Authors: Michelle Love
MERCY
Damn this man!
Mentally, I’m throwing daggers at him for making things so difficult for me. Not only did I get very little sleep last night as both kids started puking as soon as we got back home from the emergency room, but I had to call Becky and get her to babysit since they couldn’t go to daycare and I couldn’t miss this meeting.
I had plans to take off after lunch and go home to take care of the kids, but now it seems like I’m going to have to make Jude and his venture into the spa industry my everything.
And he’s only doing it to so he can spend more time with me!
If my bosses weren’t sitting here, looking at me like I’m crazy, I’d let Jude really have it. He’s so completely spoiled he doesn’t even realize he’s asking too much out of me.
Mr. Cofield looks at his watch and says, “Well, look at the time. If we’re going to make that one o’clock reservation, we better get a move on. We’ll take the new limo we bought for the spa.”
“I’ll just freshen up a bit and meet you all out front,” I say as I get up and hurry to my office to take some aspirin for the headache this business of seeing to Jude and his whim of making some type of a personal trainer space here is giving me.
Closing the door behind me once I’m in the safety of my office, I lean against the door and fight the urge to start crying. “Calm down, Mercy. It will all work out,” I say to myself.
Then a tap on the door makes me jump. “Mercy?” Jude asks.
Stepping away from the door, I run my fingers underneath my eyes just in case any tears have slipped out of them. “Yes?”
He opens the door and comes inside. He scoops me up in his arms and I want so badly to cry and tell him everything. But I can’t, so I simply rest my head against his wide chest and let him hold me.
His lips press against the top of my head as he asks, “What’s wrong, baby?”
“Nothing,” I mumble. “I’m just really tired.”
He holds me back and looks at me. “And why is that?”
Because two little kids puked all night long and I had to take care of the poor little things and a doctor made me cry. But I say, “I had trouble sleeping.”
“You should’ve called me. I would’ve come over,” he says as he pulls me back close to him. “Maybe you couldn’t sleep because you missed me. I know I missed you.”
Wrapping my arms around him, I hug him tight and wish like hell I could lean on him. But I can’t and I need to set myself straight. “Jude, I wish you wouldn’t make things hard on me.”
He eases the hug and pulls back to look at me. “Is my opening a personal trainer thing here really too much work for you, Mercy?”
How can I tell him that I can’t possibly spend more time than I already do away from the kids, he knows nothing about? “Jude, you heard what they said. A few hours after work, that’ll make it around nine before I get off.”
He frowns at me then sighs. “Look, I can let this thing go. For you, I’ll let it go.”
“You really would?” I ask as I look into his eyes.
With a kiss to the tip of my nose, he says, “I’d do anything for you, Mercy. Anything.”
I hug him again and wish this could all be swept away. Only I know now that the owners want this, it will have to be done. “You know Mr. and Mrs. Cofield aren’t going to let it go, Jude.”
His chest heaves with a sigh. “Mercy, can you tell me what it is that has your time so taken up?”
“It’s just that I have to have a certain amount of downtime. That’s all,” I lie.
“It really won’t take any time to set things up. I don’t need your help. I can pay people to do it all. You and I can go eat dinner then make a stop back by here to make sure things are done each day. If they’re not, then I will take care of that. You don’t need to do a thing. I’ll pamper you like you’ve never been pampered before. So you’ll have better down time than you could ever get at home alone.”
How I wish it could be so easy. How I wish I could do that with him, without it hurting the kids. I can’t go days hardly seeing them at all. And right now they’re both sick!
“Can you take care of things on your own and we’ll just let my bosses think I’m helping you, Jude?” I ask as I give him a sad face. “It’s just that I need more rest than most people. Even the great down time you’re offering me isn’t what I need. I need sleep.”
“Why is that?” he asks. “Do you have some condition you don’t want to tell me about?”
Can you call having kids a condition?
“No, I just need more rest than most people. I wouldn’t call it a condition. I’m just more tired than most people.” I let him go and walk to my desk to get my purse. “We need to go, I’m sure they’re waiting for us.”
