“At my expense!” Detached? The man was a rake. Then again, perhaps remaining unemotional with all those women was the only way he could seduce them all.
“Perhaps,” she said with a shrug. “But you will promise me you’ll attend or I shall march downstairs and inform him you’re up here.”
Selina shook her head knowing she was defeated. “All right, you win.”
“I always do.” Kate sat up as if to leave. “May I visit you during your imprisonment?”
“Please,” Selina replied. “The servants are so busy with the wedding being moved up that I have no one to talk to all day. Most of the tenants are well so there is nothing to do. If I leave I fear your brother will discover me.”
They talked for over two hours. Kate told her all about London, the Season, and her betrothed, John. Selina admitted that she had originally thought Colin was the one to marry soon.
“Colin marry?” Her laughter died off as she shook her head. “I doubt that will happen ever again. He just won’t let go of the past.”
The small interactions they’d shared had made Selina wonder if he would be happy married again. He missed his late wife so dreadfully.
“But shouldn’t he marry at least for an heir?”
Kate shook her head slowly. “After what happened, I don’t think he would ever let his heart open to another woman. He would rather Tom’s son inherited.” She glanced over at the clock. “I must go now.”
“Thank you for visiting with me.”
“I shall come back later. We’ll play cards and become fast friends again.”
Selina smiled as Kate left the room. She prayed Kate would keep her secret for the next two weeks.
After two days of having his stepmother and sister underfoot, Colin needed to get away. They were driving him mad with wedding plans. He assumed a ride would set him to rights again.
He walked to the stables but Mr. Sellers was not around. Instead of waiting, he ambled inside toward Zeus. A familiar whinny stopped him cold. He turned toward the black mare and let her nuzzle his shoulder.
“What are you doing here, Daisy?” Could Selina have been so angry with him that she returned the sweet mare? The woman could be more stubborn than any person he knew.
“Your Grace, what are you doing here?” Mr. Sellers said with a slight gasp when he noticed the mare.
“When did Miss White return Daisy?”
Mr. Sellers coughed and glanced away. “A few days ago, Your Grace.”
“Did you attempt to convince her to keep the mare?”
“Of course, but she refused.”
“Saddle Daisy and Zeus. I shall return Daisy to her.”
“Yes, Your Grace.” Mr. Sellers whistled for the stableboys. Two came running as Colin walked back into the yard.
A few moments later, one of the boys raced to the house. He spoke to Mr. Roberts and then ran back to the stables. Colin wondered briefly what that was all about? With a shrug, he decided it might be best if he didn’t know.
With the horses saddled, he headed out toward Hart’s lands and the wise women. He’d promised the horse for Selina’s use.
By the time he arrived at Mrs. Featherstone’s cottage, he felt exhilarated by the fresh air and lack of female chatter. He jumped off Zeus and tied the horses to a post. The door opened before he even walked toward it.
“Good afternoon, Your Grace,” Miss Featherstone said. Her cornflower dress blew out around her ankles.
“Good afternoon, Miss Featherstone. Is Miss White at home?”
She bit down on her lip and glanced toward his lands. “No, Your Grace. I . . . I believe she is visiting some of the tenants.”
“I see.” Was she visiting Hart’s tenants or disobeying Colin’s orders and calling on his tenants?
“Would you like to leave a message for her?”
“No. I believe I shall wait for her.”
He glanced over at Miss Featherstone’s worried face. “It might be a few hours, Your Grace. You can always write her a note. I will make certain she receives it.”
“How kind,” he remarked. “But as I said, I shall wait.”
Miss Featherstone’s gaze continued to scan the lands, mostly his lands. “Would you like to come in for some tea? My mother is home and would enjoy the company.”
“No, thank you. I will wait out here. The air is refreshing.”
Her gaze darted between the fields and the line of trees. “Of course, Your Grace. I believe I shall try to find her for you.”
“Oh, Miss Featherstone, there is no need for that.” Colin had no doubts that she was trying to protect her friend. But he wanted to see from which direction Selina arrived.
He sat on a small stump and waited for over an hour before he saw her coming from the direction of the tenants’ cottages. Hart’s tenants. He stood as she walked closer to him. Her green eyes sparkled like emeralds and burned him with their fury.
