Beyond 4/20 (5 page)

The undoing of all those thoughts came after the service ended. Though he had never done so in all those years past, Tuck found the nerve to approach her and talk. For fewer than three minutes, there was this easy and nostalgic conversation between them. It felt right. Then his daughter came running up to him and wrapped her arms around his legs, calling out, “Daddy.” Giggling, she began to tell him about her birthday party for Jesus. Tuck bent down and spoke to her softly and really listened to the things she told him.

As sweet as his encounter with his daughter was, at the sight of her, Chelsea was reminded of Tuck’s unfaithfulness. Lucy was living proof that he made love to another even though he promised she was all he ever wanted. Every dream was lost at the conception of that child. The more she watched them the more agitated Chelsea became, so quickly, she made an excuse to get away. From that moment on, she knew she wanted no part of either of them, especially Lucy, and she did everything she could to avoid them. Before she headed back to L.A., Tuck called once, but Chelsea asked her mother to tell him she wasn’t able to talk. After that, he never tried to call her again.

With her elbow propped on the door and her head resting in her palm, Chelsea tried to figure out how she could ever feel such a way about an innocent little girl? Loving Lucy as she did now, she felt even worse about it than when she first came home the year before. Lucy was starved for the love of a mother. All those years ago, Chelsea could have been that to her if only she would have given it a chance. While it wasn’t too late, things were terribly complicated and they had become this complex fractured family, John, Lucy, and her. Yes, they had a great time together when Lucy was with them, but always, Tuck was left on the outside looking in to what he knew should be his family. He was allowing his little girl to be loved and doted upon by John and her simply because he loved Lucy enough to place her needs above his own feelings. Who did that? At the reminder of his gentle selflessness, she began to cry again.

Chelsea loved John so much that it physically hurt inside at times. How could she not be glad for the outcome of all that happened? But there was still this level of responsibility that rested on her shoulders over the pain caused as a result of her disobedience. Lucy was bouncing back and forth between families as if she didn’t have a permanent home. She deserved an intact family but would never know one or have a mother of her own. Chelsea admitted to herself that she was supposed to be that mother, a fact that never really let her rest.

As much as Lucy’s grandmother had been there for her since she was born, that was not as much the case anymore. Evelyn hadn’t been well in a very long time, but recently, she had taken a turn for the worse and her stamina in keeping up with Lucy’s high energy just wasn’t there. That was likely part of the draw of coming to their house. Besides being loved beyond belief, she had playmates and help with homework. Tuck typically worked until dinner or after on the farm. At home, Lucy was simply bored and lonely.

John watched the clock, wondering what could be taking Chelsea so long. She had been gone much longer than it would take to drive out to Tuck’s place and ask if he minded them taking Lucy to New York. The more time dragged by, the more anxious he felt. He trusted Chelsea, and truthfully, he trusted Tuck with Chelsea, but still, he felt uncomfortable. Unsure of exactly what he feared, he settled upon the fact that he feared her love for Tuck would someday resurface and outweigh her love for him. Though their love was strong and real, he knew without any doubt whatsoever that she loved Tuck, too. Her love for Tuck was just as strong and real, even if she didn’t know it existed still. It was simply dormant, but always, it was there. He sensed it when they were together.
Hand and glove
came to mind again, just as that first day he saw them together on the porch. They fit together and both knew it. He knew it.

“Hey, you.”

She had caught John staring off into space, and he didn’t realize she had come in.

“Hey. How’d it go?”

Her eyes were swollen. Obviously, she had been crying and not just a little either.

“It went okay. He said we could take her.”

The memory of holding Tuck while he cried caused tears to spring to her eyes again. She felt tremendously volatile emotionally, as if she might burst into full-fledged tears again at any moment. It would be much too difficult to explain to John if she allowed herself to do it, though.

“So he’s good with it?”

John felt the undercurrent of emotion behind Chelsea’s words and was certain things went less smoothly than she was letting on.

Nodding, she didn’t say anything.

When John walked over to her and took her by the shoulders, her sadness swept over him.

“Baby, talk to me.”

Leaning into him, she whispered, “He’s hurting so much, which makes me hurt, too.”

Feeling nearly off balance, staggered by the depth of feelings she had for Tuck, John just stood there and held her. Her words meant more than she seemed to know.

Lowering his head, resting it on her shoulder, he asked, “Do you love him?”

She only nodded.

John swallowed hard and held her tighter but couldn’t respond. What could he say? Did she know how much her love for Tuck hurt him?

