“Spirits?” she asked with a slight frown. “Do you mean like ghosts?”
He nodded sharply.
“I suppose it might,” she replied with a shrug. “I honestly don’t know for sure. Why, do you think there is a ghost in the house?”
He closed his eyes for a long moment. “I saw her.”
“Her?”
“Mary. A few times, upstairs on the third floor. I was outside at the reflecting pond and I saw a woman in white walk past the window.”
Selina’s eyes widened. “Indeed?”
Seeing the shocked look on her face, he knew he had to say something to calm her. He needed her to stay the night and she might bolt if she thought the house was haunted. “I am quite certain there is nothing to be afraid of, Selina. I’ve never heard the servants even speak of the specter.”
“Of course, you’re right.”
Hearing a bit of humor in her voice, he wondered if she didn’t believe in ghosts. Not that it mattered. Until he’d seen Mary’s ghost, he never believed either. At least she didn’t appear to be frightened of the idea of staying in a haunted house.
“I will check on Kate now.” She turned and walked out of the room with a slight grin on her face.
Why had he agreed to let her stay again? He must be suffering some grave form of madness. Now for the next few days and worse, the long nights, he would think of her.
Selina walked up the stairs attempting not to laugh aloud. A ghost! He’d thought she was the ghost of his late wife. She sobered. It was rather tragic, actually.
After checking in on Kate, Selina returned to her room to wash and change into a clean dress. She pulled her sage out from the nightstand where she kept it. Today, she would cleanse the rooms on the third floor again, ghost or not. She giggled slightly again. She hoped if he knew she was performing the ritual, it would give him some peace.
While the sage might help remove the negative spirits in the house, she wondered if it would help Colin. She doubted it would make any difference since his issues stemmed from the negative emotions he carried inside of him.
If only she could help him with that.
She lit her sage in the ceramic bowl and headed for the west wing. The rooms had yet to be made up for the wedding so the furnishings were still covered with white cloths. She walked through each room wondering what was underneath. She peeked under a few cloths in each room. Based on the ornate style of the wall coverings and the gilt furniture, most of the rooms must have been decorated by Colin’s grandmother.
She refocused her thoughts on the task at hand and chanted about removing the negative spirits in the house. So intent on her work, she walked out of one room directly into Colin. He laughed softly as she looked up at him.
“Why are you up here?” he asked. “I thought you would have started downstairs.”
She needed a quick excuse for starting up here. “It’s always best to start at the highest floor and work my way down.”
“Why is that?”
Why indeed? She needed an explanation that would give him some comfort. “The negative spirits only move down and then out the door.”
“I see.” He cleared his throat and then said, “Would you mind if I watched what you do?”
“It is your home, you may do as you like.” Just the idea that he would be following her around sent a nervous energy through her.
“I will come with you.”
For the next few minutes, she tried to ignore the man next to her as she walked through the room. Even though he remained quiet, she could hear his every breath. Her hands trembled slightly as she lifted the bowl with sage up and down.
“How does the sage work?” he finally asked.
Selina shrugged. “I’m not really certain.”
“Then how do you know it works?”
She stopped and looked over at him. “Some things you must believe in without proof.”
“Ah, faith.”
“Yes.”
He shook his head. “I’m finding the idea that burning sage will get rid of the negative feelings in this house a little odd.”
Selina tightened the grip on her bowl. She placed it on a bureau before turning back to him. “Then why are you allowing this? And why are you even following me around the house?”
“I honestly don’t know,” he admitted and then walked away slowly.
Selina spent the afternoon finishing the third level. Once she was done, she decided to spend the evening with Kate. Not that she was hiding from Colin. That night, she returned to her bedroom on the third floor, knowing she’d never sleep in the room next to his.
The next two days followed the same pattern. She spent as much time as possible with Kate. When she knew Colin was occupied in his study or out riding, she’d worked on the second floor. Now finished with the east wing, she moved toward the west wing . . . and his bedchamber.
