Bitter Angel (27 page)

If I don’t see you again...thank you. For choosing me.

These are futile words from a rambling mind, but they mean no less than if I were to say them in person. They are my final goodbye. I may not get a real one.

For a countless time tonight, I reawaken, but it’s different, new. There’s a light, it’s not moonlight, and my heart sputters awake to a sound.

Heavy breathing. Light moans.

This time I do feel a pinch of adrenaline fire through me, a bit of that hopeless edge wearing away.

I blink.
Blink, blink, blink
. Compartments are turning back on. “Who’s there?” My voice is crackly and raw.

“It’s me,” he groans.

Oh. My God.
My muscles and bones snap with renewed energy. I painstakingly ignore the aching thud in my head and eye and use my chin to lever my body to my left side to find the voice. “You’re here,” I whisper.

Trigger laughs, a pitiful ripple without humor, and he starts to cough.

My eyes go wide. “Shit, Trigger, you look like shit.”

He’s sitting against the wall near me, hands bound behind him. His hair and face are wet with sweat, blood, and probably tears, all mixed together. One eye is puffy. Running from his nose are two streams of bloody mucus, drizzling down his neck onto his designer T-shirt, the one I tossed on his bed today. The shirt is covered in blood. There’s more blood on it than on his face.

He laughs again. This time it’s more of a weep. “Yeah. We fucked up. Well,
I
fucked up.”

Hearing “fucked” come out of his mouth doesn’t sound so unnatural as he sounded earlier when he said “shit.” As if over the course of his one day of debauchery and downslide into moral decay, he’s become the type of person that says
fucked
like he’s said it since he stopped breastfeeding. This is not good.

My voice is deformed with panic. “Where’s Jay?”

“He left.”

“What happened?”

He shakes his head. “We had a plan.” He slams his head several times against the wall. “We had a
fucking
plan!”

“Whoa, whoa! Slow down. Tell me.” Something just occurs to me. “And how did I not hear you come in? Who brought you here?”

He cries, shaking his head again. “Doesn’t matter. It’s all over now. It’s all over.”

God, he looks stoned. “Did they drug you?” I ask.

“Doesn’t matter.” He leans his head back, and his eyes roll side to side. “Doesn’t…fucking…matter.”

“No!” I scream. “It does fucking matter!
What happened to Jay?”

Goddamn, my head hurts!

Trigger’s eyes keep rolling but he talks, his voice getting weaker by the second. “He tried. For you, Lila. He really did try. He doesn’t…” His voice trails off.

I think that’s the first time Trigger has said my name. “He doesn’t what?” I prompt. “Tell me.” I push my head into the mattress, hugging my knees to my chest as I roll onto my shins. Finally, I’m in a seated position with my legs tucked under me, but dizziness hits instantly, and I collapse back to my side.

Shit. I can’t help Trigger. I can’t help Jay. I can’t even get on my feet! Don’t cry, Lil. You wasted those tears before. Now you need the energy!

Sometimes I wonder where those pep talks come from. Are they really your own voice or one from the heavens, just meant to torture you when you can’t follow through? Because I do start crying. I can’t help it. My mind is telling me no, but my body doesn’t listen.

I cry. Trigger cries. It’s useless because neither of us can do anything to comfort the other.

Trigger sucks in a rattling breath through his teeth. That breath took a lot of effort. He’s trying to contain himself.
To be strong for me?

“Don’t do it, Lila,” he croaks.

“What?”

“Just don’t. He’s…he’s…”

I think maybe he’s about to pass out. Now I’m worried he has a life-threatening injury, not just what I can see.

What if he’s bleeding internally?
I need to help him!

Rolling onto my knees again, I shake my head and squeeze my eyes tight to chuck out some of the dizzies. My head throbs, but a few seconds later, I’m still on my knees.

I slide my right leg a few inches forward, then I move the left. The mattress bends unevenly, and vertigo plays a nasty game of bongos on my skull, sending me into a nosedive onto the carpet. I’m unable to turn my head in time. My cheek gets the brunt of it.

I’m tired, weak, and hurt. Honestly, I don’t know if I can do anything once I get to him, but I tell him anyway, “I’m coming. Don’t go to sleep.” At least I know that’s the first thing you should tell any victim with a head injury.

Although, haven’t I defeated the purpose of my own words several times tonight?
Yes, but you had no choice. You couldn’t have stayed awake by yourself.

Maybe.

This internal argument isn’t helping. I have to help him stay awake.

I can’t see his face, and he’s not responding.

“I said
don’t go to sleep!
” Hopefully, putting my own touch of bossy sass on it will wake him up.

It does. He moans. “I’m awake.”

“Okay.” Now I just need to figure out how to get back to my feet, or knees, or whatever works. “I’m coming, I promise. I just need to…”

I’m struggling to my knees again when I hear the doorknob jiggling. The door opening. Footsteps on the carpet. My head comes up. I face him.

“Well, if it isn’t Wonder Woman. Fuckin’ love of my life.” Alpha smirks.

That last sentence blurs into one long slur. He seems very blasé compared to the hulking monster he was earlier. His one good eye is bloodshot, the other is purple and swollen. My handiwork. His whole face is a visual Lila Masterpiece.

Being here with him is very familiar yet different.

I yelp as he yanks me by the roots of my hair. His other hand grips my shoulder, and he tosses me rag-style back to the mattress. Stepping over to the window, he lights up a cigarette and gazes out, blowing smoke at the glass.

