Best for the Baby (14 page)

“I’ll tell you one thing about that stubborn old coot,” the sheriff said. “Yeah, he was disappointed when you didn’t immediately want to take over the family business. But he was coming around, and he was proud of your accomplishments.”

Zack wanted to close his eyes against the sensation that he couldn’t breathe. Was it really possible that his father had been proud of the man he’d become? “Sheriff,” he said, not even sure what to say, “Dad lived two miles away from my office in Miami, yet he never paid a visit. Not once.”

“I didn’t say it was easy for him. Or that he’d ever admit he was wrong. But the last time we went fishing, he seemed to know an awful lot about your new business. Complaining the whole time, of course. But pretty clued in to what you were up to. For a man who
supposedly resented what you did with your life, he seemed awfully interested in the details.”

“I don’t know….”

In an odd, dispassionate corner of his brain Zack could see his father building a wall around his heart to keep his disappointment with his son at bay, and yet unable to keep from wondering. From caring. Tom Davidson had been a decent man. An intrinsically honorable man. What the sheriff said made sense. Complete sense.

Moran settled back in his chair. “I guess you can believe what you want. But the day he asked to borrow my tuxedo, he said he wanted to look like royalty. That he was making a quick trip back to Miami because he had someone he wanted to look his best for. Who else would that someone be if not you?”

No arguing with that logic. Zack sat still. Perfectly, utterly still…the racing thunder of his heart the only sound he could hear.
Damn it, Dad. How did we get so far from where we started?

But gradually, the heavy, hot rock of grief and guilt that sat on his chest began to shift a little and wobble dangerously. Zack couldn’t say much after that, and by the time he shook Moran’s hand on the sidewalk outside the diner, he thought he understood a hell of a lot more about Tom Davidson than he had when he’d walked into the restaurant two and a half hours earlier.

Understood and accepted.

Part of him was still hurt with his father for getting on that damn roof, and for never being willing to openly see Zack’s side of things. The last year of his life should not have held so much friction. But another part of Zack had begun to realize how difficult it had been for Tom
to accept that his son was never going to follow in his footsteps. Sheriff Moran had given him new insight into his father’s irascible personality.

And he never would have known any of it if Alaina hadn’t insisted on giving him her little pep talk about facing life’s setbacks.

He thought about seeing her in just a few minutes, her features full of concern for him. There would be hope in her eyes, and that compelling female warmth that he found so distinctly unsettling. God, he loved the way she looked when she was passionate about something.

Alaina excited and fascinated him more than any woman he’d ever met. The way she made him laugh. That funny habit she had of holding the tip of her tongue against her upper lip when she concentrated. The faint blush that caressed her cheeks when she caught him looking at her.

He loved those things about her and more, and he would miss them after he left. All those feelings he had tried to ignore for so many years…How was he supposed to go back to Miami and bury them once again?

It caught him off balance then. The crashing realization that he couldn’t do that. Alaina was in his blood and always had been. Because he loved her.

Love.

The idea took hold, and he knew it without a doubt.

Their friendship had been a treasure they had lost and had to recover. But he wanted more than that. He couldn’t go on like this. Needing her so desperately.

Now the question was what could he do about it? Was he just supposed to shut up and stop wanting?

He wouldn’t.

It was time for her to know how he felt. That what they had wasn’t just friendship or great sex, but so much more than that. He loved her, and he suspected that she felt the same. Maybe she just wasn’t ready to acknowledge it. Maybe, for the sake of the baby, she thought she had to hold out for that son of a bitch Jeffrey to make a reappearance. But that wasn’t going to happen, and she’d accept that eventually.

As for raising another man’s baby, loving it as his own…Zack could do that. Because a part of that child would be Alaina.

If he just told her. If he just made her see that they could work out anything, as long as they could be together…

By the time he pulled up in the cottage driveway, he felt lighter than he had in days. He went up the porch steps quickly, feeling the sudden, sweet and mindless need to be near her. Now. When there was so much to be said.

“Al,” he called out as he banged the front door behind him. “Where are you?”

“In the kitchen,” she replied.

He strode into the room and went directly to the sink, where Alaina seemed to be waiting for him, wiping her hands on a kitchen towel. Dimly he was aware of the sound of something boiling on the stove, and the pungent smell of tomato sauce, but he had no interest in it.

