Beyond Control (17 page)

“Nice. Make me feel like the lush,” Brandy giggled, catching my gaze.

“We’ll be lushes together then,” Carla teased. “I’d like a glass of Pinot Grigio, dear. White okay for you?” She looked at Brandy.

“Sounds perfect,” Brandy replied.

Jason glanced at me, and the corner of his mouth twitched up slightly before turning his attention back to Aaron.

“You two want anything?” my dad called across the room.

“My water’s fine,” Jason said, holding his water bottle up.

“I’m fine,” Aaron said, finally turning around to us.

“Everything okay over there?” I asked.

Aaron was dressed in a pair of khakis and a navy polo. He looked like he could’ve been in one of the endless meetings I was stuck in today, but it seemed natural on him. It was still hard for me to admit to myself that the guy that was in front of me wasn’t my eighteen-year-old brother anymore. He seemed mature, more so than maybe he should be, even.

Jason, on the other hand, wore jeans and a casual button down, sleeves rolled up and jeans fitting just right. He caught me taking him in and flashed a smile for only me to see, stirring up my insides like crazy.

The room was filling with awkward tension the longer we all sat, or stood around, staring at one another. Someone needed to break the ice, and I didn’t really want it to be me because I was at a loss.

“How are you enjoying your gift?” my dad asked me, as he brought Carla and Brandy each their glass of wine.

“I’m in love with it,” I told him, thinking back to not only the bike but my time with Jason. “It’s perfection, actually.”

“Don’t go getting any crazy ideas,” Carla piped up. “I see that look in your eyes, Gabby.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I blushed, realizing Jason saw through it as he winked at me. He understood what or who I was really thinking about. My heart warmed as our eyes locked, and it felt like only the two of us were in the room.

Until my dad broke in.

Clearing his throat, he sat next to Carla and watched me shift uncomfortably once I realized how transparent I must’ve been.

“How did you get into bikes, Gabby?” Jason asked, coming to my rescue. He leaned against the wall and waited for my reply.

I looked nervously at my brother and then to my father.

“Actually, Aaron got me into them. Only he didn’t know it,” I said, looking outside before landing my gaze on Aaron.

“How so?” Carla asked. Intrigue filled her voice since she roughly knew the timing of things.

“When I was younger, I’d always follow Aaron around when he was dirt biking.”

“That’s right,” Aaron said, slapping his forehead. A smile broke on his lips as he remembered how his little sister used to beg to be driven around the pits of mud and mini-hills.

“I was pretty persistent. Sometimes he’d give me a ride. Sometimes he wouldn’t. But whenever I got to ride, I felt like a superhero. The wind whipping through my hair, and the freedom I felt, even at that age, was incredible. By the time I got into high school, pretty much the only boyfriend qualifier was if he rode or not,” I said, laughing. “I’ve raised my standards a tad.”

“A tad?” Jason murmured.

“I can’t believe I forgot about that,” Aaron said, shaking his head, looking at Jason. “I totally should’ve known.”

I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Jason shrugged and shook his head as if he could feel the hurt inside of me. My heart sank with the realization that the very memories I held close to my heart were nowhere near my brother’s. Some part of me foolishly thought that we would’ve shared the same ones since we grew up together. There were times after he’d left, where I’d stare up into the night sky and pick out the perfect star, positive that my brother was doing the very same thing at the very same moment, and that we were trading memories and passing on new ones.

But I guess I was wrong.

Brandy slid her hand to mine, and I glanced at her, feeling in a fog. I wanted to be better than this, bigger than this, but somehow it was crushing. Ridiculously crushing. I felt like I was twelve all over again. I could feel Jason’s eyes on me as if he wanted to offer support, but I didn’t dare look at him. I knew the tears would erupt if I allowed any sort of eye contact.

“Is this a Muskrat situation?” Brandy whispered, bringing a smile to my lips

I shook my head and glanced at my dad who seemed to finally have an inkling that I wasn’t expecting my brother’s admission.

