Between Now and Goodbye (44 page)

Not that I want to get back together with Charles, because I absolutely don't. I actually think it's really great that he's with Libby now. They'll make each other more than a little happy, and that's good. He needs that now more than ever.

I'm watching the two of them at the moment. It's warm out today and Mrs Parsons managed to get the strength to have Charles bring her downstairs. Nobody has said it yet, but we all know that she won't be getting back up the stairs. Earlier Charles, Libby and I brought her bed down and set it up in the dining room.

Right now, though, she's sitting on the grass down by the lake, and she looks peaceful. Not healthy, but she doesn't look scared or angry, or any other emotion I expect her to show.

She's surrounded by her kids, and I know she draws strength from them as much as they've always drawn strength from her.

I went into the house to get ice lollies, and now I'm heading back and start handing them out. Coming back in the middle of a conversation.

'I didn't want anyone to know because I felt guilty.' Charles is saying.

'Guilty?' Mrs Parson's laughs softly, placing a hand on Charles' arm. 'What on earth would you need to feel guilty about?'

'Feeling happy about something, anything, when you're going through all of this. When you're so ill.'

'Oh honey.' She smiles at him, 'Nothing would make me happier right now, than knowing that my kids will be happy. I don't want your entire world to be consumed by grief after I'm gone, so honestly, I couldn't be happier that you've found a ray of happiness.' She smiles at him, and then Libby. I guess she must have figured it out that the two of them are together now.

I'm not surprised because the two of them are not subtle about their feelings. It would make me sick how cute they are around each other, if I didn't think it was so adorable.

Charles takes Libby's hand in his, and she gives him a warm smile which is filled with adoration. Mrs Parsons beams at both of them.

'You don't ever need to feel guilty about being happy Charles.' She pats his hand and the matter is settled.

On the first day of the last week of August, Libby and I walk into town together to get the things she'll need for dinner. Tonight, she's planning on making some kind of Thai seafood dish, which, when she described it, sounded like the most amazing thing ever.

We've been wandering around the market stalls for a while now. It's the first time I've come with her to the market, and I'm surprised by how many people here already know who she is, and they all like her. I've never been able to make people like me as quickly as Libby can. For me it always involves a lot more effort, money and manipulation.

Charles and I were friends because our parents were friends, and we were thrown together a lot of the time, so a friendship became somewhat necessary. Libby and I became friends because she made friends with Charles instantly, and Charles was my best friend, so it was another friendship out of necessity.

Carly and Xavier and the other kids at school, they like me because I'm part of their world, but in all the time I've been at that school, and all the time I've known them. I've never been really close to them, none of them have ever been my best friends, and that's because they liked me out of convenience.

I was popular at school. I was one of the richest which automatically made me one of the most popular, but they didn't really like me for me. They liked me for the superficial version of myself that I've been allowing myself to believe is the only aspect of myself. They liked me for my clothes, and my money and the parties that I'd throw.

When I called Carly and told her that I wouldn't be hosting the end of summer party this year, because the thought of hosting a party when Charles' mom is dying, didn't sound like something I could do. Carly was mad and she didn't understand why I would let something as trivial as his mom's illness, make me cancel a party I've been planning for so long. Her exact words were 'it's not like she's even dead yet.'

I can't really blame her, at the start of summer I never would have considered cancelling it, but now I'm changing and I like the person I can see myself becoming.

'You seem awfully lost in thought.' Libby says as we start making our way back to the house. Canvas bags over our arms holding all of the food.

'I guess I am.'

'Anything interesting?'

'I was just thinking about how different I feel now, to how I felt at the start of summer.' I reply. 'I think I'm making a lot of good changes.'

'You are, I can see that.' She smiles at me softly.

'I want to be a better person. The kind of person who wouldn't ever hurt you.' I say, because although she's forgiven me, I haven't forgiven myself.

'You already are.' She smiles. 'The Julie I used to know wouldn't have ever given up her August to come to Arizona, and help take care of Char's mom while she's so sick. The Julie I knew, would never willingly babysit, and yet yesterday when Char and I took his mom to the hospital for a check up, you offered to stay so that I could go with him.'

'And,' I grin, 'I was even still at the house when you guys got home.'

'See, progress.' She laughs.

We keep talking all the way back to the house, and it's almost like old times when we could talk about anything. When she trusted me. I now that we're friends again, and that makes me feel so good.

I'm smiling and laughing and feeling like nothing could ever be bad again, until we walk up the drive of the house. Katie is sitting on the porch steps, doubled over and crying.

'No.' Libby drops the bags of food onto the ground, 'Please no.' She says and takes off towards the house at a sprint.

Fifty Five – Libby

Ice runs through my veins as I sprint towards the house. I'm only partially aware of Julie following me. She stops on the porch and starts talking to Katie. I keep moving, pushing into the house and into the dining room which has become Mrs Parson's makeshift room.

When I walk in my heart breaks. Charles is sitting next to his mom's bed, bent over and clutching her small hand. She isn't moving, her eyes are closed, and there's no breath lifting her chest.

'Char.' My voice is filled with tears that are trickling down my face, and when I say his name, he looks up at me and the sorrow and pain I see there breaks my heart all over again. I rush to his side and envelope him in my arms.

'It's too soon, we were supposed to have more time.' He breaks down in my arms and I cling to him tightly.

'I know.' I cry as I talk, 'I know, I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry.'