“To what do I owe this honor,” she sneered.
“I came to return your horse,” Colin said. He suddenly wished for their animosity to be over. Remembering the walk they took to Mrs. Wells’s home, he wished they could return to that level of almost friendship.
“Daisy is your horse and should be kept at your stables, not Lord Hartsfield’s. That is why I sent her back. But do not worry, Your Grace, I didn’t take a step on your lands. I asked one of the earl’s stableboys to return her.”
She attempted to storm past him but he caught her wrist. He stared down at her delicate fingers.
“I told you Daisy was for your use. I have plenty of horses in my stables.”
She tried to pull out of his grip to no avail. “No, thank you, Your Grace.”
He knew there was only one way to appease her. “I must apologize for my behavior the other night. I’d had too much brandy and when I saw the book in your hand . . .”
“Once I noticed the inscription, I knew I had to return the book to you,” she whispered.
“Again, I apologize.” He slowly released her wrist but immediately missed the warmth of her skin.
“May I call on your tenants again?”
He closed his eyes and nodded. Why was this woman getting under his skin when no other had in eight years? He couldn’t stand to see disappointment in her eyes. Or know he’d hurt her feelings.
“Thank you, Your Grace.”
He opened his eyes and smiled. “I believe we agreed you would call me Colin in private.”
“This is hardly private. Anyone might overhear us and assume things about our relationship that are not true.”
“You are indeed a wise woman, Miss White.” And a woman who seemed to have bewitched him. He had to find a way to break that spell before he did something disastrous.
Selina waited until dark before creeping back into the house. While she may have gained access to his lands, he would still be furious to discover she lived right under his nose. Or maybe that was above his nose. She giggled slightly as she tiptoed up the servants’ stairs to the third floor.
Opening the door to her room, she found a plate of cold chicken and bread. She kicked off her boots and then sat at the small table to eat. She devoured the food, after saying a quick prayer of thanks for Mrs. Roberts’s support. Once finished with dinner, she moved to a chair near the window and reflected on the day.
With permission to roam his lands restored, she should feel happy and settled. But all she could remember were the turbulent emotions she’d felt with his long, tapered fingers clutching her wrist. His possessive grasp had sent tingles of longing through her body. And knowing he wasn’t engaged only made things worse. There was no reason to deny the desire she felt for him. If offered the opportunity, she would welcome his advances.
Selina laughed softly. As much as she might feel a passion for him, she knew he did not reciprocate the feelings. She picked up her wineglass and sighed. Now that was a damned shame.
A slight knock scraped across her door. “Come in.”
A young woman not more than twenty tentatively entered the room. “Miss White?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, thank God,” she said, rushing toward her. “You must come with me quickly.”
“Who are you?” Selina asked. This was not one of Colin’s maids.
“I’m Ann. Lady Katherine’s maid. She needs you. Something’s wrong with her.” The girl’s blue eyes implored her to hurry.
“What’s wrong with her?” Selina asked as she picked up her bag with herbs and other assorted remedies.
“She’s bleeding bad, miss. At first I thought it was just her monthlies but now I’m not so sure.”
The breath expelled from her lungs. They moved up the wedding date. And now she knew why. “We must hurry.”
As they raced down the servants’ steps, she asked, “When did she start bleeding?”
“Just after dinner. She’s cramping too.”
She ran down the hall. “Which room?”
“Fifth door on the left, miss.”
Selina refused to wait for the girl who seemed unable to keep up with her pace. Just as she reached the main hall, she ran into a hard body. Large hands gripped her shoulders and kept her from falling. Not now, she thought.
“Get out of my way, Colin.”
“What’s wrong with my sister?” he demanded.
“I won’t know until I see her. But the last thing she needs is her brother hovering over her bed. Go back to your study, I’ll let you know after I’ve seen her.” Selina twisted out of his grip and moved past him. She reached for the door handle only to have his hand pull hers away.
“I am calling for the physician.”
“Do what you think is necessary,” she shouted as her anger increased. “It will take the man an hour to get here, assuming he’s sober. Right now, I’m the only one here with any experience in these matters. Now, please let me do my job.”