He nods and waits for me then takes my hand when I walk back to him. “I need a kiss first,” he says then his lips touch mine as his arms wrap around me and I feel lightheaded.
My body melts into his and I want to let him hold me and take care of me and never stop. His tongue plays with mine as my insides heat. Then he ends the kiss and rests his forehead against mine. “Mercy, what you do to me is unreal.”
“Jude, that’s very sweet but you and I both know you’ve kissed many a girl in your time,” I say as I pull out of his arms and open the door to my office. “Now let’s get going. I really have a lot to do and had planned on leaving right after lunch. That little training session is a thing that will have to wait. But I’d like you to keep that little secret for me, please.”
“Okay,” he says as he follows me out, placing his hand on the small of my back as we walk down the hall. “You look so tired I’m not going to press you about anything else today.”
I breathe a sigh of relief that he’s going to go easy on me for once. At least he can see that I really am tired. My bosses smile at us as we get into the limo and Jude sits next to me being careful to leave a gap between us so they don’t get a clue about our real relationship.
Mr. Cofield gives Jude a nod and says, “I see you’ve had a little conversation with our Mercy and she seems to be feeling a little less tense with you now. She’ll warm up quickly, you’ll see. I think you two will work together very well.”
Mrs. Cofield’s light blue eyes light up and she winks at me. “You’ll thank us one day, Mercy.”
And just like that, I can see the conspiracy in my bosses’ eyes to help me get a real life. Who knew the old couple was a couple of Cupids?
JUDE
As lunch went on, I watched Mercy growing more and more exhausted. Her usually perky eyes were heavy and she barely talked at all. When Mrs. Cofield noticed a light sheen of sweat form on her brow she asked Mercy to go to the ladies room with her and when she came back out, Mrs. Cofield informed me that Mercy had become ill and she sent her home in a cab.
All of my calls have gone unanswered and I’m beginning to get very pissed at the woman who seems so dead set on keeping things to herself. I mean, how could she not even let me know she felt sick?
Did she really feel sick or was it nerves?
Whatever it is, I want to get to the bottom of it. And I want some answers from her. I got her address from the lady at the front desk of the spa when I told her we had a meeting later and she forgot to give it to me. So I’m on my way there now to make sure she’s okay and doesn’t need to go to the doctor and make her let me take care of her.
Pulling up in front of the house, I see the yard hasn’t been mowed in quite some time. The screen door is hanging by one hinge and it looks deserted. I can’t believe she lives like this!
Maybe this is why she never wanted to let me come over. I can see why. I wouldn’t blame her, though. Well, not really, anyway. I mean she does live alone and this place does look like it might be hard to keep up.
It’s in an older neighborhood and maybe she doesn’t like to be outside much after she gets home. I don’t know. Now that I think about her wanting to spend so damn much time in this place I really don’t get it.
I walk up onto the little porch and knock on the door. I can’t hear a thing going on inside. No television, radio or anything. I knock again. I’m sure she’s asleep. Then it hits me that there are no cars in the empty drive.
An old woman comes out on her porch as I walk around to the back of the house to see if there’s a back door I can knock at. “Can I help you, sonny?” she calls out to me with a crackly voice.
“I’m looking for Mercy Noland,” I say.
“They moved,” she says. “That house has been empty for about two years, I think. If I’m recalling it right. A man, woman, and their daughter lived there. Then they up and moved away one day. Odd, really.”
I walk up to her and ask, “Do you remember if their last name was Noland?”
She shakes her head. “Not really. It might have been. Boy, my memory ain’t what it once was. Now ask me anything about when I was a kid and boy you betchya I can recall it like it just happened. But ask me about what I ate for lunch and I couldn’t tell ya.” She laughs, revealing her lack of teeth and I shudder a little.
“So no one lives in the house then,” I say to myself. “I wonder why she’d give this address as hers if it’s not.” I give the old woman a wave as I leave. “Thanks for what you could tell me, mam.”
“You betchya, sexy!” She breaks into a fit of laughter again that leaves her hacking and coughing and stumbling into her little house.
