Being the Bad Boy's Victim (33 page)

“Bells! I… lis——”

“Did you cheat on me?” My tone was completely emotionless as I stood there, trying to hold it all together.

“Bella, let me…” he started to say as he stumbled forward.

“Explain?” I finished for him, my voice cracking slightly. I glanced at Matt, who was now by the sink, looking at the ground.

“I’m just going to go…” he murmured, walking past me, pausing to give my shoulder an awkward pat.

I turned my attention back to Connor as soon as the door shut, crossing my arms tightly. “Did you cheat on me?” I winced as my voice cracked near the end, the hurt and pain showing through.

He stared at me, and before he even said anything, I knew the answer. Why? Well, first of all, it was pretty obvious from the voicemail I had gotten only moments before. And secondly, I have never seen so much guilt on someone’s face.

“Yes.”

Two words rang through my mind—be strong.

Who knew that it would be so hard? I wanted to collapse, to just scream and cry. But no, I just stood there, staring at this… this stranger.

“But it’s not what you think!” Connor’s voice tore me away from my thoughts, and I found myself looking at him again.

“Oh so, you didn’t cheat on me?”

“No! Well, yes, but…”

“Then it’s exactly what I think.” I felt so destroyed. Turning around, I opened the door and began walking away, each step hurting me more and more. Once I reached the bottom of the stairs, I heard Connor’s desperate footsteps behind me. Quickening my pace, I started heading towards the door, only to be stopped by a hand gripping the arm.

“Since you’re storming out right now, I know for a fact you didn’t hear him out,” James spoke softly, turning me around to face him.

I saw Connor only a couple of feet away, and the distraught expression on his face was hurting me even more. Matt was in the kitchen, watching the whole scene nervously.

“Oh, I heard him,” I snapped, struggling in his grip. “I heard him loud and clear.”

James sighed and began pulling me towards the couch in the living room. Realizing what was happening, I dug my heels in the ground, using all of my strength to pull away. I started fighting even harder when I saw Connor and Matt sitting on the couch, like they were waiting for me.

Well, fuck this!
If I wanted to have a dramatic exit, I sure as hell was going to have one.

“Let me go!” I hissed, narrowing my eyes at James. With my free hand, I scratched at his hand, hoping it would make him let go. Unfortunately, that all backfired when he caught my other wrist with his other hand… and threw me over his damn shoulder.

“James, let go of…” I was cut off by my own squeal as I fell backwards onto the couch, with James sitting right next to me.

“I’m leaving,” I snapped, standing up. Within a second, I was back to sitting, this time, with James’ hand firmly gripping one of my arms to hold me down.

“Please, let him explain,” Matt pleaded.

My anger softened, but nonetheless I tightly crossed my arms across my chest.

“Five minutes,” I said after a moment of silence, looking straight at Connor.

He licked his lips nervously and began talking, “After I dropped you off, I decided to come straight home and ice my hand, because… well, you know. So when I got here, Matt and James were out, so I was by myself. I decided to ice my hand while watching TV, and I did that for a couple of hours. Then, there was a knock at the…”

I stood up with a scowl. “Really? This is pointless, Connor. You’re just rambling on and on.”

“Please let me finish!” Connor exclaimed and stood up, too.

We stared at each other for a few moments, both refusing to break eye contact. Finally, I let out a growl of frustration and sat back down, still glaring at Connor.

“As I was saying,” Connor started again, causing me to roll my eyes at him. “I went to the door, thinking it was Matt and James and that they just forgot their key. But the second I opened the door, I was knocked out.”

“What?” I exclaimed, my eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.

“Hence, the giant bump on my head,” Connor said, touching the side of his head gingerly.

Immediately, the anger and hurt washed away, and all I felt was concern and worry.

“Do you guys know who it was?” I asked, still having trouble processing what happened to him.

“That’s the thing, I don’t know. And then, the next thing I knew, Matt was yelling at me, and James was telling some girl to get out of the house. Bella, you have to believe me when I say that I’d never hurt you.”

“But you have,” I cut him off, my voice barely audible. I heard him sigh and murmur something to Matt. I didn’t move at all as Matt and James both walked away, leaving Connor and I alone.

“Bella,” he said softly.

I didn’t even notice him sit down next to me. “I know I’ve hurt you, but that was before. I’m sorry for all those things. I am so sorry.”

“This is just a lot to take in,” I muttered. “So, you’re saying you were knocked out, then sexually assaulted by some girl?”

“I know, it sounds stupid. And I’m pretty sure it was a guy who knocked me out. Bella, believe me, please. I think it was a set up.”

“What about all the alcohol?” I asked, motioning to all the empty beer bottles, and cracked-open vodka bottle. Connor dropped his head in his hands and let out a groan.

“It was a set up! I don’t know! I wasn’t drinking at all!” Connor pleaded.

I nodded and stood up, wiping my hands nervously on my legs.

“I’m going to need some time,” I shook my head slightly in a pathetic attempt to clear my head.

“Are… are you breaking up with me?” Connor asked, now looking at me.

“No! No I’m not,” I said quickly. “It’s just really hard to believe. I mean, why did you guys just let the girl go? She could have been dangerous!”

