Beyond the Quiet: Romantic Thriller (23 page)

What he was saying sounded good, but since it was foreign to everything I had ever done, I wondered if I could do it. But I suddenly re
alized I wanted to. Very badly.

“I don’t think I’m ready to move to Minnesota now,” I said. “I just want our house in Forest Falls, a house where you and I could start fresh, without anything from the past hanging on
. We’ll make it into our home.”

Sitting up, I looked around the bedroom, at the bed Mac and I had slept on for years, at the special dresser he bought because it had the small top drawers for his jewelry and personal items.

“I’d love to get rid of everything, except our new sofa, and start fresh. Just buy what we want for the new house.”

“Sure would make my packing job much easier,” Terry teased.

Now I was getting excited. “We could have a moving sale this weekend and what we’ll make from that should help toward the new furniture. We could . . . I suddenly remembered the open house I’d scheduled. “Damn. I have to work this weekend.”

“You just called it in today, didn’t you?”

I looked at him. “Of course! Maybe Ben hasn’t notified the paper yet.” I’d call him first thing tomorrow morning. I still had some questions, but I could handle them as they came. For the first time in my life, I was going to grab what I wanted and worry about the details later.

I was moving to Forest Falls.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

The next morning I called Ben to reschedule the open house in Banning for the following weekend.

“How soon will you know if I won the bid?” I asked, knowing I sounded like an excited rookie buyer. In a way, I was. This would be my first purchase as a single woman.

The HUD house I wanted was still in the bidding process, but would close in three more days. Since I would be an owner/occupant, my contract would take priority over investors, but as nice as the house was, I felt sure I would have a lot of competition.

“Relax, Lisa,” Ben said. “I have a friend at the HUD office and he’ll call as soon as they open the bids and declare a winner. Give it four days, max.”

“Four days?” I exclaimed. “Now I know how our clients feel.”

I couldn’t believe how badly I wanted the house. It was amazing: I’d had
such doubts, but now it was all I could think of. After talking to Terry last, I’d grabbed him and we drove by the house. It was too dark to see much, so it was like having your Christmas present all wrapped up with a pretty bow under the tree, but being unable to open it until that special day. And now I couldn’t wait.

“Don’t worry,” Ben
said. “Your contract is solid.”

“I’m concerned, Ben. You know the bank started foreclosure proceedings
on my condo and I’m not sure HUD will like that on my record.”

“I’ve talked to my friend about it, so don’t worry; I’ll take care of everything. I have a stake in this as well. I’d say about a month, six weeks at the most, and you’ll be ready to move in. Then tell your friend you need a vacation.”

***

The next few days passed in a flurry of activity. We filled the house with boxes of various sizes and labeled them, “Keep,” “Donate,” and “Shanna,” and went from room to room, filling boxes or separating items for the moving sale. I decided to get rid of everything except for the dishes, pots, pans, and linens I bought while watching the home shopping channels during sleepless nights after Mac died. While they may have been im
pulse buys, I still liked them.

While sorting and packing was a lot of work, it kept me too busy to think of anything else. It was only when I took a break that I allowed myself to wonder why Shanna hadn’t called. Surely they must be back from their vacation by now and had picked up the mail. She must know that I was eager to hear from her.

“If she doesn’t call in the next couple of days, I’m flying out there,” I told Terry. Now that Shanna knew the truth about her father, it was important that she knew how much I loved her. I’d made it clear in the letter, but I had to make sure she knew how I felt.

The next day when the phone rang, I ran to answer, almost tripping over a roll of wrapping paper, hoping to hear her voice. But it was Ben.

“The house is yours, kiddo. Congratulations! The closing will be in one month, but don’t forget, you have to be out of the condo in nine days.” To help with the inconvenience, he offered the three-thousand dollars he’d promised a little early.

“Not only will I fork over the three-thousand,” he continued, “but if you want to come on in, I can advance your commissi
on for selling the HUD house.”

I was out the door before he could hang up and change his mind.

Terry and I celebrated with dinner at Red Lobster, then we came home and had our own celebration. We took a bath together, complete with candles set around the edge of the tub just like in the movies.

***

Even though we put the moving sale together in a hurry, it went even better than I’d hoped. Most of the furniture sold in the first three hours, and the smaller items trickled out over the weekend. I sold the china that I had stored in the cupboard for years, stemware, although pretty enough, that I’d seldom used, and household accessories and decorations that had been given to Mac and me during our marriage.

