Bittersweet Darkness (28 page)

It was actually quite beautiful.

Faith sipped her coffee and a sense of peace flowed over her. She’d been trying not to think about the future, or the past for that matter, until she was alone and could consider what she’d learned without distractions. Now, she allowed her mind to replay all that she had discovered.

And all that she now accepted. When Christian had opened her mind, it was as though a key had unlocked a door deep inside her. It was hard to believe that since that long ago night, her thoughts and beliefs had been implanted in her head by the bastard who had killed her mother.

At the start of all this, she’d thought that if only she could solve Julie’s murder then she’d be able to accept that her time was done. Well,
she
hadn’t solved the case but the killer was dead.

It was over.

Not only that, but she had learned the truth behind her mother’s death and that the killer had also been dealt with. It was odd, but she trusted they’d told her the truth. Maybe it was because she knew they could do that mind-whammy thing and once again, she’d know nothing.

She didn’t like the sound of that. She didn’t want to forget. Perhaps she could stay here until the end. And if she did that, they wouldn’t have to make her forget. Spend her last days in hell. Sounded like a plan.

Would Ash want her to stay? Maybe she’d better start thinking of him as “My Lord Asmodai.” He’d said he wanted her, and he hadn’t yet had her. She had a flashback to the feel of his mouth on her skin, between her thighs, inside her, and a tremor of remembered pleasure shivered through her body.

She wanted him to make love to her. Desperately. More than she had ever wanted anything in her life before.

Was he still up there fighting the angels? What if he killed them? Was there some sort of penance for killing an angel? Perhaps you got sent to hell. Yeah, she could go around in circles like this.

She wondered briefly whether she should tell him that she was dying. But she dismissed the idea, at least for the moment. No doubt, he’d treat her like some sort of invalid and she didn’t want that. Besides, he’d hardly been entirely open with her. Would he ever have revealed what he was, if he hadn’t had to?

And did it really matter whether she told him or not? This was hardly going to be a long-term relationship.

But while that might be the case, at this moment, she wanted to stay with him, discover what and who he was. Make love with him. Make him smile. Make him forget the darkness and sadness she sometime caught in his eyes.

Well, she could try and do that; she’d just have to do it quickly. Because she sensed she didn’t have long. Was it so wrong to keep quiet and try to enjoy whatever time she had left? It wasn’t as though his heart was involved. She believed he liked her, but nothing more, and he would soon get over her once she’d gone.

A movement snagged her attention out of the corner of her eye, and she raised her head to look. A figure swooped down on her tower, huge black wings beating the air.

She scrambled up as Ash landed lightly three feet away from her and perched on the edge of the balcony. The black wings folded against his back. He still wore the jeans but his top half was naked except for the straps of a sword scabbard that crossed his bare chest. The hilt of the sword protruded above his left shoulder. He was still nearly seven feet tall but as she watched, the wings melted away and he shrank to a more normal height, once again the Ash she knew and had come to… She bit off the thought as he stepped toward her.

He was stunning, sweat gleaming on the vast amount of naked skin. Black hair sprinkled across his broad chest, and ran in a line down his ridged belly, disappearing into the waistband of his jeans, which hung low on his hips. Below that, she could see the bulge of his shaft. She stared for a moment—was it getting bigger?

Her gaze flew up to his face and she forced a smile. Fear warred with desire inside her. He was so big and dangerous and dark. He didn’t smile back, only pursed his lips and watched her out of heavy-lidded eyes.

“Fighting always makes me as horny as hell.”

Chapter Twenty-two

Her mouth went dry. She swallowed. What the hell could she say to that? Nothing. Besides, she wasn’t sure her throat would work. So staying silent seemed the best bet.

He took another step toward her, framed against the backdrop of mountains, and she whirled around and raced for the door. Acting on pure instinct, she wasn’t trying to escape him; she knew exactly where she wanted him. She ran back into the bedroom with its huge circular bed.

As she reached it, she turned. Ash strode in, slamming the door shut behind him. Inside, he appeared even bigger. The room suited him to perfection.

