Bittersweet Darkness (32 page)

He glanced up to find Tara studying him, her head cocked on one side. “So you love Faith. What are you going to do about it?”

“I should send her away.”

“But…”

“First, I’ll try and persuade her that the monsters aren’t so bad.” He shook his head. “A human. Who would have believed it?”

“Go see her,” Tara said. “She’s not feeling too good.”

“She isn’t?” Had he hurt her? Been too rough?

“Just a bad headache. Ryan came and asked if there was any way to find Roz. Christian has sent out people, but Piers is too good.”

The headaches again. Suddenly he was eager to see her. He would go to her, talk to her, maybe even beg her to give him a chance. Then he would go back and see Raphael—tell him to stuff his offer up his angelic ass.

Tara rose to her feet. “I’ll never forgive you for what you did to Chloe. But I’d like to get to know you better.”

She turned and left and he let her go. That was more than he’d ever hoped for. A sense of peace settled over him. If Tara could give him a chance, he must be able to persuade Faith.

The angel issue wasn’t going away, but the Order would come up with something. And Faith would come to work with them. They’d continue on with the meetings. He felt a tingle of anticipation. The world was changing, and he was at the very center of it all.

“Shera?”

She appeared as if by magic.

“Where’s Faith?” he asked.

She led the way and he followed. They came to a halt in front of a door, and she turned. “The other human is with her.”

“Ryan?” A wave of irrational jealousy washed over him. He knew there had never been anything between Faith and Ryan. Her ex-partner was probably comforting her because Ash had been such an asshole. Well, Ash could take over from him now.

He tapped on the door and pushed it open without waiting for an answer. Then stepped into the room but came to an abrupt halt inside the door. Faith lay on the bed, a sheet pulled over her, her eyes closed. They didn’t open as he stood there, and a sense of foreboding filled him.

Ash dragged his gaze away to Ryan, who sat on a chair by the bed, one of Faith’s hands gripped in his. He glanced up to where Ash stood motionless by the door. “She’s dying.”

At first, Ash couldn’t take in the words. They made no sense. He strode across and stared down. Her skin was so pale, her lashes dark shadows on her cheeks.

“Faith?” he whispered her name, but there was no response. Panic clawed at his insides. Terror. Sinking down onto the bed, he dragged her into his arms, but still she didn’t wake.

He rested a palm flat against her breast. He could detect nothing and the panic threatened to spiral out of control. Then he felt the faintest of heartbeats.

“She lapsed into a coma about an hour ago.”

“And you did nothing?”

“What could I do? She told me there was no hope, no chance. I’ve asked if they can find Roz, but…” He ran a hand through his hair. “Faith didn’t want to be alone at the end.”

Ash’s heart cracked. That he hadn’t been there for her. Something occurred to him. “She knew this? That she was dying?”

Ryan nodded.

Ash had a flashback to earlier. When he’d been making his big declaration, revealing his feelings. He’d seen dismay cross her features, and he hadn’t understood it—he’d known she was coming to care for him.

He understood now.

She didn’t want his love because she knew she could offer him nothing. His mind searched for a way out. Death was inevitable for humans, but he thought he’d have time to come to terms with it. Or time to find an alternative—there were ways even for humans.

If you were willing to pay the price.

But not now. Not yet.

“Roz? We have to find her.”

“I already asked. Christian has sent out a message, but Piers is too clever. No one knows where they’ve gone. Until he makes contact, we can’t find them.”

“What’s wrong with her?”

“Brain aneurysm. I told you she blacked out my last night on the job. Well, apparently it was a minor one and the doctors warned her there would be another.”

“And she told no one?”

“No.”

That had been what the headaches were about. He hadn’t thought to question her further. He’d believed them a sign of human frailty. There had to be a way to save her. He gathered her against him. She was warm. She couldn’t die.

“She told me to tell you that she doesn’t think you’re a monster,” Ryan said. “She believed it for the best, if you thought she didn’t care. But she was wrong. She wanted you to know that.”

Ash put her down gently and jumped to his feet. She couldn’t end like this. An idea was gnawing at the back of his mind. He tried to ignore it, but the notion grew until it was a roar in his head.