Terry contributed some things he’d had in storage, including two metal detectors and a baby grand piano. When he told me he’d always wanted to learn but never got around to it, I talked him out of selling it, telling him he could learn now. I’d always loved to listen to piano music and I didn’t care if it was someone prac
ticing or if it was a concerto.

Sunday evening we gleefully counted the money. Eying the neat stack of bills, I felt as proud of myself as if I’d personally printed the money. We made enough to buy appliances for the new house, and with the expense money Ben had given me, we could have it painted. Smaller
things we could pick up later.

Now that the clock was ticking, we decided to stay at Terry’s apartment after vacating the condo, so the next two days we made several trips, loading both cars with boxes to place in his storage space. The only items I wanted to keep handy were clothes and personal things, including a couple of hardback novels I’d always kept on my bedside table for when I had trouble sleeping, and my favorite twenty-pound marbled geode bookends. Terry also insisted I bring my .45 pistol, especially since Rick might still be around.

When I pulled onto my street for one last trip, Terry was a half a block behind me. While the past few days had been exciting, I was exhausted and looked forward to getting the last few things moved.

As I approached my driveway, I saw a Ford
Expedition sitting outside the garage. Stan’s car. I could see Maggie through the passenger window.

How dare they just show up without any notice. With the rush of moving, I’d almost managed to forget about Jenna, but now it all came back. Pulling to the side of the street, I called Terry on my cell.

“I’m too tired to deal with them now,” I told him. “I’ll just drive on by.”

“Honey, what’s that going to accomplish? You might as well hear what they have to say.”

“I heard enough that day at Jenna’s.”

“You have to face them eventually,” he said. “Might as well get it over with.”

We sat in the street while I decided what I wanted to do, Terry’s Lexus behind my Toyota, both engines idling. Stan and Maggie must have spotted me because they got out of their car and stood waiting.

Flashes of the wonderful times we’d all shared ran through my mind and I felt like crying. They had been more than in-laws to me; I had truly loved them. I’d shared my life with them and they’d shared theirs with me. For the first time in my life, I had felt part of a family.

Which made their betrayal even more bitter.

Terry was right—I might as well talk to them. I pulled up alongside o
f their car.

My cell phone rang. “Honey,” Terry said, “w
ant me to disappear for a bit?”

“I have nothing to hide. Besides, I want you with me.” Without anoth
er word he pulled up behind me.

Getting out of my car, I could see Stan and Maggie watching Terry, their eyes curious. I didn’t owe them an explanat
ion, so I didn’t introduce him.

“So it’s true,” Stan said. That was all he said, but his disapproval was clear.

“So what’s true?” I asked, knowing full well what he meant.

“You’re involved with a man.”

“I don’t think either of you is in any position to make judgments about anything I do.” The anger bubbled, but I tried to stay as calm as I could. I just couldn’t lose my composure in front of them.

“You could have waited a decent time after Mac’s death.”

“A decent time?”
I echoed. “You’re a fine one to talk about decency. At least I didn’t have an affair while I was married.”

Maggie flushed, but my
words didn’t seem to faze Stan.

“You have Shanna to consider,” he went on. “She’s pregnant and having a difficult time coping with her father’s death.”

This was the gentle bear-like man I’d loved? And who I’d thought had loved me?

“I can’t believe you’re talking to me about consideration for Shanna,” I said, so angry I trembled. “Just where was the concern for her all those years when you knew her father was making babies another woman?”

Neither spoke. Cheeks red, Maggie kept her head down. Watching her, I couldn’t help but be reminded of all the times she’d held and comforted me. Suddenly I wearied of the entire thing and just wanted it to end.

“I’d like you both to leave. And please, don’t come back.”

“Shanna called,” Maggie said, her voice low. “That’s why we’re here.”

“Shanna called
you?
”
I looked at her in disbelief, feeling as if I’d been struck in the stomach with a club.

“She wanted to know if the things you said in your letter were true.”

Shanna called Maggie instead of me. Tears welled and my legs went weak. I’d truly lost her. Terry slid his arm around my waist.

“Look,” Stan said. “Why don’t we go inside like civil people and talk this out.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Terry said.

Stan, several inches taller than Terry’s six feet, eyed him as if he were a bug. “I don’t believe I was talking to you.”

“It’s immaterial whether or not you were speaking to me,” Terry told him. “You’re talking to my fiancée, and I’ll do what I think necessary to protect her. Now if you want to continue to talk to her, I suggest you speak a little nicer or you won’t speak at all.”

