Black Mischief (7 page)

‘I am
Black Bitch, ‘ she had explained simply. ‘What do you want in my house?’

‘I am
Lady Courteney. I came to see General Connolly.’

‘The
General is drunk today and he doesn’t want any more ladies.’

After
that Connolly was not asked even to Christmas luncheon.

Other
less dramatic incidents occurred with most of the English community until now,
after six years, the Bishop was the only resident who ever came to play croquet
on the Legation lawn. Even his Lordship’s visits had become less welcome
lately. His strength did not enable him to accomplish both journeys in the same
day, so that an invitation to luncheon involved also an invitation for the
night and, usually, to luncheon next day as well. More than this, the Envoy
Extraordinary found these incursions from the outside world increasingly
disturbing and exhausting as his momentary interest in Azania began to subside.
The Bishop would insist on talking about Problems and Policy, Welfare,
Education and Finance. He knew all about native law and customs and the
relative importance of the various factions at court. He had what Sir Samson
considered an ostentatious habit of referring by name to members of the royal
household and to provincial governors, whom Sir Samson was content to remember
as ‘the old black fellow who drank so much Kummel’ or ‘that
what-do-you-call-him Prudence said was like Aunt Sarah’ or ‘the one with
glasses and gold teeth’.

Besides,
the Bishop’s croquet was not nearly up to Legation standards.

As it
happened, however, they found him at table when, twenty minutes late for
luncheon, Prudence and William returned from their ride.

‘Do you
know,’ said Lady Courteney, ‘I thought for once you
had
been massacred.
It would have pleased Monsieur Ballon so much. He is always warning me of the
danger of allowing you to go out alone during the crisis. He was on the
telephone this morning asking what steps we had taken to fortify the Legation.
Madame Ballon had made sandbags and put them all round the windows. He told me
he was keeping his last cartridge for Madame Ballon.’

‘Everyone
is in a great state of alarm in the town,’ said the Bishop. ‘There are so many
rumours. Tell me, Sir Samson, you do not think really, seriously, there is any
danger of a massacre?’

The
Envoy Extraordinary said: ‘We seem to have tinned asparagus for luncheon every
day … I can’t think why … I’m so sorry — you were talking about the
massacre. Well, I hardly know. I haven’t really thought about it … Yes, I
suppose there might be one. I don’t see what’s to stop them, if the fellows
take it into their heads. Still I dare say it’ll all blow over, you know.
Doesn’t do to get worried … I should have thought we could have grown it
ourselves. Much better than spending so much time on that Dutch garden. So like
being on board ship, eating tinned asparagus.’

For
some minutes Lady Courteney and Sir Samson discussed the relative advantages
of tulips and asparagus.

Presently
the Bishop said: ‘One of the things which brought me here this morning was to
find Out if there was any News. If I could take back something certain to the
town … You cannot imagine the distress everyone is in … It is the silence
for so many weeks and the rumours. Up here you must at least know what is going
on.’

‘News,’
said the Envoy Extraordinary. ‘News. Well, we’ve generally got quite a lot
going on. Let’s see, when were you here last? You knew that the Anstruthers
have decided to enter David for Uppingham? Very sensible of them, I think. And
Percy Legge’s sister in England is going to be married — the one who was out
here staying with them last year —you remember her? Betty Anstruther got run
away with and had a nasty fall the other morning. I thought that pony was too
strong for the child. What else is there to tell the Bishop, my dear?’

‘The
Legges’ Frigidaire is broken and they can’t get it mended until after the war.
Poor Captain Walsh has been laid up with fever again. Prudence began another
novel the other day … or wasn’t I to tell about that, darling?’

‘You
certainly were not to. And anyway it isn’t a novel. It’s a Panorama of Life. Oh,
I’ve got some news for all of you. Percy scored twelve-hundred-and-eighty at
bagatelle this morning.’

‘No, I
say,’ said Sir Samson, ‘did he really?’

‘Oh,
but that was on the chancery table,’ said William. ‘I don’t count that. We’ve
all made colossal scores there. The pins are bent. I still call my
eleven-hundred-and-sixty-five at the Anstruthers’ a record.’

For
some minutes they discussed the demerits of the chancery bagatelle table.
Presently the Bishop said:

‘But is
there no news about the war?’

‘No, I
don’t think so. Can’t remember anything particularly. I leave all that to
Walsh, you know, and he’s down with fever at the moment. I dare say when he
comes back we shall hear something. He keeps in touch with all these local
affairs … There were some cables the other day, now I come to think of it.
Was there anything about the war in them, William, d’you know?’

‘I
can’t really say, sir. The truth is we’ve lost the Cipher book again.’

‘Awful
fellow, William, he’s always losing things. What would you say if you had a
chaplain like that, Bishop? Well, as soon as it turns up, get them deciphered,
will you? There might be something wanting an answer.’

‘Yes,
sir.’

‘Oh,
and William — I think you ought to get those pins put straight on the chancery
bagatelle board. It’s an awful waste of time playing if it doesn’t run true.’

‘Golly,’ said William to
Prudence when they were alone. ‘Wasn’t the Envoy on a high horse at luncheon. Telling
me off right and left. First about the cipher book and then about the
bagatelle. Too humiliating.’

‘Poor
sweet, he was only showing off to the Bishop. He’s probably frightfully ashamed
of himself already.’

