Between a Rock and a Hard Place (55 page)

Before Jessi was able to answer, Tommy and Angel were on either side of her, shielding her like two bodyguards.

Angel squeezed her hand.  “Give them a chance.  Maggie said they want to talk.”

Tommy’s arm was around her shoulder, holding her for support.  His chest was puffed out and he pulled her close to his body.  “I’m not going to let them upset you.  This party is for you.  Say the word and I’ll have them escorted out of here.”

She was too shaken to sort through her feelings.  They were colliding inside her head.  Her heart pounded with a furious beat in her chest, while the whoosh of blood inside her veins filled her ears and blocked out all other noise in the room.

Her parents were heading toward her.  She watched their movements in slow motion as the impending doom grew closer.  Their faces were still too hard to read, but her mother still had an uptight snarl to her lip.  She was obviously put off by tonight’s entertainment.

The deep breaths were meant to calm Jessi’s nerves, but they bordered on hyperventilation.

“Don’t worry, hon.” Tommy was reassuring and his voice was commanding.  “I’m right here with you.”

“Me too.”  Angel’s voice was less assertive and she could hear the apprehension in his words.  He was probably just as nervous as she, which triggered a defense mechanism and gave her strength.  She wasn’t going to let them harass Angel, or Tommy, and she stood a little taller.  She was ready to face her parents.

With each step, her parents shortened the distance between them.  Jessi’s heart thundered in her ears.  She used it to feed her backbone and held her head high.

After what seemed like the longest minutes of her life, she was face to face with her parents.  Another long awkward silence ensued while her parents assessed Angel from head to toe.  She felt his hand tighten around her fingers, but he stared back at them, proud as a lion.  She always admired his resilience and tenacity in the face of scrutiny.  It was admirable and she followed his lead and braced herself.

After an uncomfortable pause, which seemed much longer than it actually was, her mother said, “Happy Anniversary.”

It was those two words that shattered Jessi’s defense line.  The brick wall she built crumbled inward and pummeled her heart at every possible angle.  She felt the heat invade her cheeks like a hot gust of wind.  The tears that threatened to give away her vulnerability scorched her eyes.  She blinked them away, determined to remain rock solid.  “Thank you.”  She was curt to camouflage her inner surrender.

Her mother’s hazel eyes offered a bit of warmth.  “You look well, dear.  You look happy.”

“I
am
happy.  Happier than I’ve ever been in my life.”

She squeezed Angel’s hand so hard her fingernails dug into his flesh.  He reassured her by stroking her index finger with his thumb in repetition.  The only reason she didn’t clutch onto Tommy with her free hand was because she wanted to appear undisturbed at her parents’ presence, although she was a jumbled mess on the inside.  And his arm was still cradled over her shoulder for protection.

There was another pause as she and her mother locked eyes.  Was it remorse that Jessi saw behind her mother’s weak smile, or was it disappointment?

“Ella’s been telling us how successful you are.  I hope you don’t mind, but I visited your store the other day.  Congratulations.  Your clothes are .  .  .  different.  I’ve never seen anything like them before.  There were a lot of people buying them.”

The woman refused to accept her lifestyle, yet she dared to set foot inside her store and examine her designs? The irony sickened Jessi.  And why hadn’t her father said anything yet?  He hadn’t bothered to say one word to her and barely looked at her, but he was dead-staring Tommy.  Her mother was always the stronger of the two, all the women in their family were dominant females, but her father could at least offer some kind of greeting.  And her mother still hadn’t acknowledged Tommy.  “Aren’t you going to say hello to Tommy?”

Her mother looked down at Tommy’s suit.  “You look very handsome, Tommy.  Congratulations on your band.  I hear you’re famous now.”

Tommy was cautious in his answer.  “Thank you, Margaret.”  He turned to Jessi’s father, who still had a sneer etched onto his face.  “Hello, Darren.  You look like you want to say something to me.”

“I’m trying to figure out why my daughter isn’t good enough for you.  You’re lucky to have her.  Why do you need to bring your homosexual tendencies into your marriage?”