She waited until she noticed him leave the room before heading inside. She hadn’t been in this room since the first morning she’d met him. Today, the curtains were already open and sunlight filtered through the diamond-shaped panes. There was nothing feminine about this room. Dark wood paneled the walls and deep red carpets covered the floors. The large bed looked like mahogany to her, along with the bureau and small desk in the corner. The bedcoverings were the only lighter thing in the room and Selina still thought them to be too deep a shade of gold for her tastes.
Not that any of that mattered. This was his room, certainly not hers. He could decorate his bedchamber in black if he wished it. She must get back to work before he returned from his ride. She’d spent so much time procrastinating, he might even come back now.
She picked up her bowl and walked the room. She refused to think about how she slowed to a stop and stared at his bed. Telling herself not to wonder which side of the bed he slept on, she turned away. She crossed the room and held up her bowl until she heard the door squeak open.
“I didn’t expect you to be here,” he said in a strangled tone.
“You did tell me to cleanse the house . . . that includes your bedchamber.”
He leaned his tall body against the door, effectively blocking her only escape from the handsome brooding man. “I suppose I did say that.”
The man was driving her mad. Could he possibly have no idea that she heard every breath, felt every movement he made? Didn’t he realize how much she desired him?
“Well?” she demanded. What did the man want from her now? Was she supposed to stop cleansing his room?
She looked over at his blue eyes and stopped fidgeting. It was as if the room suddenly became smaller until the only thing that mattered was him. She wanted to kiss him again. Feel his lips against hers. Feel the sensation of his velvety tongue swiping across hers.
“Selina?” he said in a hoarse voice.
“Yes?”
“Remember how I said I would never ask your permission to kiss you?”
She frowned slightly. “Yes?”
“Good.” He closed the distance between them and suddenly his lips were on hers. He moved them backward until he had her against the door . . . a very closed door, cloaking them in privacy.
Colin twisted her in his arms until she was pinned against the closed door. He deepened the kiss as she opened to him. He wanted to lay her down on that bed and make love to her all afternoon. But already his desire for her was growing too fast. He couldn’t do this. Making love to her would be madness when he would be leaving the estate soon.
Slowly, he pulled away from her tempting lips. She stared at him as her witchy green eyes filled with disappointment.
Disappointment?
Did she not want him to stop?
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. But as he attempted to move away from her, she held on to the lapels of his black jacket.
“I’m not,” she said softly.
Before he could withdraw from her, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. He pulled her against his body and explored her mouth. Insatiable hunger urged his advances as his hand moved to her muslin-covered breast. A deep moan from her throat sounded like a siren’s call to him.
She arched her back, filling his hand with her rounded breast. Rubbing his thumb over her tight little nipple was his undoing. He wanted her against the door, on the bed . . . anywhere.
He should stop but seemed unable to think of anything but delving into her softness. It had been far too long since he’d been with a woman. His heart pounded against his chest as her tongue swept across his in a heated match.
She trembled in his arms and a feeling of power crashed over him. He made her quiver with desire. He made her moan with pleasure. There was only one thing he wanted more . . . to hear her cry out with passion as she reached her climax. He wanted that far more than he should.
He trailed his lips down her soft neck until he reached the bodice of her dress. He lifted his head and stared down at the wonder in her eyes. “Stop me now, Selina. I don’t have the strength.”
Her pink tongue moistened her full lips. “No,” she whispered.
No? As in no, he shouldn’t continue? Or no, as in don’t stop? He couldn’t get this wrong. “What do you want, Selina? Tell me.”
She reached for the buttons on the front of her bodice and slowly undid each one. And he had his answer. He pushed her fingers away and slid the dress down her body with his shaking hands. He turned her around to untie her stays. Unlike a few nights ago when he did the same thing, this afternoon he would see all of her. He kissed the nape of her neck. She trembled against him.
“Is it supposed to feel this exciting?” she whispered.
Oh, dear God. She was as innocent as he’d thought. The idea of being the first man inside her surged his passion higher. “This is only the beginning.”
“Oh.”
Finished unlacing her stays, he let them drop to the floor with her dress. He turned her back to face him. Her rosy nipples protruded from her shift. His cock throbbed in anticipation for her. He needed to think of other things.
Cold things.
