Bite Me (Devlin Haskell 3) (15 page)

As much as I
hated to admit it, I couldn’t argue with Louie. It made sense that his office, rather than me, should turn over verifiable information to the police as part of the ongoing investigation. My particular problem was I wanted everything cleared up yesterday, I didn’t want to wait another minute.

I phoned Loui
e’s cell toward the end of the day just to check on his progress. I was staring absently out the window as a bus pulled up and a stream of tired looking women poured out after another work day. I got disconnected while listening to the recording that said his mailbox was full. I phoned his office, he was out so I left a message. The receptionist assured me “Mister Laufen will return your call just as soon as he’s able.”

‘As soon as he’s able’ covered a multitude of sins
where Louie was concerned.

Later that night, I was
at my dining room table, finishing up the last microwaved burrito. I’d been deeply involved in more online investigation, reviewing twenty years of “Girls Gone Wild at Mardi Gras”. I still had twelve years to cover when my cell phone rang.

“Haskell Investigations,” I said, turning down the
computer volume.

“Dev, have I caught you at a bad time?” it was Sunnie.

“No, just watching a news report on the retail market.” The Girls Gone Wild at Mardi Gras were way past being content with just a cheap beaded necklace.

“Do you want to give me a call when it’s over?”

That would be about ten hours from now, if I wasn’t interrupted.

“No, nothing I haven’t seen before. How you doing? And by the way, thanks for the tutoring session
it…”

“T
hat’s why I’m calling, actually,” she sounded tentative.

“It
really helped me out. I’m getting pretty good at this Internet researching.”

I remained focused on the
sexy figures gyrating across the laptop screen.

“Well, look,
I may have come off the wrong way the other night. Lately, I’ve just been, I don’t know, I feel I’ve just been pulled so many different ways…”

That’s exactly what was hap
pening to the two girls currently going wild at Mardi Gras, I hit pause.

“…
take it all out on you. Not that you don’t deserve it. But, I’m sorry if I might have come across as oh, I don’t know, maybe a little touchy or something.”

This was the place where I
was supposed to say, you weren’t touchy. I admit I held onto her laptop six months longer than I promised. I know you’re busy. I know you’re a single parent. I’m aware I usually call you when I need something and I expect you to drop everything and solve my problems. But, there was a limit to what anyone, especially me, should have to take.

“Look, first of all, you weren’t bitchy
, I mean touchy. Second, if it’s okay, I’m still doing some research using your laptop, but if nothing else I’m convinced I should get one of these things. Soon as I do, I promise I’ll return yours, I’m just in the middle of a case right now, and…”

“Don’t worry about getting it back, I just wanted…”

Studying the paused screen I became convinced the Mardi Gras girls had implants, not that I was bothered.

“Dev, you there?”

“Oh yeah, sure, let me ask again, are you okay? Is there something bothering you?”

“It’s nothing, in fact it’s silly, forget it.”

Sometimes it’s like pulling teeth.

“You sure, you seemed upset and you’re never like that.”

“No really.”

“I
s there something I can help with? God knows I owe you, Sunnie, you’ve always been there for me.”

“Oh, you’re sweet,
… sometimes. But no, it’s nothing.”

“Well,
something’s clearly bothering you. You want to just talk? I could tell you how screwed up my life is and then you can think, gee, thank God I’m not Dev. Your life will start to look about a thousand percent better.”

“No, I need to work through this
.”

“You’re su
re? This isn’t like you, Sunnie.” Liar, liar, liar. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing, really.”

“Good, then you can tell me and we can move on.”

“It’s just that it’s
so silly, so stupid.”

“Doesn’t sound like it’s silly to me, whatever it is
, it’s upsetting you. Maybe I can help.”

“Oh
, I don’t know.”

“Try
me.” Jesus, I wanted to get back to the Mardi Gras, I’d asked a half dozen times, a dozen different ways. “Come on, what’s the matter?”

“Well it’s Josh.”

“Josh? Is he okay?” Sunnie’s son, I liked the kid. We’d developed a sort of wink and a nod relationship over the years. His straight shooting, successful, educated, hard working mom dispensed common sense advice which I tempered with my street-smart, loser input. He was a good kid, just doing normal idiot guy stuff.

“He’s okay at the moment, but he’s hanging around with a bad crowd.”

“Bad crowd?”

“Well, one person in particular.”

“Some guy into drugs or something?”

“No,
worse, a girl,” she sneered.

“What’s she
been doing?”

“Well, they’re always together. Her hair
is ridiculous. Her language is about as colorful as yours. She’s simply falling out of the few, inappropriate clothes she wears. She’s tattooed and for the past month and a half seems to be physically attached to my son. He’d rather spend time with her than study or be with me.”

That’s my boy.

“Is her hair one of those colors not found in nature? You know, pink or blue?”

“Worse, it’s this hideous curly,
blonde mop.”