An old mailbox is at the end of the walkway and there are a couple of letters still left on it, revealing an, ‘n’ and an ‘a’ so it’s a clue as to the name of the people who did live here. Noland could’ve been it.
But what in the hell is Mercy hiding from even those she works with. Now my curiosity is out of control. I have to know what the hell she’s hiding.
Just as I get back into my car, my cell rings and her name pops up. I answer it, “Hey you.”
“Hey,” she says, sounding really weak. “I’ve got a virus. I hope you kissing me didn’t give it to you. But to be on the safe side you should stay home for the next twelve hours in case it hits you. Because when it does, it hits you like a brick wall.”
“Mercy, why in the hell wouldn’t you tell me that you felt sick?” I ask as I pull away from the old house and find myself really mad at her. “And also, why do you have some address on file at your work that’s not really yours.”
“Huh?” she asks then I hear her blow her nose. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m leaving an abandoned house that I think may have been yours when you lived with your parents. That’s the address they have for you at your job. Why is that?”
“Why would you ask that? And why are you looking for me? I told Mrs. Cofield to tell you what happened to me. You knew I was sick and yet you stubbornly tried to track me down anyway. Jude, that’s so beyond uncool,” she says then I hear the phone fall on what I think is the floor and her footsteps beat the floor as she runs. Then I can hear puking and I know she really is sick.
I wait for her to come back to the phone as I drive toward my place as it’s evident Mercy has left a path of lies to cover her whereabouts. Not only from me but from everyone.
Some scuffling fills the phone and then I hear more footsteps then Mercy says, “Oh, God! Did you say anything?” I listen hard and hear nothing then I can hear a door close and Mercy is on the line. “Jude?”
“I’m still here, Mercy. Who took the phone to you?” I ask with a ton of apprehension in my voice.
“Huh?” she asks, obviously stalling for time so she can think with her fevered brain to come up with some lie to tell me.
“Mercy, who’s with you?” I ask as I pull into a parking lot and stop. My hands are gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles are white. My body is tense as shit and I can’t tell if I mad, upset, or afraid she’s with a man.
“Jude, I have to go. I’m going to puke again.” She ends the call, leaving me hanging and unsure of anything.
I wish I could understand why this chic has gotten so far under my skin, so damn fast that she has me this fucked up over her. My heart is pounding so hard in my chest I think it just might explode.
So I turn my car off, take the keys, and get out of it. Then I do what I do when I have a lot on my mind. I run.
Running out of the parking lot and down the sidewalk, I try to clear my head. Okay, why am I doing this to myself? Why am I letting this woman make me crazy?
She obviously has some real issues. There is something she’s hiding from the world, not just me. So I should let her go. I should move on and forget about her. I know I should. She’s a mess with hidden things in her life and I should just hang it all up and walk away.
She’d let me too. I know she’d let me go and never even attempt to contact me if I sent her a text telling her I can’t do this anymore. I wouldn’t even have to listen to her cry or ask why.
But why would she let me go that easily?
MERCY
I fall on my bed in a heap as I drop my phone on the bed beside me. I should be more thankful. The kids have gotten better and are sitting like a couple of quiet, little angels watching cartoons at the foot of my bed.
They seem to understand how I feel. I guess them getting this first gave them more empathy than they usually have. Everything on my body hurts. It even hurts to think but I’m still doing it.
Why was Jude at my parents’ old house? And what must he think?
I should’ve known he’d eventually ask someone from work what my address is. Since I never wanted anyone from work finding out my story, I simply gave them my old address.
Then I’m reminded of the fact that I haven’t gotten around to putting the place up for sale. There’s absolutely no reason to keep it. But something about the process of completely cleaning it out and having to pack away or give away my parents’ things is way too depressing for me to take.
When it all happened, I made a couple of trips back home to get my things, leaving everything else there. Not really knowing at that time what I should do about any of it.
With their death, the mortgage was paid off. Once a year I pay the taxes that come due on it. I’ve shut all the utilities off there. I never really even think about that house. It hurts too much to.
My cell lights up with a text and I don’t even have the strength to pick it up and see what it is or who it’s from. I’m fairly sure it’s from Jude since I have no friends.
