Betwixt, Before, Beyond (14 page)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

As we race through the back of the school and jump into the grey hunk of junk, my nerves begin to twitter. I feel like my blood is
running with ice cold water and I can't seem to stop shaking. I don't want to say anything to Dale. He has enough to worry about with fobbing off Adam's questions of where he got the car.

A police siren wails in the distance and I jerk to see if it's right behind us. Turning back around, I slump down in the back seat and close my eyes. He shouldn't be doing this for me. It's too much risk.

I could argue until my brain explodes, but I keep coming back to the same point. In order to prove his innocence he's got to find me...but he doesn't have to save me...and maybe he shouldn't.

I look at his beautiful face in the rearview mirror. His eyes are dark with concentration. I can see worry skirting around the edges of his expression as he glances into t
he mirror and catches my eye...not that he knows it. I bite my lip and blink at tears.

"Where are you going? I said Artic Canyon Road. You're going the wrong way."

"I just need to get something from my house."

"Are you crazy?" I lean forward. "You might get caught."

"I need Jester," he fires into the back.

"I didn't know your dog could find people."

"Me neither," Dale mutters, "but I think he knows Nicole."

"How?"

Dale ignores Adam's question as he screeches to a stop outside his place. Taking a minute to assess the house, he lets out a breath. "Well, Mom's car isn't here. Let's hope she's not home."

Glancing over his shoulder, Dale jumps out of the car and runs around the back of the property. Adam and I wait in agitated silence. I can see his hand hovering near the door handle.

"Don't even think about it."

He looks out the
window, one hand gripping the edge of his bag until I think his fingers might puncture the material, while the other hand taps the door handle. I watch in agony as his mind ticks over in slow motion, eventually he lets out a sigh and leans back in his seat as Dale runs towards the car with Jester in tow.

I shuffle to the far side of the seat as Jester clambers in next to me. He starts barking and trying to lick my face.

"Stop it!" I push him away and he lets out a little whine.

"Your dog is nuts, man." Adam watches Jester with a frown.

Dale lets out a nervous laugh as he pulls back onto the road and races towards San Bernardino National Forest.

It takes about thirty minutes to reach Artic Canyon Road. I spen
d most of the trip staring out the back window, expecting to see cops on our tail at any moment. If I was in human form, I'd probably be sweating blood right now. I can no longer control my limbs, they are shaking with a cold that seems to be seeping into my very core.

I want to mutter that I'm cold. I know that will make Dale hurry. I know it will help him to look harder, fight harder and make sure I survive this, but he doesn't know the truth.

He should.

He needs to.

He can't put his life on the line for my sake.

Would he still be risking all this if he knew?

He'd find me either way now. They'd search. Jester would smell my body and he'd prove his innocence. I didn't need to be alive to vindicate him.

"Here." Adam indicates for Dale to pull over.

We get out of the car. I notice Adam hesitate by the door. He reaches for his bag, but after a sharp look from Dale decides to leave it in the car.

I glance past him at the surrounding area and frown.

"This doesn't even look familiar," I whisper.

"It's d
aytime."

Adam looks at Dale weirdly. He clears his throat and points to the
guardrail. It's dented and blue smears of paint are running across it. "You must have hit her here."

Adam blanches and steps away, looking skittish.

Returning to the car, Dale frees a barking Jester.

"Where are you?" He looks up for me as Adam glances behind him, looking totally freake
d out by Dale's strange behavior.

"I'm by the front passenger door."

Dale leads his dog to me and stands patiently as Jester thoroughly sniffs my ankles, all the way up to my crotch.

"Hey!" I slap at his nose.

Dale bites back a smile. "C'mere Jess." He tugs the leash and makes the dog sit at his feet. Bending down, he rubs Jester's ears while looking at his eyes. "I need you to find her for me. You just follow that smell, okay boy?"

Jester barks. I want to tell Dale this is so not going to work, but bite my tongue. He doesn't need my standard negativity right now. Looking just a touch nervous, Dale unhooks Jester's leash and steps back.

"Go hunting, boy. Go on."

He points to the embankment and Jester does a flying leap over the
guardrail. He has got to be the only one enjoying this right now.

I wrap my arms around myself, trying to stave off the cold as Dale cautiously climbs over the
guardrail. He stops and looks back at his quiet friend. "Let's go."

The giant blond suddenly seems small as he scratches his neck and runs a hand through his hair. "I don't want to, man."

