Bent (26 page)

As the fight dwindled, volunteers returned to setting up the same set of decorations that had adorned the courthouse lawn for generations. Micah saw someone approach Julia from the opposite side of the building. With the number of people working in the area, it shouldn't have concerned him but it did. As soon as he saw the nearly threadbare red coat, he fumbled for the controls. He needed to get down and go to Julia.

"Julia?" The hair on the back of her neck stood on end as soon as she heard the familiar voice.

She whipped around, willing herself to stay calm. "Yes?" Julia said coolly.

As soon as Julia looked into her eyes, she knew the woman standing in front of her didn't pose the same type of threat she once had. If it hadn't been for having the woman's voice seared forever into her memory, she wouldn't have recognized her. "Can we talk for a minute?"

"Karen, I'm not sure there's anything to be said," Julia said without a trace of emotion. There was no emotion because Julia didn't know what to feel. "What are you doing here?"

Karen's eyes shot up and she fixated on something over Julia's shoulder. "Look, I know you probably hate me and I don't blame you. But I need to talk to you about a couple of things." Her words were hurried as her eyes stayed set in the distance. "Please, it won't take long."

In what could only be described as a moment of insanity, Julia reached for Karen's hand and led her towards Schneider's Cafe. Unable to ignore Karen's constant glances over her shoulder, Julia looked to see what piqued her interest. She saw a very determined, very upset Micah walking towards them. She pursed her lips and subtly shook her head. Whatever Karen wanted to say, she was obviously nervous by Micah's presence.

As they walked through the door of the cafe, her cell phone chirped from her inside coat pocket. Before she had pulled it out, she knew who the message was from. She looked over her shoulder and saw a bewildered Micah standing on the opposite corner.

What's going on? Please don't let anything she says wipe the smile from your face. It's nice to see for once.

Julia signaled for two coffees and sat in the corner booth. "Okay, so say what you need to say," she said, exasperated. "I figure we have about five minutes before Micah comes in to see what you're trying to accomplish here." She held her phone beneath the table top so she could respond.

No clue. She wanted to talk, I'm letting her talk. Is she going to say something to upset me?

Karen fidgeted as she tried to figure out she was going to say. "I know you probably hate me," she whispered, "and I don't blame you. For a long time, I hated you too."

"You had no reason to--"

Before Julia could finish her thought, Karen cut her off. "You're wrong. Well, you're right, but I felt like I had a reason to hate you. I thought that, in time, Micah would start to love me but he didn't. He never stopped loving you and he blamed me for getting pregnant. How would you feel if you were constantly compared to the person who came before you and you were told repeatedly how you screwed up his life?"

In a twisted way, Julia could understand what Karen was saying. No one knew it, but there was a time during her own failed marriage when Josh had been bitter and angry towards Julia because he wasn't free to love the person he was in love with. That didn't explain why they were sitting here talking over coffee. "Is that what you wanted to say?"

Reaching into her pocket, Karen placed an orange plastic chip between them on the table. "No, that wasn't what I wanted to say. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for the hell I put you through a few months ago. It's no excuse but I was in a dark place and high as a kite. Seeing you with Micah, seeing you talking to my son, I snapped."

She picked up the chip and clenched it in her fist as if it were a talisman. "Micah wouldn't let me see Caleb but he let you, someone who my son didn't know, spend time with him. It hurt like hell and I wanted someone else to hurt just as bad as I was."

"Karen," Julia said softly, "you were using. That's the only reason he didn't let you see Caleb. Can you blame him for that?" She peered through the window and saw Micah trying to act like he wasn't watching them as he fed strands of lights to Austin, who had taken Micah's place in the bucket.

Karen shook her head, "No. Now that I'm clean, I know why he did it. But you have to remember, I was
always
high then. It didn't matter to me, all I knew was I wanted to see my son. And now it's too late. Caleb doesn't want to spend time with me."

Even though she knew the words were true on some level, Julia's heart hurt for Karen. "He's a scared boy, Karen. You left him once, he thinks you'll do it again. My mom left when I was older than he is now and I felt the same way. I can't imagine if I'd been even younger." Julia was certain she would wake up any second and this would all be some deranged dream. "But you have to keep trying. You're the one who screwed up. You have to show him that you're not leaving this time. Just give him time."

A tear fell down Karen's cheek. "I overheard him say something the last time he came to therapy," Karen mumbled. "He said he wished you were his mom. He said you were a better mom to him than I ever was." For the first time, Karen looked up from the table. "How can he say that? How can I get over that?"

Julia didn't say anything. She knew that no matter what words came out of her mouth, they would be the wrong words. The uncomfortable silence was broken by Julia's phone.

Everything okay?

She tapped out a quick reply, still reeling over what Karen had just told her. Unlike when Micah welcomed her to parenthood, Karen's words weren't a failed attempt to lighten the mood. Karen was a mother in pain with a son who thought of Julia as a suitable parent. It did nothing to ease her battle raging in her mind.

Yes, but be ready for the garage when we get home.

"I really don't know what to say to that, Karen," Julia said trying to hide the myriad emotions she was feeling. "I'm not trying to be Caleb's mom. Even if you haven't made the best decisions, you're still his mother. I know that. As for how you get over it, you have to accept that his feelings are valid. Just keep trying to show him that you love him."

With that, Julia stood and left. There was nothing left to say and she had no interest in cementing herself in the middle of this dysfunctional family feud. Whatever was going on was between them.