He realized that it had been easy to turn down Raphael’s offer. And the reason had everything to do with Faith. He couldn’t hide from that truth now.

If she died, did he really care what happened to Roz and the committee? Any of them? His mind veered away from thinking about Tara. That would only cloud the issue.

“There’s nothing you can do,” Ryan said.

Ash whirled on him in fury. “You know nothing of what I can and can’t do.”

In that moment, he decided. He’d take what Raphael had offered. Only he would ask for another life. If they saved Faith, he would give them Roz. Somehow.

And he would live with the decision. Presumably, alone, because this would prove once and for all that he was the monster she’d called him. He went back to the bed and scooped her up in his arms, so her long dark hair drifted down.

“What are you doing?” Ryan asked.

“I’m saving her.”

She seemed so fragile as he carried her out and into the courtyard. He sensed Ryan behind him but ignored the other man. Once outside, he changed his form, his wings sprouting from his shoulders. He was aware of a door opening, Tara and Christian running toward him, but it hardly impinged on his consciousness.

He gathered her close.

Tara was talking with Ryan now, low and urgent, but nothing to do with him. He had to get away, before anyone thought to stop him.

He launched himself into the air.

“Father!”

Shock stopped his upward flight and he hovered, staring down to where his daughter stood below in the courtyard. She’d never called him father before.

He remained silent. There was nothing to say.

“She wouldn’t want this,” Tara called. “She’ll hate you.”

“It doesn’t matter; she’ll be alive.”

And he headed off into the twilight.

…

He was taken straight to Lucifer, who eyed his burden with interest.

“A present?” he murmured. “How sweet, but she hardly seems lively.”

Ash ignored the comment. There had been no sign of life from Faith during the journey here. Tara’s words kept repeating in his mind. Not the hate bit—he could live with that. But the fact that she wouldn’t want this. He was aware she had risked her life many times in the course of her duty. Now, he would save her life at the cost of so many others.

Because he knew once he set this in motion, many would die in the battles that followed.

And he would be indebted to finding Roz and handing her over. A virtual slave, compelled to do his utmost to complete his task, until Roz was dead. There could be no shirking.

He pushed the thought aside as he strode past Luc and into the room where he’d met Raphael earlier. The angel rose to his feet and turned to watch him, brows drawn together when he saw Ash was not alone.

“What…?”

Ash stooped down and laid Faith on the rug in front of the fire. The flames cast a flickering glow over the pale skin of her face, giving her the illusion of life.

“Can you save her?” he asked.

“Why would you want that? She’s a human. What possible interest is she to you?”

“Can you fucking save her?” he snarled. “Yes or no.”

Raphael strolled over. He stared down at Faith, his eyes narrowing. Did he recognize her from MI13?

“You want this life instead of the one we offered you?”

“Can you do it?”

Raphael pursed his lips. “Easier, in fact. Her soul has not yet left her body.”

There were always choices. Sometimes it might not seem that way. Ash had choices. He could accept their offer. Betray his friends, because they were friends. Betray his daughter. Give Faith her life back at a price she would never be willing to pay.

In that moment, something broke inside him.

He could never have her. But maybe he could save her.

The gift of life and death had always rested in the hands of the angels.

He would give Raphael one last chance. “I don’t suppose you would save her out of the goodness of your heart?”

Yeah, right, appealing to an angel’s better nature. That one always worked.

Shock flashed across Raphael’s face. Then shutters came down over his eyes. “No.”

Choices…

If he did this, he was as good as dead, maybe worse than dead. Raphael would demand his revenge, probably an eternity of revenge and Ash would be banished to eternal torment in purgatory. There was no way he could hide; he bore Lucifer’s sigil, and was Lucifer’s to control until the debt was paid—which would be never if Ash went through with this. Luc was a friend, but he’d have no choice but to hand him over—he’d presumably offered Raphael safe passage in his home.

What the hell?

He’d never liked the arrogant bastard anyway.

“You broke the Accords,” he murmured. “You worked with humans expressly against the Order.”

