Beginning with Forever (47 page)

“I’m not sure what you want in your coffee so I left it black.”

“Black is fine, thanks Isabella,” I assure her.

“
Sure thing, be careful, it’s really hot,” she cautions me.

“
What happen to you last night? No one purposely drinks an entire bottle of Grey Goose. It’s crazy man,” Hayden curiously inquires, seeking a rational explanation for my erratic behavior.

“I
have my own reasons,” I retort bluntly, recalling how betrayed I feel by Lily. They have no clue about the tormenting pictures securely tucked inside my suit pocket. They both look offended by my reaction, so I promptly lighten my tone. First of all, they have nothing to do with my pain, and secondly, I don’t need to take it out on them. “Thanks for helping me last night,” I offer them my sincere gratitude.

“No problem.
I figure you didn’t want me to leave you in Bianca’s hands. Her plans for you definitely didn’t include me, so she wasn’t thrilled when I offered to take you off her hands,” he smirks to himself, probably reminiscing about how sly he was to spoil her plans.

“I owe you big time for that.
She’s not handling our separation well. I can’t convince her to understand that I’ve found someone else I truly care about.” I look directly at Isabella, wanting her to hear me clearly state that Bianca and I are finished. She listens carefully like any devoted friend would do for another, reading my expression for confirmation. “I better get back to my place. I’m flying home today.” I stand up unsteadily and proceed towards the door.

“
Mr. Bradley, knowing that Lily has fallen for someone who cares for her so deeply is really comforting to all of us. I just want you to know that.” Isabella lightly grips my wrist to give me her blessing. I offer her a forged smile. This doesn’t make any fucking sense to me. Last night she confirmed Lillian and Richard’s relationship and now she’s giving me her blessing. My head is thudding and aching. I can’t see straight let alone think straight. I want to ask her for an explanation, but Hayden walks over and puts his arms possessively around her. She looks at him with puppy love in her eyes. I know that look all too well. I’ve wasted enough of their time, so I decided to save them from my outpour of self-pity and not pose any more questions until I’m certain about what the hell is going on.

“Are you sure you’re oka
y? Do you want some breakfast before you head out?” he courteously offers.

“I’m good. I’ve taken enough of your time. Thanks again.
I’ll call you one of these evenings for B-dubs. By the way, what floor are we currently on?”

“We’
re on the same floor as your room. I think yours is at the end of the hallway.” I’m thankful we’re at the same hotel. A cab ride anywhere right now will certainly make me hurl my guts out.

“Hayden, I’ll see you back in Boston, and
Isabella, have a safe trip home and congrats on your first modeling gig in New York.” She gives me a beautiful model smile and waves good-bye. I exit their room, close the door behind me and hear her laughing as Hayden playfully teases her. Not that long ago, I was experiencing this same kind of romance in my life. The memories of it stir up more bitterness, so I suppress them at once.

I stumble into
my hotel room and collapse on top of my bed. The annoying glare from the sun hurts my head, but I’m too defeated to deal with the blinds. I glance at my phone, still hopeful for a missed call or text message from Lil, but there are none. I disappointingly see several from Bianca and my mother. I pitch my phone aside and pull out the envelope of pictures Bianca handed to me last night. Like a sick bastard, I scrutinize their intimacy in each picture, and it makes me want another numbing drink, but my queasy stomach and pounding headache forbids me. The sight of his body on top of hers is enough to make me irrationally violent. I want to beat him senseless for causing me this much pain. God, I have to get my shit together. The last person I want to expose my heartache to is my mother, especially since she forewarned me about Lily. I can’t allow her to suffer through another fifteen years of emptiness because of me. It’s not her fault that I’m hurting; it’s mine for choosing the wrong woman.

I shower
ed, shaved and dressed in casual slacks and a black cashmere sweater. My belongings are all neatly folded and packed. I trail over to the safe and unlock the Tiffany bag that I was so thrilled about just yesterday. I flip the lid open and gaze at it.
How could she betray me? I gave her all of me.
I considered her a priceless gem, but the truth is she’s like all the rest. I close the lid and toss it into my leather bag.