He took a step toward her, and she backed away but came up against the edge of the bed. Hunger burned in his eyes. His hands went to the buckle at his chest. He flicked it open and the sword and scabbard clattered to the stone floor.

Then his hand went lower, to hover at the button of his jeans.

“Faith?”

She’d been staring at the bulge in his jeans again, now she peered up. “W-what?” The word came out as a hoarse whisper.

“That’s my robe—take it off.”

Holding his gaze, she tugged at the belt of the robe, the silk slipping through her hands. Her fingers clumsy, it seemed to take an age to untie the knot. Finally, the belt unraveled and the robe fell apart. She smoothed it from her shoulders and it dropped to the floor in a slither of silk leaving her naked before him.

His gaze was like fire as it raced over her body, lingering on her breasts and belly. He kicked off his boots, flicked open the button on his jeans, slid down the zipper.

As he pushed them down over his hips, his cock sprang free, hard, huge, pale against the hair-roughed skin of his belly. He stepped out of his leather pants and closed the space between them coming to a halt only inches away. The spicy, musky scent of him filled her senses.

Her legs shook and she locked them in place as his hands came out and rested on her shoulders, hot and hard against her skin. “You owe me,” he said. “Are you going to pay up, or do you want me to chain you to that wall in my dungeon and you can pretend that you don’t want this? Don’t want to make love with someone like me.”

At his words, a wave of heat rolled over her, threatening to suck her under. Some perverted part of her really liked the dungeon idea. The dungeon was probably too far away. She took a tiny step toward him, closing the last gap between them so her breasts pressed against his chest and the scalding-hot length of his erection nudged against her stomach.

“I always pay my debts,” she murmured.

He let out his breath, and she realized he’d been holding it, waiting for her reply. She liked that he’d been in no way sure about her, because while he hadn’t actually lied to her, he’d definitely been stingy with the truth.

His fingers tightened on her shoulders and he gave a little shove so she fell backward onto the fur cover of the bed behind her. Balancing her weight on her elbows, she stared up at him.

“This is not going to be slow,” he warned in a low husky voice that sent heat straight to her sex. “I’m not going to risk this not happening for a third time. So prepare yourself, honey. I promise you slow and easy next time.”

She couldn’t even begin to think of next time. She needed him now.

“Lie back,” he ordered.

She did so, resting against the silky softness of the fur. Keeping her eyes on him all the time because he was so beautiful and she didn’t want to miss a second.

He leaned down, his hands grasping her knees. He lifted her legs from the floor, pushed her farther up the bed and spread her thighs, bending her knees back so they rested against her hips, leaving her totally exposed to him.

His eyes glowed crimson. “Gorgeous,” he crooned.

Her sex felt hot and swollen under his stare as though she was melting from the inside. She glanced down his body to where his shaft strained, the head flushed with blood. She needed him inside her.

“Please…”

A slow smile curved his hips. “For you, sweetheart, anything.”

He knelt on the bed between her thighs and thrust into her in one fluid move.

She gasped and he held himself still. He was big, and it had been a long time, but her body tightened instinctively around him. He withdrew slowly, staring down into her eyes the whole time. The drag of him against her was exquisite, and then he slammed into her hard, his mouth coming down on hers to swallow her scream.

He was consuming her, changing her, filling her. She lost the ability to think. All she was aware of was the hard body on her, in her, as she hovered between pain and pleasure, unable to move under the force of his passion. Even so, the sensations built inside her on a great swell of pure bliss. Every cell in her body focused on the place between her legs where his body joined to hers. He pumped into her faster as his tongue plunged into her mouth and his hands dug into her bones. She clawed her way higher and higher, the pleasure spiraling out of control until she thought she would burst.

As though he could sense her hovering on the precipice, he raised his head. His face was a mask of craving, his lips a grimace, his eyes burning like fire.

Lowering his head, he bit down hard, piercing the skin where her throat met her shoulder, while his hips ground into her and every muscle tensed. She came in a long, drawn-out explosion of crimson light that flashed behind her clamped lids.