“Anywho,” I continued, forcing the lump down. “I pretty much went wild and crazy in high school and even did some street racing. I got pretty good.”

Jason flashed me a wicked grin, and I couldn’t help but feel a little bit of my control returning.

“Yes, she did,” my dad confirmed. “Nothing like being in Hong Kong and getting a call from your new wife that your daughter’s been picked up by the police.”

“That wasn’t my fault,” I protested, grinning. “My idiot boyfriend plastered flyers all over the place so he could place bets. Obviously, the police came to us.”

“Right,” my dad countered, laughing. “It wasn’t the fact that you were doing something illegal that was the problem.”

I shrugged my shoulders, laughing. “And boy then things changed, didn’t they?” I caught my father’s expression and realized by the look of it, he hadn’t told Aaron about me. How could he have not told Aaron?

“You grounded her until she graduated from college?” Aaron joked.

“Something like that,” I muttered. A familiar ache filled my abdomen as I took a deep breath in. I guess we all had our secrets and sharing mine never got easier either. “So what delicious meal do we get to look forward to?” I asked Carla. She gave me a slight wink and smiled.

“To celebrate the new décor,” she began, gesturing to the room, “we were going to feast on a clam bake outside. I even had wooden picnic tables delivered so we could dump it out on the table.”

“Sounds delicious,” Jason said, now standing behind me. He placed his hand on my shoulder, and I felt all the tension diminish. Just one touch? I placed my hand on his and craned my neck to see him and whispered the words, “Thank you.”

“Is that still the plan?” Aaron asked, still oblivious.

“Partially,” Carla replied. “But in case the mood doesn’t strike us, I also have filet mignon at the ready.” She looked at her watch.

“You have filet at the ready?” my dad teased.

“Okay, Mark has it at the ready.” She squinted her eyes at my father.

“Who’s Mark?” Brandy asked.

“Their chef,” Aaron and I replied together.

“Right. I should have guessed,” Brandy said, rolling her eyes.

How often had Aaron been here? He seemed beyond comfortable in these surroundings.

Carla and my father got up and began walking to the dining room with Aaron and Brandy following. Jason stood in front of me and offered his hand as I got up.

“Thanks,” I told him. “Do I look that stiff, already? I heard things started going downhill after twenty…”

Jason smiled and shook his head but didn’t let go of my hand. Once the room cleared out, he brought me into him, his arms sliding around my waist. I wasn’t expecting him to do anything of the sort, but the element of surprise sprung my insides to life. Being so close to him made my world begin to shift, allowing me to forget about the hurt and disappointment that was mounting inside of me. My heart began pounding as he brought his lips right next to my ear. A surge of desire ran through me as his body pressed against mine.

“You’re a remarkable woman,” he whispered, his breath skating across my skin as he placed a soft kiss on my cheek. “And you never cease to amaze me.” He dropped his arms and took a step back, his eyes locking on mine. “I’ve wanted to do that all night.”

“Is that so?” I asked, noticing the intensity behind his eyes.

He nodded. “Street racing?”

“What can I say?” I shrugged and flashed him a smile, wishing I was still in his arms. “I’m lucky I made it to college.”

“I bet you’ve got some stories…” His eyes twinkled as he watched my expression change.

“More than my family knows. That’s for sure,” I said laughing. “We should probably head in there.” I pointed to the dining room and Jason followed my lead. My heart finally calmed down from being in his arms, but I wanted more and I didn’t think I’d be able to wait until Friday.

The dining room table had plastic red and white, checkered tablecloths, which completely clashed with the elegant built-ins and contemporary dining table and chairs. The large silver buckets were tipped on their sides allowing corn, red potatoes, clams, mussels, and shrimp to spill out of each container, and I completely understood why Carla had preferred this whole thing to happen outside. This was going to be a mess.