I can’t see Trigger.
Damn, Alpha.
Having used so much effort already, I need twice as much strength to get back onto my left side.

Trigger’s quiet, but he’s not going to sleep anytime soon. I can tell by the alertness in his eyes. Now that Alpha’s here, no one’s dozing.

Alpha waves the cigarette around his face. “How’s it feel to be surrounded by Kryptonite?”

Huh?
A laugh bubbles out of me, and it’s definitely north of crazy this time. “That’s Superman, dipshit. If you wanna use comic book references, at least get them right.”

Trigger looks pained. He stares right at me and gives the tiniest shake of his head, warning me not to provoke the beast.
But I just can’t help myself. I keep going, giggling up at the ceiling because this whole night is so funny. So fucking hilarious. If I had my hands, they’d be wrapped around my belly.
I’m a one-woman emotional freak show. Once again, my mouth takes over, irrationally disregarding the warning fireworks flaring in my woozy brain.

“And if I were Wonder Woman, I’d have already used my superhuman powers to burrow a hole and shoot you straight to hell. But you’ll be there someday. I’m not worried.”

Staying true to form, my fit doesn’t seem to throw him. He inhales another puff and chuckles out the smoke. “I wish you were Wonder Woman. That show woulda been a hell of a lot more fun to watch.”

I’m thinking up another witty comeback when that glint in his eye sobers me right up. It’s challenging me, almost begging me to say something that’ll make it more entertaining for him when he slaps me around.

He’s proven more than once how much he enjoys the fighters.

Who cares?
I’m already going to take it. Why not dish it while I can? I’m going to say it anyway. I’m about to when my lips part, then halt.

I hear something. It’s soft and far away. It’s…
holy shit!

My name is being shouted from a distance. “
Lila!
”

It’s Jay. I’ve never heard him so distressed. I’ve never heard his voice at that decibel. Even though it’s far away, I know
it’s him. My raging heart tells me it is.

Just hearing my name and knowing he’s coming for me has me back on my knees. I don’t know how I do it, but I’m fast and scrambling to get on my feet. Then I turn back at the sound of Alpha grinding his cigarette butt with his heel, and I realize he’s still not fazed.

“Showtime.” He comes to me and heaves me up.

Guess I didn’t need to worry about getting to my feet. My head still pounds, but all of me is too wound up to care. Wrapping an arm around my neck, he flashes his lighter and a grin.

“You been cheating on me?” He nuzzles my shoulder with his chin and bites the soft skin. His breath stings my nostrils.

I turn away with a sour taste in my mouth. I can still feel him, but at least I can’t see him.

“Ah, well, time to see what this hunk of yours is made of.”

“What?” I hate—
hate—
how weak I sound.

“Lila, no,” Trigger mutters. I glance at him. “Don’t. I told you
don’t
.”

“What?” I’m so confused.

My knees are giving way and Alpha’s arm jerks. If I go limp, he’ll choke me.

“
Lila!
” Jay is getting closer. He must be searching the building floor by floor because he’s not moving as fast as he could. “
I will find you!
”

Alpha springs back the cap of the lighter, flicking the starter with his thumb. A single thread of fire dances before my eyes.

I gulp.

He chuckles, his hold practically cutting off my windpipe. “Tell him,” he murmurs in my ear. “How much you love him. How you can’t wait for him to come rescue you so he can fuck your brains out.”

Yeah, because that would be my reason for getting the hell out of here. A thin sheen of sweat is building on my forehead. Why does Alpha want me to call out to Jay? What does he have planned?

I force my erratic breaths to even out.
Stay calm, and don’t do what he says!

He brings the flame closer to my face. “Tell him, the hero of the hour.”

No
. I arch away from him, my hands wriggling. I’m doing anything to put space between us.

His voice is firmer. “Tell. Him
.
”

“No.”
Breathe.

This is an even crueler version of our standoff in the alley. I didn’t give in to him then, but Jay is in the mix now.

He moves the flame out of my sight. “Okay then.”

Suddenly, I feel a scorching sensation at the small of my back, just above my wrists.

“Ahhhh!” My cry is automatic. Now I see his plan.

No!

For some reason, he wants to lure Jay here. To kill him? Kill me? Both of us? Make one of us watch? What about Trigger?
This is sick.
“You bastard. You will—”

He burns me again, and I cry out louder.

“No,” I weep, pulling away from him. As usual, his grip is rock solid. I’m frantic. “No. Just me. Do what you want with me. Leave him alone.” I kick my right leg back at him, but that only results in flames to my skin.

I wail, unable to control the volume of my voice, and writhe forward. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

The skin at my back is melting. I can literally feel it cooking.

“
Lila!
”

“Don’t, Lila,” Trigger moans. His eyes are rolling back, and he’s doing the head side-to-side thing again.

Why is he talking to me? Why not Alpha?

He knows it won’t make a difference,
a despaired inner voice tells me. He’s beyond stopping this. Whatever is set in motion will happen whether we try to impede it or not.

Alpha singes my skin again.

“Stop!” I scream. Then I dissolve into gut-wrenching sobs. “Stop, stop, stop.” I’m shattering. How is it that I kept it together when he had me underneath him, but now with Jay here, all my seams are being sliced open?

Something is dripping onto my hands. I don’t know if it’s blood or melted skin. I hear Jay again.

“
Lila!
”

“What are you going to say to your white knight, Lila?” Alpha says my name in two hotly whispered syllables. We are cheek to cheek, his nostrils releasing a current of smoke stench against my skin.