Stan gaped at Terry in disbelief. Maggie gasped. And I almost howled in glee. If I hadn’t been in love with Terry before, I was now. In front of Stan and Maggie, I laid my head on his shoulder to let him know how much I appreciated his words and how much I loved him. Then I straightened.

“Well, you’ve both said what you came here to say, and now you’ll have to excuse us. As you can see, we’re busy. Oh. I’ll be sending you a check as soon as I close on the condo.”

“That’s not necessary, Lisa,” Maggie said. It was clear how difficult this meeting was for her as well as for me. She’d known me for too long not to realize how it would make me feel. “Please, can’t we just talk?”

“Terry and I’ve had a long weekend,” I said, “and now we’d like some rest. I’d appreciate if you’d leave.” I tugged Terry’s arm and without looking back, headed for the door.

***

I couldn’t relax. No matter how Terry tried to excuse Shanna, I couldn’t forget that she’d called Stan and Maggie instead of me. I ached with the hurt and even a backrub didn’t help. I couldn’t even cry.

All evening I thought about the past, remembering Shanna as a grade-schooler, sitting quietly beside me at the dressing table and watching as I applied makeup or fixed my hair. I remembered how eager she’d been to imitate me, to dust or make cookies with me. Covered i
n flour, she’d wanted to help.

But along with the good memories, I also remembered the other times, times I was too busy and didn’t want to have to clean the extra mess her help always caused, too busy to see the hurt in her eyes when I sent her away, too involved in my own pain to see my daughter’s.

How many times had I crushed her, made her feel as though she wasn’t important to me?

Now that it was too late, I could look back and see her eyes. I wanted to run to her, throw my arms around her and tell her how much I loved her and how sorry I was for hurting her.

But was it too late? Maybe so, but I had to try.

I had to go to Minnesota, and I had to go now.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

The flight was long but uneventful with one changeover in Salt Lake. I was spending a chunk of money I couldn’t afford, but it was necessary. And I was only going to stay three days, long enough to talk to my daughter, to make her understand.

I’d called Shanna before picking up my ticket to make sure she was going to be home, but I didn’t tell her what flight I’d be on or suggest I stay with her and Leif. I had some things I wanted to say to her and wanted to feel I was on my own turf, even if
that turf was a hotel room.

Terry had preferred to stay home and finish moving, but I think he also wanted to give me time alone with my daughter.

During the flight I stared out the window, planning what to say, praying I could win back my daughter's affection. We were in a terrible situation, so alienated from each other. I could only pray this visit would bridge the gulf between us.

After landing in Minneapolis, I boarded the complimentary shuttle to the hotel, enjoying the feel of the cool, moist, evening air on my skin. The hotel was next to the Mall of America, about ten minutes from the airport. When booking the trip, I’d hoped that after working things out, Shanna and I would have some time to spend together strolling the mall, shopping, having our hair done, perhaps even have one of those glamour makeovers. I’d be happy doing anything she’d like, as long as we could spend the time without all the strain that had div
ided us like an invisible wall.

Was I hoping for too much too soon? Perhaps. But I loved her too much not to try.

After unpacking my bags, I wandered down to the hotel restaurant and found it had closed at nine. But the sports bar was still open. An older man and woman occupied a small booth, and a thirty-ish man in a business suit sat at a small table, his eyes on one of the two TVs. I thought about ordering a sandwich, but I’d never felt comfortable in a bar, whether alone or even with someone.

Instead, I decided to have pizza delivered to my room. Changing into my robe and relaxing in front of the TV sounded wonderful, and, since my room had a small fridge and a microwave, I could zap the leftovers tomorrow. I loved cold pizza for breakfast.

I checked my watch. It was just after ten and I wondered if Shanna was in bed. If things weren’t so strained between us, I’d invite her to come on over and share the pizza. Oh, what the hell, I’d do it anyway.

I dialed her number, feeling as apprehensive as if I were an encyclopedia salesperson calling on my first client. Keep it casual, I thought. No strain, at least not tonight.

When she answered, all I said was, “I’m here.”

“Where?”

“At the Marriott by the mall. Want to come over? I’ve ordered pizza.”

I heard nothing but silence. Oh Lord, this wasn’t going to be good.

Finally she said, “Mom, I want to talk to you, but not tonight. Since I didn’t know when you’d be in, I couldn’t make arrangements. Kyle picked up a slight cold and he’s been cranky. I finally got him in bed and I’m exhausted. How about tomorrow?”

