Beyond the Quiet: Romantic Thriller (24 page)

“Oh, Mom, this looks great!”

We dug in, devouring everything u
ntil even the crumbs were gone.

“Now tell me about your pregnancy,” I said, as we
both leaned back in our chairs.

“Dr. Peterson doesn’t seem to be concerned beyond checking with me each week, so I’m not so worried now. She smiled at me, the first genuine smile I’d seen from her in years. “Actually, I’m doing fine. Leif and Kyle are great. I miss you, Mom. I’d like Kyle to have you around as well as Grandma Sid. Now that you have someone in your life, are you still going to move here?”

That was the question I dreaded answering, but I had to be honest. No more lies or half-truths.

I told her about selling the condo and buying the HUD house. Surprisingly, she wasn’t upset about my selling the condo, but buying a house in
Forest Falls was another matter.

“You mean you had the chance to move here, but you chose to stay in California?”

Her voice had that tone again, disbelieving and critical, and my heart sank. After all the progress we’d made, the wall was back.

“Honey, th
ere’s still the issue of money.”

“But now you have this man, Terry. Can’t he help?”

“He could, but Shanna, please try to understand. I’d love to live close to you, but I want to be my own woman, making my own way. I have a job in California, contacts at lending institutions that I’ve built over the years, and I’m not secure enough to give all that up. Perhaps sometime in the future, I’ll feel brave enough to make all those changes. I hope so. There’s a lot of things I want to do.” I told her my dreams of making enough to buy a motor home and traveling the country, of seeing all the sights I’d only read about. “Terry wants to do that as well. So you never know.”

Shanna sighed. “You still want everything all sorted out and planned to the last detail. I just can’t see you living a vagabond life, either with this man or by yourself, and I don’t think you’ll ever change.”

Chapter Thirty

The next morning I rented a car for the half-hour’s drive to Shanna’s home in Maple Grove, a bustling Minneapolis suburb. She had offered to pick me up, but I didn’t want to cause her more stress. And I needed the quiet time to brace myself before seeing Leif again.

I couldn’t help but wonder how he’d feel about me. Although quiet, he had always seemed friendly, but now I wondered. I’d heard Norwegian men were very protective of their families, and after all the misunderstandings between Shanna and me, I was concerned that he might not view me as someone he’d welcome in his home. And no matter how Shanna and I worked toward a different relationship, it would never be totally right if her husband and I were at odds. I only hoped he’d realize that no matter what mistakes I’d made, I only wanted the chance to show my daughter and grandson how much
I loved them.

After driving a couple of city blocks to get used to the rental car, I hopped onto the freeway and headed northwest. The little red Suzuki was easy to drive, so I tried to relax and enjoy the scenery, so different from the scorched brown in my o
wn area of Southern California.

Even from the freeway in a metropolitan area, I saw trees everywhere. Maples, elms, and others I didn’t recognize shared space with office buildings, strip malls and residential areas. Just seeing them had a calming effect. I took a deep breath and was glad I’d made the trip, thankful I was going to spend the day w
ith my daughter and her family.

Traffic zipped right alon
g. The twin cities, Minneapolis/St Paul, had a combined population of around three-million people, and at nine in the morning the I-494 freeway was crowded but not congested as I’d expected.

But what astonished me was the lack of pollution. No brown clouds, no low-lying brown haze, just a clear blue sky with masses of white clouds. Directly overhead they were huge and puffy, and in the distance, long and streaky. After the scrub vegetation and hazy skies of
home, this looked like paradise.

The only thing missing was Terry. When I’d talked to him earlier that morning, he’d sounded busy but glad I was going
to Shanna’s.

“Don’t worry about anything here,” he’d told me. “Just relax and have a good time with your daughter. You deserve it.” No wonder I adored that man.

As Shanna and I had prearranged, she met me in the parking lot at Baker’s Square, a family-style restaurant right off the freeway, and led me to her home a few blocks away. With a population of over fifty-thousand and still booming, Maple Grove, or the part I saw of it, looked like newer construction, filled with condos, newer homes, restaurants and shopping. But I still saw plenty of trees and shrubs.

When I pulled in after Shanna in her driveway, the anxiety came back, and I felt glued to my seat. What if I came all this way only to discover Leif wouldn’t forgive me for the harm I’d caused? No matter how strong I felt in my new life, I didn’t know if I was courageous enough to face another rej
ection, especially from family.

