Beyond 4/20 (6 page)

Since the incident the day before, Jill regretted making Lucy cry. She really was a sweet little girl, but since her best friend Allison had been so hurt by Chelsea’s involvement in Lucy’s life, she found herself overly affected by Lucy’s comments.

“I hate that Lucy was upset, but I simply corrected her. She shouldn’t be telling others that you are her mom. You’re not.”

“I believe Lucy when she says that she actually said I am
like
a mom to her, which I am.”

“But you’re not,” Jill repeated curtly.

Jill had met Chelsea on several occasions. When she came to parents’ night with Tuck and her husband, Jill thought it was ridiculous that Tuck would allow her to be there, but clearly, by the way he looked at Chelsea, he was still crazy in love with her. It was sad and pathetic. Having walked through heartbreak with Allison in the spring, Jill blamed Chelsea for what happened between her and Tuck. Allison was right all along. It was obvious that Chelsea was taking advantage of Tuck’s feelings for her, trying to maintain control over him while still going on with her own life. How selfish was that?

Chelsea was a bit taken aback. For whatever reason, the animosity coming from Miss Austin was apparent. She seemed nearly angry with her. Trying to make sense of it, Chelsea asked, “Why exactly do you care what Lucy calls me?”

“Because I don’t think it’s healthy for her to pretend you are something you’re not. From what I understand, you’re the
ex
-girlfriend and no relation at all. I don’t understand why you think you have the right to come here as if you’re a parent. You’re not.”

Jill stood. “Now, as I said, I have an assignment to plan.”

Stunned by the woman’s dismissive tone, Chelsea was just about to turn and leave when John’s words
Don’t be a guppy
came to mind. She took a deep breath, hoping for courage to stand her ground. Tuck once told her, “She’s yours too,” so that gave her the right. The fact that she loved Lucy enough to pounce on the cold-hearted woman must surely indicate that she loved like a mother.

Standing as well, Chelsea began, “I’ll tell you what gives me the right. That little girl has no biological mother in her life and her grandmother is terribly sick, way too sick to care for Lucy as she needs. That leaves me. I love her, and I take care of her most days. We bake and play and garden and read together. I’m there for her when she needs me. I would give my life for her if it were asked of me. As far as I know, those things very clearly define the role of a mother. So technically, I
am
her mother, not just
like
a mother.”

Chelsea’s voice rose. “The longer I stand here, the more I realize
you
have no right to butt into
our
family or make her feel as if she’s done something wrong because we may not look like a traditional family. As a matter of fact, I’ll be in the principal’s office first thing in the morning, Lucy’s dad and I. We’ll just see what she thinks about you reprimanding a child over such a thing and making her cry. What if I were her ‘other mommy’?” Chelsea used air quotes indicating she meant if it were a lesbian situation. “I bet you wouldn’t dare say a word about that.”

She noticed Miss Austin’s face turned quite pale at her threat of going to the principal. Chelsea decided, though, it was no threat at all. She was going to do it. After such an altercation between them, Lucy would need to be moved to another class. How could Miss Austin be unbiased toward Lucy after today?

Jill could hardly believe Chelsea was reacting as she was. Allison had said that Chelsea was using Lucy to maintain some kind of hold on Tuck. From where she stood this day, that hardly seemed likely. Chelsea truly loved Lucy. This was no matter of control.

“I’m sorry that I hurt Lucy’s feelings. I’m afraid I’ve underestimated your relationship with her.” She paused for a moment before admitting, “I suppose I was led to believe otherwise.”

By the way Miss Austin’s voice had softened, Chelsea sensed she sincerely regretted the incident, but then she wondered aloud, “Who led you to believe otherwise?”

Jill sighed but said nothing.

“Oh.”

Chelsea knew Tuck had dated a teacher. That was who
led her to believe otherwise
.

“Look, I don’t know what you’ve been told, but what I have with Lucy means the world to me and to her. We are family.”

She thought for a minute, trying to decide whether she still needed to see the principal.

“I’ll apologize to Lucy.”

“And the girls who heard you reprimand her. Lucy was not only hurt, she was embarrassed that you made her out to be a liar in front of her friends.”

“I’ll tell them as well.”

Once Tuck arrived to pick Lucy up, he actually came to the porch, so Chelsea met him out there while Lucy put her books in her backpack.

