Authors: T.K. Rapp
Have you ever had that moment where suddenly you realize that your life is in a certain place and you don’t know how you got there? That’s how I feel today.
“Cass,” Nev’s voice sounds on the other side of the door. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute.” I hate throwing up. You would think I’m used to it by now. The chemo treatments left me with bouts of nausea and vomiting for hours. But this shit is ridiculous. I feel like I’m throwing up every five minutes. I can’t eat anything without it coming back up.
Morning sickness my ass! All day sickness is more like it!
I come out of the bathroom and Nev walks over to check on me. “How long is this shit supposed to last?”
“I wish I knew. The books say it usually ends in the first trimester, but I’m not sure this little human is gonna follow that rule.” I look at Nev apologetically. This is her day and I can’t keep anything down long enough to enjoy it. “Sorry about that, but I’m sure
it
will make it up to you when it arrives.”
“
It
? Seriously, Cass, you cannot refer to your baby as ‘it,’” she says offended.
“Well, I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl so what would you suggest?”
She thinks for a second and comes up with a ridiculous name, “How about we call the baby smalls?”
“Why would I call my baby
smalls
?”
“Why would you call your baby
it
?” she snaps back quickly. “Besides, it kinda fits your snarky attitude.”
“Fine, smalls it is,” I say, just as Drew and Luke walk over to join us.
“What’s fine?” Luke asks looking between the two of us.
Nev speaks with pride, “I’ve just named their baby.”
Drew looks at me in shock, “Don’t worry,” I rest my hand on his arm, “just while she’s here.” I lay my hand to my barely visible bump.
“There’s just one problem,” Drew states affirmatively, “it’s going to be a boy.”
When I give him my “how would you know face” he just grins and shrugs, which always drives me crazy.
We return our attention back to our friends who have been ignoring our conversation in favor of their own. They dragged us out to meet them and we figured out already that they sorted some stuff out.
“So are you two going to tell us the date?” I ask looking between the two of them.
“We're going to the JP next month!” Nev says excitedly.
“That's great?" I pause choosing my words, “But, why justice of the peace? Don’t you want a big wedding with all the bells and whistles?”
“Actually, I don’t want the traditional thing. No offense, but your wedding wasn’t huge and there was so much that went into it.” She sounds exhausted just admitting that much. “Besides, I don't want to be showing in my dress.”
It takes me a second to process that last part, “Wait. You? What?”
“I just found out, so I’m not very far along,” she squeals with delight.
I'm stunned. I didn't know that my best friend even wanted kids, but I'm so excited for her. How did I not see it? But then again, I’ve been puking nonstop and between work and Drew, I guess I haven’t seen that much of her.
I touch my hand to my stomach when another wave of nausea comes. This little heathen is going to be end of me. “You’re killing me smalls.” I laugh as soon as the words fly out because
The Sandlot
was one of our favorite movies. Drew laughs as he reaches for my hand and whispers in my ear with his all-knowing grin. “Like I said, we're having a boy.”
“And how do you figure you know that?” I ask sarcastically of my apparently psychic husband. His answer baffles me all the more.
“Because with any luck, they'll have a little girl.”
That’s a weird answer.
He kisses my nose and winks when he sees my obvious confusion. He just shrugs once again before explaining, “Every girl needs a Drew in her life."
I knew it!
Acknowledgements
When I decided to sit down and do something that I have only dreamed about, my husband didn’t hesitate when he said, “I know you can do it.” I’m not sure he will ever understand how much his belief in my abilities motivated me to believe in myself. I love you more than I can ever tell you, and I thank you for choosing me every morning. Thank you for letting me be
me
, every quirky version, and still loving
all
of me.
To Mieshaw and Da, thank you for being the kind of parents who believe their daughters can do absolutely anything they want. I am so blessed to have you both, and mom...your enthusiasm is contagious and we should all be so lucky to have that kind of energy.
(Thanks for the name.)
To my sister, Deanna, my complete opposite but my complete love…we’re all we have.
(Well…us and the T-10.)
Love to my Ave and Cader...I promised you.
I would not have been able to do any of this without the people who took the time to guide and encourage me along the way. Naomi Ashwood, you were the first person to look this over and if it were not for your feedback, I’m not sure where this would have ended up. To David Broom, you are so awesome and I can’t thank you enough; when I asked for your advice, you not only helped me, but you taught me how to do better. To Kari Gardner, my amazing friend/pseudo-sister, I love you to death and thank you for being so incredibly supportive and taking the time to get in there when life has us going every which way. To Kim Greny, I don’t care how long it takes, thank you being excited with me, for listening and being the kind of friend that I admire… champagne soon! An extra thank you to Autumn Red, Toria Walker, Monica Magee, Marisa Acevedo and Lea Daniels, who each inspired, cheered and pushed me along the way. Colleen Hoover, I think you’re amazing and I have already told you as much; you inspired me to go be it. And to Ms. Molly McAdams, you are so damn awesome and I am so happy to have met you; you said jump, so I did.
Last, but not at all least, to my daughters, the lights of my life, I love you both so much. You are the most amazing little humans to ever exist in my eyes. When I told you what I was doing, you both asked me everyday how it was going and what it was about. You were interested when no one else was and you both told me that I could do it. I love you my special angels.
About T.K. Rapp
T.K. Rapp is a Texas girl born and raised. She earned a B.A. in Journalism from Texas A&M and it was there that she met the love of her life. He had a contract with the U.S. Navy that would take them across both coasts, and ultimately land them back home in Texas.
Upon finally settling in Texas, T.K. worked as a graphic designer and photographer for the family business that her mom started years earlier. She was able to infuse her creativity and passion, into something she enjoyed, but something was still missing. There was a voice in the back of her head that told her to write, so write, she did. And, somewhere on an external hard drive, are several stories she started and never finished.
Now at home, raising her two daughters, T.K. has more time to do the things she loves, which includes photography and writing. When she’s not doing one of those, she can be found with her family, which keeps her busy. She enjoys watching her kids in their various sporting activities (i.e. doing the soccer mom thing), having Sunday breakfast at her parent’s house, singing out loud and out of key or dancing like a fool. She loves raunchy humor, gossip blogs and a good book.