Betrayal (17 page)

Finally allow himself to fully express his rage at what had been done to his family. To scream at the injustice. To grieve as he couldn’t allow himself to do now. Because in civilization there were rules. Rules that bound him in guilt and responsibility.

Being near Susana calmed him and muted the lure of the jungle. This morning when he’d awoken, the first thing he’d done was search out Susana to reassure himself she hadn’t left in the middle of the night. And each time they were apart today—whether it was to answer nature’s call or while Susana scouted ahead—he spent the entire time fighting a low-level fear that she’d leave and never return.

Like now.

He squeezed his eyes shut. But his thoughts kept spinning out of control. Imagining what it would be like to live with no restrictions. Free from the constant need to weigh every move and word for future repercussions. Free to take what he wanted and protect what was his by any means. Never again to have to hide who and what he was, even from himself.

Shit.

His control had to hold. He wasn’t a savage. He was a scientist. A man of reason. He didn’t want to feel these violent impulses. He damn sure wasn’t going to let them get the better of him again.

By taking the lives of the assassins he’d come too close to becoming one of the unprincipled men he hunted. He would not let his violent instincts rule him.

So fight it.

“Kai? Are you okay?” Concern sharpened Susana’s voice and drew a line between her brows as she walked toward him.

“I don’t need you to baby me!” His temper crackled and spit as if she’d thrown grease on the fire in his blood. His tenuous hold over his emotions slipped. His anger morphed into a potent urge to mate. To possess.

Susana’s eyes widened and she licked her lips. Leaned toward him.

His hands reached out and he made a low sound of need that sounded suspiciously like a growl.

Fear flashed across Susana’s face. She froze, watching him warily.

No!

He dropped his arms and stepped back, wrestling his instincts until every muscle in his body ached. A part of him wanted to let go. Wanted a violent mating. Anything to release the tension that had been building in him for days.

Yet he was terrified of hurting her. Scared that if he touched her, he wouldn’t be able to let her go even if she said no. Because the instincts were all about his satisfaction, no matter the cost.

He had to get away from her.

“Uh…Kai?”

“I’m fine,” he snarled. “Move out. We need to find a place to make camp.” He snatched up his pack with more force than necessary and turned his back to her. He sensed her confusion and waited, muscles quivering, until he heard her push through the vegetation.

Then he closed his eyes in relief. That had been too close. He didn’t know how much longer he could continue fighting his violent side. He’d been fighting for two years and he was so damn tired.

But if he didn’t win, Susana would suffer.

So focus on the mission. Get her to the SSU. Turn over the microchip.
He used the words to spear through the darkness in his soul, chasing the savage back into its cage.

Above all, he had to protect Susana.

Saturday, Evening

Skies over the Amazon Jungle

S
everal miles from Susana Dias’s archaeological dig, the hatch of a C-130 cargo plane slowly opened. A man wearing a white lab coat tapped Rafe Andros on the shoulder, then pointed to the open door.

Rafe walked over to the hatch, leaning against the strong wind. He stared into the night sky, but his attention was on the conflict in his head, not on his impending jump.

Memories of a blond man with intense golden eyes teased him. The scientists told him the man was Kai Paterson. Rafe didn’t remember the name, but he knew the face.

He saw the light playing over the man’s face as they shared a beer in a shadowed bar.

Friend.

No. Target. His orders were to kill this man.

Ah, God, the pain in his head nearly sent him to his knees.

The man in the white coat had given him another injection half an hour ago. Rafe could feel the drug fighting to numb his mind. Each dose took longer to work, but he didn’t want the scientist to know that. Because then the man would use hypnosis and Rafe would be lost again. And when the hypnotic trance finally eased, he was terrified he’d have killed his friend.

Just like he’d killed one of his teammates.

The bright lights of the arena reflected off the sand footing, causing blinding glare. Rafe held Depaoli down. They were both bloody and bruised from their fight, but despite Depaoli’s massive injuries, he continued to snarl and snap at Rafe.