“Well, did you go?”

He had been terribly anxious to know the outcome and had hoped she would call. When she didn’t, it was all he could do to keep from calling her.

“I did, and it’s taken care of.”

“What did you find out?”

Chelsea grinned as she informed him, “I found out you shouldn’t date teachers at Lucy’s school!”

“Huh?” After a second or two, he said, “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

Lucy was coming out, so Chelsea said, “I was telling your daddy that Miss Austin said she was very sorry.”

Nodding, Lucy added, “I get to be line leader all day tomorrow.”

Tuck knelt down eye-level with Lucy and asked, “Line leader all day? Nobody ever gets to be line leader all day.”

“I know.”

Standing again, Tuck grinned broadly at Chelsea, looking a bit sheepish. “Lesson learned.”

“I hope so.”

She noticed his smile was relaxed and natural. For the first time since John arrived, Tuck seemed okay. He didn’t seem to be hurting over her as he usually did. Maybe he had finally found a way of letting go. Not one day had gone by that she didn’t pray for just that.

Chapter 4

A
fter dinner one night at her parents, John and Chelsea were backing out of the driveway when an ambulance went careening by. Chelsea turned to look at John, and before she could even speak, he turned and fell in behind the ambulance. The only other house down the street was Tuck’s, so without question, it was headed to his place. They rode quietly, both fearing the worst about Lucy. It was the first thought that crossed each of their minds. More likely though, it was Tuck’s mother.

Slowly they pulled up Tuck’s driveway and came to a stop behind the ambulance. The paramedics were removing a stretcher from the back and Tuck stood with Lucy on the front porch. She could see relief in Tuck’s eyes that they were there. It was definitely his mother. By the nonchalant speed with which the paramedics moved, she was most likely already dead.

Lucy bounded off the porch and ran into Chelsea’s waiting arms, crying, “My Maw Maw is dead.”

She buried her face and cried softly.

John knelt beside her and immediately Lucy moved over into his arms. When she did, Chelsea looked up at Tuck who seemed understandably affected by it. Turning, he followed the paramedics into the house.

John lifted Lucy’s chin and said, “Why don’t we go down to Granny Gail’s and tell her what’s happened. Let’s let your dad work some things out.”

She nodded and leaned back into him. He stood with her in his arms.

When he looked at Chelsea, he could see she was torn, feeling the need to stay with Tuck but fearing saying so. “Stay. He’ll need your help.”

Chelsea nodded, leaned up to kiss his cheek, and then kissed Lucy’s. “I’ll come down there soon. I’m going to help your daddy.”

Lucy only nodded, her head still buried in John’s neck.

Squeezing her, John turned to go back to the car. “Granny Gail will know how to help.”

Just as Chelsea reached the top step of the porch, Tuck walked out. The look on his face was heartbreaking, prompting her to wrap her arms around his neck. He hugged her and sighed heavily.

She whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Ever since his mother’s health had been failing, Tuck had hardly considered the possibility of her dying. Maybe he had been in denial, but he really did think she would bounce back. She had suffered from kidney trouble for years; it got worse at times but always better again. He had been expecting that same cycle this time. When he found her in her bedroom on the floor, he was barely able to keep Lucy from going in and seeing her that way. Her face was contorted, indicating that she had died in pain.

As John came to a stop at the end of the driveway, he looked in the rearview mirror just in time to see them embracing. Wishing he could un-see that, gripping the steering wheel tightly, he glanced next at Lucy in the back seat, sitting there quiet and sullen.

“Sweet girl, I’m so sorry you’re hurting.”

“She was old like you.”

She remembered her granddad dying, but it wasn’t the same. He was kind of mean and grumpy, but not her maw maw. She was always sweet and kind.

Though he usually would, John found nothing to smile about in her comment. “Yeah, I know.”

“Will you die too ‘cause you’re old?”

“No time soon. Don’t you worry about me.”

As they pulled into the driveway of Chelsea’s parents’, John said, “I know she’s been very sick, and I know you’ll miss her, but at least now, she won’t be sick anymore. She’s in heaven with Jesus.”

“And with Paw Paw.” Her dad had already reminded her of that.

