“No, I can’t,” he said, rubbing a hand over his face as the anxiety that had been held back by playing with Danny returned with a vengeance. “My father would kill me if he saw these pictures. I’m really not exaggerating. He would shoot me without even blinking.”
Eve was silent for a moment before she turned around and looked at him with sad eyes. “I won’t show them to anyone, you know that. I don’t even want to sell the paintings. I just want you to leave her. We could tell your family we got back together. They don’t have to know Danny’s involved too. Would your father kill you for breaking
up with Trisha? I don’t think so. People break up all the time. I broke up with my fiancé and the world didn’t end. Why can’t you marry me if you need someone to play normal with?”
“Evie,” Paul said, resting a hand on his forehead as he looked down at her in anguish. “I have to marry her. I’m committed to it. Can’t we just enjoy each other while we still can?”
Eve looked away from him and dropped her paintbrush into a glass jar filled with water. She covered her face with her hands, her shoulders wilting as she hunched down in front of him, looking broken.
“He wouldn’t kill you,” she mumbled into her hands. “That’s an exaggeration, you know it.”
“He’d disown me. I’d never speak to anyone in my family again, not my brothers, not even my mother. You know she sides with him on everything. She never stood up for us, not even when we were babies. I’d be a total outcast.”
“Your family is completely dysfunctional. You’re better off without them. Danny and I are your real family. You don’t have to hide with us.”
“Please don’t,” he whispered softly, making his voice seductive on purpose as he wrapped his arms around her once more. He leaned down, placing a kiss in the curve of her neck. “You can take as many pictures as you want. Just don’t be upset. I hate when you’re upset.”
“I am upset,” she choked, tears sounding in her voice. “I’m always upset. I’m going to lose you again. It’s not fair.”
“I know it’s not,” he breathed against her neck as he trailed his lips up to her ear. He slid his hands under her shirt, running them over the smooth plane of her stomach as he pulled her closer to him. “Tell me what you want.”
“I want you to marry me instead of her,” Eve said, her head falling back against his shoulder. She reached behind her, threading her fingers into his hair and holding his face to the curve of her neck as he continued to kiss and lick her soft skin. “I want you to stay with me—always.”
“What else?” he asked, feeling as if his heart was shattering inside his chest. “What can I give you now?”
“Just make it go away,” she choked, making it obvious she was crying. “Find a way to make the pain go away. Make me forget I’m going to die in two months.”
“Okay,” he said as he reached down and tugged at her shirt. Eve lifted her arms, letting him pull it off her and tossed it on the floor. He leaned back and unhooked her bra, pushing it off her arms as Eve tossed her iPod in the tray of her easel. Then he turned her around, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close to him. Pleasure shimmered down his spine from feeling her bare breasts pressed against his chest. He leaned down, his lips a breath away from hers and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
Her eyes closed, making tears roll down her cheeks. “I know.”
He kissed the tears off her cheeks, groaning from the terrible combination of love, desire and pain that came from hurting the girl he had loved for as long as he could remember. He hated his life, hated that this was happening to the two of them all over again. He was as desperate to erase his pain as hers. He kissed her in wild desperation to have the lust wash away the agony.
Eve moaned, her fingers lacing into his hair as her lips parted to his hotly, making it obvious she was searching for the same release from nostalgic heartache that was a thousand times worse the second time. His tongue swept into her mouth as he let his hands roam over her body, cupping her breasts, his thumbs brushing against her rosy nipples that tightened from his touch.
Eve’s head fell back, breaking the kiss as she tugged at his hair. “Get on your knees
—now.”
Paul did as told, falling to his knees in front of Eve. He ran his hands up the curve of her hips, pulling her closer as he captured the tip of one breast in his mouth, laving his tongue over it reverently. He savored Eve’s surrendering moan and the way her fingers tightened painfully in his hair.
