Betwixt, Before, Beyond (15 page)

Chapter Twenty-Nine

"Wait," I croak. "Wait, I'm not ready! I'm not done!"

My voice echoes off the surrounding walls, making me quiver.

"I'm not done." I scream again then curl into a ball as my fear-filled cries wash back over me.

Where am I? My body trembles with sobs as I rest my
head on my knees. Is this it? Is this what I'll have to endure for the rest of eternity? A black nothingness?

I strain to hear Dale, but his voice has faded to obscurity.

I strain to see what's in front of me, but when I reach out my hand, I can't even see my fingers wiggling.

Forcing air into my lungs, I stand on shaky legs and try to move forward, cautiously taking small steps, unsure what I'll find.

There seems to be nothing around me. I don't know what I'm standing on. I can't feel anything.

"Hello? Please, can anybody hear me?" My voice sounds small and foreign.

I stumble backwards and fall to the ground. The shudders are returning, filling me with dread. There is no escaping this.

My eye catches a small glimmer high above me.

I focus on it as best I can. It looks like a star and seems to be falling towards me. My eyes are transfixed. As it gradually descends my new world gets brighter. I glance around me. I'm sitting in a bubble. As if some kid has blown one from soapsuds and I'm caught inside. I spot Dale on the ground below me. He is frantically doing CPR on my limp body. I wince and turn away. His desperation is heartbreaking.

The intensity of light around me is growing stronger as the star continues to descend. I wonder if it's going to land on me as my eyes squint against the bright glare. I raise my arm and cower away from it. Landing just in front of me, it burns so bright it sears my retinas. I blink at the blotches impairing my vision.

The light starts to fade. As I win the blotch war, my vision clears and I am soon staring at the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Air rushes out of my lungs in a big gush.

"Jody?"

"Hey, sis." She grins, that little impish one I always fell for. 

"You look..." I reach out to touch her, but pull away last minute. This is too weird. Am I really looking at my sister? She looks exactly like she did when she was nine, except glowing and radiant. Her smile is filled with light and love. Her eyes are glimmering. My hand drops to my side. "You look beautiful...the same as you were."

She shrugs. "I thought it would be easier for you to see me this way."

"What do you normally look like?"

Her dimples jump into place. "You'll see."

"So I go with you?" Hope spurts through my system followed swiftly by despair.

Jody's head tips to the side as she studies me.

I look away from her assessing gaze and cross my arms.

"We both know I don't deserve to, Jo."

"Why not?"

"You know why
?!"

"Nicky, you need to understand this. It's not your fault."

"I shouldn't have locked you outside." I shake my head.

"I shouldn't have climbed that tree."

I glance at her with a frown. "I should have come when you called me."

"I should have done the right thing and left you alone. There were a million other things I could have been doing that day, but I chose to annoy you. I knew how badly you wanted to finish that cover, but I wanted to play. I was trying to punish you."

The defensive walls inside my chest start to crumble as I fight to win the argument. "I'm your older sister. It was my responsibility to care for you."

"You never let me down, Nicky." Jody's voice is quiet and sure, leaving no room for objections. "I adored you every day of my life. You were the best older sister ever and I'm so sorry you've been suffering because of me."

"How can you be so forgiving?" Tears bubble on the edge of my lashes.

"That's easy." Her eyes light with a warm smile. "I love you."

I can do nothing but grin back as I swipe at my tears. "I've missed you so much. You were such a ray of sunshine, remember how Mom used to say that all the time."

We both chuckle, but mine quickly dies away. "Home's not the same without you."

"I know and I miss you guys too."

"I wish I could turn back time and change what happened."

"Life doesn't work that way." Jody shrugs. "Besides, I'm happy, Nicky. It's so amazing up there." She points in the direction she descended from. "Better than anything anyone could possibly imagine." She shakes her head, looking blissfully happy.

It sounds amazing. I look up and feel the tug of curiosity.

Jody holds out her hand. "You don't have to be afraid. I'll take care of you." She giggles.

I smile at the sweet sound and reach for her hand. A shout from below grabs my attention. I glance down and watch Dale lean over my body, pumping my chest, forcing me heart to reignite.

"No! Nicole! Come on!"

I pull away from Jody, my heart splitting open at his cries.

"He's a really great guy." Jody's voice catches my attention. "I like him better than your other boyfriends."

"He's not my boyfriend," I murmur, unable to tear my eyes away from him.

"Well, he should be."

Sadness swamps me as I glance back at Jody.

"I guess he never can be now." I shrug my shoulders and turn back to face her...ready to join her in this mysterious life of light.

Jody raises her little hand and steps away from me with a soft sigh. "If you went back, what would you do with your life?"

"I don't know."

Jody's eyes take on a granite quality. "You've be
en punishing yourself for my death...partying, hanging out with people who don't care about you, dating guys who only want one thing."

She looks a little broken over it all.

I flush with guilt and look away from her.

"That would have to stop."

My air supply is cut short and I look over to her with wide eyes. What is she saying?