Tuck was quiet as they rode. They had been to the funeral home to make the final arrangements for Evelyn’s burial. Tuck had been quiet most of the time. When they asked him questions, often he didn’t seem to know how to respond, so he would look at her and she would answer. It was such a sad day. Her parents handled things when her grandparents died, so she had no idea the decisions to be made. For both Tuck and her, it was a learning experience, a truly sad one.

Once, while the director of the funeral home was out of hearing range, Tuck whispered, “There’s just Lucy now.”

Chelsea was struck by the reality of his statement. Both parents were gone; he had no wife. Lucy was really all he had. Her response to him was that he had her and her family, but even when she said it, she knew it wasn’t the same. It rang just as hollow in her ears as it must have to his. Chelsea couldn’t imagine having no family. There was no more frightening thought in the world than to be all alone. As much as she knew the day would come that she too would lose her parents, it was not something she could even bear to dwell on for longer than a millisecond, and the thought of losing John caused tears to sting her eyes.

At the time, Tuck didn’t hesitate in allowing Lucy to go next door with John. Chelsea’s parents would take care of her while he did the hard part, but that night, realizing how utterly alone he and Lucy were, he thought it best that they be together.

Already, his mind was whirling about what he would do with Lucy going forward. On the days she didn’t spend with Chelsea, his mother picked her up from school and looked after her until he came in. It’s how they had always done things. His mom was there from the very beginning, especially when he didn’t have a clue what to do with an infant. From the moment Lindsey began staying out all night, his mother stepped in without saying a word about it. She just quietly took over. Of course the older Lucy got, the more Tuck felt competent in caring for her, but always his mom was there in case he couldn’t figure things out.

“I want Lucy to come home tonight.”

“Of course you do. She needs to be with you.”

He was quiet again and Chelsea prayed for the right thing to say. Finally, she figured out there was nothing. No words could make it any better for him, so reaching for his hand, she held it while they drove in some small attempt to bring him comfort. Nearing her parents’ driveway, she gave it a little squeeze, asking, “Do you want me to come home with you for a little while and help you get Lucy settled in?”

“Do you mind?”

“No, of course not. I want to be there for you.”

She would ask her dad to take John home so that she could have the car.

John was at home, pacing, frustrated, and especially embarrassed by the fact that he was. He knew Chelsea was there to help Lucy, and he knew there were no hidden motives in either hers or Tuck’s hearts, but still, he was bothered to know they were alone there together. Together, they would be gently encouraging Lucy. They would help her get her bath and bedtime snack and were likely tucking her in together.
Together
. John could nearly see the scene in his mind, the three of them as a family. He was outside of them, and he had never felt so far away from Chelsea. This was one of those occasions that might actually open her eyes and allow her to see how much she belonged with Tuck and Lucy.

Hours later when Chelsea came home, he was better than at first, but upset still. He hid it though. He held her and listened, but all the while he thought about them and wondered what they said and did. The image of her hugging Tuck on the porch was burned so vividly into his mind that when she hugged him it felt less than what it used to, less special, less sincere.

When they went to bed that night, she moved in close to John and wrapped her arm over him. That evening at the funeral home, Chelsea was directly confronted with the reality of her future. She would lose John someday and have to make those same decisions as they had made for Evelyn. It was a thought that nearly took her breath away. Once, she excused herself from the director’s office and went to the ladies’ room to pull herself together. If anything happened to John, she was fairly certain she couldn’t go on. That had been fairly well proven while they were apart. Without him, she was slowly withering and dying, set adrift and aimless without him.

“Are you sleepy?” she asked.

“Not so much.”

She kissed him softly. “Please don’t ever leave me?” She held him as tightly as her arms could muster.

He knew death had a way of bringing clarity. His young bride was faced with his mortality that night. Before that, it was something that didn’t seem quite so real. Finally, she was coming to the awareness that he would go long before her, which caused him to wonder if she was realizing the mistake she had made.

“Never willingly,” he promised.

Two weeks after the funeral, John was heading home after a day trip to L.A. He had a meeting earlier but made it a point to be home that same day. Chelsea didn’t want to leave Lucy since she was still adjusting to life without her grandmother. Gail had offered to pick her up from school and keep her until Tuck was finished for the day, but Chelsea wasn’t ready to leave her. He could hardly blame her. Since her grandmother died, Lucy spent every afternoon with them and likely would going forward. There didn’t seem to be an alternative, and neither Chelsea nor John wanted it any different.

