Fuck of. Go to hell where you belong. DON’T TEXT ME AGAIN.
He doesn’t reply. I fall into another weak fit of sobs. When I get downstairs, Mack and Jack are at the kitchen table. They look at me with pained expressions.
“Love, are you ok?” Mack asks.
“Fine daddy.”
“You look awful.”
“He blamed me, actually blamed me.”
“He was confused. He didn’t mean it. He has been calling all morning.”
“Don’t stick up for him, he blamed me.”
“I know love.”
“Do you want some tea angel?” Jack asks, pulling me close.
“Please Jack.”
“Um, I know it
’
s not a good time but…it’s Jax’s birthday today and Lilly is really excited about going to the beach.”
“I will take her.”
“After last night?”
“I don’t need to speak with him, to let her go.”
Both men don’t bother to argue. I feel sick enough, without them pushing any further. I feel awful, just knowing it
’
s Jax’s birthday. He had to wake up feeling…the way he feels. I text him.
Happy birthday. Lilly will be at your party.
Thnx. Will you?
I don’t know.
Jade, I hate myself for blaming you.
You couldn’t hate me more than I hate you Jax.
Fuck mate. Why don’t you just shoot me?
I feel bad for that comment.
Sorry. I will drop Lilly off.
I organize Lilly and drive her down to the beach. When we arrive, everybody is there. I feel slight relief that there are lots of people around. I get out of the car, and Lilly goes rushing over to Jax. I refuse to look at him. I take our bags and go sit at the other side of the net that has been set up. I can feel Jax’s gaze burning into me, watching me, making my heart throb.
“Who’s ready to play?” Sammy yells.
Everybody lines up, I stand on one side with half the crew and Sam. Everyone stands on the other. We hit the ball backwards and forwards over the net; I have no heart for this today. I step back and gather my things. I stand and turn, only to see Jax right behind me.
“Can we talk.”
“No.”
“Jade, we need to talk.”
I fight back the emotions threatening to erupt.
“Jax, I don’t want to talk with you.”
“I am sorry for last night, for all of it.”
“I know you are, but you are right. I am bad for you; you are bad for me. It
’
s best if we just keep as much distance as possible between us.”
“Mate.”
“Please Jax. I have to go.”
“We need to go clubbing tomorrow night. Ben has been sighted; we need to draw him out.”
“Fine. I don’t care ok?”
“Mate, we can’t pretend to be together when you are like that…”
“I said I would go ok? I need to go. Happy birthday.”
I turn and rush off before he can say another word. I head home and sulk in my own sad little mood. I get a visitor early in the evening. It is Matty. I let him, and we sit about chatting.
“Thanks for letting me in.” He grins.
“Sure, no problem.”
“Do you like me Jade?”
“Sure Matty.”
“Enough to date me?”
I feel my insides clench. “Matty, my life is complicated at the moment.”
“I know Jade, but I want you.”
“I said I would go on a date with you. I will.”
“Will you let me kiss you?”
I look at his pleading brown eyes. What the heck? I lean forward, and he pulls me into a deep, hot kiss. It’s nice, and he is a great kisser. When he pushes me down onto the couch, I let him continue. His hand slides up under my shirt and caresses my breast. I let him. Forcing myself to move on is the best thing, I have to.
He slides a hand up under my skirt and over my panties, his fingers press into my flesh. I begin to feel a little panicky, I don’t think I can do this. Not right now. It’s not fair to lead him on, he deserves the truth, and that is that I Just can’t do this. I shove at his chest, but he doesn’t move. I shove again, and his hand continues to stroke my flesh.
“I don’t want to. Stop.”
“You keep teasing me.” He murmurs.
His hand is edging my thighs apart, oh my god. He wouldn’t? I shove him again.
“I said stop.”
“And I said, you keep teasing me.”
He yanks my panties aside, and I begin to panic. I shove harder, but the man weighs too much. I kick and squirm, desperate to get out, but I can’t move him. He yanks his jeans down and is inside me in minutes. I scream and shove, pushing hard on his chest.
“Stop!”
“You kissed me, you want this too. Jade, I have been waiting.”
“Get off me.”
“Soon.”
He explodes his release and climbs off as though nothing has happened. I am trembling; tears stream down my cheeks. He picks up his phone and jacket.
“See you around.”
What the fuck? He is gone before I can answer. It wasn’t entirely rape, because I was kissing him and letting him touch me, but I said no. He didn’t stop. I stand on wobbly legs and grip my jacket. I get in my car and drive over to Jack
’
s. I notice Jax’s birthday party is in full swing
when I arrive
. God. I
wrap my jacket tightly around myself and step inside. I walk into the kitchen, only wanting Jack. I see Jax and Sammy. He is sitting on the bench, laughing, she is nestled between his legs.
“Jade.” Sammy says, and Jax turns.
“Mate, what’s going on?”
He slides off the bench and walks over, taking my face in his hands.
“I…I…just wanted to see Jack.” I whisper.
“What has happened?”
I begin to cry again, dammit.
“Hey,” Jax takes me in his arms. “What happened?”
“Matty came over…we were kissing…I said stop…I told him to stop.”
“Fuck,” Jax hisses. “Did he?”
“I didn’t want it. I said stop.”
Jack walks inside, followed by Mack.
