Bigfoots Don't Do Mini Coopers (Kate Storm Book 1) (23 page)

I really had to hand it to Morgan, she had a way with words. She also loved the movie “
Clue” and guns couldn’t kill her. She could dish out a little sarcasm when faced with a dangerous situation.

“
Why, yes I am, young lady.” Claud smirked. “Soon to be the most famous and wealthiest xenologist alive.” He obviously loved the thought of fame. He motioned with his gun. “There is no need for anyone to get hurt here. You just do as I say and this will all be over before you know it.”

I had a horrible feeling Clau
d’s use of “anyone” didn’t include the Bigfoots.

“
When did you figure out who I was, Ms. Storm? And please throw your wand on the ground.” Claud’s eyes twinkled brightly behind his glasses. “Did you all know your friend here is a witch? A genuine, bonafide spell casting witch?”

At any other time I would have found it amusing to be considered the greatest threat when standing with Ash and Morgan. Now, I simply prayed it would work to our advantage that Mr. Potier had no clue about the blood-sucking vampire o
r fiery Demon Lord standing in front of him.

“
We’ll have to have a nice long chat afterwards.”
Afterwards
sounded vile. I didn’t want to think about what he planned for
before.
Ash’s chest vibrated against me as he growled.

He didn
’t like the idea of afterwards either.

“
Your wand, please.” I tossed my wand to the ground. At least Aunt Tabs still had hers. “Well, lookie here. Is that a wand in your hand as well? Toss it, please.” Aunt Tabs tossed her wand down too. Damn it.

“
Are you a witch too?” Claud Potier couldn’t be more cheerful and polite. And it seemed so very, very wrong. Not that I wanted him to swear at us, but at least it would fit in better with the large gun he held at us.

“
Have we met, ma’am?” Claud tilted his head to the side as he stared at Aunt Tabs. The rifle remained pointed straight. “You look familiar, but I can’t place you.”

“
We’ve never met.” Aunt Tabs didn’t move anything other than her lips as she spoke. She was used to being recognized from TV as my mother’s identical twin. I wasn’t used to the tight note of fear in her voice.

Mr. Jolly Potier had a lot to answer for.

“You all stay right where you are.” Claud used his gun again to point to all of us grouped against the truck. “And you,” he swung his gun toward Harley’s boyfriend, “you move over next to your furry friends.”

“
I don’t think he can understand you.” Morgan leaned one shoulder casually against the truck. Now her body mostly blocked Aunt Tabs. The only ones at risk were the Bigfoots. And Al.

She was planning something, I did
n’t know what, but Morgan doesn’t take kindly to threats. Period. I did know she’d have to wait until Claud was somehow distracted. Even with her super fast vampire moves, Claud could still get a shot off. More of us were mortal than not.

“
Oh, he’ll understand quickly enough once I shoot him.” Claud smiled cheerfully as he aimed the rifle straight at the Bigfoot’s chest.

A shot that close would slow even Morgan down. I don
’t think anyone breathed.

Either having a gun aimed at you is a universal threat or t
he Bigfoots truly did understand English, because barely a heartbeat later, Harley’s boyfriend moved slowly over to stand near his friends.

“
Wonderful. This is all going so well.” Claud beamed at us. The damn jolly bastard.

“
Now, this amazing Bigfoot here and I are going to take a little walk.” Claud used the barrel of the rifle to indicate Harley. Al was barely visible amongst all the fur in the crook of her arm. “The rest of you are going to stay right here.” His eyes twinkled. “Or I will shoot her.”

I ha
d to do something to cause a distraction. Morgan maybe needed ten seconds at the most. I needed my wand. We were too close to each other to risk using my magic without it.

A small distraction, a ten second window and Morgan could save the day. Or at least
one large Bigfoot and one tiny Chihuahua.

If I dove to the ground toward my wand, I had a chance of avoiding Ash grabbing me, being a moving target for any bullets
not
to hit and creating a diversion. Simple and hopefully effective.

I really should have kn
own better.

Claud stepped to the side, he gestured with the gun for Harley to proceed. “
Come this way, please.”

I tightened my muscles.

“Ya wanna quit wavin’ that gun at my friend here?”

Oh, Sweet Glinda and all the little munchkins.

“So, you
can
speak!” Claud bounced joyfully from foot to foot. “How marvelous! I’ll be able to question you before I do any dissection.”