"Do you think you could do that?" Her question is said with a strong voice, way older than her nine years. I suddenly feel like the junior as I dip my head and tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Nicky? Do you think you could?"

My brain ticks over with images of what my new life cou
ld be like. I'd have a few roadblocks to face before I got to where I really wanted to be. Could I overcome them?

Eventually I nod. "Yeah, I think I could."

"No more slips up?" Her face is stern, her childlike innocence nowhere to be found.

I swallow my chuckle. "I'll try."

"No, you have to promise. Promise me it will end." The earnest seriousness in her eyes makes my mouth go dry.

"I promise." And I really mean it.

Her face flashes with disappointment and she nods. "Then you have a choice."

My heart does a slow double thud before taking off like
a racehorse. "I do?"

"Yeah," she sighs. "I'm allowed to give you a choice. I don't really want to." She looks to the ground. "It'd be great to have you up
there and you'd be so happy. Life down there is really hard and your road to recovery is going to be long and painful."

She looks
up, her big blue eyes glinting like a salesman's. A deep dimple appears on her left cheek and her lips twitch.

"But if you want to, you're allowed to return."

I study her for a long beat, knowing what she wants...then I look through the bubble back down to earth. Memories of my last few days caught between life and death flood my brain — Dale's smirk, Adam's pale fear, my Dad's guilty tears and my Mom's silent sorrow. I look up at the light and once again feel a tug towards it. It's stronger this time so I look away.

"What will happen to everyone I leave behind?"

"I can't see into the future." Jody shrugs.

I frown at her. "But you just said my road will be long and painful."

Her eyes pop wide with an 'are you kidding me?' look. "You've been hit by a car. I'm just using common sense."

Laughter bursts out of me before I can stop it.

"You always were smarter than me, Jo." I shake my head and look to my feet. The weight of the decision is huge. I've hated my life for so long and now I have the perfect escape, but... 

I flick my
watch strap a couple of times then look across at Jody.

"I really want to come with you." I force my lips to smile. "But I can't do it to Mom and Dad." I gaze through the floor and watch Dale urgently trying to resuscitate me. "I can't do it to him."

When I look back, Jody is gazing at me with a resigned smile. "He told me you'd say that."

"Who?"

She shrugs. "The one who believes in you."

My brows dip with confusion.

"Don't worry, you'll get to meet him one day, but for now just know that we're both watching you."

The thought that she might be talking about God flitters through my head. My brain flashes with a quick 'I don't believe in him', but it's followed by a swift, 'are you sure about that?'

I shake my head. That's a question for another day.

Stepping
forward, Jody rises to her tiptoes and wraps her arms around my neck. "I love you, Nicky."

"I love you too." I squeeze back as hard as I can, enjoying the familiar feeling of my sister, wrapped in my arms.  I try not to imagine what life would have been like had she not died and I then have to try extra hard not to imagine returning to earth without her.

She squeezes me back then pulls away. "Remember your promise."

"I will."

Our parting smiles are filled with warmth and affection. My tummy rumbles with giggles as Jody turns away and does a few quick dance moves we'd worked on as kids. She turns back with a cheeky grin and then starts to float away from me. I watch her ascend. When she is once again a tiny dot, the bubble around me pops and I'm falling.

Chapter Thirty

It’s hard not to scream as I rush towards the earth. All the pain that had been numb inside the bubble returns. My arm starts to scream, my knee starts to throb and my head is pounding as air rushes back into my lungs and I cough.

"Oh, thank you, God."

Dale touches his forehead to mine and whispers his gratitude again, placing a long, soft kiss on my forehead.

I try to open my eyes and look at him, but all I manage is a brief glimpse of his face next to mine. I close my eyes and wince as another cough makes my body spasm.

"It hurts." My words are slurred and I want to weep, but my body can barely function.

Dale brushes the hair back from my face.

"I know," he sounds as though he's feeling my pain, "but help's on the way. It'll be over soon, okay. We'll get you warm and safe. You're gonna be fine."

His voice is shaking. I feel his strong hand rubbing my good arm and his lips are once again on my forehead. "I think you have hypothermia, that's why your skin's so cold." He tucks his sweater more firmly around me. "Come on, Adam. Hurry up!"

His voice is starting to fade as blackness blurs the edges of my vision.

"No." Dale shakes me gently. "Stay awake. You're not allowed to sleep until the paramedics get here, you understand me?"

I want to nod, I want to say yes, but I can't do either. My tongue feels swollen and my cracked lips can't move.

I squint my eyes open and glimpse his agonized expression.

I so want this to be over.

My mind calls out for Jody. "Let me come back. I've changed my mind."

Then those images from before whistle through my head. Gritting my teeth, I try to will my brain away from the liquid slosh that threatens to drown me.

I force my eyes open and search for Dale. Thankfully he looks at me. His smile is radiant.
"Hey. Stay awake, okay?"

"I can't," I whisper.

"Yes you can."

I grimace as I try to make sense of what he's saying. I need something to keep me here. I can't stand this floaty feeling tugging at my mind.

"Where's Jester?" I force the words out.

"He's at your feet."

