Bitter Sweet Deception (The Kingsmen M.C Book 4) (16 page)

“
But, Li
l’s…
she said h
e’
s going into surgery. I should be there
,
”
 
sh
e’
s begging.

Of course. She wants to be there for Li
l’
s. I do
n’
t blame her, but ther
e’
s a time and a place for that. Right now, sh
e’
s needed here, with our family.

I hold her chin in my hand.
 “
Ther
e’
s nothing you can do right now, babe.
I’
ll call you when I get there. Brendan is gonna need you here
.
”
 
She moves her lips to protest once more.
 “
Sugar! Tha
t’
s enough
!
”

She claps her lips tight, and I can tell sh
e’
s clenching her teeth. But, she does
n’
t move. I walk into the closet empty handed, but return with a shirt and a Glock 48. She eyes the gun hard, probably unaware it was even hidden in the gun safe concealed in the depths of my clothes.

I pull the chamber and prepare the first bullet before placing it on the nightstand.
 “
Babe. You need to hear every word of this
,
”
 
I make sure I have her undivided attention.
I’
m about to leave her with a loaded pistol with my son just rooms away.
 “
This is easy to use if you have to.
I’
ll have a prospect here in fifteen minutes, but until then, you shoot anyone who walks through the front door if he does
n’
t have a Kingsmen patch
.
”

I set the gun down carefully. Her eyes never leave the piece.

I do
n’
t know what the fuck is going on, why Vince is in the hospital. We do
n’
t have any beef right now with anyone, but
I’
m not taking any chances. The two things, people, I love most are in this house and
I’
m not chancing anything happening to them.

“
Nod that you understand me, Charlie
.
”

She nods. I breathe deep. I bend down to kiss her, hard, before grabbing my boots and my cut and hightailing it out of here.

******

CHARLIE

I ca
n’
t breath.
I’
m suffocating. There is a loaded gun on my bedside table, and
I’
m left alone at two thirty in the morning to protect Brendan from Lord knows what, and a man who I loathe more than anything having a medical crisis yet I ca
n’
t hold myself back from wanting to go see him. What the hell is wrong with me?
I’
m a strong person. I can cope with shit.

Why am I falling apart right now?

Breathe. I just need to breathe. I
t’
s fine,
I’
m sure. He probably drank himself stupid and fell or ate something and has a wicked case of heartburn and Jea
n’
s just on the cautious sid
e…
making him go to the ER to rule out a heart issue. We get so many of those. A crazy, late-night burrito giving them wicked acid indigestion and everyone thinks i
t’
s a heart attack.

Yea
h…
tha
t’
s what it is.
I’
ll bet they send him home with a script for some Omeprazol and a dietary warning. Not like h
e’
ll listen to i
t…
h
e’
s as cooperative as a rabid dog. I laugh to myself, getting all worked up over
him
.

But, Li
l’
s did say they were taking him into surgery. They would
n’
t do that for just some heartburn. My breaths quicken. My pulse races. Why do I even care? I
t’
s not like he even means anything to me.

I try to calm myself. I need to stay here. I need to watch over Brendan. H
e’
s the most important thing right now. Not some dead-beat, low-life, two-bit prick lying in a hospital bed. Clink trusts me to watch over his son. Whatever it is, he thought it serious enough to leave me with a gun.

I close my eyes and count to five. Tha
t’
s all
I’
m gonna give him. Five seconds of my time, of my thoughts, before I move on and leave his fate to the doctors. H
e’
s their problem now.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

“
It does
n’
t make any sense, Charlie! The docto
r’
s have told me that
I’
m
anemic before.
I 
did
n’
t end up in the hospital
!
”
 
Li
l’
s cries into my shoulder.