He grabbed her arms in his hands. “You were right,” he stated quickly. “I’ll tell you all about what Moran said. Later. Right now, I need to talk to you.”

“I need to talk to you, too,” she said.

The betraying tremor in her voice, the lines in her forehead spelled trouble. Instantly he frowned, as well.

Alaina slipped out of his arms. “I’d like you to meet someone,” she said, and her glance slid sideways.

He turned.

A man sat at the kitchen table. He was scruffy, with a sheepish smile on his handsomely boyish face.

No one had to tell Zack that this was Jeffrey, the absentee boyfriend.

I
T WAS THE HARDEST
introduction Alaina had ever made, but somehow she managed it. “This is Jeffrey Balfour,” she told Zack. “Jeffrey, this is the man I told you about. My best friend, Zack Davidson.”

Jeffrey rose from the table. Zack, standing so ramrod straight he might have been part of a military parade, extended his hand, but she knew him so well. She knew without a doubt that for one red instant he considered decking her baby’s father.

It was in the hard line of his jaw, his quickened breathing, the slight flare of his nostrils. A bull pawing the earth couldn’t have made his feelings any clearer.

Fortunately Jeffrey did nothing to encourage hostility. He shook Zack’s hand and gave him that smile that had first caught her notice. “Nice to meet you,” he said. “I appreciate your looking after Alaina the way you have.”

“She needed someone to.”

Alaina winced at the accusation so evident in those words. Jeffrey seemed to take it in stride, however. He glanced down, then back up, as though asking for mercy. “Yeah, I know. I’ve had finer moments. But I’m hoping that from here on out, I can make it up to her.”

It was not what she wanted him to say. Not to Zack.
“Jeffrey got here just before you arrived,” she interjected quickly.

“Where’s your motorcycle?”

“The ignition was about shot, so I left it in that one-horse garage in town and hitchhiked.” Jeffrey inched closer to her, gave her a proprietary smile and let his fingers trail along her vertebrae. “After Alaina called me, I was desperate to get here, and I didn’t want it cutting out on some deserted country road.”

Zack’s eyes slid to hers. He looked as if he’d never seen her before. It was almost beyond bearing. “You called him?” he asked in a colorless tone.

She had a perfect right to call whomever she wanted, but inexplicably, her senses swam with panic. She took a breath, trying to find her equilibrium. “I talked to Maggie this morning. Jeffrey left his number with her.”

“I was going crazy trying to track her down from Atlanta,” Jeffrey added.

When Zack replied, his words were cold, measured. “Maybe if you’d left her with something more than the clothes on her back—”

“Zack.” Alaina cut in. Jeffrey had a way of paying little attention to insults, but she was afraid the conversation would deteriorate completely from here. “Would you mind leaving the two of us alone for a little while? We need to talk.”

A quiet that was both potent and dangerous descended. He didn’t move, but she could guess that he wasn’t about to go anywhere unless she really wanted him to.

“Please,” she added. “I’ll be fine.”

Even Jeffrey seemed to realize that something more was needed. “Look, man,” he said to Zack. “I know you
think I’m a real bastard, leaving Alaina on her own the way I did, and I won’t argue that. I was. I didn’t know for the longest time that I had her wallet, as well, but as soon as I did, I tried to get it to her. I’ve come back to make it right between us. I wouldn’t hurt her for the world.”

For what seemed like hours, Zack continued to look at her. Then, abruptly, he turned and strode out of the room. A moment later she heard the front door open and close, and a car pull out of the driveway.

The suddenness of his departure left her feeling deflated, but it also brought a sharp pang of relief. She’d handled this all wrong. She should have told Zack she’d called Jeffrey this morning. She knew that in spite of the way he felt about what Jeffrey had done, he was generous enough to help her figure out the best way to handle this. But she’d never expected her ex-lover to show up so quickly, and had barely had time to think about what
she
intended to say to him.

Now here he was. Looking full of regret and sweetness. Running his hand along the back of her neck as though he had every right to touch her.

“I’d say that guy isn’t crazy about me,” he told her.