Still, Rafe had a moment of clarity. Wondered why they’d been fighting. He couldn’t remember. But there was no point in continuing. Despite his aggression, Depaoli was bleeding severely. He needed medical attention.

Rafe eased up.

Then a voice came over the loudspeaker. “Mr. Andros, you will kill him now. Take the knife out of its sheath at your waist and drive it into his heart.

No!

Yet Rafe’s hand moved to obey the voice.

Stop. Don’t do it!
Rafe tried to grab his knife hand with his other hand, but his body obeyed the voice, not his mind.

The blade cracked through bone and muscle as it jabbed into Depaoli’s chest. Blood spurted as he yanked the knife out and drove it in again.

Rafe shook his head at the memory. Depaoli had relied on Rafe, his leader, to keep him safe. Instead, Rafe had killed him.

The scientists had been triumphant, knowing they’d finally broken Rafe. Knowing that finally he was theirs to control, mind and body.

Not now, though. Not completely. Something had changed over a week ago. He’d starting having moments when his mind and body were completely his own. By pushing through the headaches that accompanied those moments, he’d extended the amount of time he was free of the mind control.

But he pretended the scientists still held all the power, hoping he’d find an opportunity to escape.

The cold air buffeted him, tearing away the memories of the golden-eyed man. As if waiting for this exact moment, the drugs took control. His sense of self disappeared under a gray fog.

Nothing mattered but the mission.

The light next to the cargo hatch turned green. Rafe stepped out into the night and tumbled toward the ground. His parachute opened behind him and he automatically went through the motions of locating and steering toward his target landing site.

Once on the ground he had to hike ten miles to the archaeologist’s dig and set up an observation station. Once the woman and her companion arrived, he would radio the information to his handlers and wait for the order to kill.

Saturday, Evening

Amazon Jungle

S
usana shifted position in her hammock. Kai had turned into a scary bastard this afternoon. When he’d returned to her during that last rest stop, the pulses of angry, violent energy emanating from him had sent ripples of goose bumps up her spine. His eyes had held a wildness she’d never seen before.

Intent. Deadly. A predator waiting to pounce.

Then, for a moment his eyes had flashed with sexual heat so intense, her body had responded as if he’d stroked all her sensitive female places. The promise in his eyes had scared her with its ferocity and she’d fought the urge to run.

Some higher instinct had kicked in though, convincing her that if she fled, it would break the fragile hold Kai had on his control. He’d chase her. Catch her. Conquer her.

Only now, alone in the darkness, could she admit she’d been secretly disappointed when Kai backed away. To have all that male intensity focused on her…the promise made her shiver with anticipation.

Instead, Kai had shut himself down with a palpable effort. Leaving her nothing to do but work her frustration out by vigorously clearing the vegetation from her path.

A tense, wary silence hung between them throughout the afternoon. When they’d finally found a place to camp, they’d fallen into their routine without speaking. He set up the hammock while she looked for food.

Now it was several hours past dark and she couldn’t sleep, despite the exhaustion that made her body feel heavier than concrete.

It didn’t help that she was hyper aware of Kai sitting watch in a tree at the edge of camp. She swore she could hear him breathing.

“Susana?” Kai’s whisper carried across the small clearing.

“Yeah?”

“I’m…sorry…for the way I acted this afternoon.”

She couldn’t help but smile at the reluctance in his tone. But although she waited, he didn’t offer an explanation. Well, what did she expect? Whatever demon he’d been fighting, he was a man used to keeping secrets.

“Apology accepted,” she said. Even though she understood why he didn’t elaborate, it still hurt. She’d believed they were becoming friends.

Half an hour later she sighed and shifted position again in the hammock. Sleep just wasn’t coming. Too many images crowded her mind.

Kai tossing and turning with fever. Kai sprawled on his back after they’d crossed the river. The look he’d given her when she’d unbuttoned her shirt the other day. The heat in his eyes this afternoon.

The kiss.

Despite his surly attitude, she didn’t want him way across the camp, emotionally distant and in guard-dog mode.

She wanted another explosive kiss.

Remembering the hot urgency of his lips, parts of her tingled into awareness. Oh, yes, she definitely wanted more. Forget sleep.

