Blackbird (16 page)

He was against her teaching him to read, but he had caught on to the alphabet after only two nights of reciting it.  She was surprised that he had agreed when she had asked him this morning.  She assumed it was because he was bored while waiting for his wound to heal.

Giving him time to study, she looked out across the river at the moss-laden woodland.  Rain hung heavy in the air, and the clouds overhead loomed low as if they would float down and touch the earth.

Slowly, Adahya copied the letters of his name in the sand.

“See, you’re learning!”  Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Her withdrawal was fast, but he was faster.  One of his arms curled around her waist.  The other cupped her chin and pulled her face to his.

“No.”  She pushed him back.  She was not going to let him do this to her again.  Every time he kissed her, touched her, he took some part of her.  A part she would never get back.

And she was going to leave.  Soon.

“Adahya, I need to talk to you.”

“Is that not what you are already doing?”  His eyes were teasing.  This was not going to be easy for her, no matter what his mood.

“I want to talk to you about my leaving, and I don’t want to fight about it.”

His look of warmth disappeared.  The stick he used to write his name in the sand snapped in his fist.

She took a deep breath.  “After you were shot, you said I was free to leave.  I didn’t right away, because you’d been shot, and--”

“Your words were I don’t want you to die,” he snarled.

A tiny muscle in his jaw clenched, proving she had upset him.  “Well, of course I didn’t want you to die.  Do you think that little of me?”

“Adahya thinks much of you.  That is why you are here.”

He reached for her hand, but she pulled away.  This would be too hard if she felt his touch.  He caught her hand anyway and laced his fingers with her own.  His grip was tight, as if he was afraid of losing her.

He was deliberately trying to make this hard for her.  He knew exactly how to play her feelings, to make things harder on her than they needed to be.

“Don’t make this difficult.”

“You could not leave Adahya because you care for him.”  He brought her hand up and kissed her palm.  “That is a basis for a good covenant between a man and woman.”

“Adahya, I’m leaving.  I think it best if I go tomorrow morning.  If I follow the river, I’m sure I’ll find a settlement, and someone will take me back to--”

“Back to Knox!”  Adahya flew to his feet.  He kicked the patch of earth that was Katherine’s blackboard, sending sand all over her lap.  “Were you thinking of him last night too?  Wishing I were him instead of a savage?”

Tears stung the backs of her eyes, but she refused to let him see that his words hurt her.  “I told you I didn’t want to fight.”

He leaned over her, his face within inches from hers.  His eyes had turned cold and demanding.  They were not the window to a gentle heart she had seen last night.  These were portals to the soul of a monster, and she hated them.

“You are not leaving, Katherine.”

“I am.  And you said I could.”

“I changed my mind.”

“Then you’re a liar.”

“Then perhaps I will make you my prisoner instead of my woman.  At last you would be in my bed where you belong.”

He was trying to humiliate her, and she refused to let him see that he was winning.  She started to leave, but he grasped her arm and pulled her back.  “Hear my words, Chogan.  If you leave, I will hunt you down.  I will bring you back here with me, and then I will find Knox.  I will cut off his privates and shove them down his throat before I allow you to go back to him.”

* * *

“ADAHYA has been at war a long time.  You must understand that it has made him hard.”

Katherine paced the length of Star’s hearth.

Although still not very friendly, at least Sunshine had stopped trying to hit Katherine.  In a stern voice, she spat something that had to be interpreted.

“Sun thinks you should go back to Adahya and apologize,” Star translated.  “As do I.”

“I will do no such thing!”

Katherine could not believe these women.  They honestly thought it was acceptable to be bullied by a man.  Well, she was not one of these people, and she would not stay.  She belonged with her own race.  Her own life.

“I’m going back to the mission, and I don’t care what anyone thinks.  Especially not Adahya.”

Star translated for Sunshine, and the two spoke amongst themselves.  Finally Star turned to Katherine.  “There is no love at this mission.”

Star stared at the women for a long while.  She wanted to lie to them, say Joshua would provide love for her.  But they were right, and somehow they knew.

Somehow, somewhere along the way, her undying love for Joshua had faded somewhat.  To say it no longer existed was too harsh.  She would always care for him.  But she no longer loved him romantically.  She did not know how that had changed, but Adahya certainly played a large part.

Star took her hand and squeezed it.  “Why do you wish to return to someplace where there is no love?  Your mother is gone, and your father is so far away.  We are your sisters now, and Adahya is your man.  There is nothing at the mission for you.  Not the things you need.”

Katherine recalled Adahya’s cutting words and how he had thrown Joshua at her.  Like he had done so often.  There certainly was no love where Adahya was concerned.

