Blackness Within (41 page)

A few beats later, Sully pulls me in for a tight hug and I settle my cheek against his chest. I take in a deep breath of his woodsy musk and let it cleanse my lungs. He buries his face in my hair and inhales deeply in return. Then he sets me away from, running his fingertips down my arms before interlacing our hands.

Tugging lightly, he pulls me with him. I follow. Curious.

After backing away, never leaving my gaze, he lets go of my left hand and pivots while remaining in possession of my right. His strides quicken until we reach the backdoor where he pushes past members of his family without a second glance.

He guides me around the pool, beyond the spot where we shared our kiss, all the way to the back of their property, only stopping under a broadly stretched maple tree.

He’s still in front of me when we stop. Sully drops my hand and interlaces his fingers behind his head, his broad shoulders tense beneath a pale blue polo shirt.

I wait.

He releases a ragged breath before turning to face me. His features are hard, weary.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers and my heart stops at the conviction his quiet words project.

Pain.

O’Sullivan

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, attempting to make those two words as big as they can be.

“Sully—”

I cut her off with a finger against her perfect crimson lips.

“Please, let me say this.”

She nods and I begrudgingly drop my hand from her mouth.

“I have a list of shit I’m sorry for. A list so long I don’t know where it begins and ends. Watching you with my family made me want to do this once we were alone. But watching you with Cara…holding my sister, I knew I needed to give you this apology now.”

I clear my throat and straighten my shoulders before unleashing.

“The first time I saw you, it was your body that made me want you. I could barely remember your name, but I knew the curve from your back to your hip so well I could identify it in a lineup. The second time I saw you were leaning over Kid, offering her ice chips and I didn’t notice your ass. I saw care in your face for the woman that means everything to me. The third time I saw you, you were in pain and forcing yourself to be strong. The fourth time it was your red-rimmed puffy grey eyes that drew me in. They haven’t let me go.

“I treated you like shit the first time. I treated you like shit the second time. I treated you like shit the third time. And I treated you worst of all the fourth time. You didn’t deserve it. You deserved to be respected and treated like the treasure you are. So, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t see it the first time. I’m sorry the first time I laid eyes on you, I didn’t see the piece of gold sitting before me. I should have scooped you up and worshipped you.”

Tears are rolling down her cheeks, her haunting grey eyes locked intently upon mine.

“I’ll be your friend, Grey. I owe you my friendship. I owe you kindness. I owe you all the things I stole from you by bein’ a coward. I’m not that man anymore. These are only words and I don’t expect you to believe me. But I swear, when it comes to you, I’m a different man. I’m gonna spend as much time with you as I can to show you. So you can see, I’m worthy,” I finish emphatically.

“I don’t know what to say,” she says through a tiny sob.

“Don’t say anything. But please let me hold you,” I request through a ragged breath.

Natasha nods once and I pounce. I gather as much of her body in my arms as I can and crush her to me. She’s trembling and sobbing silently as I lower us to the grass, arranging her in my lap. She curls into my chest and I squeeze her as hard as I can without causing her harm. Never again will I cause this woman harm.

Her body is still soft, but not as full as it once was. Her time away has taken a toll. I want back what I lost. I want back what I ran off. I want back the chance to make her mine. I want back every single thing.

After a long while of stroking her back over her white sundress, her breathing evens out. Slowly, she tips her head back and looks at me through long wet lashes.

“That’s the best apology I’ve ever heard. Thank you, Sully.”

She leans up and places a long soft kiss on my cheek before settling her cheek against my shoulder. I kiss her platinum hair a few times and then gaze out across the yard.

Blake is standing at the edge of the patio studying us. His arms are across his chest and his brow is furrowed. He thinks I’ve hurt her again.

I shake my head no at him and smile, conveying all is well. He watches us for a few beats before turning and moving back into my house. I don’t know if he understood or is going to get reinforcements. I guess I’ll find out.

I continue to brush my hand up and down Natasha’s back while my other hand holds her hip. My eyes move around the pool until they find a pair of emerald eyes. Kid’s watching me, pride beaming from her.

Kellerman yanks her down onto a lounger and a mega-watt smile slices across her face. I chuckle at my sister. The woman that taught me I’m worthy. The woman that showed me what it is to work for something after blackness has taken you over.

“We should get back to the party,” I mutter into Natasha’s hair.

“’Kay.”

I help her to her feet and lead her back to my crazy family. The people that don’t go together, but can’t live without each other.

“Natasha!” Sawyer hollers from the pool, waving like mad.

I drop my hand from the small of her back and let her go. Before she moves away, she grasps my forearm and squeezes. Then she heads over to the poolside to see what the goofy teenagers want.

I can do friendship with a woman. Kid’s my best friend. Kat Cooper is my friend. Quinn is my friend. I know how to draw that line. I don’t want to be friends with Natasha. I can’t push her beyond that though. I have to show her. I have to convince her I’m worth risking her heart one last time. Because if she does, I’ll never let it go.