But the heat of her body beckoned him more than any siren’s call ever could.
“Come to the bed,” he said, pulling her hand as he walked toward the massive bed. He needed to be inside her now. To feel the soft wetness of her. To feel her inner muscles clench against him as she found her release.
His desire was quickly spiraling out of control.
He yanked off his boots and then his jacket. He desperately wanted to feel her naked body against his. Desire clawed at him, urging him to take her slim hips in his hands and thrust into her silky depths.
Already, he could feel himself far too close to the edge.
Selina took a step closer to Colin and then quickly untied his cravat before her courage deserted her. She could not believe she was standing before him in just her shift. Her hands shook as she reached for the buttons on his linen shirt. After divesting him of his shirt, she reached for the buttons on his trousers.
Hard fingers held hers tightly. “I’ll do that.”
“I want to see you,” she whispered. She looked up into his blue eyes and gasped at the passion she saw. He wanted her as much as she wanted him. A sense of power enveloped her. She pushed his hands away and unbuttoned his trousers.
Before she could get any further, he pulled her down onto the bed with him. He landed on top of her. His body sliding over hers. Moisture pooled between her thighs.
“Colin,” she said softly.
“Hmm?” He nibbled on the side of her neck as his hands lifted the hem of her shift.
“I feel like I’m drowning.”
“Good,” he whispered.
Good? She should feel like her breathing was out of control? As if every breath might be her last?
He pulled the garment off her until she was naked, save her stockings. When had she lost her shoes? As his mouth covered her breast, she realized it didn’t matter.
Selina arched against him and moaned softly. Gooseflesh rippled along her skin. Her body ached for something unattainable, something she didn’t even know existed before now.
His hand skimmed across her stomach, delving lower until he split her folds. She let out a slight gasp as his hard fingers touched her so intimately. His thumb found her tight nub and rubbed until she couldn’t think, much less breathe.
“Colin,” she moaned.
“God, Selina, you’re so moist and warm for me.”
“Please,” she begged for relief.
“Yes,” he whispered against her breast. He moved quickly away from her to remove his trousers.
While she’d seen men without clothing, she’d never seen a man’s cock like this before. It was long and hard, and she wanted to touch him. He pulled her closer to the edge of the bed until she thought she might fall off.
Then he was there, probing her entrance. With agonizing slowness, he entered her until he reached her maidenhead.
“Oh God, I wasn’t positive you were a virgin,” he said with a groan. “This might hurt.” He withdrew slightly before pushing deep inside her.
“Oh,” she cried out.
“God, no,” he shouted. He thrust inside her one more time. “No.” He collapsed on top of her. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. He quickly pulled out of her and dressed. Staring down at her, he said it again. “I’m sorry.”
And then he left.
Selina stared at the closed door. Anger, frustration, and emptiness filled her. Why had he left her so quickly? Perhaps her inexperience had annoyed him. Slowly, she dressed and left the room, wondering if that was really all there was to making love. She knew it wasn’t. Mia had told her about the pleasures a man’s body could bring to a woman.
Maybe she wasn’t as good at this as his late wife. The pain of that thought sliced through her like a knife. She couldn’t compete with a dead woman.
Colin stormed into his study and locked the door behind him. He’d never embarrassed himself as he did with her. He poured a large glass of brandy and gulped it down. She must think him some kind of adolescent who’d never been with a woman. He didn’t think he’d been this horrible at making love since his first time. Now he’d ruined her first time.
He could not imagine facing her again.
In fact, he wouldn’t. She would only stay the night and then be back at Hartsfield Hall. As soon as Kate felt ready to leave, he would depart too. And he’d never return.
He poured another glass of brandy and shook his head. He would have to apologize to her again. His conscience would never allow him to leave without an explanation. But the idea of talking to her about what just happened only made his anger grow. He hurled the glass at the fireplace in frustration.
He sank into a chair and closed his eyes. Why hadn’t he just left her alone? Because from the moment he met her, he’d desired her. His guilt had increased when he realized days ago that he wanted her more than he’d ever wanted Mary. He had wanted Selina’s wildness. Her passion.