'She was sleeping, just sleeping and I went to check on the kids and when I came back in...' The rest of his words are lost in tears, but I don't need him to finish what he was saying. I know what happened. She let go, she slipped away.

I look up at the sound of footsteps entering the room. It's Julie, and she lets out a little gasp when she sees Mrs Parsons, tears forming in her eyes and spilling over.

'I...' Julie can't seem to tear her eyes away from Mrs Parson's on the bed, 'I uh...'

'Julie,' my voice shakes and I try to steady it, 'what is it?'

'Lewis,' she snaps her eyes to me and relaxes just a little, though the tears keep on flowing, 'he's run off. Katie said he took off towards the village.'

'I need to get him.' Charles says, trying to get up. I push him back down.

'I'll go.' I kiss him lightly. 'Stay here, I'll find him.'

'Libs,' he kisses me again and clings to me. 'I don't know what I'm supposed to do.'

'Don't do anything, just stay here. Julie, can you watch the others and call Char's aunt? She'll need to be told.'

'I...' Julie hesitates, 'I wouldn't know what to...'

'It's ok.' Charles shakes his head, 'I should tell her, I...I need to tell her.'

'Ok.' I brush his arm with my fingers. 'I'll find Lewis, Katie and Julie will watch the others, and you call your aunt.' I kiss him again and then race out of the room. I run fast down the road, he can't have gotten too far, all I can do is hope that he hasn't strayed into the woods.

I run as fast as I can in my flip-flops and when that isn't fast enough, I pull them off and toss them onto the grass bank at the side of the street. I need to find him.

I make it all the way into town, and that when I spot him. He's sat outside the little bar, patting the head of the dog that always seems to be tied up at the front under one of the trees. I should have guessed that he'd come here. Whenever I bring him into town with me, he always begs to go and sit with the dog while I do the shopping.

I sit by him. Folding my legs under me, I pat the dog's head and then look at Lewis. He's quiet, but from the stains on his face, I know that he's been crying.

'Hey buddy,' I say softly, 'You gave us all a fright.'

'I didn't want to be there.' Lewis says quickly, 'I don't want to see her.'

'You don't have to go in and see her if you don't want to.' I put an arm around his shoulders, using my spare hand to send a quick message to Charles, letting him know that I've found Lewis and he's safe.

'Mom and Charles told me what would happen. They said that it would, but I didn't know that it would be so quick. She was talking to me this morning. I was... I was sitting with her and we were making a list of things that I need for school in a couple of weeks. Then Charles came out and he said she was dead. How can she be dead?' He's yelling, slamming his hand down onto his thigh. I stop his hand and hold it with just enough firmness to stop him from hitting himself again.

'Sometimes,' I say tearfully, 'people just slip away in their sleep. She was peaceful.' I say, hoping that at least will give him some comfort.

'She's not in pain any more?' Lewis asks through choking sobs.

'No,' I hug him, 'no, she's not in pain any more.'

'Ok.' He breathes out, 'I think I want to go back to the house now.'

'Sure.' I nod and get to my feet, placing my arm around his shoulders as we start the walk back to the house.

Charles' aunt flies in and starts arranging everything, and two days after his mom passed away, she's bundling the kids into her rental van to head to the airport. She's arranged the funeral, which will be held in Carver Beach two days from now. She's had the mini van shipped back to Carver, and arranged for Mrs Parson's body to be flown out for the funeral.

She took everything in hand, and within a few hours of her being here, it seemed like she'd done everything that needed to be done.

'Ok,' Charles' aunt Gina smiles brightly, but the grief is evident in her red ringed eyes, and faltering smile, 'Everyone pile in.' She waves at the rental van.

'I'm not going on the plane.' Charles speaks up. It's one of the only things he's s
aid since his mom died, and even though it's laced with pain, it feels good to hear his voice. I slip my hand into his and he holds tight.

'What do you mean you're not going on the plane?' Gina looks tired as she speaks.

'Libs is driving her car back to Carver, I'm going to go with her.'

'Charles.' Gina shakes her head.

'The funeral is in two days, it'll take us around thirty three hours to drive back, if we only stop for quick bathroom and fuel breaks. We'll get back in time, besides, I'm not going to let Libs drive all that way on her own. She can't stay up that long.' Charles replies, and then his face crumples a bit, 'Please Aunt Gina, I just need some time.'

'Ok.' She sighs, but nods her head and gives him a tight hug. 'I'll see you both when you get back,' she turns to me and gives me a quick hug, 'Take care of him for me?'

'I will.' I promise.

'Make sure he eats and gets some sleep, and for the love of goodness, if you're driving right through for thirty three hours, make sure you both sleep in the car while the other is driving.'

'Aunt Gina, we'll be fine.' Charles replies.

'Ok.' She breathes out, presses her lips together and then starts bundling everyone into the car.

'You guys going to be ok?' Julie asks.

'Yeah of course.' I nod, squeezing Charles' hand.

'Because I can come with you if you want. Take a few of the driving slots.' She offers.

'No, it's fine.' Charles speaks up, his voice tired and shaky. 'We probably shouldn't let two plane tickets go unused, especially when your parents have been so kind buying them.'

'If you're sure.' She envelopes us both in a hug. 'I'll see you both in two days.' She says and then turns and gets into the van, waving out of the window as they pull away.

'So...' I turn to Charles and give him the smallest smile, 'you ready?'

'No.'

'Coming anyway?' I tug his hand a little and he gives one last look at the cabin.

'Yeah.'