Alaina slipped out from under his arm and turned to face him. “I’d say he’s not the only one.”

“Babe, let me explain….”

She leaned back against the table and stared at him, arms crossed over her breasts. “I’m not sure there’s a suitable explanation for what you did. When you said you needed time to adjust to the idea of being a father, I didn’t think that meant leaving me alone and pregnant in some hotel room. With no idea where you’d gone.”

He had the decency to look ashamed. “I know I acted
like an ass. I can’t offer any excuse, except to say that I was scared. Terrified at the thought of being tied down. So I ran.”

“Did you even think about me?”

“When I found your wallet inside my backpack, I realized that would put you in a jam. I tried calling the hotel, but you’d checked out.”

“But you didn’t come back.”

“I couldn’t. I was already in Dallas, trying to organize a picket on a stockyard there.”

“And that was more important than what might be happening to me and your baby.” It was a statement, not a question. She couldn’t help it. All the agonizing days and nights of wondering if she would ever see him again rose up in a wave of resentment.

He looked suddenly irritated. “Come on, Alaina. Don’t make it sound worse than it was. You’re a resourceful woman. You have a family that would have sent you the money to come home in a heartbeat. You weren’t playing hobo in a train car.” He glanced around the room. “In fact, if you ask me, it looks like you’ve managed pretty well. Nice roof over your head. A guy who would clearly do anything for you.”

“You don’t have to tell me what Zack Davidson would do for me,” she said, goaded to annoyance by his attitude. “Yes, he gave me room and board. He also drove me to my first doctor’s appointment, and made sure I took my vitamins and brought me ice cream when I’ve had cravings.” She felt as though there was a stone as big as a boulder pressing against her lungs, hampering her ability to breathe. She stopped for a moment, swallowing hard. “And where were you, Jeffrey?” she
asked more calmly. “At one time, I imagined that you and I might be the ones to do those things. Together. Like a real couple.”

“I would. I
will.
” He looked down at the floor, and Alaina wondered if he was framing an apology or more explanations. Finally he brought his head up to meet her eyes. “Look, I know I was a first-class bastard for running off. I’ve apologized, and I’ll say I’m sorry a hundred more times if it will make any difference to you. But the bottom line is, I’m back. I’m willing to face up to my responsibility as the father of this baby. Isn’t that what you want?”

“I’m not sure anymore.”

He crossed the distance between them to grab her hands and give them a slight squeeze. “Alaina, look at me. Be angry. I deserve it. But believe this. I want to do right by our baby.”

For a moment, she couldn’t even speak. Once she had yearned for something more from him. But what did she want now? “Do you remember when we were in Baton Rouge, trying to keep the bulldozers from tearing down that historic house on the river?”

“Yeah. What about it?”

“There was a day care next door, and the kids were all out on the playground. You said, ‘I don’t know why anyone has them. They kill any hope for adventure even more than getting married.’ Do you remember saying that?”

“Yes. But things are different now.”

“How?”

“Because I’m going to
make
them different,” he said with a pained smile.

“A child should have a home and two loving parents, Jeff.”

“I know. That’s why I’m prepared to give up everything I do, everything I am, just to make this right.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ll give up the causes. I’ll sell my bike and settle down.”

“And do what?”

He raked a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. “I don’t know yet. I know it won’t be easy for me. But I’m not without potential, you know. I have a degree in business administration.”

Alaina scanned his face. He looked much younger than she remembered. She shook her head. “You’d hate sitting behind a desk.”

“Sure,” he admitted. “Maybe for a while. But I’ll get used to it. Millions of people have to grow up and get serious about life. It’s just my turn.”

A hollow feeling settled in the pit of her stomach.
His turn.
Was that how Jeffrey would approach raising a child together? A duty. An obligation. Where was the excitement of becoming a father?
Poor Jeff,
she thought. So passionate about his causes. He would hate having his freedom restricted in any way.

She flinched as he took her face in his hands. “Please, babe. Give me a chance to prove that I can be everything you want. Marry me.”

Somewhere in the distance, another world maybe, she heard the sound of a boat motor on the lake, sputtering to a standstill. Then she could hear nothing except the pounding of her own heart.

“What…? Marry you?”