Dale's face turns a dark shade of black. "Get your butt over here, Hutton."

I wouldn't argue with that tone of voice either. I nibble on my pinky nail as I watch the exchange. After what seems an age of stony silence, Adam raises his leg and joins Dale on the other side.

The loose debris is slippery beneath their feet as they half walk, half slide down the embankment. Dale catches his balance against a tall tree.

"Any of this
look familiar?"

Adam shrugs, looking annoyed. "It was dark, man."

I reply, "It all looks the same. I'm not sure how far down I am."

Dale nods and continues edging his way down the slope. Adam's reluctance to follow is irritating, but it can't beat the feeling swamping me.

The thought drums in my brain until my head is hurting with the effort.

He can't find me until he knows.

I grip my temple and want to whimper. Squeezing my eyes shut, I take a quick breath and yell. "Stop!"

Dale nearly lands on his backside, but he manages to catch himself on a branch and stand straight. He looks back towards me, anxious after my sudden outburst.

I make my way towards him, hating myself and this moment.

"I can't let you do this." I stop by his side and touch his arm. "You have to know."

"Know what?"

"What you're trying to save."

"Nicole, I told you I don't care about your past."

Adam glances back at Dale.

"What'd you say?"

"Uh..
.I'm just going to check over here, make sure we're covering everywhere. You keep following Jester."

Adam gives an unenthusiastic nod and keeps descending the hill.

I look back to Dale and swallow. "I know you say you don't care, but I can't let you put all this on the line for me. I honestly don't deserve it."

He looks annoyed that I won't let this go. "What, Nicole? What did you do that was so terrible?"

Holding my breath, I count to five then release it in a gush. The words tumble out of me, small and pathetic. "I killed my sister."

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Dale's skin is white, his eyes wide with horror.

I knew he'd change his mind.

"Just call Jester back. You don't have to keep looking for me."

Dale's blink is slow and forced, but when his eyes pop open they have lost their 'deer in front of headlights’ quality.

"Where are you standing? I want to look at you for this."

"I'm at your three."

In slow motion, he turns to face me. I gaze at his scar, something that should be so ugly and marring, instead I want to touch it, to run my finger along its smooth edge. I make fists with my hands and look to the ground.

"You need to listen to me very carefully." Dale's voice is slow and controlled. "You did not kill your sister. She fell. It was an accident."

Bubbles rush up inside me; they are filled with guilt and regret. I bend over as the agony makes my chest want to rip apart.

"You don't understand. I was supposed to be watching her. She was my responsibility." I draw in a ragged breath. "She was such a cool kid. So sweet and adorable, everybody loved her." I swipe at the fresh tears swarming my cheeks and stand up, forcing myself to get through this. "Usually when mom and dad went out we played and danced or made up games, but I didn't want to that day. I was annoyed that I had to look after her and everything she was doing just irritated me.

"I eventually got so mad that I dragged her outside and locked the door." My voice was starting to break, making it hard to continue. I sniff loudly, my stomach jolting with sobs. "I went to my room to keep working on my latest cover design. I heard Jody calling, but I ignored her. She was just trying to get my attention. She was shouting for help and I kept thinking, 'Yeah, whatever, Jo. Cry wolf all you like.'"

My body is shaking as I force out the rest of the story.

"Then she screamed. She sounded so scared and I jumped up and ran to the
sliding door in the living room. She was dangling from one of the branches of this really tall pine tree. The one we weren't allowed to climb. The one I had secretly taught her how to climb."

I cover my mouth with my hand then sniff.

"She looked towards me, Dale, and I swear our eyes met for a second before her little fingers slipped. The last thing I heard was her screaming my name then this...thud."

Dale's face is etched with agony as I glance at him. I close my eyes and look away.

"I ran out to her. She was lying on the ground all broken like a little bird and there was blood oozing out all over the ground, soaking into her hair." I fall to my knees as the image crystallizes in my brain. I force myself to gaze upon her lifeless face.

"You've never told anyone this before, have you?"

"No." My voice is so small, emotion robbing it of any volume.

"Nicole." Dale bends down in front of me, somehow sensing I'm now on the ground. "I know you think you don't deserve any other chances, but I refuse to believe I can hear you, unless you are meant to live. You have to fight."

"For what?" I look up at him, images of my current life flashing through my head like flying photographs.

"The right to correct your mistakes."

"I can't fix this one. I can't bring her back." I jump up and move away from him.

"I know," his voice is soft, "but you don't deserve to die."