And instead of showing her the wonders of making love, he’d selfishly pleasured only himself. He’d left her unsatisfied. When he should have departed only after he knew she would never want another man other than him.
He walked back to the decanter of brandy and poured himself another glass, wanting nothing except to forget he ever met Selina.
Selina peered inside Kate’s room. After leaving the bedroom, she’d had no idea where to go. She couldn’t stay in that adjoining room. And she couldn’t risk him finding her in the room where she’d been hiding for days.
“Would you like some company?” Selina asked.
Her patient smiled over at her. “Please, I’m dreadfully tired of my mother’s companionship.”
Selina looked around the bedchamber. “Where is your mother?”
Kate laughed. “I asked her to retrieve a book for me from Colin’s library. It should take her at least an hour to find the book since I doubt my brother has it in his stacks.”
“Devious, Kate.”
“She’s driving me mad! She won’t stop talking about the miscarriage when all I want to do is forget it.”
Selina sat in the chair nearest the bed. “Will you be able to do that?”
Kate shrugged. “I don’t know for certain. But sitting here thinking about it all day isn’t helping me. I want to get out of this bed.”
“If you’re up to it, then go ahead and get out of bed.”
“Are you sure? My mother insists I stay in bed for a fortnight.”
“Kate, you are the best judge of whether or not you should be up. That is where physicians get things all wrong. Your body will tell you what it can and can’t do. You just need to listen.”
Kate nodded. “I will get up later. Now you must tell me what’s wrong.”
Selina frowned slightly. How did Colin’s sister know something was wrong? “Whatever do you mean?”
Kate rolled her eyes and shook her head. “You’ve been crying. Did my brother do something to upset you again?”
“Of course not,” she exclaimed quickly. Watching Kate’s disbelieving expression, Selina knew she would have to tell her something. “It’s nothing your brother did.”
“Then what is troubling you?” Kate shifted to her side, allowing her to stare at Selina.
She couldn’t tell Kate the exact truth about what was bothering her. But maybe if she handled her questions just right, she might get the answers she desperately needed. “I have been thinking about something lately.”
“Oh?”
“I am expected to have a child. More specifically, a daughter to carry on the wise woman tradition.”
Kate reached for her teacup on the nightstand. “I’m not sure I understand. Are you thinking of marriage?”
“Not exactly,” Selina whispered. “There is no man interested in marrying me, but there is one I might consider. . . .”
Kate’s blue eyes widened. “A lover?”
Selina nodded as her checks heated with embarrassment. She could not believe she was about to ask a woman five years younger than she about sex. “What is it like?”
“Oh, you want to know about that.” Kate laughed softly.
“Yes.”
Kate leaned closer to her. “We did it three times. The first time wasn’t that wonderful. It hurt but John tried to make me feel good.”
Which was more than her brother had done. “What about the other times?”
“It was the most incredible feeling ever. I felt like I was flying out of my body.” Kate giggled. “But one of my friends told me her new husband was awful in the bedchamber when they first were married. He couldn’t do more than enter her before he was done.”
“What caused that to happen?”
“Inexperience. Once they started to make love on a regular basis, everything worked out perfectly.”
But Selina doubted inexperience was Colin’s issue. After all, he and Mary had been married for over a year before her death. They had plenty of time for the marriage bed. Plus he had a reputation as a rake in town. Feeling as frustrated as when she walked into the room, she only said, “Thank you, Kate.”
“I don’t believe I helped you with your decision.”
Selina shrugged. “Perhaps I should wait a while before making this decision.”
“Who is the man?”
Her cheeks burned. “No one you know. Just a man from the village.”
Selina finally changed the subject to Kate’s betrothed and they talked for a few hours. Selina enjoyed Kate’s company. She missed having a friend to talk to like this. While she had Mia and sometimes Tia, they were much farther away so they rarely got together more than once a month.
“I believe I shall join you for dinner downstairs,” Kate announced.
A little sigh of relief escaped Selina. At least now she wouldn’t be alone with Colin. “I think that is a fabulous idea.”
“You must go change into a better dress. With Mother joining us, she will expect us to dress for dinner.”