“Jade, what is happening?”
“That mother fucker raped her.”
Mack’s face drains of colour. “What?”
“I…no…he didn’t rape me. I said no, and he didn’t stop. I let him kiss me; it’s my fault.”
Jax grips my jaw hard. “If you said stop, then it means stop. He should not have fucked you.”
“I…let him kiss me.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Mack hisses, he is now as angry as Jax.
“Where does he live Jade?” Jax asks.
“I…don’t know.”
“Don’t you lie to me!”
I flinch, and Jax softens.
“Mate, don’t lie. I am begging you. Tell me where he lives.”
“No. You will kill him.”
“Damn right I will.”
“Me too.” Mack growls.
“Me three.” Jack snaps.
“I won’t tell you then.” I whisper.
Jax sighs and runs his hands through his hair.
“Fine, I won’t kill him.”
“Jax…” Sammy warns. “Leave it.”
“He fucked her when she said no.” Jax yells at Sammy.
“She said she let him kiss her, he probably didn’t know!”
Jax looks horrified. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Jax, your over reacting.”
“Over reacting?” He roars. “She said no, that means no.”
“She has been leading him on.”
“Get out.” Jax growls.
Sammy's eyes widen. “What?”
“I said get out.”
“Jax…”
“Don’t you ever question my family like that again. She said no; it shouldn’t bloody matter if they were kissing or fucking. If she said no, then that means NO!”
“You are just over protective of her, admit it. You run to her every time she asks.”
“Of course I do, she is part of my crew.”
“It
’
s more than that!” Sammy screams.
“Sammy, you know nothing.”
“I know you love her. Just admit it Jax. Stop fucking wasting my time.”
“Wasting your time? Last time I checked, it didn’t matter if we went off with others.”
“It matters when you care about them!”
“Enough.”
“I will stop, if you admit you feel nothing for her. If you don’t, then you will go exclusive with me. No more sharing.”
His eyes widen. “No.”
“You do care, don’t you?”
“Of course I fucking care about her. You have known that from day one, why is it a problem now?”
She folds her arms and shakes her head. “It matters because you want to be with her.”
“I never said that.”
“You don’t have to!”
“You are the one over reacting.”
“Am I?”
Sammy turns to me, and I blink. What the hell?
“Jade, can I ask you something?”
“Um. Yes.”
“Did he come?”
Mack snorts his beer and Jack makes an odd sound.
“Fucking stop it
Sammy.” Jax
yells.
“Jade, please answer me.” Sammy asks me.
“Ummm…”
“Yes or no.”
“Yes.”
Her face grows cold. She turns to Jax.
“Tell her Jax, or shall I?”
“What is going on?” I ask.
“He hasn’t come for four years Jade, not since you. We fuck other women; we have spiced it up in ways you could never imagine but he can’t come.”
I look at Jax, and his gaze meets mine.
“Is that true?” I whisper.
“Yeah,” He snaps. “So what?”
“I am not playing this anymore Jax.” Sammy yells, throwing her hands up.
“Fine, then leave.”
“We are done.”
“Damn right we are.”
Sammy picks up her bag and storms out. I stand, mouth agape.
“Jade, I ask you once more. Where the fuck does that man live?” Jax growls, between clenched teeth.
“Twenty two shark lane.”
Jax grabs his keys and calls in his crew.
“Boys, we are going for a ride.”
“What is happening Cap?”
“We got a boy, that needs to be taught a lesson. He didn’t stop when Jade asked him to, we are going to show him how that feels.”
“Jax.” I plead.
He turns to me. “I won’t kill him, but he will wish to god he never touched you.”
“Jax, please…”
“Rusty, men, lets roll.”
They are out the door before I can argue. Mack takes me in his arms as I try and fight.
“Daddy let me go.”
“No love, let him do his thing.”
“He will hurt him.”
“He deserves it.”
Mack makes me a cup of tea as we sit and wait for Jax to return. I put Lilly down; she is worn out from swimming all night. We wait, and wait, and wait. He comes home near midnight; he has a black eye. I gape and rush over to him. The crew look fine, a little battered but not too shoddy. They walk in and get themselves a drink, unfazed.
“What happened?” I whisper, touching his swollen eye.
“Fucker kicked me when…it doesn’t matter. He kicked me.”
“What did you do to him?” I ask, looking at his swollen knuckles.
“Beat the living shit out of him.”
“Jax…is he…”
“He is alive. We dumped him at the emergency exit.”
I tremble. Jax could be so scary when he wanted to be.
“Can we talk?” He asks.
“Can I get you some ice first?”
“I will live mate, come on.”
He leads me upstairs to his room and shuts the door. He turns to me, and I swallow.
“What happened out there before…”
“Jax, don’t…”
“She was right. I haven't come for a woman since you. Not one.”
“Oh.”
“She was also right when she said I care about you. I do Jade, a lot. I can’t be with you though, it
’
s…stupid.”
“I understand.” I whisper. Emotionally drained.
“You do?”
“Yes. I don’t think it
’
s wise either.”
He closes his eyes. “I want to…I just…can’t bear to go through the pain again. If something goes wrong.”
“I get it Jax.”
“Mate, are you ok? You're not even going to fight?”
“
What’s
the point?” I ask. “You have made up your mind.”