She must have blacked out for a second. When she came back to herself, he was still inside her. There was an ache between her legs, and her shoulder stung where he had bitten down on her. He was heavy on top of her, and she wriggled.

Finally, he shifted, raising himself up on one elbow to stare down into her face, a slow lazy smile curving his hips.

“You all right?” he murmured.

She gave a small nod, all she could manage right now.

“Sorry, I was a little rough. It’s been a long time.”

She swallowed. “How long?”

He was silent for a moment and she thought he wouldn’t answer. “Twenty-three years.”

Wow.

She presumed that must have been Tara’s mother, but it didn’t seem right to talk of his lost love with his cock still wedged firmly inside her.

“We’ll go slower next time,” he promised.

“Next time?” She needed a long soak in a hot tub first.

“This time,” he said. He flexed his hips and she felt him swell inside her. He must have seen her wince. “Relax, lie back, and I’ll be so gentle.”

He raised himself up on both elbows so his weight was off her. Then lowering his head to her breasts, he kissed the nipple, took it deep in his mouth, and suckled. The tug sent a jolt of pleasure to her groin and her hips lifted without conscious thought. He pulsed inside her and this time pleasure beat the pain.

He kissed the other nipple, sucking and licking on the taut peak. Faith peered down the length of her body; his mouth at her breasts was the most erotic thing she had ever seen.

As if sensing her gaze, he raised his head and his eyes met hers. He moved with a slow, languid roll of his hips, pulling out of her so she saw the glistening length of him, then easing back inside, grinding his hips against her. One hand moved between their bodies, and one finger massaged her already sensitive clit so tremors of pleasure rippled through her. She lay back, closed her eyes, and concentrated on the feelings.

Never. Never before—and she suspected never again—would she feel like this.

Each stroke was followed by the slow curl of his hips. No pain this time, just a slow build of sensation. She relaxed into the feeling, letting it carry her higher and higher until she shattered into a thousand sparks and drifted slowly back to reality.

She came around the second time wrapped in his arms. Ash lay on his back with her held tightly to his side. One hand stroked circles on the skin of her hip.

She gazed up at him. “Thank you.”

He grinned. “Isn’t that supposed to be my line?”

“No. I didn’t exactly add a lot to the experience.”

“You were perfect.”

He leaned down and stroked his tongue over her skin where he had bitten her. “Sorry.”

“I don’t mind. I like it that you got carried away.”

She studied his face. His eyes had returned to normal, the restless energy that was always such a part of him was gone and he appeared at peace, even happy.

A little sense of foreboding nagged at her mind. This was nothing more than sex. That was all it could be. Words hovered on her tongue, but she couldn’t bring herself to spoil the mood. Not just yet.

She settled her head back against his chest, loving the smoothness of his skin against her cheek. His flat male nipple was so close to her mouth, and she blew lightly, as his hands stroked her hair. For a little while, she’d allow herself to relax.

He started to speak in a low voice. “When I first met you, I wanted you, but you were so different…so prickly. I could never love you, and I’d be safe.”

She swallowed. Part of her wanted him to continue. The rest of her willed him to shut up. To not say the words that would change everything. Spoil everything.

“Tonight, on the rooftop back at the Order, when the angels attacked, I didn’t think, I leaped to protect you. It was instinctive, despite the fact that my daughter stood close by. You were all I thought of. Saving you.”

Now, Faith’s mind was pleading with him silently to shut up. To not say anymore. Inside her heart was breaking for all that she could have had. Screaming it wasn’t fair. As though anything in life was ever fair.

“I don’t know how things will work out. I’ve never considered anything more than the most casual relationship with a human. But I want to try. I don’t want to lose you. We’ll find a way.”

How could they, she wanted to scream. She was dying. She’d believed she was slowly coming to terms with that fact, rather than existing in a state of total denial, but now she wanted to live. And she was going to hurt him so badly. Things should never have come this far. She should have told him and now it was too late. She needed him to leave her. To be the one to walk away. That way he would hate her instead of hurt.