“Adahya loves you,” Star pressed.

Katherine shook her head.  She knew Adahya cared for her, coveted her like she were one of his possessions, but he certainly did not love her.  Love required trust and understanding.  Adahya did not trust her enough to allow her to leave, nor did he understand or even try to understand her desire to leave.  And for that she was still his prisoner.

She searched Star’s black eyes as she gripped her shoulder, as if trying to shake her to her senses.  “Adahya cares for you, else he would have never stood up to his mother for you.  If you wish to hear his words of love, you must tell him so.”

* * *

ADAHYA sat in the shade and watched his brothers as they chipped arrowheads from flint.

Katherine had spent the night at Star’s hearth.

He had not gone after her, for he knew she was too angry with him to return.  But at least she had a friend to go to, even though her place was with him.

He would not allow her to leave.  Even if she were miserable for the rest of her life and never spoke to him again, he would keep her by his side forever because--

Well, because he loved her.

The thought was as intriguing as it was shocking.  He had never loved a woman before.  When had it begun?  He supposed since the second day of knowing her when she had asked him so many personal questions.  Her forwardness had been surprising, but it had also been welcome relief to his cold heart.

And at times he thought she loved him.  When she would respond to his touch.  That day at the river with his niece and nephew.  When she said she did not want him to die.

But she certainly did not return his love.  She wanted to go back to Knox.

Adahya’s heart fell.  His mother was right.  Nothing could prove that Katherine loved him.  It was true she had said she did not want him to die, but that did not prove that she loved him.  It proved she had a kind heart.  Nothing more.

That was what hurt the most.

“When are you going to start speaking to our mother again?”  Zachariah was splitting the end of an arrow to insert the fletching.

“I have not decided,” he dryly answered.  He did not care if he ever spoke to his mother. She-who-commands had tried to kill the woman he loved, and then she had lied to him about it.  He wondered what else in his life his mother had lied about.

“Mother asks about you.”  Zachariah fitted the arrow with three strips of feathers.  “What are we supposed to tell her?”

“Nothing.  Stay out of it.”

“How can I stay out of it when your woman insists on living with mine?”

Ignoring him, Adahya looked across the village and suddenly caught sight of Katherine.  She stood by the three cows that had been brought in from the white homesteads.  She cradled the calf’s head in her arms, bending toward it as if she were telling it her deepest secrets.  Her hair was loose and flowing like dark ribbons in the breeze.  He longed to go to her, crush her in his arms, and make her never want to leave him, never think of Knox again. But that was impossible.

Two Guns poked him in the side.  “If you do not go to her now you will regret it tonight when your bed is cold.”

Adahya ignored him and continued to watch her.  He remembered her saying something about having a cow at the mission.  He turned to Two Guns.

“Will you sell the young one?”

“Why would you want that one?” Two Guns went back to his arrow making.  “There is no meat on it.”

“It would not be for food.”  Adahya motioned toward Katherine.

“Oh.”

“Will you sell it?”

Two Guns seemed to think for a moment.  He laid the arrow across his lap. “What would you give?”

Adahya thought of his canoe, but there was a hole in it.  Two Guns already had half his fishing equipment.  His eyes narrowed.  “What do you want?”

His brother pointed to the gorget around his neck.  Colonel Butler had given it to him for his loyalty and service to the Crown.  It was a symbol of his hard work and the risks taken on his life for preserving the land and the race of his people.

He looked at Katherine.  Maybe the calf would make her happy enough to stay.

Reluctantly, he removed the gorget and dropped it in Two Guns’ palm.  His eldest brother slid it over his neck, a sly grin spreading over his face.  “Thank you, little brother, but I already sold the calf to She-who-commands.  Now you have to speak to her.”

* * *

FROM a distance, Katherine watched Adahya chase his brother, and she wondered what he had done to make Adahya shout such curses at him.  When he caught Two Guns, he wrestled him to the ground.  Two Guns was holding something just out of Adahya’s reach, teasing him with it.  His niece and nephew soon joined in and the foursome rolled around in the dirt together until they were all laughing.

She still could not get over how easily Adahya relaxed in the presence of his family.  He would make a wonderful father, she decided, as she watched him pick up Little Jay and set her on his shoulders.  But she would not be the one to bear them for him.  She would leave before she let that happen.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

ADAHYA stood outside his mother’s lodge and took a deep breath.  His brothers were right.  He needed to make peace with her.  She-who-commands was a vindictive liar, but she was also his mother and therefore deserving of his respect.  Pushing aside the bark door, he entered, and his mouth fell open.