Jeffrey nodded. “You and me and the baby. We’ll get a little place anywhere you want. We can make this work. What do you say?”

“I say…why?”

He looked genuinely confused. “Why what? Why do I want to marry you?”

“Are you in love with me?” she asked, searching his face for the truth.

He grinned, then brought his hand against her flat stomach. “I thought you were the sexiest, hottest babe I’d ever seen when I met you, and you can get as big as a house with this kid and I’ll still think that.”

“That’s not love. Really, you don’t even know me.”

“Of course I do,” he said with a frown. “I made a baby with you, didn’t I? Together we’ve traveled half the country and back again.”

She shook her head. “That’s not
knowing
me. And even though we traveled together all those months, did we ever really talk about anything but the latest cause? And this child…? That was just the result of one insane night of passion.”

“One heck of a terrific night of passion,” Jeffrey said, wiggling his eyebrows.

She pulled out of his grasp and moved away. “Will you be serious? A marriage has to have more going for it than sex. It has to have friendship and trust, and the feeling that you can’t be truly happy unless the person you love is happy, too. It’s like the relationship I—”

She stopped and looked down, stunned and momentarily speechless. Had she really been about to say marriage should be the kind of relationship she had with Zack?

Yes.

Yes.

Was she really going to try to kid herself one more time? Was she going to deny what had been in her heart for so long? She had thought she had banished her love for Zack years ago. After her divorce from Gil, she had tried to reshape her life, hoping Jeffrey might be the answer. But could she lie to herself any longer?

She didn’t want just a great friendship with Zack.

She didn’t want just a few nights of great sex.

She wanted
him.

She was still in love with Zack Davidson.

Jeffrey was suddenly in front of her again. “I’m not saying I’ll be very good at it. But I’ll get better as I go along.”

“What’s my favorite color?” she asked suddenly.

“What?” Then quickly he added, “Yellow.”

“My favorite ice cream?”

“Butter pecan.”

“My favorite movie?”

“I don’t know,
Ghost,
maybe?”

“It’s blue, cherry vanilla and
Pride and Prejudice.
”

She felt his annoyance now. He crossed his arms over his chest. “Let me write that down in case we’re ever on a quiz show. What’s your point?”

“My point is that when you’re in a relationship, you
want
to know those things about the other person because suddenly that person is yours. In a way, they belong to you. Everything good and bad and silly about them…”

He shook his head. “This isn’t making any sense.”

“I’m saying that you don’t know me, and I don’t think I know you. Not really. I know you care about
global warming and saving the spotted owls in Oregon and making some tire plant in Michigan stop dumping pollutants in the rivers. But I don’t think we’ve ever had a real, personal conversation. How can two people who may not even be compatible make a home together and raise a family?”

He almost groaned out loud. “Look, I think my showing up here has freaked you out. You just need some time. I’m going to hike into town and check on my bike. Maybe find out what’s so fascinating about this little burg that brings all these tourists up here. But just promise me…say you’ll consider my proposal.”

She gave a vague nod, trying not to make things any more difficult than they were. “I will,” she promised.

“That’s my girl,” he said with a grin, then patted her cheek.

She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it. There was nothing more she could say to him now. Better to give them both some breathing room for a while.

And yet the moment after he’d left the kitchen…

She couldn’t help it. Her mind turned to thoughts of Zack. Did she dare tell him how she felt? Soon he would be leaving, and the friendship she’d come to cherish, the companionship she had grown to depend on, the love she had carried in her heart for years—all of it might be lost forever.

If that happened, it would be her own fault. They’d admitted to each other that the sex was great, but as she’d already pointed out to Jeffrey, there had to be more than that. If she told Zack how she really felt, it would be mortifying to find out that those feelings weren’t reciprocated. He was kind and caring, even
protective of her, but that didn’t mean it went any deeper than that.

He had seemed so annoyed to find Jeffrey here. Perhaps she should talk to him about it, try to get a feel for what he
really
thought.

What a mess to be in.

I
T TURNED OUT TO BE
an awkward evening.

Zack didn’t show up for dinner, nor did he call to say he would be back late. Jeffrey returned on his motorcycle—now fixed—offering to take her on a ride around the mountains. He seemed surprised when she turned him down.