Bitter Sweet Deception (The Kingsmen M.C Book 4) (17 page)

“
Dan
a…
hi
,
”
 
I close my eyes.
I’
m not exactly ready to make up with her, but this phone call needs to happen.

“
Charli
e…?
”
 
Sh
e’
s cautious. I can understand that.

I clear my throat,
 “
Yeah. H
i…
I already said that, did
n’
t I.
I…I’
m just calling to let you know that
I’
m going in for a little procedure tomorrow
.
”

I can hear the masked worry in her voice.
 “
Shit, Charlie! What kind of procedure
?
”

I try my best to downplay the significance of what
I’
m about to tell her.
 “
Nothing major. Just gonna donate some bone marrow
.
”

“
What?! OK.
I’
ll head down to Oakton tonight
.
” Sh
e’
s already moving about, I can hear it in her breathing. No doubt, sh
e’
s packing a bag.

An
d…
here is where i
t’
s gonna get tricky.

“
Dana, stop.
I’
m not in Oakton.
I’
ve never really been in Oakton
,‘
cept to meet up with you and mom.
I’
m with Brian in Chisolm
.
”
 
No use in hiding the truth any longer. I
t’
s about to come barreling out, anyway.

The air flowing over her receiver is slow and steady.
 “
Yo
u’
ve been in Chisolm this whole time? I do
n’
t get you, Charlie. I mean, you
promised
  mom you would
n’
t go looking for him. You swore. An
d
…”

“
Dana
,
”
 
I interrupt her.
 “I’
m not getting into this with you. Not now.
I’
d like to see what you would have done in my shoes. And as for mo
m…
. i
t’
s not like she does
n’
t know a thing or two about breaking promises. Enough of thi
s…
I just wanted to let you know, in case
.
”

“I’
m leaving tonight.
I’
ll be there.
I’
ll meet you at the hospital
,
”
 
sh
e’
s resolute. My sister is almost as stubborn as I am. Seeing as we did
n’
t get it from the same father, I think i
t’
s safe to say it came from mom.

I know what
I’
m about to ask her is probably pointless. But, I have to try.

“
Please, Dana.
I’
m begging you.
I’
ve never asked you for anything.
I’
m asking now. Please, please do
n’
t tell mom. I.. I have some things here that are about to get blown to pieces tomorrow. I ca
n’
t add her to the mix. I ca
n’
t
-
”
 
the salty water is welling in the inward corners of my eyes.

Silence.

She finally speaks,
 “
I wo
n’
t tell mom. Sh
e’
s gonna kill me when she finds out on her own, though. Sh
e’
ll kill you, too
.
”
 
She attempts humor. I
t’
s just enough to snap me back from the verge of tears.

“
Thank you
,
”
 
I whisper.

“
No matter wha
t’
s happened, Charlie. We
are
still sisters. I do
n’
t
care
who your real dad is. It never mattered to our dad, it does
n’
t matter to me.
I’
ll see you later. Text me your address
.
”

It may not have mattered to her, and I believe that it did
n’
t truly matter to our dad. But there are two people in this world it certainly did matter, too. It mattered to mom. It mattered to me.

There are
n’
t very many people in this world who can honestly say the
y’
ve lived their lives thinking they were somebody, a certain type of person. And then one da
y…
Boom! The truth hits you like a motherfucking backhand across the face. You were never really that person. And once the truth is out, and you can use it as a point of reference to look back at all the awkward looks at family parties, the whispering, the comments. It all falls into place.

My dad never paid it any mind. He did his best not to let it affect me.

But not mom.

Maybe she was unconsciously punishing me for being a daily reminder of her fuckup? Maybe she did
n’
t have the backbone to stand up to anyone backhandedly pointing out her dirty little secret. I do
n’
t know. All I know i
s…
I was never good enough for her. The day I found out why, was the day I took my walking papers and bolted.

I’
m not ready to actually deal with her on a serious level yet.
I’
m not ready to face her and actually acknowledge the topic she so desperately tries to ignore. I
t’
s like it does
n’
t belong in her world. So,
I’
ve played along. I play nice and put on a show for our short little visits. No way would I be able to do that tomorrow.

Sh
e’
s just one more thing
I’
ll have to put on my fucked-up to-do list.