“She wearing old hippy clothes, flannel shirts, bib overalls, work boots
, that sort of stuff?” I’d just described Sunnie at a young age, except I’d left out braless.

“Worse, nothing
’s left to the imagination. Not that you’d need any imagination, she’s falling out everywhere. She wears a thong the size of a postage stamp, how can that possibly be comfortable?”

“You saw her in her underwear?”

“You can’t help but see. When she’s sitting at the kitchen counter wearing those low cut jeans her bright colored, silky thong what there is of it rides right up her rear end. Her jeans are too tight to even be remotely comfortable. God if she was my daughter…”

“You said she was tattooed?”

“Yes, some dreadful lacy thing across the small of her back. Imagine how that’ll look when she’s thirty-five?”

I was trying to, it sounded pretty good. So far I was on Josh’s side.

“What’s her name?”

“Amanda, but sh
e insists on being called Mandy,” she groaned.

This from
a woman christened Bernice who insisted on being called Sunnie since she was in Kindergarten.

“How’d he meet her?”

“He met her at school, they’re in the same classes.”

“The U, doesn’t he take advanced classes?”

“Look, I know where you’re going, yes he does, and yes she does. I’m just saying she seems more than a little too advanced for Josh, right now, that’s all. And, Jesus Christ, do they have to be together twenty-four-seven. I mean give it a rest.”

“Y
ou want me to talk to him?”

“Oh sure, that would smooth things over.
Mommy’s bum friend can tell him what not to do… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, Dev. You know how I get once in a while.”

I was now solidly on
Josh’s side.

I was
wasting my
time hanging around at the University of Minnesota, waiting for a Chemistry lab to finish. I was on the third floor of Smith Hall, leaning against a beige wall just around the corner from some sort of laboratory room. I was probably the dumbest person for two-hundred yards in any direction and the only one without a backpack.

There were more than a few things wrong with the situation I found myself in. I could start with
my offer to speak with Josh. Go from there, to me pretending to innocently run into him in the third floor hallway of the Chemistry building. I’d had to pay fifteen dollars or whatever the consult fee was to amend my schedule with fat old Muriel at Sentinel Monitoring. The whole thing was another one of those examples of someone like Sunnie, who doesn’t do what I do, knowing exactly how I should conduct myself. The only thing dumber was me agreeing to everything in the first place.

After
about ten minutes a pair of heavy double doors flew open and three guys strolled out, each weighed about a hundred and thirty pounds, stood about six-one and had Adams apples the size of golf balls. They all wore Star Wars t-shirts. A moment behind them came a pack of kids, more than a few attractive co-eds and toward the end of the pack there was Josh. I presumed the infamous Mandy was the gorgeous young blonde woman walking next to him holding his hand.

She was just as Sunnie had described, curly
blonde hair, fantastic figure, an outfit leaving nothing to the imagination and surgically attached to Josh. Who could blame the boy?

I pushed off the wall before they rounded the corner in an effort to make my appearance look unintended.

“Hey Josh, how’s it going?”

“Oh God, my Mom sent you
, didn’t she?” he half chuckled. Mandy seemed to somehow get even closer to him and climb inside his pocket.

God, why do I get involved? So much for the casual run
-in.

“Yeah, look I owe her, can we talk
so at least I’m covered? And you must be Mandy, I’m Dev Haskell, a friend of Josh’s mom and this idiot.” I nodded at Josh.

“He’s okay,” Josh laughed.

Mandy held out her hand, tentatively, the rest of her seemed to remain surgically attached to Mister Lucky.

“Nice to meet you, Mandy. We need to talk, you hanging around with bums like Josh
. You seem like such a nice girl, I should probably set you straight. You guys got time for coffee, an early lunch, late breakfast?”

“Mom must have really got to you, man.”

“Let’s just say I find myself in the doghouse, once again,” I said.

“We know how that goes,” Josh scoffed.

“You guys lead the way, I barely got out of high school so I’m lost here,” I said.

We were having an intimate conversation in the midst of about a t
housand other people in a giant cafeteria. Everyone had been over charged for bad coffee and some sort of lousy pastry with a name I couldn’t pronounce and had already forgotten. We’d been chatting and laughing for the better part of an hour. I swore Mandy to secrecy, then told her some Sunnie tales.

“So there you have it. She was
understandably pissed off because I still had her laptop and, well you know how she can get.” I finished with a last swallow of coffee, it hadn’t improved with age.

“You get the one word treatment?”
Josh asked.

“One word?”

“Yeah, you know, how you doing? Fine. Anything wrong? No. Want something to eat? No. Did you read about the tsunami? Yes. Who needs it? After a while you get the message, she’s pissed off, but isn’t going to tell you why.”

“Well, look she’s a mom and
she’s worried about you, both of you.” I tried to sound understanding, it was a reach.

“What does she think we’re gonna do?”

I looked at him for a long moment, instead of saying the obvious with Mandy there, I countered.

