Beneath the Moon and the Stars (28 page)

‘No that was incredible.’

She smiled. ‘For me too.’

She leaned up and kissed him softly, and he pulled her gently against him but as it seemed it was going to turn into something else he pulled away.

‘Let’s go to bed.’

He climbed off the sofa and offered her his hand. She took it willingly as he led her up the stairs. She only hoped there was going to be more hot sex to come.

*

She woke in the muted greys of the early morning as Finn ran soft kisses across her collar bone and gentle caresses up and down her hip.

‘Hello,’ he whispered.

‘Hi.’

He resumed his kisses, trailing his hot mouth across her throat and slowly leaning over her so he could carry on his kisses on the shoulder that was the furthest away from him. His hands caressed as he peppered her body with gentle kisses, but slowly, inch by inch he moved so he was on top of her. There was no weight on her at all and he watched her carefully as he carried on kissing her. There wasn’t a single part of her that could find any fear in what he was doing. He was big and strong but the only thing she wanted was to feel that strength against her. As he slowly moved his way back up her body, slowly nudging her legs apart, she could see he was waiting for permission. She wrapped her arms round his broad shoulders and pulled him close to her, kissing him hard. He slipped ever so slowly inside her, and as he started to move she waited for that same passion as before to take over, for that mindless, animalistic, raw sex. But this time was very different, every move was slow and considered, every touch was tender and loving, it was sweet and incredible and wonderful all at once. He didn’t take his eyes off her for one second as he made love to her. This was infinitely worse than the time before because with every gentle thrust, with every kiss and every caress she could feel herself falling deeper and deeper in love with him.

*

Joy woke the next day, lying on Finn’s chest. He wasn’t awake yet, his breathing was heavy, his hand was in her hair.

Making love had not been part of the plan. The kisses, the touches, the looks had been soft and languid. The tenderness he had shown her had made her feel so cherished. It was hard to believe that he only wanted sex from her after that. The worst thing was, that thing she had been looking for, that feeling of home she had spent years searching for, she hadn’t found it in the brick walls of a house, but in his arms. With his mouth against hers, when he was buried inside her, when their arms and legs had been tangled together, she had felt more at home there than any house she had ever lived in before.

If the night before was meant to eradicate that need for him from her system, it’d had the opposite effect. Now she’d had a taste of him, she needed more. But that wasn’t what it had been about for Finn, she knew that and she didn’t think she could bear to be there for the ‘let’s just be friends’ speech later that morning. It was time to go.

She slipped quietly from the bed and as he slept on undisturbed, she ran from the room and down the stairs. She found her dress, pulled it on and ran out the back door and into the safety of her own home.

It was half an hour later before Finn came to find her as she tried to distract herself with some atrocious sketches.

He was wearing shorts and nothing else and by the sleepy, dishevelled expression, he’d only just woke up.

‘Are you ok?’

‘Yes. No. I’m not really sure.’ She shaded the fur of a black panther so ferociously that she tore the page. She threw her pencil across the room and it bounced off the wall by Finn’s head.

‘Do you want to talk about it, did I do something wrong?’

‘Yes.’ She stood up. ‘You made love to me. It was supposed to be a night of hot, hard sex and you made love to me, that wasn’t part of the plan.’

‘You left this morning because I made love to you?’ Finn was clearly confused.

‘I really didn’t want to be there for the “that was a great, meaningless shag” speech. I don’t do one night stands Finn, I never have, I’m not sure what possessed me to start now.’

‘It doesn’t have to be a one night stand, we could do it again if you like, we can do it every night if you wish.’

She shook her head. How could it mean so much to her and so little to him?

‘And how would that work? Would we shag monogamously?’

She saw his eyes darken, what right did he have to be angry? ‘Yes, of course.’

‘That’s starting to sound a bit like a relationship to me and you don’t want one of those.’ She sighed, all the fight going out of her. ‘Someone would get hurt Finn and most likely it would be me. Despite your moods, and your silly, grumpy, gorgeous face, despite the fact that you stomp around like a child half the time and like a bear with a sore head the other half, you’re kind and sweet and protective and funny and amazing in bed – and I’ve stupidly gone and fallen for you.’