Aunt Tabs moaned. My stomach flip-flopped and threatened an immediate revolt.

“Dissection?” Even Morgan sounded appalled.

“
Of course.” Claud smiled widely. “I need to learn as much as I can about these creatures. I’ll have to cut it open to study its exact physiology.”

“
You’re not gonna open anyone up, jackass.”

Claud frowned. “
There is no need to be rude.” This from the man who just promised dissection and experimentation? “It’s very odd. Your lips don’t appear to move. How did you learn English? And how did you develop an East Coast accent?”

I edged around Ash, frantic to do something to distract the maniac with the gun. Al had absolutely no
sense of self-preservation. Ash braced an arm in front of me, preventing me from going anywhere.

“
Hey, Claud!” I curled my hands over Ash’s forearm as I shouted. “Where do you think you’re going to take Bigfoot? You can’t keep her hidden.”

I knew that al
l too well.

“
Her?” Claud scowled at me while keeping the rifle trained on Harley. “What makes you think it’s a . . .”

“
You can’t take her into town,” Morgan added. She shifted a little more. Another foot and she’d be near the side of Harley with a clear line towards Claud. “People will go crazy.”

“
I know that. I have a plan. Why do you . . . “

“
Are you truly going to cut her open? She could die.” Aunt Tabs leaned heavily against the side of the truck. She’s a very good witch. Discussions about death and torture upset her.

“
Naturally. Bigfoot can’t be stuffed and put on display while alive. I’m sure the cost of feeding it would be astronomical.” The man was truly insane. Claud Potier might as well have been at a tea party discussing the weather.

I would disc
uss anything as long as it kept Claud distracted and ignorant of Al.

“
I’m tellin’ ya. Ya ain’t gonna kill anyone. Not while I’m around.”

I loved him, but if he didn
’t shut up I might be tempted to do him in myself.

“
You are not talking, are you?” Claud leaned forward. “What is that in your arm?”

It all happened at once.

I kicked Ash in the back of the knee and dove for my wand.

The really big Bigfoot lunged for Harley.

Morgan charged Claud.

Harley lifted Al closer to her chest.

Al leapt up. He used his tiny body to shield Harley.

Claud fired his gun.

26. Big Al, The Hero.

I screamed.

I don
’t remember hitting the ground or grabbing my wand. I couldn’t stop screaming.

He was gone.

There was no way he could survive being shot. I knew this. Logically. He’s a very small Chihuahua. A wrong step could kill him. A bullet would destroy him. Tear his tiny body in half.

I screamed.

It wasn’t possible. He couldn’t be gone. He was my faithful friend. My constant companion. I loved him.

I didn
’t want to stop screaming.

I wanted my Chihuahua back. I wanted Al, the crazy hit-man who thought he was in love with me. I wanted the illogical ghost who still saw himself as a large gun-toting man. I wanted the hardened killer who loved to
snuggle with me at night.

I wanted to hold his little body and pretend this never happened.

“He’s okay.”

Ash shook me. I slapped at his chest.

I should have protected him. I never should have allowed him to come. This was all my fault.

“
Kate.” My head wobbled back and forth. “Kate. Stop screaming and listen to me.” My feet left the ground and Ash’s face was right in mine.

“
He’s gone.” I couldn’t breathe and my chest hurt.

“
No. He’s not.” Ash pressed his forehead to mine. “Kate, listen to me. Al is okay.”

His words didn
’t make sense. I saw Al take the hit. I saw his little body jerk.

“
He had a tranquilizer gun, Kate.” Morgan stood next to Ash. “He’s knocked out, but Aunt Tabs has already cast a spell. He’ll be fine.” She lifted her arms. Al was curled up in the cradle of them. His tiny chest rose and fell. Breathing. Alive.

“
He’s okay?” I couldn’t quite grasp it. I saw his body jerk again in my mind.

“
He’s fine, dear.” Aunt Tabs stroked my back, patted me. “I cast a spell before the sedative could do any harm. He just needs to sleep for a bit.”

I wiggled and Ash set me down. Morgan handed Al over without a word. I tucked him up against my throat. The warmth of his body pressed into me. His heart beat steadily under my palm.

He was alive.

Ash pulle
d me against his chest with the first sob. I didn’t cry for long. Just long enough for it to sink in all was okay in my world once more.

“
Why didn’t you sense him before he got here?” I addressed my question to Ash’s chest.

