Being Me (BBW Romance) (7 page)

I obeyed, but there was another problem that lingered after our talk. That was a little voice in the back of my mind. You know, the one that reminds you how fat you are when you look in the mirror, how much you've eaten during that meal, and how you forgot to return that library book fifteen years ago. It sounds a lot like your mother if your mother could get inside your head and talk to you. Yeah, I know, weird and creepy. That was the voice telling me that maybe he was just stringing me along. He was the pretty ball of yarn and I was the cat with the luxurious fur, elegant tail, beautiful golden eyes, and modesty. I was terrified that one day I'd catch that string and it'd turn out to be nothing but an empty can of tuna, and I hated tuna.

Was I being paranoid? Maybe a little, but we never went out together. He could dump me and I wouldn't have anybody to talk to about it except Mr. Perkins, and I'm pretty sure he would have told me to get over it and get him some fresh water. My anxiety wasn't helped when the day after our talk I ran into Alicia along the cubicle hallways. She had a big smile on her face and wanted to talk; she never wanted to talk to me. "You've been leaving pretty early lately."

I frowned at her. "How would you know? You're always gone when I leave," I pointed out.

She brushed aside my question with a wave of her well-manicured hand. She was supposed to be a typist. "Oh, a little bird told me." My hands clenched at my side; if I got a hold of Brad Bird I'd kill him for squealing on me. "Someone waiting for you at home?"

"Yeah, Mr. Perkins," I replied.

She blinked. "Mr. Who?"

"My resident flea carrier, but why would you care?" I countered.

"Oh, I just thought maybe there was someone else in your life." She leaned toward me and dropped her voice. "You know, a special someone we both might know."

I gulped hard enough to bounce my flabby chin. "I-I don't know what you're talking about. We don't even hang out in the-"

I froze when Alicia plopped a hand on my shoulder. Her sickly sweet fake smile almost made me gag. "I know what you're trying to hide, Collins, and if you know what's good for you you'll step away from him, or else."

I tilted my head and twisted my mouth into a disbelieving frown. "Are you serious?" I brushed off her hand and Alicia jerked back in surprise. "What is this, some sort of dramatic romance novel? What exactly are you going to do, wrap my cubicle in tinfoil and hide my keyboard?"

Alicia leaned back her head and laughed. "What a cute personality you have, Collins." If she kept calling me that I'd have to take drastic measures, like changing my last name. Her voice dropped back to creepy tone again. "When I got done with you you wouldn't have a cubicle, or even a job." I paled; she smirked and patted me on the back as she walked away. "Have a nice day," she called out to me down the hall.

That night I waited for Steven to come to my apartment, and the moment he walked in I jumped him. "Alicia-knows-we're-dating-and-she-told-she'd-get-me-fired-unless-I-leave-you-alone." I gasped for breath and he looked at me like I'd gone insane.

Steven gently grabbed my shoulders and guided me over to the couch. "Maybe you'd better tell me that again, slower this time."

I took a deep breath and calmed myself. "Alicia cornered me in the office today and said she knew about us, and that if I didn't dump you she'd make me lose my job."

His face lost its color. "Did she have any proof or say anything specific?"

"Well, not exactly, but I wouldn't underestimate her. She's more stubborn than a mule and twice as ugly under all that makeup."

Steven burst out in laughter and patted me on the back. "You know I can't take you seriously when you crack those jokes," he reminded me.

I stood and put my hands on my hips. "This is serious,
Mr.
Dunner
." That got his attention; I never called him by his last name except when talking business. "Both our jobs are at stake here, and I don't know about you but I can't lose mine. I don't have some cushy nest egg or other job while you'll probably be greeted with open arms anywhere you go."

He frowned. "Wait a minute, that's not fair-"

"No, it's not, but that's how I feel." I knew I should have gotten my anger in check but I knew Alicia, and I knew she meant serious business, and he wasn't believing me. That made me mad as hell. "You think this is a game but for me it's real. If I lose my job then I lose everything."