Again, shock flashed across the angel’s face. “So? We told them nothing they hadn’t already guessed, just pushed them in the right direction.”

Ash bent down as though to examine Faith and slid the knife from inside his boot as he straightened. The firelight glinted off the deadly blade.

Whirling, he kicked out, taking Raphael by surprise, and the angel crashed to the floor.

He was up in an instant a fiery sword in his hand. Ash kicked out again heard the snap of bone and the sword dropped from Raphael’s limp fingers. He stepped in closer, punched him on the nose, crunching the cartilage, and the scent of blood filled the air. He hit out again, grabbed Raphael’s shoulder, found the pressure point, and squeezed.

Raphael went limp in his arms. Ash stood for a moment breathing heavily. He’d done it.

Broken every rule.

Well, almost every rule. One more to go.

He had nothing to lose. He dragged the unconscious angel across the floor to where Faith lay unmoving in the flickering firelight. He would have prayed, but he didn’t think God would be in a mood to answer his prayers right now.

He lifted Raphael’s arm, pushed back the sleeve of his shirt, and held the blade of his knife against the wrist. A hiss came from behind him and he raised his head. Lucifer stood in the archway. Ash ignored him and sliced the blade over Raphael’s wrist.

Blood welled from the wound.

Archangel’s blood. The elixir of life.

He stroked Faith’s mouth parting her lips, then let the drops of blood fall from the angel’s open vein and onto her tongue.

His shoulders itched, and all the while he expected Lucifer to stop him, to call a halt, but he remained silent watching from the entrance.

Ash waited for some sign that this had worked. He wasn’t sure what to expect. Archangels’ blood could make a mortal live forever. But could it cure her?

He didn’t know.

Maybe he had saved her life but consigned her to an eternity of unconsciousness. But it would give him time.

Hope.

A chance.

She didn’t awaken, but slowly the color stole into her cheeks. The wound was closing and he squeezed a few last drops into her mouth, and shoved Raphael away. Holding his breath, he pressed his palm to her chest. Her heartbeat was a slow steady thrum, gaining strength with each second that passed. But her lashes remained closed.

He sat back and stared at her willing her to awaken. Nothing.

“Were you telling the truth about him breaking the Accords?” Luc’s question dragged him from his contemplation.

“As far as I know.”

Luc shook his head. “Get the hell out of here.”

“You’ll let me go?”

“Why not?” Luc stepped into the room. He pushed Raphael with his booted toe. “Pity we can’t finish him off. But I think that would cause even more issues.”

“They’ll make you give me up.”

“They can’t make me. And if they do then you’ll have to ignore me.”

“A little hard to do,” Ash said rubbing his arm where the sigil marked his flesh.

“I liked having you in my power, but I suppose all good things must come to an end. Now piss off. I’ll dump this piece of shit somewhere. Maybe you’ll get lucky and he’ll be too embarrassed to mention it.”

Ash’s skin prickled as he felt the sigil dissolve and he was free. He didn’t wait for Luc to change his mind, just lifted Faith into his arms and headed out.

When he landed in the courtyard, they were all waiting for him. Tara ran up. She glanced at Faith, still unconscious in his arms and pity filled her eyes. Her mother’s eyes.

“I knew you wouldn’t do it.”

“I came so close.”

“Is she…?” Ryan stepped up close. His eyes narrowed. “She looks better.”

“She’s alive.”

“What did you do?” Christian was eyeing her up, his brows drawing together as though he could sense the change.

“I persuaded Raphael to donate a little blood.”

“Shit.”

“Exactly. So chances are things are going to get a little hot around here. You might want to find somewhere else to stay.”

“We’ll stick around,” Christian said. “In case you need us.”

Warmth stole through him at the words. Christian had once been his greatest enemy; now Ash knew the vampire would stand beside him, fight with him.

“What does that mean?” Ryan asked. “Donated blood—how did that help?”

“Not just any blood, but Archangel blood. The elixir of life.” Christian gave a short laugh. “I wish I’d been there. The bastard was responsible for Tara being taken. You should have drained him dry.”

“I was tempted.”

“But why?” Ryan asked. “Why take Tara.”