“Aren’t you the guy that smashed up her Prius? Didn’t
you spray paint something on the wall of your high school locker room? Remember the little rusty Volvo station wagon you totaled about a week before high school graduation? Weren’t you the one who got caught mooning on the team bus junior year? Didn’t…”

“What?” Mandy shrieked and started laughing.

“Okay, you can spare us all the details, Dev.”

“Look, take some advice from someone whose bee
n kicked around the block a few times. Sit down and talk to your mom, it’ll make life easier for everyone. Oh, and just in case she didn’t mention it, keep the grades up. Both of you,” I shot a look at Mandy.

I felt the vibration on m
y ankle and in my pocket simultaneously.

“Pardon me for a moment, I better check in,” I listened to the message, entered my code number, followed by the pound sign, just like I was instructed. Then looked at Josh and Mandy.

“That a case you’re working on?” Josh asked.

“Yeah, I’ve got to check in periodically.”

“Almost sounds like you’re released and being monitored,” Mandy chuckled.

I looked at her a moment.

“Oh, sorry, my Dad’s in the County Attorney’s office up in St. Louis County. He tells us about the low-life types with ankle bracelets having to do that stuff all the time. Most of them never seem to be able to get their act together.”

“Oh, I don’t know…”

“You’re wearing an ankle bracelet? Cool. God, what’d you do, Dev?” Josh, suddenly thrilled with my unfortunate spell of bad luck.

“What makes you think I’m wearing an ankle bracelet?”

“Let me see it, man.” Josh’s eyes were wide, he grinned from ear to ear. Mandy’s eyes were wider.

“You won’t tell your mom, will you? I’m not kidding.”

“God, you really are,” he said, shooting a glance at Mandy. “Let me see it,” then he slid his chair back to get a better look.

I glanc
ed around then hiked the leg of my jeans up enough to expose the monitoring device.

Both kids bent over for a
closer examination under the table. A number of heads glanced over in our direction. I didn’t know if they were looking at me or Mandy’s silky thong.

“What’d you do? What’d they nail you for? DUI I bet, right?” Josh said from under the table.

“Will you two get up here and stop making a scene, everyone’s looking.” I was trying my best not to, but my eyes caught just the bottom of the lacy tattoo across Mandy’s lower back then followed a bright green thong back down into her low cut jeans.

She sat up and smiled at me.

“So what’d you do?” Josh asked sitting up.

“More of a little misunderstanding then anything else.
I’m just in the process of tying up some loose ends in the investigation, then I’ll get this thing off.”

“It was a DUI, right?”

“I don’t think they bother with that just for a DUI, well unless you were a habitual offender or something,” Mandy said.

“So I was right, DUI?”

“No, look, just forget it, and whatever you do, please don’t mention it to your mom.”

“Oh, this is so great, she sends you to talk to us and you’re out on rele
ase, fantastic!” They both started laughing.

“Look, can we just keep this between ourselves, please.” I pleaded.

“Fucking fantastic,” Josh was still laughing.

“Look guys, promise me.”

“We promise, Mister Haskell,” Mandy said, she was still chuckling.

“Thanks Mandy,
call me Dev, I’m becoming your second biggest fan.”

“Okay, okay, we won’t bring it up. Make sur
e to give us a good report, will you?” Josh said.

“I’ll do that, look you want to win
her over? Just make sure those grades are up. You know she’ll back off once she sees that.”

The
y both nodded.

I glanced across the room, scanned the crowd. I was about to wrap things up when I went back to a woman carrying a tray to a table. My look must have given away more than I intended, first Mandy, then Josh followed my gaze.

“Forget it, Dev, she’s taken,” Josh said.

“What?”

“You’re looking at the hot woman in that sort of rust colored sweater, right? The one over by the door sipping her coffee?”

“Josh, God,” Mandy said and punched his arm.

“Her? No, I was looking at someone else. Why who is she?”

“I don’t know her name, she’s the wife or girlfriend of one of our professors,” Josh said.

“Doctor Death,” Mandy said.

“They’re both nuts,” Josh added.

“The guys name is Doctor Death?”

“Actually it
’s Kevork, you know like Jack Kevorkian, that assisted suicide guy. She’s crazier than he is.”

“Why do you say that?”

“We heard them going at it in his office after hours one night. We were up there using the department printer for a bunch of handouts for a class. She was screaming at him, calling him names, swearing, threatening him. She was absolutely over the edge, a nut case.” Josh said.

“It was really scary. We just left and went back to my place,” Mandy added.

“Yeah, she’s
a nut job.” Josh said, glancing back at the woman for a brief moment.

“Certifiable,
you can’t imagine,” Mandy added.

Actually I could
imagine. I watched Kiki calmly sip her coffee. She took the smallest nibble from some nondescript pastry, then made a face and pushed the pastry plate aside.

“
What’s the guys name, again?” I said.

.”Doctor Carroll Kevork
, he’s in the chemistry department.” Mandy said.