Just as I decided I might as well face him and get it over with, he stepped out of the garage. Ready for work in slacks and an umber sports coat that complemented his red hair, he opened the car door for Shanna, took Kyle from his car seat, then with his son in his arms, walked to my car. He wasn’t smiling.

I braced myself.

“Hi Lisa,” he said, his hair shining like bronze in the morning sun. He opened my door, and with a smile that lit his entire face, he extended a hand to
help me out. “Glad to see you.”

I almost cried.

The morning passed quickly. While Shanna attended to Kyle and started lunch, Leif took me on a tour of the house, showing me the changes they’d made since my last visit, pointing out all the trees they’d planted in the back yard so they’d have plenty of shade. He’d even built a patio and screened it in, his pride evident as he explained how he’d done the work himself—with his wife’s help, of course. And his mother’s, and uncle’s, and . . . He went on to name every member in his family who lived within an hour’s drive. “I coaxed, cajoled, and bribed them with favors,” he admitted, laughing. “I’m not the handiest person around, but I try.”

He pointed out new raspberry and blueberries bushes and asparagus plants. “If I don’t manage to kill them, they should produce next year. Shanna’s already rescued the two apple trees, so they should be okay. The maple and flowerin
g crabapple were already here.”

“Don’t feel too bad, Leif. The only time my thumbs are green is when I’m wearing garden gloves.” We both laughed and I loved the new
sense of camaraderie we shared.

Gazing at the yard, he grew silent, and I didn’t break the stillness, content to simply be there. But when the silence stretched on, the old insecurities crept up and I hoped he wasn’t working up courage to say something I didn’t want to hear.

“Family’s important to me,” he finally said, his voice thoughtful, “and I want a nice home for my kids and a place where my family can gather. Even though my father died when I was young and it was a struggle for my mother, she managed to fill my childhood with many good memories. I loved my home, and I want my kids to feel the same way.” He turned to me. “I’m so sorry you had to go through what you did, but now that it’s over, at least the worst part, I hope you and Shanna can work out the problems between the two of you and come to a better understanding. I have family near, but you’re Shanna’s mother and she needs you. So does Kyle and the new one, and I want you to be an important part of our lives.”

I felt like hugging him, but still felt a little restraint. “I want that too, Leif, more than anything. I have so much to make up for that I wonder if I’ll ever do it right. I love her so much, but I’ve made so many mistakes, and even on this t
rip I caused her more stress.”

“Lisa, I may not have that much experience as a parent yet, but I do know we’re all human and we make mistakes. My mother made them with me and I’ll make them with my own children. But if we love each other and we try, it’s never too late to show someone you love them. Some times that simple thing works miracles.”

Listening to his words, I choked up and couldn’t speak. What a wonderful understanding man, and his love for Shanna was evident in everything he said. I felt sure his quiet strength had helped to calm her in times of stress and probably helped soothe her irritation with me during this trip. I’d already made mistakes, but now I knew Leif would support me in my efforts with my daughter. This time I did hug him and was surprised to discover how much easier it was to embrace someone.

Walking into the house for lunch, I wondered if he’d known about Mac, but decided not to ask. One hurdle was enough for now.

* * *

We had a lunch of homemade chicken and wild rice soup with a side of hot rolls. Leif, Shanna explained, traveled north with his siblings to purchase large bags of wild rice that had been harvested from the lakes in the area. He offered to send some to me as well and I knew Ter
ry would love it in his dishes.

I’d always liked Leif, but that morning I grew to appreciate him even more. With his patience and good cheer, he was a contrast to the red-hair myth and a perfect match for Shanna, always seeing to her comfort, patiently waiting out the moods of irritability that her overworked hormones triggered. She, in turn, doted on him.

After he left for the office, she and I spent the rest of the day doing routine household chores and taking care of Kyle.

I loved being in her home, loved feeling part of the family, and I gloried in the time I spent with Kyle. I crawled on the floor with him, blew bubbles, played hide-and-seek and made funny faces, doing anything silly just to make him laugh. Shanna watched me carefully, saying nothing, but my instincts told me she wasn’t being judgmental, but instead was thoughtful, even puzzled, so I relaxed my guard and let
my playful nature spring free.

Most of us do not remember when we were Kyle’s age, so she couldn’t remember that I’d acted much the same with her. It was only after she was older and Mac started his critical jabs at me that I’d retreated inside my wall. And of course, that was what stood out in her memory.

