightens around me. With a kiss to my head he
tells me thank you and sleep good.

I put my hand over his, squeeze it and tell
him sweet dreams.

Every time I shut my eyes I see Sophia, her
tiny body on the gurney covered with bruises. I keep my eyes open
and just lay there. When Jack’s breathing evens out and I can hear
him lightly snoring I lift his arm up, move out from under it and
put a pillow in my place. I quietly shut the bedroom door when I
leave. I’ll be in the kitchen baking and the last thing I want is
to wake him up. He needs his sleep. I have the next two days off.
Hopefully I’ll never have to go back. I can’t do it. That was too
much for me to handle. I’m resigning tomorrow but I’ll stay as long
as they need me to. I’m hoping Tasha can pull some strings so I
don’t have to though.

Chapter

7

I make the frosting for my crème cake, frost
and decorate it. I don’t want to take the chance of waking Jack but
I need to occupy my mind so I grab my kindle and head out back to
my favorite reading spot, the hammock. I turn the bug zapper on, so
I don’t get all bit up, and climb in.

I love, love, love The Men of Steel series by
MJ Fields. I’ve read Jase, Cyrus, Zandor and am on Xavier. I think
I’m in love with all four men equally. Better yet the women who are
beside them know how to hold these alpha men up when they’re down.
Just goes to show you there’s always a strong woman behind a
successful man.

That’s why I’ve decided I can’t see Jack
anymore. He needs someone strong to hold him up when things like
yesterday happen, not just go through the motions. He is an
attractive, considerate, fun loving, compassionate man that
deserves a woman that will worship his qualities not be selfish
with her own problems.

I finish reading Xavier as five o’clock
approaches. I go inside to start the coffee and make breakfast. By
the time our oatmeal is cooked and I’ve got the fruit cut up and in
dishes Jack comes into the kitchen. He comes up behind me wraps his
arms around me and kisses my cheek. See such a sweet man.

“Good morning gorgeous, what time did you get
up?”

He lets go and sits on a bar stool where I
have his coffee and breakfast waiting. I smile at him, walk around
the island and sit next to him. “I couldn’t sleep so I’ve been up
since you fell asleep last night.”

He puts his spoon down and takes my hand in
his. “Because of what happened yesterday?”

I nod. I don’t really want to talk about it.
Since I was a child I wanted to be a nurse. They’re always there to
make you feel better and most have so much love and compassion to
share they can make you feel good with just a smile. I could always
give that to people. Right now I know I can’t and that’s another
reason I have to resign.

He scoots so he’s facing me and pulls me in
for a hug. “Hey, it happens to all of us. You never get used to it
but you learn how to deal with it. I used to have the worst time
when an abused woman would come in. They could walk away and didn’t
all because someone made sure they had no self-worth left. When a
child comes in it’s the worst. What happened yesterday doesn’t
happen often, Sidney. I know you don’t want to talk about it now, I
can tell by your eyes. But please let me know when you are or if
you need something in the meantime.

“I will. Thank you, Jack.” I kiss him lightly
on the lips and turn to eat some fruit so I can stop looking into
his concerned eyes, knowing what I’m about to do.

When he leaves I crank the music and get to
work. I go into my office and type up my resignation. Next I shower
so I can leave and get to the hospital.

I walk into the HR department and go to
Tasha’s office. She’s on the phone so I sit down to wait. When she
hangs up she comes over to me and gives me a big hug. I hold on
longer than I should but I needed that understanding from her
without words.

She sits in the chair next to me. “What are
you doing here, it’s too early for lunch.”

I hand her my resignation, she opens and
reads it. When she’s done she scrunches up her forehead and looks
at me in question. “I just can’t do it. I don’t want to talk about
it but I do have a favor to ask.”

“Whatever you need. If I can do it you know I
will.”

“I don’t want to come back. I know it says
I’ll work until my position is filled but I’d rather not.”

“Does Jack know?”

“No. He’d try to talk me out of it but I need
to do this for me. He would just push and tell me I could learn to
handle it. Not in a mean way, in a supportive way. He has no idea
that I really can’t handle it. Do you think, that is that something
that can be done?”

“I think so, give me a few minutes.” She
stands up and walks back around to her desk. She shuffles some
papers around and makes a call. When she’s done she tells me they
had a few people apply for the emergency department and the one she
really liked is able to start immediately so I don’t need to
worry.

“Thank you. One more thing. I’m taking off
for a bit can you water my house plants?”

“What the hell, Sid? You quit and now you’re
leaving. Where are you going and when will you be back?”

“I need time to myself. Not sure where I’m
going or when I’ll be back but I am coming back. I couldn’t stay
away from you and Danny if I tried.”

“Fine, but your ass better come home soon.”
She stands up and so do I. We walk to each other and hug.

I give her a kiss on the cheek and step back.
“I’m headed home to pack. I need to write Jack a letter and tell
him a few things. I’m going to drop it off at his house so you may
be getting a call from him when he gets home. I’ll answer if you or
Danny call or text but no one else. I’m sorry to put you in this
position.”

“Pfffttt, you’re fine, no biggie. Let me know
you’re safe when you get to wherever you’re going and keep in touch
okay?”

“Yup. Love you hard, girl.”

“You too, chickee.”

I walk out of the hospital and my heart is
heavy. I’m going to start counseling again, maybe after that I’ll
be able to come back. I feel like shit for what I’m about to do to
Jack but he does deserve more. He doesn’t even deserve the Dear
John letter I’m going to write him but I’m too selfish to do it in
person.