She watched the fear in his eyes but he didn’t run away.

He moved closer. ‘What is it you want?’

She laughed hollowly. ‘I don’t know. The whole caboodle. Picnics in the woods, walking our dogs together over the fields, meals out in little country pubs, dancing in the moonlight, lying in front of the fire and making love on a cold winter’s night. I want the cliché, I want my happy ever after.’

She flushed. Really, she should run through what she wanted to say in her brain at least twice before she allowed her mouth to articulate it rather than letting it have a free rein. Where was the rulebook when it came to playing the game, surely she shouldn’t be so honest with him. Indifferent, blasé maybe, but not honest to the point of blunt. They hadn’t even been out on a date yet and already she was telling him she wanted to marry him. No guy wanted to hear that. How humiliating.

She moved to walk away from him but Finn caught her hand.

‘I’m sorry that I can’t give you what you want. I’m trying really hard to be ready for a relationship. I’m just not there yet.’

‘You know the best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.’

He ran a finger down her cheek. ‘It’s not like lending you some money and waiting for you to pay it back, or leaving my wallet in your house to see if you return it. This is my heart. It’s already been stamped on once and the pain was unbearable. I’m not willing to get hurt like that again.’

Touched by his vulnerability and candour, she held his hand against her lips and kissed him. ‘And I’m not willing for us to have a purely physical relationship either, so I guess we have ourselves a stalemate.’

He stared at her for a moment, kissed her on the forehead and walked away.

It seemed she wasn’t worth fighting for after all.

*

Joy took a long swig from her beer as Casey settled himself into the chair opposite, his eyes hidden by the sunglasses he was wearing. Grateful that her own sunglasses would hide her red puffy eyes, she watched him carefully. He looked happy and relaxed sitting barefoot in her garden, but his smile was hiding something. His happiness rubbed off on her and she leaned forward smiling. God it was good to see him.

‘Come on, Fallowfield, out with it.’

He laughed. ‘Jesus Joy, want a job with CID? We could do with someone like you.’

Giving him a few minutes’ grace as he shifted awkwardly under her gaze, she leaned back in her seat and watched a huge group of people trudging from the village and up into the hills.

‘Where are they going?’

He swivelled round to look and turned back. ‘Deer hunting.’

‘You’re kidding?’

He shook his head.

The villagers really were a sick bunch if they could kill something so pure and innocent as a deer.

She changed the subject. ‘Aren’t you supposed to be on honeymoon round about now, lying on a beach in St Lucia being served mojitos by some hot barman.’

He smiled. ‘Damn it, why didn’t I think of that. Actually I didn’t really want to go on my own. There would have been something very depressing about lying in my honeymoon suite all alone for two weeks.’

‘Hell, I would have gone with you, we could have pretended to be husband and wife for two weeks. I would have rubbed suntan lotion into your back and turned a blind eye whilst you fooled around with the pool boy.’

‘Very sweet of you, but I’ve spent the last fifteen years pretending to be someone I’m not, I couldn’t do it anymore. Besides, going on holiday kind of felt like running away; it’s time to face the music.’

She grabbed a handful of cashew nuts and shoved the bowl across the table towards him. ‘So your mum now knows the reason your marriage broke up.’

‘Joy the reason my marriage broke up was because my wife was caught shagging another man, you know that. If that hadn’t happened I’d be sitting on a beach in St Lucia wondering about faking my own death round about now, just so I could finally start to live the life I want to live. However, now the deed is done, I spent a very long time yesterday talking to my mum about my sexuality. She cried buckets.’

‘Oh god Casey, of disappointment?’

‘No, because I never felt I could tell her, that I had lived a lie and that I was only marrying Arielle to keep her happy. She was distraught. But finally, after the tears had stopped, she told me how happy she was for me, that I had finally come out. I told her that if she wanted to keep it quiet I would understand and I would ensure I was very discreet. But she was adamant that she wasn’t ashamed of me, that she loved me and was very proud of me and if I was to bring a man along to any of the many functions…. she would be happy as long as I was happy.’

‘That’s great. Oh I’m so pleased for you.’