“Bella, Matt walked in to find some girl on top of me, while I was completely delirious. They were more focused on what was wrong with me than the bleached blonde slut,” Connor tried to explain, yet nothing was still making any sense to me.

“Do you understand how far off that sounds?” I stood up, running my hands roughly through my hair.

Connor stood up as well and moved so that he was directly in front of me.

“Bella, you need to understand something. Before I met you, yeah, I was a player and I did use girls. But you’re different, as clichéd and stupid as it sounds, for the first time, I actually have true feelings for a girl,” he passionately said, his tone soft.

And it was hurting me, to feel the pain he was feeling. But if only he could feel the pain he was putting me through, too!

“And?” I sighed. “Obviously, I like you, too. Hell, I may even love you… But how? How am I supposed to believe in this… this ridiculous story you just told me? Honestly, I feel like it’s making everything worse. I’d much rather that you just admit you cheated on me than make something up.”

I watched as his expression transformed with my words, the hurt and hopelessness being replaced with anger.

“Are you serious?” It came out as a mere whisper. “I love you, Bella, so you better fucking believe me when I say I wouldn’t cheat on you.”

“But before…”

“I was distraught! You weren’t giving me time to explain!” Connor exclaimed, backing away from me. I watched as he slumped down onto the stool in the kitchen, his head back in his hands.

“Connor…”

“You don’t even understand how much you’re hurting me.”

I stared at his figure for a couple of seconds before the walls I had placed… Well, they broke.

“I’m hurting you? Me? How do you think I feel? People go around telling me how dangerous you are, and how you would be bad for me. But did I listen? No! And then, I made up my mind to support you, trust you, and I decide that I’d do anything to be with you. I chose you over Liam, the boy next door, the one everyone thought I should choose. Why? Because I have never felt this way about anyone, and I couldn’t let that slip past me. Then, it seems as though the second I reach cloud nine, I am thrown back to the ground because my parents decided you’re a bad influence on me, and that I couldn’t see you anymore.”

“Wha——”

“Let me finish!” I snapped, ignoring the tears that were streaming down my face.

He nodded his head lightly, allowing me to continue.

“So, I came here. I came here to tell you what my parents said, and how I… I wasn’t going to listen to them.” I was breathing heavily as tears completely flooded my vision.

“Bella…”

“But,” I cut him off, looking away. “I was wrong. I shouldn’t have come here. You and I? This?” I choked up a little, wiping my tears furiously as they cascaded down continuously. “This shouldn’t be so hard!”

“Bella, I thought you said you weren’t breaking up with me.”

I looked to see Connor standing only a few steps away. I opened my mouth to respond, but all that came out was some kind of whimper.

Biting my lip, I simply shrugged—a sign of defeat. “I lied.”

“Bella, no!” Connor cried out, grabbing my arm. He pulled my body flush against his, wiping my seemingly never-ending tears away with his free hand. “This isn’t fair! I would never cheat on you! I was set up! Please, please believe me!”

I pulled myself out of his grasp, taking a couple steps back in the process. “You keep saying that! That you were set up! Who then, Connor? Who set you up?”

He looked around, holding up his hands in defeat. “I… I don’t know.”

“Why, huh?” I asked, my tone growing cold. “Because you have too many enemies? Is that why?”

He winced as I said that, his eyes barely meeting mine. “Yes.”

“Then maybe, maybe this was meant to happen.” My voice grew quieter as I stared at him, the hurt spreading through my chest as I whispered my next few words. “I can’t do this anymore. You can’t do this. We… we can't do this.”

“Are you saying…?”

“Yes.” My heart clenched. “Connor, I’m done. We’re done.” I turned away at that, feeling my whole body shake as the tears drenched my shirt.

That was it. Connor and I were breaking up.

It was almost nine, and I still hadn’t found the strength to drive myself back home. I managed to drive a couple of blocks away from Connor’s house before the tears became too much, and I found myself sitting in my car, pulling over on some empty street, and sobbing my eyes out.

Well, sobbing is one way to put it. It was more like screaming and sobbing, if you get what I mean. I was crying so hard that small screams escaped my mouth every time I thought about what happened.

How the hell was I supposed to get over this?

Slowly, as minutes ticked by, the tears began to run dry, and a pounding headache replaced the uncontrollable sobs. My breathing was irregular, and every now and then, a hiccup would escape my lips. And the worst part? I liked it better when I was crying. Because then, I could just sit there and stew in misery, reflecting on how shitty I felt. The sound of a loud
bing
caused me to shriek and jump from my seat. Cautiously, I grabbed my phone from the back seat, looking around as I did so.

From: Matt

Bella, I know you’re hurt and all right now, and I wish I could be there for you. But Connor just wants to make sure you’re okay, and at home. Please respond.

A weak, faltering smile crossed my lips at the thought of Connor actually being worried about me.
Great! Good job, Bella. Way to give up on the only guy who might ever worry about you.
I bit my lip as the tears started again. Luckily, I managed to force them back down.

To: Matt

It’s okay, I understand. And I’m fine. Just make sure Connor’s going to be okay.

The tears that I was working on holding back erupted from my eyes, and I found myself curled up in my seat once again, crying my eyes out.

Bing!

From: Matt

I will. And, Bells, I really am sorry about what happened. I just think you should know, Connor really did, and still does have feelings for you. Don’t think otherwise.