As he pulled into the driveway, John found that Tuck’s truck was there, but he wasn’t in it. Always he waited for Lucy to come out to him; he never went in. This time, however, John saw that without him home, Tuck obviously felt comfortable enough to go in. It annoyed him more than a little and prompted him to slam his own car door.

Stepping through the doorway, John expected to find Tuck there in the entry, the true reason he entered through the front door rather than the back. The entryway was empty, so was the living room and kitchen. The house was quite, disturbingly quiet.

A heavy feeling settled upon him as a sense of suspicion and anger rose in his chest. So he slowly made his way up the stairs and for a moment stood at his bedroom door, fearing what he would find when he opened the door. Already, he heard soft whispers on the other side. Swinging his bedroom door open, he found them there in
his
bed. John staggered and tried to catch himself before he fell. Grasping the doorframe, he opened his mouth to call out to her but nothing came. Again he tried, but his screams caught in his throat.

Chelsea woke to the sound of John screaming. He was sitting there beside her, shaking, trying to catch his breath. Reaching for him, she rubbed his back. His shirt was soaked through with sweat.

“What’s wrong?”

John turned quickly and grabbed Chelsea up into his arms. “I thought I had lost you.”

Holding her to him, he struggled still to steady his breathing. His heart beat so hard against his ribs that it physically hurt him.

“I’m here, babe,” she assured him.

Relieved, Chelsea stroked the back of his head. When she woke and found him breathless, she thought he was sick. For an instant, she thought maybe her worst fear was coming true, but thankfully, it was only a bad dream.

John whispered, “I need you, Chels. Please don’t leave me.”

Before she could respond to his statement, he was kissing her, moving her to lie down and covering her possessively with his body.

Finally, when she found a moment to speak, she promised, “I’ll never leave you. You know that.”

That was by no means the last dream to plague John. After the first, the dreams were never again so erotic, but they were just as disturbing. They were of Tuck, Chelsea, and Lucy as a family. He would see scenes of the three of them, laughing and spending time together. Sometimes, the scene would be a familiar one, one he had actually experienced with Chelsea and Lucy, but instead of him, Tuck was with them. John experienced them more often than not in the following weeks, and when one did wake him, he fought sleep for the remainder of the night, afraid the dream would resume when he drifted off again. It happened that way many nights.

Over the course of those weeks, John found himself so disturbed and overwhelmed by the dreams and so totally exhausted that he could hardly think clearly anymore. He made many mistakes while at work, which was totally unlike him. He felt scattered and his mind clouded. As much as he tried to pretend everything was all right, inside, he was an absolute mess. The fact that he had fallen in love with and married a very young woman was settling in. At the time, their story seemed wildly romantic, but by this point, he was seeing himself for the fool he really was. Ultimately, he was an old man married to a girl young enough to be his daughter.

Sitting with Chelsea’s dad outside the drive-in, sneaking a burger, John was lost in thought. His dream the night before was fresh on his mind. Chelsea was standing on Tuck’s front porch, wrapped in his arms. In that particular dream, as John looked on, he didn’t feel as angry as he usually did. All his dream-self could think was,
They belong together; I should walk away
.

“What’s bothering you?”

Bob wasn’t much of a talker and neither was John, but this night John had said so little that it was obvious something was the matter.

“Just thinking through some stuff.”

Bob nodded and took another large bite of his double cheeseburger. It was the best thing that had happened to him all week. Gail had gotten on a health kick with Chelsea, deciding she would begin to cook healthier for them, too. Since he and John ate chicken and fish most nights, when they could come up with a good enough excuse, like going for parts for the latest car they were rebuilding, they would wheel in to the drive-in and gulp down a burger. They didn’t have much time, and they sure didn’t have time to gab about whatever was bothering him.

“Why do you think Chelsea stayed in L.A. rather than coming back home?”

Bob hesitated mid-bite. “Embarrassed, I s’pose.”

She didn’t have to be after all that time. No one talked about it much after she left for school. It would come up here and there and then die back down again. When Lucy was born, that got people started again. Then when Lindsey left there was talk, but for the most part, people kept out of it.

John blurted out what had been on his mind for months. “They were always meant to be together.” It was intended as more of a statement than a question.
Bob didn’t have a response for that. He was probably right. Sensing some tough emotions were stirring within him, he reminded John, “But they’re not.”