After a moment, she clarified, “It’s not the kind of love I have for you, but we’ve been close since we were little kids. Before he was my boyfriend he was like my brother. There’s this feeling I have for him that transcends our old relationship. To me, he’s family, so to know he’s so hurt and wounded is like a stabbing pain in my heart.”

Chelsea turned so that she could see John’s face. It was then she realized he might be jealous. “John, you’re the love of my life. You can’t possibly doubt that.”

Wanting to end the conversation, he moved in to kiss her. Just before his lips touched hers, he whispered, “I never doubt that you love me.”

He didn’t, but as he kissed her, he ached inside, knowing he wasn’t the only one she loved. That was the one thing he could always assure her: she was the one and only for him. As he had been doing over the past weeks, he would continue to pray about his feelings of semi-jealousy and hope that God would eventually help to settle his heart on the matter. So far, though, it only seemed to be getting worse. As Lucy became more entrenched in their lives, so did Tuck.

Chapter 3

L
ucy was jumping in the middle of her bed, yelling, “I’m a princess, too. I’m a princess, too.”

Chelsea watched her in joy and amazement at first, until a wave of concern came over her. How would Tuck feel? Why was that always at the forefront of her mind?

John walked over to the bed, saying, “And?”

“You’re my prince.” Gleefully, Lucy jumped into John’s waiting arms.

Her reaction to her room in the New York apartment was exactly what he was hoping for. Irene had workers in all week, creating a fairy-tale princess room for Lucy. Even in his wildest imagination, he didn’t expect it to turn out so beautifully. Every wall was painted as if the room was an enchanted forest. The large white iron bed in the middle of the room was draped with sheer pink fabric, the ideal bed for a princess. Hanging on hooks were princess costumes with slippers to match each.

Chelsea smiled at John, knowing his heart was in the right place. Never did she think he was trying to upstage Tuck, but that’s exactly what he was doing. When she said no to the castle room at their place, she assumed it was no to the New York apartment, too.

“You are my mini-princess. Chelsea is my main princess. Sorry, but it has to be that way.”

“I don’t mind being your mini-princess.” Lucy hugged John’s neck even tighter.

“Someday, you’ll be the main one for a very lucky prince.”

Chelsea stepped out of the room and took her bag to their room. After a few minutes, John joined her.

He could see that the smile on her face earlier was more forced than sincere. “Are you angry?”

“Not angry.”

Chelsea bit at her bottom lip, thinking how to best describe what she was feeling. Finally, she admitted, “I don’t want to do things that’ll undermine Tuck. He’s a great dad.”

“How will this undermine him?”

The room was so pretty, and Lucy loved it so much, how could that be a bad thing? Tuck would never see it anyway.

“She’ll tell him about her princess room.”

Sighing, she sat on the side of the bed, saying, “John, I just don’t want him to feel as if he’s not doing enough for Lucy. He was there for her long before we came into the picture. He was the one who cared for her when she was a baby, when she was sick, when she fell. He’s a really great dad.”

“Yeah, you said that.”

His comment was a bit biting, more so than he intended, but John was worn-out from hearing her sing Tuck’s praises.

Taking his hand, she pulled him down to sit on the bed with her.

“Tell me what’s going on with you.”

John leaned up and rested his elbows on his knees, admitting, “Honestly, I’m jealous – and I feel stupid about it.”

“Of Tuck with Lucy?”

“Some, but mostly Tuck with you. You handle him with kid gloves, always so afraid we’ll hurt his feelings. He’s a grown man, Chelsea. I don’t think he’s quite so delicate. I think you make it a bigger deal than it really is.”

Never once had she seen John so cold about something, at least outside of business. This was his business meeting attitude.

“You do realize he doesn’t have to allow Lucy to be with us at all?”

John closed his eyes and stretched his neck. “Is that what you worry about, really?” He didn’t think so.

She shrugged.

“I think it’s much more that you feel the need to protect his feelings. Chelsea, he’s the one who goofed things up with you, but you act as if you have something to feel guilty over, as if all this is your fault.”

Deciding to say nothing of her recent guilt over staying in L.A. rather than going home as she should have, she instead said, “What he did was a long time ago. What I’m most concerned about now is us being considerate of his relationship with Lucy.”

Lucy called for Chelsea to help her tie her princess gown.