Someone is
knocking on my door. It’s probably my mother checking in on me since I’ve ignored all her calls and text messages. I inhale a breath, deep enough to saturate both my lungs and exhale it in anticipation for her outpour of drama. I open the door, and Bianca prances unpredictably through the entrance. “Come on in,” I sarcastically tell her and close the door behind.

“I was worr
ied sick about you last night. I didn’t know where you were.” She paces back and forth in front of me with her hands in the air.

“As yo
u can see, I’m perfectly fine. I’ll be leaving within the hour, but before I do, I need to unload some bad news on you. You might want to have a seat first.” We walk over to the living section and sit down facing each other. She adjusts her cardigan so the tops of her breasts are visible for my benefit, I’m assuming. I look over her shoulders and stare out the window instead, not allowing her to influence my concentration in any way. “I’m relinquishing my ownership of your fashion line to you. I don’t want my personal and professional life to be tangled into one.” She looks pissed, but I’m not the slightest bit bothered. “The paperwork will be finalized early next week.” Her eyes narrow and may possibly be piercing a hole through my heart. I can’t blame her if she hates me. I haven’t been fair to her. “The pictures were really hard to digest, and I’m sure your intentions are good, but I wish you never gave them to me. They’re poisoning and killing me slowly.” I fight to hold back my bitterness.

She reaches for my hands
, and I reluctantly allow her to hold onto them. “Carson, we made it work before Lillian. We can do it again. I promise I’ll make you the happiest man alive. Just give us another chance. I love you,” she pleads with all her heart. I look directly into her imploring blue eyes, digging deep for any love I might possibly have hidden in my heart for her, but came up absolutely empty. I pull my hands away and place them on my lap.

“I’m sorry
Bianca, but I can’t,” I tell her coldly without any explanations.

“Wh
at will you do about Lillian?” she inquires, pulling and tugging on her sleeves with exasperation from my rejection.

“I don’t know yet
,” I honestly reply and put an end to our conversation. The last thing I want to do is talk about Lily with her. “If you don’t mind, I have to finish gathering the rest of my belongings. I have a flight to catch.” I accompany her to the door and watch her walk away in disappointment. She turns her head around one last time, hoping that I would change my mind, but I offer her nothing. She steps into the elevator and disappears.

O
nce again, I glance at my phone, mentally invoking a call or text message from Lily, but there is none. I know why I’m not calling her. It’s too painful for me to hear her tell me that she loves someone else, but why hasn’t she called me? Has Richard finally convinced her to remove all traces of me?

T
hanks to Richard, I passed my pharmacology exam. Finally, something positive is happening in my life. I’m waiting for him and Amelia to meet me so we can celebrate with popsicles and french fries. My appetite is improving, now that I’m almost five weeks along. I even have odd food cravings. I think I might be showing a little, but Amelia tells me it’s all in my head. She thinks I’m still skinny as a rail. I can’t resist touching my belly all the time. I already feel such a tight bond with my little Peanut. This is what she or he resembles to me from my first ultrasound yesterday. Amelia and Richard both came with me, and of course, we girls shed a few joyful tears while Richard kept his emotions intact. There’s no possible way I could get through this without their unwavering support.

Richard shows up first because Amelia is
always running late. He sits down next to me, pats and talks to my belly. “How are you doing in there, little Peanut?” he attempts to rouse a smile on my face.

“Richard, a
re you calling my baby a nut?” I incite a smile from him instead. “Don’t worry baby, uncle Dick doesn’t mean it.” He laughs hysterically. It’s so contagious that I break down and join in with him.

Amelia finally shows up.
“What are you two laughing about?” she pries, not wanting to miss out on the laughter.

“Uncl
e Dick calls my baby a nut,” I chuckle the words out. Amelia begins to laugh with us as well.

