Between Now and Goodbye (34 page)

By the time they finally leave, it's getting dark outside. It's decided that nobody wants to stay in that house tonight. Pippa is going to stay with Katie at one of their friends houses. Libby's mom and Matt are going to a hotel, and I'm currently driving Libby over to Julie's place.

She's quiet beside me, and I'm worried about her. She looks numb and I have no idea how I'm supposed to help her.

We pull up outside Julie's house, and I walk around to Libby's side of the car, opening the door for her and supporting her as we head to the front door.

We're let inside by the housekeeper, and a few minutes later Julie comes running down the stairs, a bright smile on her face. She doesn't even notice how visibly upset Libby looks. Clearly, whatever she's excited about, takes first priority.

'Did you see him yet?' Julie asks excitedly.

'See who?' I ask.

'Libby's dad.' Julie laughs, 'He said he was going round earlier.'

'Wait...' Libby speaks up, looking from the floor and right at Julie, 'My what?'

'Your dad.' She rolls her eyes, 'Did I ruin the surprised? Have you not seen him yet?'

'How did you know that my dad was here?' Libby asks. I get a sinking feeling in my gut. I slide my arm around Libby's waist, because I get the feeling she's going to need me to hold her up.

'Because, duh.' Julie laughs and rolls her eyes, 'I tracked him down and called him.'

Forty Two – Julie

By the way the two of them are looking at me right now, you'd be forgiven for thinking I'd just told them that I'd sent a serial killer around to her house. Not her father. I mean I get it, she hasn't spoken to him in years, and she's obviously got some issues with him, but I didn't exactly envision her looking like she's about to pass out when I told her that I'd found him.

Right now, though, she's gone pale, and I mean really pale. She's practically transparent and Charles is holding her around the waist, supporting her.

'I don't get it.' Libby shakes her head, 'How could you have called him?'

'Oh, right,' I grin, 'the project that I've been so busy with recently, with Carly. Well, that's what we were doing, we were tracking down your dad.'

'Why?' Libby seems a little stronger now, but Charles doesn't relax his grip on her. 'Why would you do that?'

'Because, well, it started out because I was curious. I'd never heard you say more than a couple of things about him, and I wanted to know why. So we started looking for him, and then I figured that it would be amazing if I could reunite the two of you. That's when I found that article about the break-in.' I drop my smile, 'It shocked me Libby. Why haven’t you ever said anything about it before?'

'Because,' she says loudly, 'it was horrific, ok? I didn't want to relive it, and now, thanks to you, it's all I'm going to be doing.'

'I don't understand.' I shake my head, 'Shouldn't you be happy to see your dad again. I know you have issues with him, but...'

'No,' she yells,
'you don't know, because you don't know why I left or why I didn't talk about him. You assumed, and meddled and brought him here.'

'I thought you'd be happy.' I cross my arms over my chest. This was supposed to be a nice surprise for her, and instead she's angry at me?

'Julie I don't want my dad here. Didn't you stop for one second and think about that? Didn't you think there was probably a good reason why I never spoke about him, why he wasn't in my life why we left?'

'Of course I thought about it.' I snap, 'But I thought that by seeing him you could fix things.'

'You had no right to do this.' Libby screams.

'Charles back me up here, I was just trying to do something nice.'

'Julie,' he shakes his head and in his eyes, I can see that he's angry too, he's taking her side, 'you went behind her back, and dug up information that you knew full well she didn't feel comfortable with people knowing. You may not have known the reason she didn't want to talk about him or see him, but as her friend you should have respected her privacy. Instead, you sneak around and contact her father, tell him where she is. I can't believe you did that.'

'What's the big deal? So I called him and he came here, he's your father, why is it such a big deal?' my shout.

'It's a big deal, because the last time I was in a room with my father, he almost beat me to death.'

'Don't be so dramatic.' I roll my eyes, because really, she expects me to believe that she was almost killed by her own father? I spoke to him, and he seemed perfectly nice, and besides, he's the chief of police. He enforces the law, he doesn't break it.

'I'm not being dramatic.' Libby shrieks.

'Libs calm down, it's ok. We'll go back to my place.' Charles speaks softly, kindly. His hand slides into her hand and she starts to follow him to the door. She stops though, and turns back to me, calmer now, but the tears are spilling down her face.

'Almost my entire life I lived in fear. I was repeatedly beaten, over and over again when I was a kid. Every time my dad got mad, I got hit. My mom got hit. We finally managed to get away from him, finally made it here and we had a good life. We were free from him, and then you do this, and suddenly he's turning up on my doorstep, and my mom becomes a punching bag again.'

'Did he...' I feel a quiver in my voice, 'did he really almost kill you?'

'He beat me until I was bleeding and could barely stand, and then he threw me down a flight of stairs.' Libby replies angrily, 'So yes, he almost killed me.'

'Libby,' I rush forwards, my throat clenching, 'I had no idea...I....'

'Of course you had no idea. I didn't want anyone to know because that part of my life was the worst part of my life. I was so scared all the time, I used to curl up while he was hitting me and wish I was dead. Then finally I came here, and for the first time in my entire life, I started to feel safe. I could go out without being scared that my dad would show up, I was finally able to live.' She laughs bitterly, 'Why couldn't you have just left it all alone?'

'Because I didn't know.' I grab her arm and Charles looks like he wants to pull her away from my viscous grip. How did he go from being in love with me,
to giving me a look like that? 'Why didn't you ever tell me?'

'Julie,' she sighs tiredly, 'if your father had done to you what my father did to me, would you talk about it?'