Before she reached the door, Julia turned back to say the one thing she hadn't said. "As for your apology, I understand. I'm not saying I can forgive you and I know that I'll never forget it, but I understand that you weren't thinking clearly. That much is pretty obvious. But I can promise you this; if you
ever
hurt either one of them again, I'll make sure that I come back from wherever I am and deal with you myself."

As she crossed to the courthouse, Julia saw that Micah and Annie were in a heated conversation. When Micah noticed Julia, he motioned to Annie that he would be back and tentatively walked across the courthouse lawn to meet Julia. "Hey, are you okay?"

Julia laughed, "Well, I'm not sure I'd say I'm okay, but yeah, everything is as okay as it can be."

Micah cocked his head, "Care to explain?"

"Nah, there's time for that later," she said. "Right now, let's get the rest of these lights up so we can get home. It's freaking cold out here." She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips hard against his. "Don't get bent out of shape, I'm fine."

As promised, Julia summoned Micah to the garage shortly after they got home. Once there, she told him everything she and Karen had talked about. Nothing she said surprised him, even the part about Caleb feeling like Julia was a better mom to him than Karen. It didn't surprise him but she noticed him rubbing his temples the way he always did when he was worried.

"So, am I going to wake up tomorrow and you're going to be gone?" he asked with a slight hint of laugh.

He tried to hide his fear but Julia knew he was truly concerned that she would run. She'd done it before. She'd thought about doing it last weekend. This time, it was Julia closing the space between them. She drew him close resting her head on his chest.

"Hell no, you owe me Thanksgiving dinner. Plus, I'm not about to miss the lighting tomorrow night. So, I'd say that guarantees you have me until at least Friday," she joked. He didn't see the humor in her words.

"Baby, I know how you feel about the family thing. I'm not sure I understand it but you've made it clear," his voice was barely audible as he fought his emotions. "I don't want to lose you again, especially not because of something Karen said. I'm done letting her be the reason we fight. Please tell me you're not going to leave."

Julia slipped her arms inside his coat needing to feel his warmth. "I'm not going to lie, it freaks me out a bit. But I'm not running because of anything she said. No, I didn't sign up to be Caleb's mom. But I'll be damned if I haven't fallen in love with that kid. And
that
is what scares me more than anything."

"You amaze me, you know that?" Micah whispered.

"So you've said," Julia smiled.

Micah and Julia stood in the garage wrapped in each other's warmth until Caleb came out to find them. They spent the rest of the evening enjoying pizza and video games as a family.

For only the second night since she'd been back, the emptiness between them in the bed was gone. "Can I ask you something?" Micah breathed into her ear as they lay in the dark.

"You just did," Julia laughed.

Micah gently pulled on Julia's shoulders until her face was inches from his. "Do you think there's a chance that someday your heart will heal from everything I've done to you so you can really love me again?"

"Micah, even with everything that's happened in our lives, I don't think there was ever a time when I didn't love you. You've bent the hell out of my heart but for whatever twisted reason, I never stopped loving you."

He rolled her back so her back was pressing into his chest as he drew her as close to his body as possible. "I don't deserve you."

"No, you really don't," she agreed as she drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Nineteen

Julia planned to get out of bed early on Thanksgiving morning so she could start cooking. It was the first time she was in charge of the meal and she wanted everything to be perfect. She flew out of bed in a panic when she noticed the time on her phone. It was already ten-thirty. 

Julia blamed the fact that she slept better than she had in months on the fact that she fell asleep in her lover's arms and there were finally no more secrets between them. Her chest hurt when she thought about the fact that in just a few days she was going to lose that feeling again.

Voices carried through the hallway as Julia made her way to the shower. Bowls clattered in the kitchen. She tried to distinguish the voices to know who had started making dinner without her. As long as they had a fresh pot of coffee waiting for her, she didn't care who was in the kitchen. Today was going to be a good day.

The bathroom door opened as hot water sluiced over her shoulders. "Hey baby," Julia sighed.

"Heya, toots," teased a female voice.

Julia's head popped out from behind the shower curtain, "What in the hell are you doing here? You said you couldn't come back for Thanksgiving," she exclaimed at the sight of a laughing Carly standing in front of her.

"Yeah, well when Gran begs, there's really no way to deny her," Carly said, trying to stifle a fit of giggles at the sight of a bodiless Julia topped off with lather. "Anyway, I just came up to tell you to be decent when you come downstairs. You have company."

Julia was no longer prepared to deal with whatever she faced downstairs. Something was up. Carly should be a thousand miles away wallowing in their depressing apartment, not standing in Julia's bedroom. She'd been adamant that there was no way she could get the time off work so close to the holidays.

"Do I even want to know?" Julia asked, not in the mood for pre-coffee surprises. No one was supposed to be at the house until mid-afternoon. From the tone in Carly's voice, Julia had a feeling everyone was already there.

"Just finish up in there," Carly dodged, "I'll grab you some clothes to save you that pain."  Julia grumbled as the door closed. All she wanted was to spend the day zoning out in the kitchen. The plan was a quiet day at home and a bustling house in the evening.

She really needed to realize there was no point in making plans for anything when it came to this group. If she hadn't promised herself to roll with the punches and enjoy the rest of her vacation, it would have been easy to be in a foul mood.

Skinny jeans and a white cable knit sweater seemed an ill-suited outfit for the day Julia had planned. Something was definitely going on. Julia noticed a new pair of knee-high boots with a three inch heels on the floor next to the bed. They were totally impractical for spending the day in the kitchen but they were amazing. She had never seen them before but didn't question their presence.