Despite just coming while playing with Danny, he was already hard for her, his jeans biting into his cock as he worshiped Eve. His lips and hands ran over her beautiful body, touching and teasing her, waiting for the moment when she would ask for more. Her breathing became low and shallow, her moans throaty in a way that caused blinding lust to shoot through his bloodstream. Without warning, she used her grip on his hair to jerk his head back. Paul found himself staring into brilliant green eyes narrowed in fury that would have looked off on Eve if she hadn’t been learning quickly from Danny.
“You want to lick me?”
He stared up at her longingly. “Very much.”
“Why should I let you?” she countered, her eyes still narrowed in disappointment. “Why should I let you get from me what you can’t even get from the woman you’re marrying?”
“You probably shouldn’t.” He closed his eyes as a fresh wave of misery washed over him. “I don’t deserve it.”
“I want to hate you. It’d be so much easier than loving you,” Eve said, her voice suddenly choked as her eyes became watery. “Only you can hurt me this badly.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered genuinely as his own eyes stung painfully. “That’s not the game. I’m really am sorry, Evie Girl. I don’t want to hurt you again. That’s the last thing in the world I wanted. I love being with you, but a part of me wishes Danny had never done this to us.”
She pushed away from him and walked over to her bed rather than answer him. She fell back against it, throwing her arm over her eyes as she spread her legs, resting her bare feet on the frame. “Do it.”
Paul stared at her for one long moment, wondering if he should say something else. A part of him wanted to admit that hurting her made him feel as if he was slowly dying inside. It had been bad enough when it was just Danny, now it felt as if every day that brought him closer to his wedding was driving a knife deeper into his chest. Then he decided that telling her would just make her hurt more. Maybe it was better if she didn’t know just how much letting her go again was damaging his soul.
He crawled over to her, reaching up to the button on her shorts. He tugged them off, pulling her underwear with them and then leaned down to kiss her stomach softly, trying to convey how much he loved her into actions instead of words. Eve gave a soft sigh, arching her back as her fingers found their way into his hair again. She gently pushed his head lower as she draped her legs over his shoulders, her feet hooking together between his shoulder blades.
He took the silent suggestion and leaned down to lick her, savoring her taste and the sound of her choked gasp. Despite her anger and heartache, she was as responsive as always. It never took much to bring her to climax. She was sobbing and gasping with pleasure in less than a minute, her body quivering from the force of her orgasm. Paul rode it out with her, running his hands over her thighs and gripping at her hips gently when she started to come down.
“Again,” she panted, tightening her grip in his hair once more. “Do it until I forget.”
Paul wasn’t really sure if it worked like that, but he was determined to try for her sake as much as his.
Dinner was solemn for the three of them. They ate silently, with Danny drinking several more beers than usual and Paul one-upping him by downing two full glasses of whisky.
Sex, work and booze made Paul more tired than usual and he fell into bed early without a care that they didn’t stick to routine by fucking around for a while before they went to sleep. They had all started sleeping together, but there was never any order to how they slept. They usually just passed out in whatever position sex had left them in when they finally wore themselves out. Sometimes Eve was in the middle, sometimes Danny, most of the time Paul was, with Eve and Danny both clinging to him in a way that left him hot and suffocated but he never complained about it. He knew there was going to be a time in the very near future when he would lie in bed next to Trisha, longing for Danny and Eve draped over him, hanging on to him tightly as if afraid he would evaporate if they loosened their hold on him.
That night Paul was in the middle simply because he had fallen asleep first. Danny and Eve had both crawled into bed much later, forcing Paul into that hazy place between dreams and reality with their shuffling around and quiet good nights. Danny shoved him over to make room and then wrapped his arms around him in his usual,
tight-gripped way as Paul reached out for Eve on instinct and fell back to sleep with his face buried in her hair.
It was in the darkest part of the night that voices filtered into his dreams. With a father like his, one who could get violent at the oddest times, Paul had been bred to be a light sleeper, but like most things he never complained or mentioned it to others. The whisky had worn off to the point that he wasn’t nearly as dazed as he had been when they’d first come to bed and their whispers woke him up fully within a few seconds.
Eve must have crawled over him and now rested on the edge of the bed in Danny’s arms. Paul lay still, feeling the heat off Danny’s bare back, knowing he would notice any subtle movement from him. He forced his breathing to remain even as he listened with no small amount of guilt to Danny and Eve speaking in hushed tones next to him.