“
I was sort of distracted by the Bigfoots.” Morgan answered.

Ash didn
’t answer. I pushed away to look up at him. His jaw was locked. Demon Lords really don’t like to be caught at a disadvantage.

I moved on.

“Why didn’t you jump him sooner if all he had was a tranquilizer gun?” I scowled at Morgan. I knew there was something off about that rifle.

She shrugged. “
I didn’t know it was a tranquilizer gun.” She flashed a little fang. “I tend to be more up close and personal with my weapons.”

Her fangs glistened in the sun as she flicked them a
t me.

I looked up at Ash. “
I wasn’t aware there are guns
not
meant for killing.” He looked puzzled at this.

If they could get over their jealousy, Ash and Al would get along really well.

I didn’t bother to question my aunt. Like I said, she’s a good witch.

At the moment, I had to question whether I, too, was a good witch. I certainly didn
’t feel like one. The little body sleeping so peacefully against my chest helped alleviate some of my fury.

But just some.

Claud Potier had still shot my Chihuahua.

I loo
ked around and found him trussed up on the ground, surrounded by the Bigfoots. Someone had gotten creative and used willow branches to secure Claud’s hands and feet. They’d used several branches and tied them tightly. Claud’s skin had already turned white around his wrists.

Good. I sincerely hoped it hurt too.

“I’m sure we can come to some sort of understanding here.” Claud smiled. “We can share in the credit of finding Bigfoot.” He leaned eagerly forward in his attempt to convince us. With his hands and feet bound behind his back, he rolled face first into a patch of dried grass and rocks.

He twisted and rolled, coming to rest on his side. His belly protruded in the leafy camouflage, giving him th
e appearance of an oddly flattened bush. “Of course, as a scientist I would get most of the credit.”

“
Harley?” She looked up at Morgan’s call. “Feel free to punch that asshole.”

Claud
’s eyes widened behind his glasses a second before a large furry paw tapped his jaw. His eyes rolled back and he was out.

Damn xenologist.

I cuddled Al closer.

“
What should we do with him?” Aunt Tabs tapped one gold-tipped nail on the corner of her mouth.

I opened my mouth, but Morgan beat me to it. “
Let’s bring him back to his apartment. You can cast a memory spell over him, he’ll forget this ever happened and Harley and her friends will be safe.”

I frowned at her. That
’s not what I wanted to do at all. I couldn’t believe she didn’t want to see a little blood shed herself. Morgan nudged me and tilted her head towards my aunt.

Right. I might be an adult witch, but my aunt could still try to take away my wand if I voiced what I considered reasonable options for Mr. Potier.

I could always plant some stink bombs in his apartment later. Slash his tires. Put fire ants in the front seat of his car.

“
I suppose that will work.” My jaw dropped as I looked at my aunt. Then I realized she was talking to Morgan. I’d just have to find a colony of fire ants on my own.

“
Harley dear, could you put him in the back of the truck?”

Harley tossed Claud into the back of Ash
’s pick up with a solid
thump
that made me feel slightly better.

She hugged Morgan and my aunt, purring as she held them against her chest. Aunt Tabs patted Harley
’s cheek. Morgan blinked rapidly as she climbed into the pick up.

I made a mental note to drop by the local pet store in the next few days.

Harley and I eyed each other. Ash set his hand at my waist. “I think she wants to say goodbye to Al.”

I knew she did. I still didn
’t want to let go of him.

She held out her arms and after a brief argument with myself I handed him over. She cuddled him, nuzzled his neck with her nose and rubbed her cheek up and down his back.

Well, hell.

“
Harley.” She looked at me. “I really am sorry I ran you over. I never meant to hurt you and I’m sorry all this happened.” I waved my hand around to include Ash’s truck and the unconscious xenologist in the back.

Harley cocked her head at me, appeared to measure the depths of my sincerity.

I didn’t hold it against her. I hadn’t truly meant it before this.

She nuzzled Al one last time, held him out to me and rubbed her hand over my curls after I had Al back in my arms.

She waggled her cranberry nails at me, grunted a few times and turned back towards her boyfriend. He grabbed her paw and then they disappeared.

I have no idea how they did it. They didn
’t use magic or any spell I’m familiar with. One minute they were in front if us, the next they walked around a tree and were just gone. No sound. No moving leaves or branches. Nothing to indicate they’d been there at all.