"Hey, I understand." He stood up and tried to put his arms on my shoulders; I stepped back out of his reach.

"No, I don't think you understand, otherwise you'd be agreeing with me," I insisted.

He froze. "Agreeing with you about what?" he asked me.

"That this won't work, that you're just using me to get a quick kick out of a dangerous relationship and that you're done with me."

Steven shook his head. "I'm not going to lie to you like that. You mean more to me than just some stupid job."

I turned away and shook my head. "That's easy for you to say," I whispered with a sigh. "Steven-Mr. Dunner, I think you need to leave."

"What? Why?" he exclaimed.

"Because-well, just because. To let me think over some things, all right?" I gave him my best puppy eyes. It wasn't easy staring into his hurt ones.

"I...I guess if that's what you want-"

"That's what we need," I emphasized.

Steven turned away and gave a nod. Damn it, but I wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be all right, but I stuck with my purse and Mr. Perkins' well-being. If I didn't have a job we wouldn't have a home, and without a home there'd be no place for food, and without food I'd be forced to eat Mr. Perkins, so I was just thinking of his best-interests when I turned away the love of my life. Stupid cat.

Steven shuffled out of the apartment, but paused in the doorway. He had a hand in his pocket and his lips were pursed together tighter than a handbag in Bangkok. I almost broke down and kissed those pouting things, but he shook his head and walked down the hall. I shut the door behind him and put my back against it. Mr. Perkins strolled up to me and meowed for his dinner. I scowled at him. "I hope you're happy. I just turned away a perfectly good human for you," I snapped at him. He tilted his head to one side and blinked.

To say I was miserable would be like saying the Atlantic Ocean was wet; it was an understatement deep and wet, like the tears that ran down my face all that night. I kept asking myself why life was so unfair. Here I was with a good job and a great man, and then Alicia comes in and spoils everything. I felt honest-to-goodness, lord-help-me, true-to-God irritation at her, and maybe a little anger.

The next morning I went to work with dark circles under my eyes and not a cheerful greeting to anyone I met. I slumped into my chair and slammed my head down on my desk. A few of my coworkers in the nearby cubicles looked over their walls and, seeing I was extremely depressed, avoided me like I had all seven Plagues of Egypt, even the frog one. I sat like that for a few minutes until I heard a knock on my cubicle doorway. I was not happy to see Alicia standing in the entrance with a big smile on her face.

"Good morning, sleepy-head," she teased me. Something was wrong, horribly wrong; either I'd entered an alternate universe or she was up to something. "I just wanted to let you know Mr. Dunner was looking for you and wanted to see you in his office ASAP."

I wheeled back my chair and stood up. The look on her face told me something was wrong, but maybe Steven really wanted to talk to me about last night. Maybe he had an idea about how to get out of this whole mess. I walked past Alicia, up the aisle to his closed door, and wrapped softly on the entrance. There were some noises inside, and I tried the door. It swung open and showed me Dunner, but not just him. Allison was there with him, and she had her arms wrapped around his shoulders. Not only that, but they were locked in the most pressing kiss I'd ever seen someone give without trying to suck the innards out of a tailed shrimp.

Maybe she was just trying to suck his face off, but he wasn't making any complaints until he noticed me. Then Dunner pushed her back and stared at me in shock. I stared back with big, wet tears in my eyes. Allison turned and smirked at me. "Why hello there. You must be the new girl."

I ignored her; all my attention was on Dunner. He'd betrayed me. "How could you?" I whispered to him.

He shook his head, and reached out to me. "It's not what you think."

I slapped his hand away and stepped back. My hands balled into fists and my body shook like a bowl full of jelly, the delicious raspberry kind. "Not what I think? How could I think anything else? Why don't you two just keep on doing what you were doing and I'll leave you alone."