Standing, Chelsea kissed John hard on the mouth. Before walking away, she said, “I’m head over heels in love with you. I waited nine excruciatingly long months for you to come for me. There is no undercurrent of feelings for Tuck. I’m just concerned for him and will always care about his feelings. Now it’s time to stop focusing on that. Focus on me, your main princess.”

Before she turned to go, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to him. Standing, he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her properly. When he released her, hearing Lucy off in the distance calling again, he said, “Now go help my mini-princess. I’ll unpack our things.”

As she turned to go, eyes narrowing, she reminded him, “You can doubt anything in this entire world, but don’t you ever doubt me.”

He smiled as she walked away, reassured for the moment.

Chelsea and Lucy played in her room for much of the afternoon. Later they were going to dinner and a show. Before Chelsea went to get dressed for dinner, she asked Lucy to sit with her at the little wooden table painted to be a tree stump with mushroom chairs surrounding it.

“First, I want you to know that I would never ask you to keep anything from your dad. Never.”

Lucy nodded.

“But this room, as crazy beautiful as it is, maybe you should just keep between us.”

“But I want to tell my daddy.”

“I understand that. Let me tell you why I think so and then I’ll let you decide what to do.”

Lucy’s sweet and trusting expression as she nodded caused Chelsea to grin and reach out to caress her cheek.

“Your dad works so hard on the farm and has always provided everything you need. Then here comes John who’s able to buy you things that your dad can’t. John’s old; that’s why he can afford so much more.”

Lucy snickered at Chelsea calling John old, and Chelsea winked at her.

“When we are able to do things your dad can’t, I’m afraid it will make him feel bad because he can’t do the same things. Does that make sense? I just don’t want to hurt him.”

Lucy understood what Chelsea was saying. Lately, she noticed her dad seemed sad when she talked about John especially.

“Maybe I won’t tell then.”

“This is totally up to you. Like I said, this is not a secret. I will never, ever ask you to keep a secret from your daddy.”

Lucy thought for a moment. “My dad can do things John can’t. He makes the best pancakes ever. He can braid my hair and paint my toenails. He has midnight tea parties with me when I can’t sleep. My daddy is the best daddy no matter how much money he has.”

“I agree. You do have the best daddy. And someday, John will be the best daddy to his little boy or girl. You are giving him great lessons on how to do it right.”

“When you have a baby, will you still want to be with me, too?”

Stunned by the question, her heart shattering at the thought of Lucy believing she could ever be unwanted, Chelsea took Lucy into her arms and said, “I will always want to be with you. Nothing will ever change that. Plus, I’ll need you. I’ve never had a baby. It’ll be hard.”

“I can help,” Lucy assured her.

“I know. I’m counting on you.”

John stood just outside the door listening to Chelsea and Lucy’s exchange. Certainly, he never meant for the princess room to be something that caused Chelsea to be upset with him, and he truly didn’t do it to outshine Tuck. He just wanted to surprise Lucy with it. She often drew princesses and forests with woodland creatures. His only intention was to give her what she wanted – but that would be the last time. After hearing what Chelsea said to Lucy, he would honor her wishes. Her tenderness on the subject and her great respect for Tuck as a father caused him to admire Chelsea’s compassion for him. That would be his ongoing prayer for himself: that he might someday feel as much compassion for the man who loved his wife.

When they arrived home, just as they pulled along Lucy’s driveway, she said, “I don’t think I’ll tell my daddy about my new room. That’ll be something I keep in my heart.”

John put the car in park and turned to look at her. “Remember what I said: I’ll be more careful about stuff like that. I’ve learned my lesson.”

With a large smile, she admitted, “I’m glad you’re starting after you made my princess room.”

“Me too.”

Chelsea squeezed John’s hand. “I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll be here.”

The look on her face caused his heart to pound hard in his chest. There was that twinkling of mischief in them. In a flash, he was taken back to the quiet hours of the night when they made love. How could he ever doubt who owned her heart after moments like those?

Chelsea walked with Lucy up the stairs. Already Tuck was coming through the front door, lifting Lucy into his arms, asking, “Well, how was it?”

To keep from sounding too excited, Lucy thought of broccoli. She was never excited about broccoli. “It was fun.”

A bit surprised by how subdued Lucy was, Tuck looked at Chelsea, wondering if everything went all right. Usually Lucy was much more animated about whatever she had done with Chelsea and John, more so than he appreciated.

Chelsea assured him, “We had a good trip. She really liked
The Lion King
. It was a fantastic show.”

More enthusiastic, Lucy nodded. “It was awesome.”

