Authors: Melissa Pearl
I shakily unzip my bag and pull out my jacket. It takes forever and the small task is exhausting. I clasp the jacket to my chest and lay my head back on the pine needles. My brain feels swollen and mushy and despair is only a heartbeat away.
Tears burn.
Dale's writing swirls in front of me telling me to put my jacket on. I look at the letters, scribbled quickly in blue ink and make my mind repeat them. It takes about four tries, but eventually my right hand capitulates and starts shaking my jacket to open it wide.
Trying to stretch it over me is freaking hard work, but I manage to cover my shoulders and tuck it under my chin... sort of.
My teeth chatter as I turn to see how far I rolled. I think I see the spot I was before. Gazing up the hill, I replay the tumble in my head. Yellow circles flash in front of me. Two of them, next to each other.
I frown and close my eyes again.
Circles... swerving towards me.
I open my eyes.
"Yellow circles?" I whisper.
"NICKY!" A young girl screams my name and I wince.
"No." I blink at tears. "Circles."
I force myself to repeat the word, hoping it will eradicate the sound of a child's scream. "Bright circles." I watch them swerve in my mind's eye, over the road then straight towards me. "Headlights!" I gasp.
Those two yellow circles were headlights.
I was hit by a car.
For some reason, the thought is liberating. I finally know what happened to me.
I try to dredge up further memories. Forcing the headlights to come swerving towards me over and over again. I can't glean any more information and after a few minutes I'm spent.
I need to get back to Dale. I need to tell him what I know.
Scrunching up my face, I try to will myself to his side, but it doesn't work.
"Come on!" Desperation taints my voice as I squeeze my eyes closed again. "Arghhhh!" I let out a scream and hit the dirt. "Please! I need to go back!"
A thought skirts through the back of my brain. It's not a pleasant one, but the idea that I have no other choice makes me entertain it. Pulling in two quick breaths, I hold the third one and force my leg to bend.
My scream is lost as I black out.
I practically appear on Dale's lap. Flinching, I jump back from him and take a seat on the empty stool beside him. Mr. Moffat is droning on in his monotone voice about some equation with a ton of letters and numbers. There's a diagram on the board beneath the title Kinetic Energy.
My nose wrinkles and I look at Dale. His mouth is turned down at the sides. I look at the scar marring his features and think it's beautiful.
What?
I shake my head. What is wrong with me?
Yes, I am very happy to be sitting next to him right now, but Dale Finnigan? Beautiful?
Running my hand over my face, I smooth down my eyebrows and shake my head.
Pull yourself together, Nicole.
I study him for a moment longer. He's not listening to a word Mr. Moffat is saying. His eyes are a million miles away and if I could wipe that worry from his face right now, I would.
Leaning towards him, I whisper as softly as I can, "Hey, Dale."
He flinches and lets out a gasp.
"Mr. Finnigan?" The physics teacher stops and gives him a stern look. "I'm not waking you, am I?"
"Sorry, sir." Dale sits up straight and gives him an attentive look.
Mr. Moffat's glare lasts a beat longer then his bland expression returns along with his monotone explanation.
Scrambling for his pen, Dale turns over a fresh piece of paper and writes...
Are you OK?!?!?!?
I smile. "Yes. I'm fine... well not totally fine, obviously. I had a fall and now I'm even further down the bank."
Injuries?
"Nothing new. I think my head's stopped bleeding, but my knee is pretty bad and my elbow is killing me. I managed to cover myself with my jacket."
Dale smiles.
Good girl.
I don't suppose you suddenly discovered you're wearing a thermal under your shirt did you?
He looks at me hopefully.
I suppress a chuckle and reply, "The only thing I have under my shirt is a bra and your dog tags."
His head jerks towards me, his eyes wide.
"What? You gave them to me to wear, didn't you? What's the matter?"
He shakes his head and writes...
It's nothing. Keep them on.
I want to ask more, but can't delay my answer to his next question.
Remember anything else?
"Yes. Headlights."
So you were on the road?
"Uh-huh. I must have made it to the road and started walking home."
Left hand side?
"Yeah." I nod. "No wait. I was on the right. I was walking with the traffic."
You know you're actually supposed to walk against it on a road like that.
"Thank you, but that tip is hardly helpful now."
I know, it's just easier to spot cars and they can see you.
"Well, this one didn't."
You think you were hit by a car?!?!?
"Yeah. It was swerving all over the road."
Like a drunk driver or something?
"Maybe. I don't know."
And it hit you?
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it did. I don't remember exactly, but how else could I be where I am with the injuries I have. I remember falling and..." the word NICKY screams through my head and my air supply is cut off.
I bite my lips together.
Nicole?
"That's all I remember."
Okay, so all we have to do now is find the driver of the car.
"Yeah, because it's that simple. It could have been anyone... most likely some tourist who's now skipped town."
Dale drops the pen and rubs his right earlobe.
Hopelessness pounds against my shoulders. I could so easily give into its relentless rhythm. I can feel myself caving as I take in Dale's sad expression.
"I'm not going to make it, am I?"
Dale lets out a short breath and grabs his pen.