He opened the door. “I will be waiting in my study.”
She strode into the room and took in the scene before her. The dowager duchess sat on the side of her daughter’s bed crying hysterically. Selina placed her bag on the nightstand and turned toward the woman.
“Your Grace, please move yourself to the chair by the window. And if you cannot keep your emotions to yourself, I shall have a footman remove you.”
The older woman looked up at her with tears in her eyes. “This is my daughter. Who are you to tell me where I can or cannot sit?”
“I am the woman sent here to help your daughter. Now please move, Your Grace.”
“Humph,” she said and then moved away from the bed.
“Kate, look at me,” Selina said softly.
“That’s Lady Katherine to you,” the duchess retorted.
“Do be quiet, Mother,” Kate moaned. “Oh, Selina, it hurts so much. I’m losing the baby, aren’t I?”
“What baby?” her mother exclaimed.
Selina cast Kate’s mother a glare. “Shh.” She then sat on the bed and felt Kate’s forehead. “How many of your monthlies have you missed?”
“I just missed my second month.”
“Were you bleeding before today?”
Kate nodded and wiped away a tear. “I’ve been spotting for three days.”
She examined her new friend and tried her best not to let her tears fall. Seeing the amount of blood loss, she whispered, “I’m so sorry, Kate. I believe you may have lost the baby.”
Kate held her hand against her mouth as her tears flowed down her cheeks. “Only John knew. That’s why we pushed up the wedding, so I wouldn’t be showing. We figured we could just say the baby was born early.”
“I’m so sorry,” Selina mumbled again as she prepared some herbs to ease Kate’s pain.
“Don’t tell Colin.”
Selina turned back to Kate. Her friend’s face was pallid and sweaty but it was the look of anguish that made her agree. “I suppose that news is up to you to tell him.”
“He must never know. After what happened to Mary, he cannot handle another loss of this kind. Please, promise me you won’t tell him.”
“You are my patient and moreover my friend. If you insist that I don’t tell him then I shall honor your request.” She had no idea how she would do such a thing. He would demand to know what was wrong with Kate. “I will tell him it’s just a feminine issue. Men never know what to say to that.”
“Thank you, Selina.” Kate’s cold hand clasped Selina’s.
Selina spent the next few hours helping Kate. Other than giving her some herbs for the cramping, there wasn’t much she could do for her. But as midnight neared, she knew she had to tell Colin something.
“I will check on you tomorrow, Kate.” Selina covered her friend with a light blanket. “Try to sleep.” Thankfully, the herbs would help with that too.
“Thank you, Selina.” Kate’s eyelids dropped shut.
“I will stay with her tonight,” her mother whispered. “Thank you, Selina. I must apologize for how I acted when you came in the room. It was just the shock of it all.” She paused and tilted her head slightly. “You’re just like your mother, a loving wise woman.”
Selina nodded and headed for the door. With a deep breath for support, she walked down the black-and-white marble-tiled floor to the study. Before she reached the room, she could hear muttering from inside. Her heart went out to him. Slowly, she opened the door.
“Well?” he demanded.
“Well, indeed.” She ignored his question and then strolled to the brandy decanter on the table in the corner. Seeing the half glass in his hands, she poured only one snifter.
“Selina, what is wrong with my sister?” His tone had softened slightly, as if he understood her strained emotions.
“She’s having some feminine issues,” she lied, staring at the amber liquid in her glass.
He paced the room, raking his hand through his black hair until it all but stood on end. “She’s miscarrying, isn’t she?”
“You knew?” Her heart ached with his pained expression. She wanted to comfort him. But she had no right to do that. “I promised her I wouldn’t tell you . . . but since you have already guessed the truth, I can only confirm it.”
“I suspected. Why else would she change the wedding date? I shouldn’t have let her ride the other day. That’s what did it. I’m sure of it.”
“There is no way of knowing what caused the miscarriage. Sometimes these things just happen.”
He stopped midstride and closed his eyes. “Why?”
Selina sipped her brandy, hoping for a little fortification from the spirit. “I don’t know, Colin. Many women lose babies in the first three months. Sometimes that’s nature’s way of taking care of a baby that wasn’t growing properly.”