******

“
Chawle
e…
Turtles, please
,
”
 
he points to the TV.

I laugh. He knows h
e’
s not allowed to play with the electronics after Clink caught him trying to stuff a potato chip in the disc port. I unwrap the brand new Turtles disc I picked up on the way home, and pop it in.

“
Settle down, kiddo. Yo
u’
ve got a half hour before bed
.
”

Once the movie is rolling, I sit next to him on the couch and curl my feet up, under me. He wiggles himself in close and his eyes fix on the screen. I close my eyes and inhale the scent of the shampoo from the top of his head. This little boy has
n’
t been in my life very long, but
I’
ve grown attached to him in ways I could never have imagined.

I was
n’
t looking for this.

The pain in my chest from knowing what could possibly happen tomorrow is more than I believe I can bear. H
e’
s already lost so much. His mo
m…
I just, I ca
n’
t have him feel like h
e’
s lost me, too. No matter what happens between his dad and me.

I kiss his little forehead and hold him close.

And watch the damn Turtles.

******

“
Wha
t’
s wrong, Sugar
?
”
 
he asks.

I’
ve been avoiding his eyes, his watchful stare all night. We have
n’
t talked much, but I think
I’
ve been able to hide it well, tending to Brendan and trying my best to look like your average overstressed, overworked mom.

“
Hmm
?
”
 
I look up and smile.

He studies me.
 “
I said, wha
t’
s wrong
?
”

Tha
t’
s a loaded question. Le
t’
s se
e…I’
m about to undergo a painful procedure to try and save a deadbeat low-life father. Oh, and i
t’
s pretty much gonna come back and kick me in the teeth. What could be wrong?

“
Nothin
g…
just tired. I know the
y’
re gonna make me work a double tomorrow.  With everything going on with the club, and around her
e…
i
t’
s just a lot
.
”

Damn. I
t’
s scary how easily I can conjure a cover story.

He nods, pulling his shirt off.
 “
Well, i
t’
s all about to be over, thank God
.
”

He has no idea how right he is. It is all about to be over.

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind. All the testing and re-testing. All the preparations. Once I was confirmed to be a match, Vince had to be prepped and readied for the procedure. I made damn sure I was nowhere around his room the day they told him the
y’
d found a match. I knew I would
n’
t be able to stomach it.

The hardest thing was doing everything I needed to do to get myself ready, behind Clin
k’
s back. The pre-op work, it was only made easier by the fact that I work in the damn hospital. Dana was called earlier today, and
I’
d texted her the address to my apartment. The hideaway key would finally be put to good use.

I see patients being wheeled into and out of surgery every day. I know how routine it is. Yet, my nerves are still rattled and Clink can sense it. Le
t’
s hope my cover story is enough.

“
Yeah, thank God. Everyone can just get back to normal in a day or so. I checked the O.R. schedule at work today. They have Vince penciled in for the day after tomorrow
.
”

He nods his head,
 “
Yup. Jean told me
.
”
 
He takes the tiny tank top that
I’
ve been folding from my hands and tosses it gently aside.
 “
I do
n’
t want to talk about Vince. Or surgeries, or wor
k…
I just want to hold you and block all the bullshit out
.
”
 
He sits on the bed in front of me and pulls  me in.
 “
I
t’
s been a long few weeks, Sugar. And yo
u’
ve stuck it out like the best of them. Yo
u’
ve stepped up and taken care of m
e
…
and
  Brendan
.
”

He looks up, looks into my eyes.
 “
I want you to know how grateful I am for that. For you
.
”

I smile softly at him. His strong arms hold me, his deep eyes devour me. God,
I’
m gonna lose my shit if those eyes keep looking at me. I wo
n’
t be able to hold it in much more. Once I start spewing truths, I wo
n’
t be able to stop. I ca
n’
t ruin tonight like that. I need to hold it in.

I bend down to take his lips, to claim him one last time before h
e’
s no longer mine to claim. I do
n’
t know wha
t’
s wors
e…
feeling what he does to me, or knowing that I wo
n’
t feel it again. Our lips mold to each othe
r’
s, tongues reuniting after too many hours apart. I taste him, I smell him, I feel him. I need to be one with him.