I leaned back into Ash, straining to see any sign of them. “
Do you see them?”

“
No.” He squeezed my waist, rested his jaw on top of my head. “I can’t see or hear them. They’ve completely vanished. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Bigfoots. Go figure.

Morgan opened her door. “Let’s go to
Got Fangs?
after we drop off the asshole. I could use a drink.”

Sounded damn good to me. I felt deflated. The balloon gone flat. I
’d taken care of Harley for days, done the absolute best I could to help heal her - granted it had been grudging most of the time - but I’d still done my duty. And now she was gone.

She might have grunted words of thanks to me at the end. She could just as easily
been telling me off too. I had no clue. It’s not like I expected flowers and a poem. Frankly, I hadn’t given Harley a great deal of thought with everything else going on. Still - something other than a pat on the head and a little wave seemed more in order. She had broken my pull out after all.

Now that I thought about it, flowers did seem rather appropriate. Well, shit.

No one said anything until we got back to the paved road. Al woke up just as Ash turned towards town.

He blinked heavily. I kissed him sof
tly on the head.

“
How do you feel?” It took everything I had not to squeeze him too tightly. I still couldn’t believe he was all right.

“
Fine. Why?” He looked around. “Where’s Harley?”

“
She’s okay. You saved her.” He’d used his body to keep her safe. I’d have nightmares for weeks. “We left her with her friends in the woods.”

I hoped he wouldn
’t remember the shooting.

Al glared at Ash. “
Where’s that nutty xenologist?”

Ash stared straight ahead. He didn
’t even bother to glance at Al as he said, “he’s stuffed in the back of the truck.”

Al growled, leaned up against my chest and into my face. He set his tiny paws on my cheeks and touched his nose to mine. “
Damn it, Doll. I wanted to kill him.”

****

“I still say we shoulda killed him.”

Al leaned forward and lapped at his bourbon. He sat next to my beer bottle on the table. I
’d asked for lots of ice in his drink. Al hadn’t complained. He was riding the high of being allowed into
Got Fangs?.

I
’d expected a fight with Lolly. Morgan and I were not fully back into his good graces. I still say the fight was not our fault.

Turns out, Lolly was rather sympathetic with Al
’s situation. He has a cousin who lost a bet with a warlock. The cousin now channels through a miniature pony. And apparently will for the next forty-two years.

I tend to avoid warlocks myself.

Morgan sat on my right and Ash on my left. Aunt Tabs sat across from me.

“
We can’t just go around killing people, Al.” Terry had poured about two ounces of Blantons into his lowball glass. He’d had maybe a quarter of it so far. I was already considering cutting him off. He wouldn’t leave off about the xenologist.

“
He knows you’re a witch and he tried to kill Harley.” Al raised his lip.

“
Al dear, I erased his memory of Kate and Harley.” Aunt Tabs took a sip of her martini. “And you saved Harley. All is well.”

Al
’s little chest puffed up.

I shuddered. “
Can we please stop talking about Harley? I’m going to have nightmares about Al being shot for months.”

Al licked the back of my hand. “
I’d take a bullet for you any day, Doll.”

Ash dropped a heavy arm over my shoulders. “
Get in line, fuzz-butt.”

I blinked. A little overwhelmed at the sentiment and the testosterone.

Morgan snorted. “Next they’ll be dueling for your favors.”

Al curled his lip at A
sh. “I’d rather use a gun.”

I snatched his glass. “
That’s it mister. You are cut off.”

Al growled, Ash snarled and Morgan sat upright in her chair. “
Who is that with Drake?”

I pulled Al into my side, away from Ash, as I turned to look. I had to smile. She
’d gone pink. “That’s my new secretary.” Al wiggled to get a better look. “Désirée Norma-Sue.”

Drake strolled towards us, dressed completely in black. Black jacket, black shirt and black pants. With his dark hair, the only slice of color came from his pale
skin and green eyes. He reminded me of a panther on the prowl. Eyes latched firmly on Morgan.

In total contrast, Dé
sirée Norma-Sue bounced cheerfully with each step she took in her hot pink cowgirl boots. She wore a sparkly tube of coral that covered her from mid-thigh to mid breast. Her exposed skin sparkled just as brightly as her dress. Her hair was an explosion of pink ringlets, twisted and coiled in every direction.

Every male in the bar twisted to follow her progress. My shoulders went back just a to
uch. My secretary was awesome.