This is a rare moment for me because
I haven’t laughed or smiled for over two weeks since I stopped talking to Carson. He hasn’t made any effort to contact me either. He had me fooled with his ceaseless charm—promised me forever in exchange for my innocence. I eagerly handed it over to him with an open heart. He used me and tossed me coldly to the curb. I have to admit, nights are more difficult for me than days. I still crave his touch and kisses. Occasionally, I’d Google his name to see what’s happening in his life because I can’t cut him out completely. I know he’s been keeping himself busy with charity events and a new trophy girl. She’s a tall curvy brunette named Nikki. I remember her from the lymphoma charity in Chicago. A man of his status can’t remain single for long. There’s an endless supply of women for him to choose from. Unfortunately, I wasn’t good enough for him, so he moved on to the next woman. It hasn’t been easy, but I’m coping with it, one day at a time.

Now that my nausea is much better,
I no longer have to drink Jean’s awful tea, thank God for that. I’ve called him several times, hoping to get an explanation for his bizarre note, but still haven’t had any luck. He’s supposedly away visiting his family in Haiti, but no one was able to tell me when he would be returning. All I want is a little peace of mind. It’s uncanny that his prediction was absolutely right about Carson’s love not lasting. If only I could understand the danger part of his cryptic message.

I
’ve resorted to isolating myself with several bottles of vodka and whiskey for the past two weeks. My cousin Nikki has been helping me fulfill all of my charity obligations. If not for her, I would’ve disappointed many hopeful people counting on me. She forced me to sober up, and I fought her every step of the way. It’s much easier to numb my pain with alcohol than deal with it.

Owen has been filling in for me whenever and wherever possible
while I obsess over those damn pictures. I’ve extended Luke’s contract for a few more weeks. I need to know what’s happening in her life at all time. He’s feeding my Lillian addiction with his spying. Just yesterday I received pictures of Lil and Richard leaving a hospital together. And then this morning, I finally get the confirmation I’ve feared all along, a picture of Richard caressing Lily’s belly. It was a stab through my heart. I could handle the pictures of them in bed better than this picture of them and their baby.

I
’ve hardly slept except for the few nights I drank ‘til I passed out. This might have to be one of those nights again. I pour myself a tall glass of whiskey on the rocks and chug it like water. I welcome the burn. It can’t possibly hurt any more than what I’m already feeling inside. I collapse on my bed and the pictures fly everywhere and land on top of me. Fuck this silence! I’m going to call her and give her a piece of my mind. I dig into my pocket to pull out my phone, but it’s not there. I pat around my bed to find it underneath the pile of pictures that’s been persecuting me every night. The phone rings four times and then her voice interrupts it, “Hello.” She sounds hoarse like I woke her up from a deep sleep. I squint at my watch and see that it’s 1:23 a.m. At this point, it’s too late to sweat the minor details like why I’m calling her at this time. “Are you okay, Carson? Why are you up so late?” Her soft voice is full of concern for me, but I’m not going to fall for that fake, sweet charm.

“It must be
fucking nice to be able to sleep without any guilt on your mind,” I cut into her with the sharpest tone possible. She hasn’t been exposed to this curt and condescending side of me. “Some people can easily move on and not give a shit about the ones they’ve hurt. I was completely fooled by your innocence, but little did I know, there’s nothing innocent about you. You’ve been taking me for a fool, juggling Richard and me at the same time until you figure out which one of us is a better catch for you. How could you trampled all over my heart after I told you I love you?” There, I think I told her everything that’s been tearing me up inside.

Her voice is
still soft but shaky. “Carson, listen to me carefully. I’m only going to tell you this once. I swear I’ve never been dishonest with you. I know I’ve never told you this, but I love you and no one else, and you’re the only person I’ve ever slept with.” It sounds like she’s trying to hold back her tears by swallowing hard. Her breathing is hitched. “I told you that once I give you my heart, it’s yours forever unless you break it,” she pauses, “You broke it!  It’s over between us. Stay away from me. I never want to see you again.” She ends our call abruptly. The last sound I hear is her crying. My cruel intention is to make her hurt like I’m hurting, but it causes me more pain instead.