My father took a seat at the head of the table, but my eyes landed on the little place cards at each setting. Each white card had a tiny, red lobster embossed in the corner and then each of our names, depending on where she wanted us to sit.

“What no lobster?” Aaron teased, as he found his place card at the other end of the table.

Carla’s expression fell and she scowled at him. “That was the surprise.”

“Nice one,” I said, shooting Aaron a glance, trying not to laugh. I felt the brotherly relationship naturally build, but I wasn’t sure I was ready.

“Tactful as always,” Jason said, finding his name at the other end of the table.

Brandy and I were seated next to each other, across from Aaron and Carla. I was next to my dad. The chef brought out a large platter, piled with lobsters, and I heard Brandy lick her lips next to me, really loudly.

“Between you and Aaron,” I whispered, jabbing her in the side. She stopped making the smacking noises, and I looked over at Aaron who looked more relaxed than he had all night. But I wasn’t sure how long that was going to last as I managed to build more courage to begin my assault of questioning.

“The lemon butter smells so delicious,” Brandy said, taking in a deep breath, bringing her bowl of the yellow liquid closer.

I grabbed the paper napkin and plopped it on my lap and reached for the plastic bib, tying it around my neck.

I heard laughter coming from the other end of the table and caught Jason watching me get ready to dig in. He was beaming as he watched me ready myself for the meal, and I noticed Aaron studying Jason. Did Aaron know or not?

“You wouldn’t be laughing if you knew just how horrible I am at keeping myself clean, especially when I’m wearing white. Sushi night was a rare event for me. Not a drop spilt,” I said, reaching for the tongs.

“Sushi night?” Aaron asked, looking across the table at me.

My head snapped to Jason. They had been so open about so many things that I assumed Jason had told Aaron about sushi. I mean Aaron came to my door to convince me that Jason was a great guy for crying out loud.

“I took Gabby out for sushi,” Jason said, without missing a beat. “Must’ve forgotten to mention it.”

Aaron’s eyes darkened a shade as he reached for a corn, which I felt was ridiculous considering his absence from my life for the last decade.

“Not sure if I mentioned our date coming up on Friday, either,” Jason said, dipping the first piece of lobster into the lemon butter.

Aaron looked up at me and then slowly over at Jason. “Make sure you don’t break her heart,” Aaron told Jason.

“You already did that to me when you took off,” I interjected, not realizing I had said the words aloud. I felt everyone’s eyes on me as I attempted to release a mussel from its shell. This conversation had taken a nosedive. And quickly. “It’s nothing serious,” I added. “Jason, I mean.”

“Gabby,” my dad said softly. “That’s not…”

“Nice?” I asked, my father nodded.

I felt Brandy tense beside me.

“What’s not nice is finding out that my brother has been in your life the last few years, and no one felt it important enough to tell me,” I began, feeling my cheeks warm.

“And you,” I pointed at Aaron, “waltzing back into our family like you belong in it?”

Aaron grabbed his napkin and wiped his mouth, waiting until I finished before he started talking. He still knew me well enough to know that I had only just begun. Carla continued to focus on her shellfish, hoping the whole thing would blow over, and my father braced the table, literally. I was sure he thought the unveiling of information would be much smoother.

“Do you know what you did to me when you left? Who does that?” I was seething as every word rolled off my tongue. Ten years worth of emotions had finally reached their boiling point. “Not even an explanation. You should be ashamed of yourself.” I crossed my arms, shaking my head. “You don’t have a clue about what I went through.” All the years of therapy did nothing compared to this moment right here. This very moment where I could tell him exactly what he did to me by leaving. The hurt he caused. The child he changed. I took a deep breath, not even paying attention to the others surrounding the table. “It was bad enough when mom died, but it wasn’t her fault. With you, it was a choice. You left when I needed you most.”

Aaron raised his head, his eyes meeting mine.

“Well?” I asked. “What’s your excuse?”

“Do you think now’s the best time for this?” Carla asked, wide-eyed.

“I’ve waited long enough,” I replied.