“F
ine,” I said, keeping it light.

“How long are you going to stay?”

“Three days.”

“You don’t have to stay at the hotel, especially since you’re so broke.” She didn’t sound sarcastic when she said that, thank God. “Leif could come and get you.”

Oh sure, I thought. I’d be about as welcome as a tax collector. “Honey, the arrangements are all made, and I’ll be fine. Besides, we can have lunch or dinner here and you won’t have to cook. Can you spend the day?”

“Really, Mom. I can’t spend all day away from home. That’s why you should come here.”

“What about Leif’s mother? Could she keep Kyle for the day? We have so much to talk about. I want to visit with him, of course. In fact, I can’t wait to see how he’s grown. But I really want to talk to you first.”

“Well,” Shanna said, drawing out the word. “I suppose I could call her.”

“If she’s busy and you need to get a sitter, I’ll pay for it.”

“I thought you were broke.”

I remembered that she didn’t know about my selling the condo, or even that I’d decided to sell. “Things have been happening.”

“He’s
not with you, is he?”

“Terry wanted to give us some time alone,” I told her, giving him a name.

“That’s nice of him.” Now her words were clipped, sarcastic.

Sudden irritation flared, but I ignored it and went ahead with making our plans. Terry would’ve been proud of my self-control. And when we talked
on the phone later, he said he was.

“You both can settle the business about me later,” he said. “Right now, it’s important that she understand about her fa
ther. And about your marriage.”

He was right. I knew that. Yet later, while trying to sleep, I thought about the strain that was still apparent between Shanna and me, and I dreaded what mig
ht happen when we tried to talk.

Please, please, I prayed to the fates, let us work this out.

***

After a slice of pizza in front of the TV the next morning, I dressed and waited to hear from Shanna. I expected her to call around nine, after Kyle was up and fed and she had a ch
ance to call her mother-in-law.

I didn’t know Leif’s mother, Sigrid, or Sid, as everyone called her, very well, but the couple of times I’d talked with her, at the wedding, then during my short visit before Mac had become so ill, I’d liked her. She was a true Norwegian, a tall, large-boned strawberry blond. She’d been a widow for a number of years, and her two sons lived within an hour’s drive. According to Shanna, Sid loved to fill her home with family and home-cooking, and when Shanna would tell me about one of Sid’s family gatherings, I’d feel happy that Shanna had such a close relationship with her. But I couldn’t
help but feel empty. And alone.

I still hoped that one day in the not-too-distant future, I could move there and be part of their family. But now, watching the hours pass with no word from Shanna, I wondered if I’d eve
r be part of anything with her.

Ten came and went, then eleven.

I paced the room, stood watching at the window, paced some more, punched the TV remote and watched the local news, switched it off and paced again. Finally I sat by the phone and stared at it, willing it to ring.

Why didn’t she call? She knew I was waiting to hear from her. Wanting to end the maddening suspense, I picked up the phone to call a taxi, but I hesitated. In her home, a thousand things could demand her attention and make it difficult for us to talk. Surely, talking here in the qu
iet hotel room would be better

By one, I knew she was trying my patience, perhaps making me wait as a sort of punishment. Perhaps she was upset because I couldn’t come when she’d first asked, or maybe it was because I preferred not to stay with them during this visit. Or maybe she just didn’t want to talk to me. Whatever the reason, I’d had enough.

I called the concierge desk to inquire about babysitting, but they didn’t have that service. Just as I was wondering what to do next, my phone rang. It was Shanna, and she was on her way.

“Have you had lunch?” I asked, care
ful to keep my voice unruffled.

“I haven’t had time for anything,” she said, her voice curt, agitated. “Of all days Sid wasn’t home, so I called
Lacy and had to wait for her.”

Lacy was Shanna’s sister-in-law who attended the University of
Minnesota and had varied hours.

“Are you all right?” I asked, instantly ashamed that I’d added more stress. Damn, I should’ve been more thoughtful. Why did life have to be so damned complicated at times?

“I’m fine, Mom. I’ll be there in a few moments.”

I called room service and ordered two spinach and feta cheese quiches, salads, and a pitcher of iced tea, all things I knew Shanna loved. I wanted her to sit back, relax with her feet propped up, and have so
mething to eat before we talked.

***

When Shanna arrived, I was alarmed by the dark circles under her eyes, accentuated by her pale skin.

“Oh, honey, I’m so glad to see you.” I embraced her, then, arm still around her, walked her to the chair, refusing to acknowle
dge she wasn’t hugging me back.