“I hate you,” Eve choked, making it obvious she was crying. “I hate you for doing this to me.”
“Please don’t,” Danny said, his voice catching in a way that made it obvious he was close to tears. “I hate when you cry.”
“Maybe I should start drinking heavily like you two. Is it helping?” “Not really.”
“He’s going to marry her. I can’t talk him out of it. I’ve tried everything. It’s killing me. I can’t do it anymore.”
“Then don’t do it. Stop torturing yourself. It’s hurting him too. He’s been drinking a lot more than I have. It worries me,” Danny said, heaving a sigh of defeat. “It’s two months away. Her father has already dumped a small fortune into this wedding. He’ll never back out now. It’s too late.”
“I tried,” Eve repeated. “I did, Danny Boy, I swear.”
“I know you did,” Danny said, his body shifting as if he were rubbing Eve’s arm to soothe her. “I think we both knew that talking him out of it was hopeless. I’m sorry for asking it of you. Please don’t hate me. I couldn’t bear it. You’re all I’m going to have left.”
“My heart feels like it’s been broken in two,” Eve sobbed. “I’m dying.”
“Shhh,” Danny whispered, his body shifting as he rubbed her arm again. “Please, don’t. I’m going to start too. We’re going to wake him up.”
Eve didn’t heed his words as choked, broken sobs burst out of her and each one washed over Paul along with an agonizing feeling of complete despair. The pain was more than he felt he could bear, but he remained stoically still, enduring this pain like he did all others, without complaint.
“What if—” Danny started, his voice cracking. “What if we just let it be? No fighting, no arguing. It’s happening, we know it. We can either be miserable for the last bit of time we have left or we can have a blast. I want the memories to be sweet for all of us. I don’t want him drinking and miserable. I want him happy, don’t you?”
“Y-yes,” Eve rasped and then took a shuddering breath as if trying to gain back her composure. “Of course, I want that for him. I love him—always.”
“Me too,” Danny said, his voice still choked with tears. “So let’s stop tormenting him, okay?”
“Okay,” Eve agreed, before she started crying again.
Paul lay there, his eyes stinging behind his closed eyelids and realized he was never going to be able to cry. He would never find that emotional outlet normal people had, even when he needed it more than anything. He just feigned sleep listening to Eve and Danny crying together, deciding they would have to cry enough for him, because if this didn’t make him break down nothing would.
Eve felt as if she had been hit by a Mack truck driven by a blind driver. Her head throbbed and her face was swollen to the point she wanted to hide under the covers for the rest of the day.
Paul was long gone, having taken off sometime before dawn for a run. Danny was also gone, leaving her lonely when she was used to male bodies keeping her warm. She rolled out of bed, shivering from the early morning cold and padded barefoot to the bathroom complaining under her breath about the crappy heater in the house. It made no difference that they were in Florida, fifty degrees was still way too cold to wake up to when she had a night like the previous one.
She winced when she looked herself in the mirror. The horrible thing about being a redhead was that crying showed on her face long after it subsided. Her eyes were swollen, her nose unattractively red and she finally looked away rather than dwell on it.
She brushed her teeth as she continued to avoid the mirror and then headed out of the bedroom, running her fingers through her long hair, trying to work out the tangles that came from falling asleep with it wet from a late-night shower she had taken when she hadn’t been able to stop crying. She had sat on the floor of the shower, her arms wrapped around her legs as great sobs of misery burst out of her long after Danny had passed out.
“You look like hell.”
Eve lifted blurry eyes to Danny as she walked into the kitchen, seeing he also looked worse for the wear this morning. “Right back at you.”
“You’re supposed to be in a good mood. Paul’s going to be back soon.”
“Fuck you,” Eve said in response as she sat down at the table, still working her fingers through her hair, wincing over the tangles that seemed to be everywhere. “I need coffee.”
“I guess,” Danny said as he turned around to pour her a cup. “I’m serious. I need you to perk up. You look like you’ve been crying all night.”