"Keep talking," I slur. "Tell me about the day you brought him home."

Dale chuckles.

"Well..." His voice washes over me like a soothing balm. I cling to it as he walks me through his first meeting with Jester. The story is sprinkled with his classic sarcasm that keeps pulling me back to the present. Laughter lines the edges of my brain and my lips want to smile, but then it all stops.

At my feet Jester jumps up with a loud bark, followed by a low, threatening growl.

I open my eyes to see his teeth barred and his black eyes narrowed for the kill. I glance at Dale.

His face is pale, but his eyes are hard with rage. I force my head to turn and look above me. It's a struggle that hurts like hell, but I have to see.

"Jody," I think, "please tell me you didn't just keep me alive so I could die five minutes later."

I gaze at the muzzle bearing down on me.

"Step away from her, Finnigan." Adam's voice is trembling.

Jester barks again and looks ready to lunge.

"Back down, boy," Dale's words are punched out as he moves in front of me, blocking my view.

Jester's growl is menacing and fully freaking me out.

"Shut up! Shut your dog up or I'll shoot it!" Adam's voice breaks.

"Calm down." Dale slowly puts his hand back and points at his dog. "Jester. Down."

The dog growls again and Dale has to repeat himself, his voice coming out loud and assertive. Jester lets out a whimper.

"Sit."

Reluctantly Jester lowers his butt to the ground, but looks in no way relaxed. Keeping a keen eye on Adam, his limbs are quivering with having to remain in his spot.

"Where'd you get the gun?" I can hear the fear lining Dale's steady words.

"Dad's desk. I don't know why I put it in my bag this morning." Adam lets out a strange chuckle, all high and squeaky. "I just had a hunch that something bad was going to happen."

"It doesn't have to, man."

"This is what my Dad wants." The desperation puncturing each of Adam's words is pitiful.

"For you to be a murderer?"

"You don't understand. This will ruin my life. There's no other way."

"Yes there is, Adam. You don't have to do this."

"I don't have a choice." Adam's voice break's apart with childlike tears.

"Yes you do." Dale slowly stands. "You can choose to be the villain or the hero."

I glimpse Adam through Dale's legs. The gun is shaking in his hand and terror for Dale ripples through me.

"Stop!" I try to scream it, but the word gets stuck in my throat.

Dale takes a step towards his friend. "I know you, Adam...and you want to be the hero right now. Trust me on this."

The gun dips to the ground then springs back up as Dale takes another
step forward. He edges back and raises his hands. Jester growls.

"Your Dad is asking too much. You can't let him turn you into this. He doesn't want you to be this person. He just wants you to get into a good school and do well, that's all." Dale inches forward again. "No one has to know..."
He swings his arms wide. "About any of this."

He looks down at me, searching my expression, hoping for an answer that will save our lives.

It takes me an age, but I eventually croak, "I never saw the car that hit me."

Dale whips back around to Adam. I can't see his face, but I can picture the hope of a solution sparkling in his eyes.

I can feel the clock ticking with excruciating slowness as we wait for a resolution. It's almost more painful than my wounds.

As if working in slow motion, Adam's gun finally points to the ground.

"Unload it." Dale's tight voice leaves no room for argument.

Adam silently does what he's told. Tears are streaming down his face as he pockets the magazine and catches the bullet out of the barrel.

Placing his hands on his hips, Dale bends over and pulls in a ragged breath.

Reaching into his pocket, Adam pulls out his phone. Pressing three buttons, he lifts it to his ear and asks for an ambulance.

Dale bends down beside me and brushes my hair back with a confused frown. "How come his phone gets reception?"

"Because his phone kicks your crappy phone's butt," I whisper.

His body shakes with mirth and he gives me a tender smile. "Can you hang in there a little longer?"

With my good hand, I reach for his.
"Just don't let go and I'll be fine."

Dale keeps my hand in his and finishes his story about Jester. I fade in and out as I listen, but he keeps calling me home. Every time I come to, I hear Adam pacing around us and Jester's low growl when he gets too close. Eventually the distant sound of sirens draws closer and closer.

Adam spins and rushes up the hill. I hear a flurry of voices as people descend. Dale is pushed out of the way as the paramedics take over. I try to keep my eyes on him, but it eventually gets too hard. Things become a blur as I'm strapped onto a stretcher and hauled up the hill.

As I'm lifted over the guardrail a police car screeches to a stop beside the ambulance. An irate Sheriff jumps out of the car and shoots me a molten look before brushing past the paramedics and clamping an iron hand around Dale's arm.

"You've got some major explaining to do, Houdini."

Dale doesn't complain as the Sheriff marches him to the car and slams him against it.

I want to cry as I strain to see what's happening. My insides surge with panic and I struggle against the straps.

"Hey, calm down. It's okay." The paramedic places a gentle hand on my head, forcing me to relax.

I try to lift my head to see Dale, but all I glimpse is a mop of curls being pushed into the back of a police car.

Closing my eyes, I no longer fight the tears as the sirens wail and I'm driven away from the guy who saved my life.