She shrugged out of my embrace. “Really, Mother, I’m not an invalid.” Nevertheless, when I helped her sit on the chair and slid the other chair over so she could prop up her feet, she didn’t protest. I lifted her feet to sit down, then placed her feet in m
y lap.

“If you’d only have let me know you were coming,” she said, “I could’ve made arrangements. Then y
ou could’ve seen Kyle and Leif.”

I wouldn’t allow her to put me on the defensive. Not this time. “I hope to see both of them before I leave,” I told her. “Maybe tomorrow.
But right now, we need to talk.”

“I don’t know what we have to talk about. You said it all in your letter, didn’t you? At least I hope there aren’t go
ing to be any more revelations.”

“Judging from your attitude, I think we have a lot to
talk about.”

“What did you expect?”

“I didn’t expect you to call Stan and Maggie instead of me.”

“I knew they would tell me the truth.”

“The truth! They’re the same two people who lied to you and me by keeping your father’s life with another woman and their son hidden for ten years. Listen to me, Shanna. Have I ever lied to you?”

“That’s the problem! You never tell me much of anything!” She swiped away her tears. “You wouldn’t come when I asked because you said you don’t have any money. And then I find out you have a boyfriend. A
boyfriend
, for God’s sake, and Dad hasn’t been dead six months.”

“I realize it’s soon, but Shanna, honey, I’ve been lonely a long tim
e. Won’t you try to understand?”

“I understand more than you think,” she told me. “You were always so cold to both of us. No wonder Dad turned to someone else. But he was always there for me, and now you’re trying to take away the good memories I have, to turn them into something ugly.”

Sitting across from Shanna, I saw her face portray the emotions behind her words, and I heard the hurt behind the anger. I began to wonder if, perhaps deep inside, she were still a wounded child, needing her mother’s attention.

“You were always so cold,” she said again, her voice accusing. “Why not admit it, Mom. I understand why Dad wanted someone else, but who could
I
turn to? You wouldn’t even look at me unless I was perfect, just the way you wanted everything around you to be.”

Her words stunned me just as if she’d thrown ice water in my face. I stared at her, replaying our lives in my mind, but this time looking at it from her perspective, and what I saw horrified me. She was right. Oh God, forgive me, but that’s how it must have looked to her. I’d allowed the hurt I’d felt from Mac to turn me into something less than
what a caring mother should be.

I wanted to hold my daughter and croon to her, to tell her how much I loved her. I wanted to make up for all t
he years I didn’t. Or couldn’t.

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”

“And after Dad died,” she went on, “when I was scared about my pregnancy and I broke down and asked if you’d come, begged, even, you still wouldn’t do it. You didn’t have the money. You were busy. There was always something else you had to take care of first and you had to wait until everything was perfect. Well I’m not perfect, but I needed you.” Tears welled in her beautiful eyes and spilled over. “Damn tears. I’m crying all the time, now. Sometimes pregnancy sucks.”

I went to her then and kneeled beside her chair, wrapping my arms around her, just lik
e Terry had done with me.

“Honey, I’m so sorry. I did it all wrong.” She was stiff, resistant, but she didn’t move. “I love you so much and I never wanted to hurt you. Can you ever forgive me?” On and on I crooned, until I felt her relax. Only then did I allow myself to look at her and do the simple little things I’d always longed to do, like brushing her hair back from her face and kissing her forehead. I hugged her again as if I couldn’t get enough. And I couldn’t. This was my daughter, my only child, whom I’d neglected as surely as if I’d physically abandoned her. Perhaps what I had done was wo
rse: I’d made her feel unloved.

“I made so many mistakes,” I told her, my heart breaking for her and for me, “but will you give me another chance? Please, honey, I love you and want to be part of your life.” I searched her eyes for some glimmer of understanding, of forgiveness, of some possibility that I might have another chance with her. When her eyes softened, I knew something good was happening. I could feel it, sense it in the way she looked at me.

“I’ll try, Mom,” she finally said, but there was still a hint of reserve, of caution in her eyes. “Maybe if we both try, because I want you in my life, and I want you to be a part of Kyle’s life as well.”

She’d give me
another chance! My heart sang.

Room service knocked on the door. I pulled myself together enough to open the door while Shanna made a dash for the bathroom. A young Asian man placed the trays on the table and made sure we had everything we needed. After he left, Shanna lifted the chrome lids as eagerly as a child.