Jessi felt Angel stiffen and his eyes and mouth narrowed in her father’s direction.

“I’m not homosexual.  I’m bisexual.” Tommy nodded toward Angel.  “And this is my partner, Angel Garcia.  He’s part of our family now.  And Jessi
is
good enough for me.  She’s too good.  She’s the best thing that ever happened to me.  Besides Angel.”

Jessi’s parents targeted Angel with their accusatory stare and remained quiet.  There were so many awkward pauses in the conversation that Jessi thought the party would be over before they concluded their confrontation.  She was surprised everyone wasn’t staring at them, but there was so much activity in the room that no one noticed, unless they were purposely looking in the opposite direction.  And the private photographer was smart enough to steer clear of memorializing this catastrophe-in-the-making.

Angel greeted Jessi’s parents first, probably because they made no attempt to extend a salutation toward him.  “It’s very nice to meet you.  I hope you came here tonight to make things right with Jessi.  I come from a very close family.  We may not always agree, but we always stand by one another.  You missed out on some very important achievements in Jessi’s life.  Don’t waste any more time.”

“That’s why we came to Paris,” Jessi’s mother answered.

Jessi held her breath and waited for her mother to continue.

“Jessi, we were very shocked when you told us about this .  .  .  situation.”

“It’s not a situation.  It’s my life.”

“Whatever it is, I don’t know anything about it.  I never heard of people living like this.  It caught us both off guard and derailed us.  I didn’t know how I was supposed to explain this to people, like your aunts and uncles and the neighbors.  I hoped you would eventually see for yourself how horrendous it was and leave this life behind.”

Was that supposed to be her mother’s form of an apology? She didn’t have time for more drama.  This was her party and she wasn’t going to let her mother ruin it.  “If you came here to tell me my life is horrendous, don’t bother.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Angel shaking his head.

Tommy’s hand cupped the ball of her shoulder a little tighter.  “I didn’t invite you and Darren here tonight because I was afraid you would pull something like this.  Jessi deserves your love and respect.  If you’re not here to offer it to her, than you should leave.  Right now.”

“I’m not leaving.”  Her mother was adamant.  “It came out all wrong.  I didn’t come here to start trouble.  I was trying to explain our initial reaction.  You misunderstood.”

Jessi’s mother put a warm hand on her arm and stepped a little closer.  “I miss my daughter.  My defiant middle child who never listens to anything I have to say.  You always lived by your own set of rules, Jessi.  This one was just a little too far-fetched, even for you.  I thought .  .  .  I don’t know what I thought, but I didn’t realize there was genuine love involved until I watched that interview on the television.  The one with that obnoxious cable talk show host, where you explained your relationship to the public.”

Jessi breathed a little easier.  She knew Maggie and Ella had a hand in making her mother watch the interview, but her mother was at least trying to understand the relationship between her and Tommy and Angel.  It was a baby step in mending the distance between them.  It was probably the first time in her life that her mother tried to see her side of things, instead of berating her.  Her mother was making an attempt at reconciliation.  The quiver returned to Jessi’s lower lip with the hope that there was a chance to have her family back in her life again.  She had outwardly portrayed resilience at their parting of ways, but on the inside it tore her apart.

She still hadn’t heard from her father.  “What about you, Dad? Don’t you have anything to say?”

“Jessi, I never understood any of the decisions you made and I disagreed with most of them.  But I learned that once you got something into your head, there was no stopping you.  You’re determined and headstrong, more so than any of the other women in this family.  I don’t condone this lifestyle of yours and I’ll never justify it, but given the choices, I choose to accept it.  Otherwise, I’m going to lose one of my daughters.” He glowered at Tommy, with a venomous stare.  “If my daughter gets hurt because of this .  .  .  this .  .  .  life you introduced her to, Goddammit, there will be hell to pay.”