I stomped off down the hall and past Alicia. She had the biggest grin on her lips, but I had tunnel vision through my tears and she was quickly swept out of my sight. I grabbed my stuff from my cubicle and got into the elevator. Dunner's office door was closed, but I could hear shouting. It sounded like the love-birds were having an argument; must have been pretty bad to get through those soundproof walls. Then the elevator doors shut and took me away from it all.

CHAPTER 7

I drove back to my apartment in time to catch the postman. Actually, I kind of shoved him out of the way as he delivered my mail through the slot. The poor guy probably thought the whole world had moved when I barreled into him and fumbled with the door. I stepped inside, slipped on the mail on the floor and crashed to the ground. I flipped over and stared at the bewildered mailman in the doorway and he stared at me. I crept my leg over and slammed the door shut; I didn't want anybody seeing me like this, a big blubbering mass of sobs and quivering flesh. People can smell the emotionally wounded and flock to gawk at the poor souls.

I flipped over and my hand crunched down on mail. I hoped it was a bill, but just my luck it wasn't anything I'd want to tear up later. Instead it was a postcard from Ms. Finner, and showed one of the local resorts in the mountains above the city. There were the words
Wish You Were Here
printed at the bottom. I flipped over the card and read the note.

Dear Mitsy, hope you're having fun with the new boss, but don't forget to stop and enjoy life outside the office once in a while! Hope to hear from you soon! Sincerely, Feodora

I had been having fun with the boss, but now I just wanted to get away from him. The words on the front of the postcard caught my attention; maybe I could take her advice and have some fun with an old friend. I glanced at Mr. Perkins atop the couch. "What do you think, old man?" He perked up his head. "You up for a trip to the mountains?" He yawned and laid his head down; I rolled my eyes. "Well, you don't have much of a choice because I don't have anyone to babysit your furry hide."

I tossed some clothes into my hardly-used suitcase, called up the office to tell them I was long overdue for a five-day vacation, and stuffed Perkins into his cat carrier. The hard won battle was one and the cat was hissing in his box when the doorbell rang. I looked through the peephole and scowled; it was Mr. Dunner. "Go away!" I called through the door.

"Come on, let me in. I just want to talk to you," Dunner pleaded. He had that damn puppy dog look in his eyes and I was forced to retreat from the peephole.

I hefted the case and carrier into my arms, and stuffed the postcard into my pocket. I needed that for the address. "Why don't you go to Allison? I bet she's a great conversationalist with those lips," I shot back.

"Because I don't want her, I want you!" he insisted.

I threw open the door and he smiled at me; I scowled back. "If that's true then you'd better get her lipstick off your collar." He didn't have any on him, but the lie distracted him so I could push past him. "Now leave me alone!" I yelled back as I bravely ran down the hall.

He yelled something at me, but I didn't give him a look back and he didn't follow me to my car. Poor Perkins was tossed with the suitcase into the back and I jumped inside. We were halfway out of the city before my anger broke down and I started crying. Good thing I remembered which resort Ms. Finner was at because I dropped the postcard somewhere inside the car and couldn't find it.

I got there at nightfall and booked a room. It was too late to go looking for Finner and rekindle our camaraderie, so I hit the hay and woke up like a scarecrow, stiff and dry. Knowing Finner was an early riser, I fed Perkins and I hurried down to breakfast to see if I could catch her. I caught her at one of the tables sipping on a cup of coffee with an empty one in front of her. That explained all the energy she had so early in the mornings.

I got cold feet about three yards from the table, but it was too late; I'd been spotted. Her eyes lit up and a smile spread across her face. "Mitsy!" she exclaimed. "What on earth are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?"

I gave her a big hug that she returned. "I got your postcard and decided to take your advice about the vacation," I told her after we'd pulled apart.

"Well, it's nice to have some company here. I was starting to get lonesome, so that's why I sent the card," she replied. "Now where do you want to start? We could go for a hike outside or exercise in the gym."