He had expected a fight.  He had expected She-who-commands to perhaps throw him out.  He had not expected this.

Song.

She was sitting with his mother.  Talking.  Laughing.  And his mother seemed to be enjoying her company.

Remembrance hit so hard it nearly knocked the breath from his lungs.  Anger tightened in the pit of his stomach.  He wanted to leave.  He wanted to hit them both.  He should leave.

Song spotted him, and she moved toward him to stand only a few feet before him.  She was every bit as beautiful as when she had left.  Her hair fell over her shoulders like a black waterfall.  Her eyes were large and dark, and her skin was the color of fresh turned soil.

And she was pregnant.  He started to leave.

“Adahya, wait,” they both called at once.

Adahya stopped, faced Song.  “Who is the father or do you not even know?”

“Be respectful,” She-who-commands warned.

“Respectful?”  He stepped toward them, never taking his eyes off Song.  “How many white men did you have to wrap your legs around before one planted their seed in your belly?”

“Adahya!”  His mother turned furious eyes upon him.

Adahya did not care if he hurt Song.  He hoped he had, in fact.  He had never wanted to hit a woman, but now the urge was almost uncontrollable.  How dare she come back here--pregnant at that!  Song had been disgusted by the idea of ever conceiving his child.  Her pregnancy was barely showing, so he knew it was not his.  Besides, she had left him more than six months ago.  The fact that she was pregnant with a white man’s child--that she had not terminated it as she had threatened to do if she ever conceived his child--was just another slap in the face.

He towered over her.  Once he had loved how much taller he was next to her, how her small, petite frame had made him feel so strong and confident.  Now he wanted to snap her spine like a twig.  “Why are you here?”

“I--I had to see you.”

Song placed a hand on his arm, but he shrugged it away.  “You lie.  Why are you really here?  What do you want?”

Song released an unsteady breath.  Laying a hand protectively over her stomach, she sank down on the edge of his mother’s sleeping bunk.

“Song has come back, Adahya,” She-who-commands said, “Come sit and talk with her.”

“Stay out of this, mother.”

His mothered turned her back to him.

Adahya faced Song, the urge to slap her never waning.  “Why are you here?”

She sighed.  It was a tired sigh full of disappointment.  “Things did not turn out as well as I had hoped.”

“So you just expect all of us to pick up the pieces for you.”

“No, yes--I don’t know.”  She had difficulty standing, but Adahya did not move to assist her.  She tried to touch him again, but he backed away.  “Adahya, I missed you.”

“You wish to use me again.”

“I never used you.”

He grunted.

“Adahya, I love you.”

“You know nothing of love!”  Curses spilled from his mouth until he was breathless with rage.  At that moment he had never hated anyone more than the woman before him.  Love him!  She had never showed him an ounce of love.  The only reason she had agreed to be with him in the first place was because she got along with his mother so well.  And because her family was eager for the arrangement.

Song looked ready to cry.  “Please do not be so angry with me.  I did not come back to fight.”

“Why did you come back?  That is what I would like to know.”

“To have my child.”  She raised her chin in silent determination.  “I had hoped that you would forgive me and--”

“And take you back.”

“Is that so terrible?”

“Yes it is!”  His voice reverberated off the bark walls.  “Hear my words, Song.  I will never take you back, and I will not raise another man’s bastard!”

“Adahya--”

“Stay away from me.”

* * *

KATHERINE cautiously made her way between the shoulder-high rows of corn. She mentally calculated her escape route again.  She would be successful this time.

Behind her, she heard the voices of Star, Sunshine, and other women from the village as they worked the crops.  They would look for her soon.  She had spent three nights with Star now, and she and Sunshine proved to be supportive listeners to her troubles, but they did not trust her. They knew her desire to escape was stronger than ever now.

Now that Adahya’s wife had returned.

Star had been the one to tell her, and Katherine had watched her from a distance.  Song was as beautiful in person as she had pictured her.  Nearly perfect, in fact.  And she was pregnant.

Adahya had come to Star’s hearth twice, claiming the child was not his, but Katherine refused to believe him.  His betrayal hurt worse than any rejection from Joshua had.  Adahya had led her to believe Song was dead.  She’d even taken flowers to her grave and removed the painted symbols of his anger from it.

Song was only four or five months pregnant, she had guessed.  If she really had left Adahya over six months ago that would mean he was not the father.  But what if he had lied about her leaving when she did?  He had lied about Song being dead.  He could have just as easily lied about fathering her child.

Star said Adahya had legally married her by Iroquois custom.  They had not had a traditional Christian wedding, but it was binding according to their culture.  And it had been more than Adahya had done for her.