Jessi tried to process everything her parents said.  Their words were swarming in her head at a tremendous speed, and she needed to slow them down in order to comprehend what her parents were saying.  Their acceptance was tainted with skepticism.  The insults and defamatory statements about Tommy and Angel were still embedded in her mind and scarred her heart.  She didn’t forget about them just because they offered her a plea of understanding.  They jumped out at her.  They were cruel remarks that weren’t to be overlooked by the mere acceptance of her lifestyle.  “You still owe me an apology for the things you said to me and the names you called all of us.” It was horrible and ugly and she wouldn’t dare repeat the words.  She never told Angel or Tommy the revolting things her parents said, and she never wanted to hear those words again.

“I’m sorry, dear, I was very upset.  I’m the first to admit that I’m not up to date on the advancements in the world.  My generation viewed things differently.  We weren’t open-minded.  I know society has changed on many levels and I need to broaden my understanding of what’s acceptable nowadays.”  Jessi’s mother took a step closer to Tommy and looked him straight in the eye.  “I said some nasty things about you, and I’m sorry.”

The sincerity in her mother’s voice was genuine.  It was the apology Jessi waited months to hear.  Her knuckles went to her lips to hold back the sob that wanted to break free from her throat.  Her nostrils flared and oxygen entered and exited her lungs with a series of loud huffs.

Jessi’s mother walked up to Angel and assessed him for several seconds.  “My other two daughters speak very highly of you.  I would like to hear you sing one day.”

“I would like that very much.”  Angel’s charismatic smile and the inviting tone of his voice, won Jessi’s mother over in one sentence.  Her face softened and bore a hint of a smile.

“You seem like a very nice young man.  I’m afraid I made some comments about you, as well.  I didn’t know what to make of a homosexual getting involved with a married couple.”

“The word is gay.”  Angel’s smile teased her.  “We don’t use the word homosexual anymore.”

Her mother’s hand went to her cheek.  “I’m sorry.  I meant no offense.  The world has changed so much.  It’s time we changed a little, too, because it involves our family now.  I’m sorry I judged you prematurely.  I thought you were trying to break up my daughter’s marriage.  It wasn’t until I saw the three of you together when you first walked in, that I realized what Jessi was trying to say all along.  You love each other.  I guess I needed to see it with my own eyes.  All I want is for Jessi to be happy.  That’s all every parent wants for their children.”

Even though Jessi wanted to reach out and hug her mother, she remained still.

Tommy’s soothing words caressed her ear with a whisper.  “I knew they’d come around, hon.  They needed time to get used to the idea, that’s all.”

The first tear fell as soon as his lips touched her cheek.

Jessi’s mother stood directly in front of her now.  She looked older, with new wrinkles settled in her forehead and around her mouth.

“Jessi, I’m so sorry for the way things transpired between us.  I know I can’t control your life.  I never could.  You are your own woman and no one is going to tell you what to do.  I always knew that, but I’m your mother, and it’s my job to guide you to make intelligent decision.  I don’t always know what’s right for you, dear.  If this is the way you want to live, I can’t stop you.  I want you to be happy and I want to be part of your life again.  Please let me back in.”

Each sentence, each word that her mother spoke, whittled away at Jessi’s defenses and the tears streamed down her cheeks.

Her mother took her into her arms and stroked the back of her hair.  “Shhh.  Everything’s going to be fine, now.  I want you to know that I’m very proud of you.  My daughter is a successful designer and her husband is a famous musician!” The words were full of delight and approval, and Jessi thought she would never hear them from her mother’s mouth.

Jessi hugged her mother with the joy of a six year old.  The loss of a mother’s love wasn’t something anyone could prepare for, no less endure.  The abandonment and lack of support carved deep scars in her heart, but she never let herself experience the pain.  Now, overwhelmed with the reunion of mother and daughter, the protective barrier that shielded Jessi’s heart disintegrated.  Relief at winning her mother’s acceptance, after years of disappointment, left Jessi raw and exposed.  Her insides were fragile and tender.  Her delicate core was more susceptible than it had ever been in her life.  Her tears turned to small sobs.  The entire party was probably staring at them, but she didn’t care.