I have no friends!
My God, how horrible that sounds. Even thinking it makes me feel even worse than I already did.
When we first moved out here, I still talked to my old friends from back home. I still talked to my college friends up until the day of the accident. Then I went silent. I had to turn my cell phone off because I didn’t want to talk to any of them.
I didn’t want to hear anyone tell me that things were going to be alright. I didn’t want anyone to ask me what they could do for me because no one could’ve done what I needed to be done.
I needed my family back!
Now I know it was shock that had me that way, and I should’ve gotten back in contact with my friends after it wore off. After a whole year of living in a foggy daze, except when I was at work, the shock finally began to wear off.
When I realized I had to go to work, I developed a part of myself that pretended nothing had ever happened to me. I went to my interviews and I was the woman I had been before the accident.
When I got the job as the manager of the spa, I put on a whole persona. That of a confidant woman with no troubles. Nothing personal ever comes up because I won’t let it.
There are times when I’m walking down the hallways at the spa that I overhear the employees talking to each other about what’s happening in their lives. It almost always sends a twinge of need through me. A need to join them and get in on the comradery they all share but I leave myself out of it.
I’m not an idiot. After two years of maintaining that nothing is abnormal with me, it would make the people who work under me look at me with wonder at how I kept that to myself for so damn long.
The thing about keeping things to yourself is that there is a limit on the time you have to let others know about your personal trials and tribulations. What would anyone think of me if they knew I’ve been single handedly taking care of kids all this time? What would they think of me if they knew my whole family was killed and I’ve never told even one of them about it?
I can’t even recall the number of times I walked in on conversations people were having about their kids and the funny things they did or the terrible things they did. I never made a comment. I never added anything about my kids.
I’d simply give a smile and a nod and add nothing to the conversation. If I did then I’d be asked how I knew anything about kids. Then I’d have to actually lie and say I didn’t have any.
I don’t consider myself a liar. I think of myself as a person who keeps their personal information to themselves. My therapist tells me I have to open up with other people. I tell her I do. I open up to her and the staff at the daycare. Well, I open up about some things with the staff at the daycare.
They don’t need to know how I cry so much when I take showers. No one really even wants to know that!
My cell screen lights up again and Carter says, “Aunt Mercy, are you going to answer that. It’s probably that man you were talking to a while ago.”
With my eyes still closed because they feel better this way, I answer him, “It might be. I’m too tired to talk to him right now.”
“Yeah, when I was sick, I was too tired to talk too,” he says then his little hand pats me on the leg. “It won’t last too much longer, Aunt Mercy.”
“Thanks, Carter. And thanks for being so good while I’m sick. I really appreciate it, baby boy,” I say as I press my face into the pillow to keep myself from crying.
I feel so weak and lonely, and sad. Most of the time I don’t allow myself to feel so sorry for myself but this damn virus is making me weak in every way possible.
It’s been years since I was sick. My mom was the best at taking care of us when we were sick. She’d make homemade chicken noodle soup that would fill the house with the aroma. That alone would make me feel a little better.
She’d bring the soup and saltine crackers to my bed and prop my pillows up and help me sit up. She had this tray she decorated with yellow daisies to perk up her patients is what she told me.
I can taste the cold, bubbly lemon-lime cola she made us drink. She said the bubbles along with the citrus juice, which I think there was no real juice at all, made us get better faster.
Maybe it did. I don’t know. I just know her tender loving care made me feel better. She had a way of making you feel loved with such small gestures. When we were little she’d cut our sandwiches into heart shapes with cookie cutters.
When we were teens and hard to make happy at all, she’d surprise us with concert tickets every now and then or do a random load of laundry for us. Now that really made my day!
Dad was different. More reserved with his affection. He loved us and he told us now and then but not like Mom did. No one left the house without knowing Mom loved them. No one!
That woman loved everybody. But she loved Dad, me, and Hope the best. Until Cater and Mia came along. But once they came along, everybody loved them the best. Even Dad.
He told those kids he loved them constantly. I can still hear the last words he said before they all left this house that night. “Pawpaw loves you.”
How come they all had to be taken away?