I am going to find you! Just STAY ALIVE!
He underlines the last two words multiple times and the hopeless waves that keep pounding me, ease off just a little. I smile and mouth the words, thank you. I know he can't see me and I'm glad for it. The emotions massacring my system are not ones I'm ready to share.
The bell rings moments later and the students hurry to pack up their things. Mr. Moffat is stuffing papers into his bag as he walks out the door with everybody else. I guess students aren't the only ones who are desperate to leave at the end of the day.
Dale takes his time collecting his stuff, no doubt waiting for the class to empty so he can talk to me without looking like a total goof-ball.
My phone chirps as the last senior saunters out the door.
Dale gives a disgusted snort and slaps it down on the table.
"What?"
"Your friends suck."
"Why? What are they saying?" I reach for the phone, forgetting my fingers will pass straight through it. I let out a sigh and step back. "Can you read it for me, please."
"No." Dale grabs the phone and pops it in his pocket.
"Hey, that's my phone! Now read me the tweet."
"Forget it."
"Dale." I cross my arms and force my voice to remain calm. "I-"
"I'm not reading you the tweet, Nicole."
"Why not?"
"Let's just say the hashtag's changed."
"To what?"
Dale sighs and looks to the floor.
"You don't want to know, okay?"
My forehead crinkles and I swallow down the hurt. It must be bad if Dale's not willing to show me. I hate that I'm so desperate to see it even though it will probably hurt like hell.
"Tell me. I need to know."
"I'm not doing it." Dale goes to stride past me and I stand in his way. He walks straight through me and we both shudder. He spins around with a gasp. "DON'T do that to me again. Ever."
He let's out his breath and rubs his forehead.
"Tell me what it says or I'll do it to you for the rest of the day."
He groans and throws his hands in the air.
"None of these people you hang out with care about you. You're obviously missing and all they've done is started a twitter frenzy about what might have happened to you!" He pulls out my phone. "Some of these tweets are foul, Nicky. How can you be friends with these people?"
His sweet desperation at my plight pulls on heart strings I never knew I had. My eyes burn as I snap back, "Because they don't care about me."
Dale's shoulders drop and he stares at me in confusion.
I swallow and continue like an idiot.
"They're too shallow to dig any deeper than the clothes I'm wearing, or the shoes I have on... or what party I'm going to... or who I'm sleeping with. They don't care about what makes me tick... and they don't want to know anything about who I really am. They'll never know and that's just the way I want it."
"Never know what?"
"Nothing." I swallow. "I meant they'll never really know me." My cover is so pathetic, but Dale mercifully lets it slide.
"You know that's messed up, right?" The smile that follows his sweet statement is too cute.
I bite my lips together and nod.
"You okay?"
I clear my throat in reply to Dale's quiet words.
"Come on let's go drive around the national park for a while."
I cross my arms and follow him.
"I just have to stop at my locker first."
His pace is still quite fast, but I manage to keep up with him as I follow him to his locker. We pass Sophie on the way, she gives him a shy smile and he nods back.
I want to tease him again, but force myself to come up with something else. I need him on my side, not telling me to shut my mouth again.
"What's youth group?"
He turns to look at Sophie then back at me with a suspicious glare.
"I'm just asking what it is." I raise my hands.
Stopping at his locker, he dials the combination and looks to make sure no one is nearby. "It's just a bunch of kids from my church. We get together every Friday night and hang out."
"And do what? Read your bibles?"
His eyebrows bunch together as he tries to hide his grin. "Sometimes. Not always. We usually just get together to have some fun."
"What kind of fun?"
"Games, paint ball, movies... last Friday we handed out glowsticks, turned out all the lights and danced our asses off."
I laugh. "To hymns?"
"Okay, your misconceptions are frightening."
He closes his locker and zips up his bag.
"Well excuse me, but I've never been to church before."
"Maybe you should come check it out."
"No thank you." I frown.
He looks a little insulted, but that half smile works its way through and pops his scar to the side.
"You think the only way to have fun is to get drunk, buy clothes, date losers and say bitchy things about people?"
I take a step away from him. Although they were said with light humor, I knew he meant every word.
"Wow." I swallow. "You really don't like me, do you?"
His eyes wash with quick regret as he hitches his bag onto his shoulder.
"I let you keep the dog tags, didn't I?"
I watch him walk away from me, not sure whether to be insulted or touched. Hanging out with him is the most confusing thing I've ever done. I stand there like an idiot, not sure what to feel.
My ghostly body takes charge and runs after him before I can stop myself.
I catch up and we walk side-by-side. He clears his throat and sniffs then glances over his right shoulder.
"I'm on your left."
His smile appears as he glances down at me. How can someone look so sure of themselves and so awkward at the same time?
"I can't imagine you dancing." The words tumble out before I can stop them.
Dale chuckles and whispers, "Believe me, if glow sticks hadn't been the only form of lighting, you couldn't have dragged me from a chair."
I grin.
"Did you go all Footloose on their butts?"
"You better believe it, baby."
Laughter rings out of me. It's such a surprising sound I actually stop walking. It is almost foreign to my ears... I haven't laughed like that since...
I swallow and frown.