I had to make one more stop but when I get
home I grab my laptop and plop down on the couch. Where do I want
to escape to? Hmmm. I pull up a travel site and there’s a picture
of Vegas. Now that’s a good idea. Lots of people, lights and noise.
I love playing the slots and it’s a great distraction for thinking.
I don’t want to go to Vegas though. Hmmm. Oh, I know. I type in
Biloxi, Mississippi and bingo we have a winner. I find a flight and
then book myself in a suite at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino for
three nights, no thinking for three days. I search for condo
rentals next. I need a kitchen if I’m going to work through some of
this shit flying around in my head after the casino. I found one
right on the beach and booked it for two weeks. They said if it’s
not reserved and I want to stay longer I can. I was meant to be in
Biloxi apparently. I have four hours before my flight takes off.
I’ll pack and then write Jack’s letter, it’ll give me time to think
of what to write.

Packing didn’t take too long. If I need
something else while I’m there I’ll buy it. I grab a beer, my
stationary and a pen then head out back to the patio set.

Chapter

8

Jack,

I’m not good with putting my emotions on
paper but here goes.

First of all I hate that I am doing this to
you. You need a strong woman beside you and that’s not me right
now. Experiencing what happened to baby Sophia first hand broke me.
I’ve resigned from the hospital and won’t be returning. I’m also
taking some much needed time away.

I love that you’re such a compassionate man.
That’s why I couldn’t tell you in person. I couldn’t stand to see
the sympathy, concern and if I’m not mistaken love in your eyes.
We’re in two different places right now and it’s not fair to either
of us to keep going down separate paths while being together.

I will forever cherish the time we’ve spent
together. Hopefully one day you’ll find it in your heart to forgive
me for this. If or when that happens I’d like to still call you my
friend.

I wish you nothing but success, happiness
and love. You will always hold a place in my heart, Jack, always.
Take care.

Love,

Sidney

I put it in an envelope, seal it up.

I took a taxi to the airport because I didn’t
want my truck sitting there for an unknown amount of time. I had
them stop by Jack’s so I could drop off his belongings and the
letter. Then by the bank so I could make a withdrawal. Now I’m on
the last leg of my flight. I had to fly into Atlanta because they
didn’t have a direct flight to Biloxi. It’s almost taken me as long
to fly as it would have been the four hours to drive from home.

When I get my luggage from baggage claim I
rent a car and am on my way to the hotel. I thought I’d rent a car
so I can get around locally and if I decide to travel a bit. I’m an
hour and a half away from New Orleans and the same to Foley,
Alabama where there is an outlet mall. A little booze and retail
shopping never hurts.

I get to the hotel, check in and go to my
suite. It’s on the top floor and kind of exclusive. You have to go
through these huge glass doors to get to the hallway that leads to
the suites. I find my room and when I walk in wow is about the only
thing that comes to mind. It’s really neat. The living room is the
first thing I walk into. I follow it further to the bedroom and
I’ll be damned, it’s a huge round bed. The bathroom is just as
amazing. It has a huge Jacuzzi tub but the shower is incredible.
It’s all glass with showerheads coming from every direction, so
cool. I open the door to the patio and I’m on a deck facing the
beach with chairs, a patio set and a real Jacuzzi. It’s all very
beautiful. I stand at the railing and take a deep breath of the
salty air, it’s one of my favorite scents.

I go back inside, strip, shower the funk from
traveling off, climb in bed and take a nap. I’m just about asleep
when I remember I forgot to text Tasha and let her know I made it
and am safe. I grab my phone from the nightstand and text her.

Me: Made it and going to take a nap. Thanks
again. Love you.

Tasha: Glad you made it safe. Keep in touch.
Love you too.

I get all snuggled up in the blankets again
and fall asleep.

The bruises are terrible looking. Some are a
deep purple and some are yellow with a little green from where the
old ones are healing. Oh God, they’re going to do it again.

I wake up trying to scream with nothing
really coming out. I look over at the clock and I’ve only been
asleep for a little over three hours. I’m soaking wet and so are
the sheets from sweat.

Chapter

9

I get up grab a shower and head down to the
casino floor. I stop at the reception desk and ask for clean sheets
to be sent to my room. The staff is always smiling and I love that
about this place.

I walk around the casino floor to find a slot
machine to play. I find one called Snapdragons slip a hundred in
and start playing. Right off the bat I hit a bonus round and won
three hundred and seventy-seven dollars. I’m loving it. A waitress
comes by and I get a beer. As soon as she leaves a man comes and
sits next to me. Let me tell you he smells yummy. Not overdone just
a hint of his cologne is finding its way to me. Scent does
something to my mind and body. It’s a reaction, I have no idea why.
He says hi so I look at him and say hello back. Low and behold he’s
a cutie pie. Now, I’m not looking to hook up but I know a good
looking man when I see one.

He sees my credits and says, “Well, you must
have all the luck tonight I can’t seem to win anything.”

“Then I wish you luck and hope you start
winning instead of losing.”

He smiles at me and he has beautiful teeth
too. “I’d be real lucky if you had dinner with me.”

What a jerk. “Sorry, not interested.” I look
back at my machine, start playing again and down the rest of my
beer.

“Sorry, that was me being an ass to assume a
beautiful woman, as yourself, is here alone.”

I look at him and say, “You’re an ass alright
but you’re an accurate ass.” He laughs and so do I. I don’t like to
be rude or mean to people. It makes me feel guilty, even when
they’re being jerks.