“But why did she do it?” He finally sank to a chair and drank the rest of his brandy.
She snatched the glass and then refilled it for him. Handing it to him, she said, “Why does any woman take the chance before marriage? She is in love with him. She was swept away by desire.”
Their fingers grazed each other when he reached for the glass. He stared at her until she had to look away. His probing sapphire eyes disquieted her until she felt the need to move away from him. She took the seat across from him.
“Desire,” he grumbled. “It only leads to pregnant women and loss.”
“Not always. Neither of us would be here today if our parents had ignored their desires.”
He lifted the glass to his lips and sipped from it. “Perhaps,” he said softly.
“There’s no perhaps about it,” she replied. She drank down her brandy and savored its comforting warmth. She wanted to forget this night. And all the other nights that ended the same. Death had cast its dark spirit into her heart.
Colin stared over at the beautiful woman across from him. His desire for her seemed all-consuming lately. He wondered how she would react if she knew.
“Would you do it?” he whispered.
She blinked and then warm green eyes stared at him. “Do what?”
“Have sexual congress before marriage?” Good God! Why was he asking her such a personal question?
“Yes,” she answered with no hesitation. She rose and walked to the window, looking out at the dark night. “But I’m in a different situation than your sister.”
“How so?”
“I am expected to have children. A girl in particular. No one here cares how the child comes to be, whether in the bonds of marriage or not. The only thing that matters to them is that I have a girl to whom I will teach the healing arts.” She let out a low sigh and leaned her head against the window frame.
“But don’t you care?”
She shrugged. “It would be nice to have a man who loved me and accepted me for who I am.” She glanced back at him. “But those are the exceptions. Most are like you, who don’t understand why I give up so much of my time to help others. Or those who believe medicine should be left to educated men.”
Colin sipped his brandy again and stared at his drink. “Why do you? Every time I ask you about it, you tell me it’s your duty. Is there more to it than that?”
“Yes!” She moved away from the window.
As she passed him, a hint of lavender swirled in the air. “So why else do you help everyone?”
“Because no one else will,” she said emphatically. Returning to her seat, she leaned forward, close to him. “That physician in the village is dreadful. He scares more people than he helps.”
“All right, but why
you
?” he asked again. “There are many other women who live on the land who could learn what you know. So why you?”
Her gaze fell to the floor. “Because I have an obligation to do this for the others.” She looked up at him intently. “Because seeing how my assistance helps someone is an incredible feeling. Watching as a new baby, that I helped bring into the world, looks up at his mother is the most heartwarming sensation in the world.”
He smiled slowly. “So you love what you do?”
“Of course I do.”
“But what about on a night like this when things go wrong? How do you deal with the emotions?”
She cast him a gentle smile. “That is life. There is good and bad. No matter how hard I try I can’t save everyone.”
“I might believe you if I hadn’t seen how upset you were over Mrs. Wells’s loss.”
She blinked furiously as if reliving the memory. Colin instantly regretted the remark. He had been enjoying her company tonight and with one comment, he’d brought back the memories of her emotional night by the reflecting pond.
“Some days are harder than others,” she whispered. “Seeing a child die is the worst.”
He knew that all too well. He closed his eyes as the memories returned as if it had happened yesterday, not eight years ago. “Why can’t I forget?” he whispered.
A warm hand touched his thigh. The idea that she would touch him to comfort him warmed his frozen heart.
“Because you loved her,” she said softly. “But maybe it’s time to let go.”
He opened his eyes to find her on her knees in front of him. Her green eyes were wet with tears for him. “I don’t know how.”
A large tear fell on his knee. “Your wife would never have wanted you to lock away your heart. She would have wanted you to love again, Colin.”
He looked away from her unable to face the pity he saw there. “You can’t possibly know that.”
“No woman who truly loved her husband would want him so lonely.” She dropped her head on his knee. “You need to return to London and find a woman who will love you.”
He leaned his head back against the chair and sighed. While he’d done much to ruin his reputation over the past eight years, he knew nothing was so awful that couldn’t be forgiven with his title. The women of the
ton
would be overjoyed to have a chance to become the next Duchess of Northrop. But he doubted one would come to love him as Mary had.