I rub her shoulder, consoling her.
 “
Li
l’
s, i
t’
s not exactly the same thing. Aplastic anemia is much more serious than just a low iron count. I promise you, they are gonna do everything they need to do
.
”

She shakes her head, not allowing herself to believe me.
 “
But they want to give him chemotherap
y
…”
 
she recounts.
 “
Cancer
patients have chemo, Charlie. People
die
from cancer
.
”

Jean and Jay are sitting bedside with Vince, and
I’
ve taken Li
l’
s out for some fresh air. The sun is setting behind the hospital and the air is starting to chill, but she needs to stay out of that room for a little longer.

“
He does
n’
t have cancer, Li
l’
s. The doctors are going to use the toxic chemicals in the chemotherapy to kill off the bad cells that are making him sick
.
”
 
She watches me, cautiously.
 “
The
n…
hopefully the good cells that are left, will be able to make more good cells
.
”

Her eyes widen,
 “
Hopefully
?
”

I know this is not new information to her. I know the nurses and doctors have been walking them all through the treatments step by step. But I also know that hearing it from Me will bear more weight than a stranger in a lab coat.

“
I
t’
s very successful, Li
l’
s
.
”
 
I hand her a tissue.

She takes it and dabs her eyes.
 “
But not always. None of us match yet. They told us they need to find a bone marrow donor in case this does
n’
t work. Jay was
n’
t a match, Li
l’
s
.
”

I
t’
s true. Every Kingsmen has been tested, and even members of the community have stepped forward during the last week to determine if they can donate to Vince. I knew the odds were not in their favor. Statistically, a blood relative is the best chance. We were all holding our breath after Jay was tested, bu
t…
he was
n’
t a match.

Jay was devastated when the doctors broke that news. Clink and Tiny had to take him out of the room to prevent him from breaking down in front of his parents.

“
The bab
y
…”
 
Li
l’
s sniffles.
 “
They said the baby could be a match
.
”

I hold my breath. The baby
could
  be a match, but unless Li
l’
s goes into labor asap or they induce her to go earlier, it might not be in time. Vince had been classified as having very severe acute anemia. Every day counts.

The thought of what that poor little baby would have to go through to donat
e…
I shake my head. I
t’
s an unnecessary risk. And a gamble.

“
We should get you inside, Li
l’
s. I
t’
s gonna get colder soon
.
”

The waiting room is swollen with Kingsmen. The hallways are lined with them. The
y’
ve been here for days and days. Every new treatment or procedure brought them hope. The blood transfusions, the immunosuppressive drugs. Every disappointment rippled through them.

“
Nurse, can you help me
?
”
 
Asweet old lady walking down the hallway spots me in my scrubs. I smile to her, and nod to Li
l’
s indicating that
I’
ll catch up with her.

My shift has been over for about twenty minutes but like every other day this week,
I’
ll stay.
I’
m not scheduled for Vinc
e’
s floor, but I get to stop by often to check on everyone. Countless hours are spent here with Clink, waiting. The chemotherapy has just begun to be administered. Hopes are high.

I help Mrs. Jacobs to her room and settle her in before handing her over to the nurse on duty.  The stress induced headache surging behind my eyes is worsening. I stop by the nurses-lounge and pop a couple of ibuprofen. Taking my cup of cool water with me, I walk aimlessly through the corridor.

I ca
n’
t see him now, lying in that bed.
I’
ve seen enough of it. My insides are torn, my conscience split. I must have walked down to the lab a half dozen times in the last 24 hours alone to be swabbed and tested to see if
I’
m a match. But each time I turn around. I know what will happen if
I’
m a match. I could very well help to save his life, but in the process could cost me  the two things that mean the most to me. Clink and Brendan.

I find myself in front of the hospital chapel. I
t’
s evening, and most visitors are in with their respective friend or loved one. The candle-lit room is empty and quiet. Perfect. I slide into one of the pews and set my half-filled cup aside.

I exhale deep and slow, imagining the stress escaping with it. I close my eyes and sink into myself, my shoulders rounding. My head proves heavy and I do
n’
t even bother to fight the urge to lean forward to rest it on my forearms, balanced on the back of the pew in front of me.