'No, I suppose I wouldn't.' I hold onto her, I'm crying now. I know I've messed up, in a big way. What I've done is the worst thing I've ever done. It's worse than setting my father's office on fire. 'Libby I'm so sorry, I truly never meant for this to happen. I should have respected your privacy, you're right. I'm so, so sorry. Please.' I'm properly crying now.

'How could you do this?' She's crying too.

'I don't know, I thought I was doing you a favor.'

'Julie I have never wanted to talk about my father. I have never wanted to get in touch with him, I told you that. I've said those exact words to you in the past, and you still did this. Why? Because you wanted to find out what I wouldn't tell you? Because you wanted the glory of bringing us back together.'

'No, I don't know. I'm so sorry. Please, please don't be mad at me.' I beg.

'Julie I think you should just stop.' Charles warns.

'Libby,' I ignore him and cling to her arm, crying and begging, 'please, please forgive me.'

'I can't ever forgive you for this.' Libby pulls her arm back away from mine. I feel our friendship slipping from my grasp.

'Libby please, I'm so sorry.'

'No,' she's angry again now, 'you're selfish and I've tried to pretend that you're not, but this is who you are. You think that everyone you know are dolls that you can play with, but this time you've gone too far. You don't have the right to any piece of information you're curious about. You never think of other peoples feelings. You never respect their wishes, because you think you should get whatever you want. You just...you took it way too far. I can't ever forgive you for this.' She turns from me and runs out of the house. I try to follow, but Charles steps into my path.

'Don't.' He says with a kind of quiet authority that stops me in my tracks. 'Don't go after her, don't call her. She needs space.'

'But I...' I'm crying hard now, ugly crying and I'm sure my mascara is running down my face, but for the first time in my life, I don't care. I don't care about how I look, or what this is going to do to me. I'm worried about Libby and what I've done to her. I've thrown a grenade into our friendship and I don't know how to fix it.

'Julie stop, what you've done is unforgivable. So just give her time, and maybe, maybe someday she'll be able to forgive you. Maybe someday I will too.'

'Charles please, I didn't mean for this to happen.'

'You never mean for anything bad to happen. You didn't mean to burn down your father's office, but you lit the fires. You didn't mean to do this to Libs, but you spent weeks searching for her father, when you knew that it wasn't what she wanted. You don't think about anyone else, and this is what you get.' He lifts his hands up and then drops them to his sides.

'Please Charles, I'm sorry.' I feel him slipping away. If breaking up with him hadn't broken our friendship for good, then this just might.

'Enough.' He shouts. 'I've had enough.' He follows Libby out of the house, and by the time I've regained enough sense to follow, they're pulling out of the drive.

For two days I ignore Charles warning to give Libby space, and I call her pretty much once an hour, every single hour for two days straight. I hardly sleep, I don't eat and I feel like the worst person in the world.

All the information I get about her is second hand. Gossip around town because Charles won't talk to me either. The one time I went to her house, Pippa screamed at me and told me to get away before she called the cops on me. I haven't tried to go back.

From what I've heard, I know that her father, after being shown a video that Pippa took of him hitting Mrs Reid, and after being told of the statements that Libby, Pippa and their mom gave, has pleaded guilty to all of the crimes.

Four days after Libby's dad showed up, I hear that he's been sent back to Oregon and will be sentenced to several years in jail. It's over quickly and I'm glad that he's being punished for what he's done. I only wish that I didn't have to put Libby and her family through so much.

I want desperately to go over to Libby's house and tell her how sorry I am, beg her to forgive me, but I'm starting to realize that I shouldn't.

So now, it's four days before the end of July, and it's eighteen days since I last spoke to Libby or Charles, and I feel awful.

I'm lying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling and wondering how I could have done something so awful.

'Julie, your friend is here to see you.' My mom comes into my room, placing a hand on my forehead.

'Friend?' I shake her hand away and sit upright quickly. Maybe now that her dad is gone and in jail, Libby's decided to forgive me and she's here to talk it out.

'Yes,' my mom smiles, 'Carly.'

'Oh.' I drop back down and roll onto my side.

'Are you still feeling unwell?'

'Yes.' I reach for the covers, but they've been kicked onto the floor.

'Would you like me to ask Carly to leave?'

'No, it's fine, send her up.' I've sort of been avoiding Carly ever since everything blew up, and that's not fair on her. All of this was my idea, she just did what I asked her to do.

I pull myself into a sitting position again, and brush my hair into a top knot. I haven't put make-up on in days, and my tan is fading. My hair is unwashed, and I'm dressed simply in black pajama pants, and a black tank. All of my clothes feel like a costume now, a showy collection that screams look at me. Yesterday, I pulled everything out of my closet, bagged it up and drove it all to the local thrift store. All gone, now all I have left are a few pairs of jeans, a few plain shirts and what I'm wearing now.

'Julie.' Carly shrieks when she walks into the room. 'What on earth happened to you?'

'What do you mean?' I flop back against my pillows. She doesn't answer verbally, instead she pulls her purse off her shoulder, rummages around for a minute, and then pulls out a compact mirror made from silver, with little pearls around the rim. I have a matching one in my dresser. She opens it up and holds it in front of me.

'You look ghastly.' She says. I push the mirror away.

'Carly two of my best friends hate me, and I wouldn't be surprised if they never talk to me again.'

'You had no way of knowing what kind of guy he was.' Carly says, putting the mirror back in her purse. 'How could you? She never said anything.'