More proof he did not and would never love her.

She reached the end of the cornfield and found the south bend of the river.  Just as she had expected.  She smiled.  This was it!  The beginning of her route to freedom.  If she followed the river, it would surely lead to a settlement.  And she would find someone to help her go back. Back to Joshua.

It was different now.  So very different.  She tried to compare Joshua to Adahya but found there was no comparison.  Joshua was a good, decent, God-fearing man, and Adahya was a--No.  That wasn’t fair.  Adahya was a warrior who loved his family and fought a better world for the people he loved.  Just like Joshua did.  But they were so different.  And both had hurt her.  And Katherine would never be the same again.

She hated that she missed Adahya so much already.  She would miss him long after returning to the mission.  She would miss talking to him late at night while she watched the stars form the stokehold in his lodge roof.  She would miss the patience he displayed to his senile grandfather.  How he would defend her against his mother.  His lessons in his native tongue, how some days he would refuse to answer her until she spoke to him in Ganeagaono--Mohawk.  And she would miss touching him.  His touch upon her.

She regretted not telling him goodbye, and she would always wonder what became of him and--And if he reunited with Song.  His wife.  But it hurt too much to think of that possibility right now.

“Blackbird!”

Star was close now.  Quickly, Katherine cut past a row of hemlock.  She ran faster, never stopping until she was breathing so hard she could barely catch her breath.  She glanced behind her.  No one.

She cut across a birch grove and sprinted again, elation quickly replacing her sadness.  She was free!  Soon she would be back among white people.

The moon was high above her when she stopped for the night.  Exhausted, she sat down on a patch of moss and leaned against a small pine.  An owl hooted in the distance, and she shivered, suddenly wishing she had brought a blanket with her.

Her stomach growled.  She wondered how many nights she would have to spend out here before she found a settlement.

She tried to focus on the rippling sounds of the river, but the night sounds rapidly closed in on her imagination.  She recalled the stories Adahya had told her.  Of bogeymen.  Floating heads that roamed the forest looking for their bodies.  Witches and goblins.  Demons.

A twig snapped a few yards from her, and she jumped.  Her eyes scanned the blackness but saw nothing.  She’d never like the darkness.  She could run into anything out here alone.  Wolves.  Trappers.  British soldiers.  Stop it!

She was not a child.  She would be fine.  Hugging her knees to her chest, she shut her eyes and tried to sleep.  Another twig snapped.

She opened her eyes.  Her heart pounded in her chest.  “Hello?”

No answer.  She had seen a turkey roosting a few hours ago.  That was probably what it was.  Moments of darkened silence passed in what seemed like hours.  She had just closed her eyes again when more twigs snapped.  Footsteps.  She was sure of it.

She did not have time enough to stand before her hands were yanked around the base of the tree behind her and bound immobile.  A leather gag was roughly forced in her mouth before she could scream.  She tried to kick her attacker, but he was invisible in the darkness.

Panic rose in her throat.  She was being attached by more Indians.  Or the British.  Which was worse?  She yanked at the ties that bound her wrists, but could not move.  She saw movement in front of her.  She tried to beg her attacker, but she coughed on the gag in her mouth.

Her attacker knelt before her.  He was going to kill her now.  She shut her eyes and he leaned toward her.

“Do you now understand why it is so dangerous to roam the forest alone, Chogan?”

CHAPTER NINETEEN

KATHERINE stopped struggling.  When Adahya removed the gag from her mouth, she spat in his face.

“Such a lady.”

“Untie me,” she ordered, her fear turning to fury.  “I’m going home.”

“I am taking you home.”

“Not home with you!”  She was not going to fall for his trickery.  “To my home.”

“With Knox.”  He said his name as if it were a disease upon his tongue.

“With my own kind!”

“No.”

“Then leave me here to die!”

“I do not wish for you to die.”  He leaned back.  “If I did, I would not have followed you for so long.”

Katherine struggled with her restraints.  Star must have seen her escape and told Adahya.  It figured.  Her friend had betrayed her.  Just as everyone else had.

She stopped fighting her hobbles.  She tired to search Adahya’s face, but she could not see it in the darkness.  She gave a defeated sigh.  “Why did you lie to me?”

“I did not lie.”

“Then apparently I’m not used to the dead coming back to life.”

She felt his fingertips wiping away tears she did not know had slipped down her cheek.  She shook his hand away.  “Don’t touch me.”

“Kath--”

“How is it that a living woman has a grave?” she demanded.  She deserved the truth. He owed her that much.