‘That’s
all very well, but why should I be made to look a fool just so as he can
impress the Bishop?’

‘Sweet,
sweet William, please don’t be in a rage. It isn’t my fault if I have a
martinet for a father, is it, darling? Listen, I’ve got a whole lot of new
ideas for us to try.’

The Legges and the
Anstruthers came across to tea: cucumber sandwiches, gentleman’s relish, hot
scones and seed-cake.

‘How’s
Betty after her fall?’

‘Rather
shaken, poor mite. Arthur wants her to start riding again as soon as she can.
He’s afraid she may lose her nerve permanently.’

‘But
not on Majesty.’

‘No, we
hope Percy will lend her Jumbo for a bit. She can’t really manage Majesty yet,
you know.’

‘More
tea, Bishop? How is everyone at the Mission?’

‘Oh
dear, how bare the garden is looking. It really is heart-breaking. This is just
the time it should be at its best. But all the antirrhinums are in the bag,
heaven knows where.’

‘This
war is too exasperating. I’ve been expecting the wool for baby’s jacket for six
weeks. I can’t get on with it at all and there are only the sleeves to finish.
Do you think it would look too absurd if I put in the sleeves in another
colour?’

‘It
might look rather sweet.’

‘More
tea, Bishop? I want to hear
all
about the infant school some time.’

‘I’ve
found the cipher book, sir.’

‘Good
boy, where was it?’

‘In my
collar drawer. I’d been decoding some telegrams in bed last week.’

‘Splendid.
It doesn’t matter as long as it’s safe, but you know how particular the F.O. are
about things like that.’

‘Poor
Monsieur Ballon. He’s been trying to get an aeroplane from Algiers.’

‘Mrs
Schonbaum told me that the reason we’re all so short of supplies is that the
French Legation have been buying up everything and storing it in their
cellars.’

‘I
wonder if they’d like to buy my marmalade. It’s been rather a failure this
year. ‘.

‘More
tea, Bishop? I want to talk to you some time about David’s confirmation. He’s
getting such an independent mind, I’m sometimes quite frightened what he’ll say
next.’

‘I
wonder if you know anything about this cable. I can’t make head or tail of it.
It isn’t in any of the usual codes.
Kt to QR3 CH.’

‘Yes,
they’re all right. It’s a move in the chess game Percy’s playing with Babbit at
the F.O. He was wondering what had become of it.’

‘Poor
Mrs Walsh. Looking quite done up. I’m sure the altitude isn’t good for her.’

‘I’m
sure Uppingham is just the place for David.’

‘More
tea, Bishop? I’m sure you must be tired after your ride.’

Sixty miles southward in
the Ukaka pass bloody bands of Sakuyu warriors played hide-and-seek among the
rocks, chivvying the last fugitives of the army of Seyid, while behind them
down the gorge, from cave villages of incalcuable antiquity, the women crept
out to rob the dead.

After tea the Consul
looked in and invited Prudence and William over to play tennis.

‘I’m
afraid the balls are pretty well worn out. We’ve had some on order for two
months. Confound this war.’

When it
was too dark to play, they dropped in on the Legges for cocktails, overstayed
their time and ran back to the Legation to change for dinner. They tossed for
first bath. Prudence won but William took it. He finished her bath salts and
they were both very late for dinner. The Bishop, as had been feared, stayed the
night. After dinner a log fire was lit in the hall; the evenings were cold in
the hills. Sir Samson settled down to his knitting. Anstruther and Legge came
in to make up the bridge table with Lady Courteney and the Bishop.

Legation
bridge was played in a friendly way.

‘I’ll
go one small heart.’

‘One no-trump,
and I hope you remember what that means, partner.’

‘How
you two do cheat.’

‘No.’

‘I say,
can’t you do better than that?’

‘What
did you call?’

‘A heart.’

‘Oh,
well, I’ll go two hearts.’

‘That’s
better.’

‘Damn,
I’ve forgotten what a no-trump call means. I shall have to pass.’

‘No.
I’m thinking of riding Vizier with a gag. He’s getting heavy in the mouth.’

‘No.
Then it’s you to play, Bishop. It’s hopeless using a steel bit out here.’

‘I say,
what a rotten dummy; is that the best you can do, partner?’

‘Well,
you wanted me to put you up. If you can make the syces water the bit before
bridling it’s all right.’

Prudence
played the gramophone to William, who lay on his back in front of the hearth
smoking one of the very few remaining cigars. ‘Oh dear,’ he said, ‘when will
the new records come?’

‘I say,
Prudence, do come and look at the jumper. I’m starting on the sleeves.’

‘Envoy,
you
are
clever.’

‘Well,
it’s very exciting …

‘Pretty
tune that. I say, is it my turn?’

‘Percy,
do
attend to the game.’

‘Sorry,
anyway I’ve taken the trick.’.

‘It was
ours already.’

‘No, I say,
was it? Put on the other side, Prudence — the one about Sex Appeal Sarah.’

‘Percy,
it’s you to play again. Now trump it this time.’

‘Sorry,
no trumps left. Good that about
“start off with cocktails and end up with Eno’s”)

A few miles away at the
French Legation the minister and the first secretary were discussing the report
of the British movements which was brought to them every evening by Sir
Samson’s butler.

‘Bishop
Goodchild is there again.’

‘Clericalism.’