When Tuck put Lucy down, she hugged Chelsea and then went on in the house.

“Thanks for taking her. I’m sure she had a better time than she’s letting on.”

“She had a great time. We all did.”

Knowing John was watching her from the car, and trying to ease his brush with jealously, she turned quickly, saying, “We’ll see you later in the week.”

Tuck forced himself to wave at John before going inside. It seemed to him both Lucy and Chelsea came home a little different from when they left. Neither seemed quite right. Baffled, Tuck scratched his head, knowing for sure he would never completely figure either of them out.

By the third week of Lucy’s school year, Chelsea was picking her up daily. His mother was still not feeling well, so Lucy spent each afternoon with Chelsea and John. Tuck would usually pick her up either before or after dinner. It varied from day-to-day depending on what time he got done around the farm. This evening, he was arriving after dinner. When he pulled into the drive, Chelsea came out and met him.

Stepping out of the truck, he leaned against the door. He could see something was on her mind. “What’s up?”

“Lucy was really upset at school today.”

“Over what?”

“Her teacher made her cry.”

“What? Why?”

Chelsea’s blood had been boiling all afternoon. From the moment Lucy told her, she had in mind to go down to the school and snatch that teacher bald-headed.

“Lucy was talking about me. She told her friends I was like her mom. She said
like,
not that I
am
her mom. But her teacher basically called her a liar, saying I wasn’t her mom and it wasn’t nice to tell stories.”

“Why in the world would she care?”

“I don’t know, but I’m going to find out tomorrow.” Chelsea hesitated and then added, “Well, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course I don’t mind. Should I go with you?”

“I think I’ll be fine. I just wanted to make sure you knew. I almost went today, but I was so angry that I didn’t dare.”

Tuck grinned. Like a mama bear, he thought.

“Let me know what you find out.”

“I will,” she assured him.

Before long Lucy came running out and jumped into her daddy’s arms, asking, “Did Chelsea tell you I got in trouble today?”

“She did. We’ll get this all worked out, though. Don’t you worry about it.”

“I’m sorry, Daddy. I just said that Chelsea is like my mom. I didn’t mean to tell a story.”

“That’s not telling a story. Chelsea is just like a mom to you, the greatest mom ever, as a matter of fact.”

Lucy leaned over, still in Tuck’s arms, and wrapped her arm around Chelsea’s neck, pulling them all together, admitting, “I wish you were my real mom.”

Chelsea’s heart melted. “It feels pretty real to me.”

Hugging her still, Lucy said, “Yeah, me too.”

Later that night as John and Chelsea discussed Chelsea’s trip to the school, he offered, “Do you want me to go tomorrow?”

Chelsea had just climbed into bed and was rubbing lotion on her hands. The way she was wringing her hands, she was clearly still fuming over what happened with Lucy’s teacher.

“No. I’ll be fine.” She smiled. “What, you afraid you’ll have to come bail me out of jail?”

Climbing in next to her, he chuckled and kissed her cheek, saying, “Something like that.”

“Surely there was some misunderstanding.” All afternoon she had been trying to figure it out.

“You think?”

“What else could it be? Why would her teacher care about our relationship? I just don’t get it.”

“It’ll work out. If not, I’ll hire somebody to handle it.” He bent his nose over to the side, indicating he meant a mob hit.

“I think we should try my way first.”

“You know what I think?”

“What?”

“Someday, when you have my little boy or girl, you will be the best mom in the world.”

Tuck said nearly the same thing, about her being a great mom. She hoped so, and she hoped it would happen soon. They had been trying for four months, and each month she found herself more and more hopeful. Together, John, Lucy, and she had created this sweet family and a truly blessed life. Nothing would give her more joy than to bring another child into that family.

The following day, when she knew Lucy’s class would be at recess, Chelsea went to the school. Glad to find Miss Austin alone at her desk, she tapped lightly on the door jam. As soon as the teacher looked, up, Chelsea could see a look of dread on her face.

“Have a minute?” Chelsea asked.

“This is not the best time. I’m working on an assignment. I usually schedule conferences after school, but only with parents.”

Feeling obviously dismissed and at first tempted to turn away and allow Tuck to handle the matter, Chelsea found herself unable to go. She was angry and wanted to know what had transpired the day before.

“This won’t take long.”

Striding in, hopefully appearing more confident than she felt, Chelsea approached the teacher’s desk, and insisted, “I would like to talk to you about what happened yesterday. Lucy came home really upset about it.”