She rolled to her side and raised the mosquito net high enough for her to slip underneath. The chemical light stick she’d used earlier while getting ready for bed still glowed where she’d tucked it under her backpack. She picked it up and used it to guide her toward Kai.

“Susana?” Kai’s soft question was followed by a muffled thump as he jumped off his perch. “What’s wrong?”

“Come here and I’ll show you,” she replied huskily. From Kai’s hesitation, she knew he recognized her invitation.

Please don’t turn away. I need this. And I think you need this even more.

She was surprised by that last thought, but it felt right. Whatever emotions had been riding him this afternoon had wound Kai so tight, she feared he was on the verge of snapping.

She met his eyes. Their amber depths reflected the meager light from her chemical stick. With several days’ worth of beard giving his face a fuzzy outline, he resembled a jaguar more than ever.

She wanted to stroke him. Starting with his face and moving down.

He must have seen her desire, because his eyes flared. But then he quickly took a step back.

“No,” she protested. In two quick strides she closed the distance between them. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his chin.

His muscles jumped underneath her lips. Ah, ha! He wasn’t immune.

“Don’t run from me, Kai.” Keeping her hands to herself so he wouldn’t feel caged, Susana pressed a series of light, nibbling kisses along his jaw and across his cheeks.

The tension roiling off him was like a physical push against her skin. She ignored it and continued exploring his face with her mouth. When she took his earlobe between her teeth, he shuddered. Smiling, she reached up and flicked her tongue into his ear.

His breath shot out in a long hiss. He grabbed her and set her away from him. Stared at her with a slight frown.

Her heart sank. He didn’t want her.

But then he exhaled sharply and reached for her. His hands cradled her head while his mouth plundered hers.

God, he tasted like everything sinful. Rich chocolate. Full-bodied wine. Smooth coffee.

He lifted his mouth to take a gulping breath and she trembled, she actually
quivered
damn him as she waited for his next kiss. So much for staying in control. Once again, Kai’s kiss had sent her arousal status from medium to nuclear in a matter of seconds.

He shifted away from her, breaking the sensual haze.

“If we’re going to continue this…” he said as his fingers closed around hers

She narrowed her eyes and dug her fingernails into his palm. “No if.”

He paused and she sensed an internal struggle.

Hell no. She raised his palm to her mouth, bit lightly at the base of his thumb, then soothed the spot with a kiss. “Make love to me, Kai. Now.”

He swallowed heavily. “Uh…right. But not vertical.” He extracted his hands from hers, pressed a quick kiss to her lips, then tugged her across to her hammock.

Uh-oh. “Kai?”

He chuckled, and the rare display of humor warmed her. “No hammock. Promise. Well, not tonight, anyway.”

She batted at him with her hand. He leaned away with another chuckle and she swore her heart melted at his playfulness.

“I know what I’m doing,” he said. “Trust me.”

Trust him? He had no idea how much she trusted him. So much she couldn’t examine it too closely or she’d scare herself.

A minute later Kai had tugged the mosquito net lower on the hammock, so it created a deeper drape over the ground where his survival blanket bed lay.

Then, with a bow and a hand flourish, he indicated that she should precede him into the cocooned space. “Our bower awaits, Madame.”

This wasn’t at all the spontaneous seduction she’d intended. As she settled herself on her back on the blanket, then placed the light stick on the ground above her head, she wondered if the mood was lost for Kai.

Damn, she hoped not. Her blood still sizzled with need. “Kai,” she muttered when he didn’t immediately follow her. “If you don’t get in here right now, I’m going to get violent.”

“Just a sec.”

She heard him move away. He walked around their camp, pausing every few seconds. What the heck? She was fully aroused and he was calmly setting the trip wires? Something was seriously wrong with this picture.

But then he was back, shimmying underneath the mosquito net. Since there wasn’t enough room for him to have his own space, he had to position his body on top of hers.

She sighed in delight as he covered her. She separated her legs and wriggled her hips until he nestled right where she needed him to be. Ah, yes, that felt good.