"Neither did Jody." I spin around and look at his crouched form. "She was such a good kid, pure and sweet. I was always the trouble maker; it was me who deserved to fall out of that tree."

Dale slowly stands and puts his hands in his pockets. "Maybe. But would you have wanted Jody to live without you?
Her big sister that she looked up to? What would have that done to her?"

I close my eyes and shake my head, feeling the inevitable cold edging towards my heart. "It doesn't matter. It's over."

"It doesn't have to be." Dale's voice is high and urgent. "Take this second chance, Nicole, make something of your life. Please. Please you have to fight."

"I don't deserve a second chance."

"Nobody does. That's the way grace works. Don't throw this away." Desperation is marring his features.

I don't know what to say to him. I've never seen anyone beg with me like this before. He wants me to live. A shock of cold runs through my middle and I gasp. It moves through my limbs and th
e shakes grow with intensity...and then my nose is wet.

I twitch and wave my hand in front of my face.

My nose tickles.

I scratch it, but the wet tickling sensation returns.

"Nicole, are you still there?"

"Yes." I scratch my nose again.

"Are you okay?"

"Something's tickling my nose."

I shake my head from side to side as Dale jumps up, hope lighting his face like a bonfire. "Jester."

Without a backwards glance, he runs down the hill, tumbling and sliding, calling for his dog.

Jester barks back loudly. We follow the sound and soon stumble across a scene I'm not overly keen on seeing. Adam is standing above me, his hands in his pockets. He looks pretty shell-shocked as Jester sits by my ashen face, his tail thumping on the ground.

"Good boy." Dale falls to his knees and slides the rest of the way towards me. He gives Jester's head a quick congratulatory rub then gently pushes the dog away.

At first he looks a little lost as he gazes down at me. I don't exactly look crash-hot. In fact I look disgusting! My skin is so pale you can almost see the veins running below the surface. My lips are tinted blue and when Dale picks up my hand, I'm like a limp rag doll.

Brushing the hair back from my face, Dale checks from my pulse, looks horrified then after a few more
frantic finger jabs to my neck, lets out a relieved sigh.

"Nicole, wake up." He gently runs his hand over my face then bends low to check for breathing. "This is not good." He looks up at Adam as he whips off his sweater and wraps it around me. "She's like an ice cube. We have to call for help. Get out your phone."

Adam steps back. "I can't, man. I won't do it."

Dale glares up at him."Get. Out.
Your. Phone."

Shaking his head, Adam retreats further away. By some magnetic force his eyes are locked on my body. They are wide and filled with fear. "Dad will find out... and then we're all dead."

Looking ready to pummel something, Dale reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his phone, with one hand resting on my forehead like a mother would, he lifts his other to check for reception. Glancing up at the phone in his hand, he swears and throws it on the ground. "There's no reception down here. You have to go up to the road and call for an ambulance."

"I ca—
"

"Adam! You want to live with this for the rest of your life? She's dying! Now DO IT!"

Once again surprised by Dale's uncharacteristic outburst, Adam stumbles backwards. His eyes are like saucers, swirling with a mixture of fear and something else I can't quite figure out.

"MOVE." Dale's voice breaks.

Adam blinks slowly then looks at my dying body one last time before making his way up the hill.

"Do you think he'll do it?"

"I don't know," Dale sighs. "But I'm not leaving you. Go back into your body. Please, Nicky. Wake up."

"I'll try." I gaze at my lifeless form and close my eyes, willing the blackness to surround me so I can return.

"I'm fading," I whisper.

"Good, come back to me." He caresses my face while talking, looking at my eyes. I can sense how desperately he wants them to open. I squeeze my eyes shut again. Cold blood is running through my veins and the shudders work through my system again.

A slow blackness starts in the corner of my mind. "I think it's working. Everything's going black."

I open my eyes and spot Dale's hopeful expression. He's leaning over me, his face just an inch from mine.

"Come on," he whispers.

The blackness is closing in, blocking my vision of him. It feels different this time. Nothing hurts. If anything I feel like my body is filled with helium.

"Nicole?" Dale touches my face.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"Nicole."

I float away from him, the blackness consuming me as I'm lifted into the air. I can still hear his desperate pleas for me to wake up, but I can no longer reach him. Fear pulses through my system as I reach out into the blackness.

So this is death. A black nothingness. I was hoping to feel some sort of peace, some sort of end to my misery, instead the fear builds in my system until I feel like I'm drowning in it.