The tightness in my brow from the tension headache relaxes as I press into the hardness of my arm. I knew this would
n’
t be easy. I knew from every other patient like him that
I’
d seen, that it would be long. It would be draining, exhausting. Jean, Jay, Li
l’s…
the
y’
ve all gone through every emotion in the book.
I’
ve gone through the emotions, too. Just in private. Like I am now.

I remember back when I was the one sitting next to a hospital bed with mom and Dana by my side. Waiting. Praying. I remember the docto
r’
s face when h
e’
d told us the
y’
d done everything they could. I remember the endless sobbing and crying, unable to believe he was gone. He was my da
d…
and even if I had learned the truth then, I know I would
n’
t have hurt any less.

It does
n’
t matter that his blood was
n’
t the blood in my veins. It does
n’
t matter that his hair and his eyes were
n’
t the same as mine, even though Dana was the spitting image of him. He was my daddy, and I was his little girl. And after the doctors came in that last night and told us he was gone, he was the one I mourned.

The only thing that helped numb the pain from his loss was letting it turn to anger and hate when I came across the truth. That hate has been fueling me, moving me forward, further away from the pain that it prevented me from having to deal with. I ca
n’
t go through that again.

If Vince is gone, then ther
e’
s no one left to hate. Nothing left to distract me from having to sort through the feelings stuffed deep down.

I wo
n’
t be the only one suffering. There will be others swimming in their own version of hell. Jean will be lost without him. Jay, my brother, will go through the same thing I will. W
e’
ll both have to live without our father
s…
although i
t’
ll be two different men we mourn.

And the baby. The baby will never know their granddad. No matter how I try to villainize Vince, he loves his son. The child he
chose
to actually fulfill his fatherly role for, and the family he actually
chose
to hea
d…
I know they need him. I know that baby would be the love of that sorry bastar
d’
s life. And even though i
t’
s like stabbing a knife into my gut, I know that bab
y…
my niece or nephe
w…
will have a better life with their granddad in it.

“
He
y…
. there you are
,
”
 
I hear Clin
k’
s voice though the room and lift my head from its resting place.

I slide over for him and he takes a seat.

“
Hey
,
”
 
I whisper, truly glad to have him here. He wraps his arm around me and I close my eyes, savoring it.

“
Praying
?
”
 
he asks.

I turn my head to him, resting it on his shoulder.
 “
Something like that
.
”

Clink places his lips on my forehead,
 “
He can use every prayer around now. They all can
.
”

I nod in agreement.
 “
Brendan
?
”

“
H
e’
s having supper with Ava and her ma in the cafeteria. I think h
e’
ll head home with them. W
e’
ve got to have church back at the clubhouse. Get things in place, in cas
e….
”

I swallow hard.

He adds,
 “
You gonna head in to see them
?
”

I sit up, preparing,
 “I’
m gonna see if I can finally get Jean and Li
l’
s to take a break and run home for a bit.
I’
ll sit with him
.
”

“
You sure
?
”
 
he pushes back to watch me.

I nod,
 “
Yeah.
I…
I just need to stop at the lab first
.
”

******

PRESENT DAY

So here I sit, with the beeping of the monitors my only beacon to keep my thoughts from running away. He lies still, h
e’
s still asleep. I do
n’
t have much time.

I’
ve had the testing done, I know
I’
m a match. No
w…
I just need to give my final answer.
I’
ve gone back and forth, weighed the pros and cons. I have little choice. The only thing left to do is let Dana know. I could
n’
t in good conscience do this and not at least let her know. I know i
t’
s not exactly routine, but i
t’
s common enough to trust the doctors performing the procedure.

I’
m not scared of it. I know
I’
ll be fine.
I’
m fucking petrified of what happens when i
t’
s over, though. Might as well get this shit-show on the road.

******

“
Hello
?
”
 
her incessantly upbeat voice is unnatural.  You can take the cheerleader out of high school, but you ca
n’
t take the cheerleader out of the girl.