He swept his hair from his face. ‘I know, all these years of hiding and it was for nothing. I feel an idiot. You don’t know how light I feel, like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I’m gay and now I can finally shout about it.’

She laughed, then moved in for the strike. ‘But that’s not what has you smiling like the cat that’s got the cream.’

He blushed as he examined a stray thread on his shorts. ‘I’ve met someone.’

‘Good god, that was quick. When did this happen?’

He smiled again and she wished he would take his glasses off so she could see his eyes. ‘Yesterday, Alex took me to a gay bar, my first one, I was so excited.’

‘And this man was there? What’s he like, what’s his name, did anything happen?’

Casey smiled that sweet, happy smile again. ‘We’re taking it really slow, seeing how things go. We kissed, that was it. But I’m seeing him again. I’d like you to meet him, at some point. Not yet, but if it turns into something more then I definitely want you two to meet.’

Stunned by this huge gesture of friendship, she took a huge swig of beer. ‘I would love to, anyone that makes you this happy must be pretty special.’

‘I think he is, but as I said, we’re taking it slow.’

‘Was there Zing?’

He laughed. ‘There was definitely Zing.’

‘Ooh what about Alex? Did he pull? Was there anyone that took his fancy?’

He frowned slightly. ‘Shouldn’t you be asking him those questions?’

‘Oh he rarely tells me anything about his love life. He was involved with someone, quite seriously about two and half, three years ago but that ended sourly and Al ended up with a broken heart. As far as I know there hasn’t been anyone serious since. I’d love for him to find someone special, for him to be happy too.’

Casey took his sunglasses off and rubbed his head. ‘I don’t want to speak for him but there was one man who he seemed to spend more time with than anyone else. When we left, he was grinning hugely.’

Joy clapped her hands together excitedly.

Just then her phone rang on the table between them. She leaned forward and saw that it was Alex ringing. ‘Oh talk of the devil.’

Casey suddenly leapt up and grabbed the phone from her hand before she could answer it.

‘Don’t you dare say I told you that! If he wants to tell you about his mystery man then that’s down to him. But you didn’t hear it from me.’

Burning with curiosity she nodded reluctantly and he passed her back the phone.

‘Hey!’ She answered it whilst Casey watched her intently.

‘Hey, my lovely little sister, how are you?’

‘All the better for speaking to you.’ And that was the truth.

He laughed.

‘You sound happy.’ She ignored Casey’s scowl. ‘Casey said you went to a gay bar yesterday.’ Casey reached across and pinched her. ‘Ow!’

‘What’s up?’

‘Nothing, just stubbed my toe.’ She returned Casey’s glare.

‘You’re so clumsy. Yes we went to Dazzles; you know I can’t resist that place.’

She laughed. She’d been there a few times with Alex herself – it was a cheesy place, but the drinks flowed cheaply and the clientele were a happy, laidback bunch.

‘You sure know how to show a man a good time.’

‘Hey, he had a good time,’ Alex said defensively. ‘Did he say he had a good time?’

‘Yes he did. He said he met someone nice.’

She could almost hear Alex smile on the other end. ‘Yeah he did, well the other guy seems nice. Not bad for Casey’s first night out. I’m quite proud of him.’

Still ignoring the scowl, she pressed on. ‘Take care of him though Al. I don’t want to see him get hurt.’

The scowl fell from Casey’s face immediately, his mouth hanging open slightly in shock.

‘I will, I promise.’

Joy smiled. ‘And you? Was there anyone that grabbed your eye?’

The scowl came back on Casey’s face again.

‘Well… yes. Someone I’ve known for a while actually, but he was involved with someone else and I’ve never really looked at him like that before. But my god does he kiss well. I like him, a lot, but we’ll just see how it goes. It’s early days.’

And that was as much as she was going to get out of him for now, she knew that.

‘How’s your love life?’ Alex asked pointedly, deftly turning the tables on her.

She sighed heavily. ‘Non-existent.’ Eyeing Casey across the table, she glanced down. ‘I slept with him.’

‘And?’

There was no judgement from Alex, just unwavering continued love and support.

‘And it was bloody amazing, but we’re still no further along than we were when I saw you. He still doesn’t want me.’