Oh, if only I’d been stronger. All the years I’d wasted, existing inside my protective cold shell, pretending his barbs didn’t matter, feeling I was the failure and not knowing how to overcome my imagined inefficiencies. I should have fought back, should have demanded that he show respect for me, especially in front of Shanna. And if he couldn’t or wouldn’t, I should’ve thrown him out. Never again would I allow anyone to ridicule me for whatever reason.

The rest of the afternoon Shanna and I grew more at ease with each other. For dinner, she suggested a tater tot casserole, a recipe Lacy, her sister-in-law, had picked up from her college roommates. Kyle loved it too, so Shanna browned hamburger and onions and I started a salad, then finished the casserole when Kyle needed her attention.

“I’ll try this recipe at home,” I told her, pouring cream of mushroom soup over her browned hamburger and onions in the casserole dish. I glanced at the recipe, then added the frozen tater tots to the top and stuck it in the oven. “It’s an easy meal to prepare after work when Terry and I want to stay in”

Shanna said nothing, but she visibly stiffened and put Kyle on the floor.

“We’ll need vegetables,” she finally said, taking out a package of corn cobblets from the fridge.

Feeling the
tension, I knew we had to talk.

After dinner, I urged Shanna to rest, so I cleaned up
the kitchen and put Kyle to bed. The family room opened off the kitchen, and Shanna and Leif sat together on the sofa, his arm around her. I made some coffee for Leif and me, tea for Shanna, and told her I wanted to talk.

Leif clicked the mute button. “Shall I give the two of you some privacy?”

“This involves all of us as a family, so please stay.”

Shanna’s sat up. “I don’t want to talk, Mother. We’re getting along
just fine. Let’s not spoil it.”

“Don’t look so glum. I just want to tell both of you my plans.” I got out some shortbread with almond cookies I’d found in the cupboards, poured the drinks, and spooned ice cream into dishes. When everything was ready, I carried it all to the coffee tabl
e and sat down across from them.

“Thank you both for today. It’s been wonderful, and I intend on visiting as often as I can. And you kn
ow I’ll be here for the birth.”

Shanna said nothing, but she took a sip of her tea.

“I won’t go into your father’s and my marriage, Shanna, except to say you must have known I wasn’t happy—”

“I didn’t know any such thing,” she said. “All I knew was that you were so prim and proper to Daddy and me. And now I find out you have a boyfriend.” She shook her head.

“Shanna, I never looked at another man the entire time I was married to your father, and I certainly never imagined I’d meet someone else. I don’t know why these things happen, but Terry and I fell in love, and he showed me what it was like to truly love someone—and to be loved.”

“Dad loved you,” she said.

“Shanna,” Leif began, “maybe you ought to give your mother—”

“But Dad did everything,” she said to Leif, her voice rising. “He was warm and loving.” She turned to me. “I just don’t understand why you say you were unhappy.”

“I’m sure your mother had her reasons,” Leif said, and I could’ve kissed him. But I needed to make my daughter understand without doing further damage to the image she had of her father.

“As Kyle gets older,” I began, hoping I would say the right thing, “you’ll discover that sometimes parents have problems with each other that the children do not see. That’s a good thing because children aren’t supposed to know. And I doubt you’ll have the kind of problems your father and I had. But I made a lot of mistakes—with you and in my marriage. Instead of facing the problems and working them out, I thought that if I kept everything perfect, I could make them go away. I was wrong, and all I can do is try to go forward from here.”

“Okay,” Shanna said. “I can understand that, but now, after selling the condo, why won’t you move here? It’s because of
him
, isn’t it?”

“Honey, his name is Terry O’Neal.” I’d told them a little about him in the letter, but didn’t tell them about his illness. When they met him, I wanted them to accept—or reject him, if it happened—on what they thought of him as a man rather than feel pity because of his illness. “He’s willing
to move here when I feel ready—”

“So it is you!” Shanna interrupted again. “How can you say you want to be with us when there’s nothing keeping you in California?”

I sighed, almost ready to give up trying to explain. But if I left before we resolved the issues, I doubt I’d ever have another chance with her. Above all, I had to remember that behind it all, my daughter was still feeling rejected.

“Honey, what I want isn’t the issue. It’s all about finances. If you’ll remember from the letter, I received ve
ry little from Mac’s insurance, and I lost all my equity in the condo. There’s nothing left in savings, and I had to pay a large sum of money to Stan and Maggie. I still want to move here, but I need the chance to save a little and build some savings before starting all over in a new state.”