“Dinner?” I ask, holding a takeout bag from my fingers as Natasha opens the door holding back a snarling Zeus. He sees me and stops his threats, approaching me for a pet on the head.

“Uh…sure,” she replies, opening the door with a scrunched nose and furrowed brow.

“Blake texted he was gonna be late and wanted me to provide you much needed sustenance.”

I move to their small breakfast bar and pull out five containers of Chinese.

“Is the rest of your crew comin’ too?”

She eyes the amount of food with large grey eyes.

“Just you and me.”

“You must be hungry,” she says through a snort.

She fusses a little with her messy bun and slides her hands down her rumpled tank top before fidgeting with her yoga shorts. She’s nervous.

“Any luck on the job front?”

“I talked to my former head nurse this morning. She thinks I should be able to get my job back. I’m shocked since I quit over the phone with no notice. I’m not complaining though. I need to get back into it.”

She floats around the kitchen as she talks, pulling down plates and glasses. She sets the bar while I dish up the food. I grab some iced tea for both of us as she sets out chopsticks. We move around the tiny space as though we’ve lived together for decades.

“So moving day sucked?” Natasha asks before plunging a fork full of chow mein in her mouth.

“It wasn’t fun. Kav cried like a little bitch and Cal puked,” I joke.

“And what did you do? Sob into your ’N Sync pillow?”

“Hey,” I feign offense. “Backstreet Boys. Get it straight.”

“Sorry.” She puts her hands up before snickering lightly.

“It was just a hard day, you know? Only havin’ Cara for two and a half years and now she’s already gone. It was a shitty day. Kid’s bummed and proud. The guys and I are just bummed. If she wasn’t so hell bent on livin’ in the dorms, we’d feel better.”

“It’ll be good for her. She can obviously handle herself and I don’t think the Cooper brothers are gonna offer her much space. I talked to Sawyer a little on Saturday about it.”

“Cole and Dane too, from what I hear.”

“I just pointed out that Cara havin’ a normal college experience will be good for her. She hasn’t had normal yet from the sounds of it. They can protect her and give her breathing room. Then they dragged me in the pool,” she grumbles with a smirk on her lips along with a little soy sauce.

I reach out and swipe it away before licking my finger clean. Her grey eyes stare at me, shocked. Then she raises a napkin and waves it in the air to signal there are other means by which to remove sauce from one’s mouth. Whatever.

“I like my way better,” I assert and dig back into my noodles.

“Is that how you deal with Kav havin’ a messy face?” she questions with a quirked brow.

“I usually skip the finger and just use my tongue,” I reply with a suggestive brow wiggle.

“So moving day,” she prompts, rolling her eyes at my pervy ways.

“We’ll get to that. I was thinkin’ about the dragging you into the pool part of Saturday.”

“It was the highlight of my day,” she snarks.

“It was the highlight of mine,” I reply honestly. “Well, a close second at least.”

She beams a sweet smile at me just as Zeus launches at the door in a fierce attack. The doorbell rings a second later.

“Expecting somebody?”

“No.”

I stride to the door and grab a hold of Zeus’s collar before swinging the door open. You’ve got to be shitting me.

“Ben,” I say coolly.

“Ben?” Natasha questions not a second later.

“Natasha!” he yells. It sounds more like a squeal coming from his lips.

He brushes past me and grabs her in a rough hug.

“Thank God you’re okay,” he says with a sigh of relief.

Natasha steps away from his embrace, but he has other plans. He runs his thumbs across her cheeks before cupping her face.

My stomach rolls and I have the urge to sic Zeus on him. I look down at the dog and find him staring at Ben with the same uncomfortable gaze that I’m sure is plastered on mine.

“I thought I lost you,” Ben whispers and then he kisses her.

I’m standing right here and he kisses her. Natasha stands stock still as he presses his lips firmly to hers, her arms rigid at her side.

I clear my throat roughly before I end up in prison for murder.

Ben halts his assault and pulls away slowly.

“Sorry. I’m sorry. I know you two are obviously still together,” Ben grumbles, shifting from foot to foot after stuffing his hands in his pockets.

I’m about to confirm his assumptions when Natasha speaks. “We’re just friends. We were having dinner.”

“Oh,” Ben says in a surprised voice. “Do you think I could speak to you alone then? Maybe ask your friend to leave?”

What the fuck is this dude smoking? I’m about to educate him on how I work when Natasha cuts me off again.

“What do we need to speak about alone, Ben? How did you find me anyway? What are you doing here?” she rattles off quickly.

“When your house burned down I was there. I waited all night until they cleared the scene and assured me you weren’t in the house. Your cell phone was turned off. You didn’t answer my emails. When I called the hospital to find you, I could never get a straight answer about where you were. Then they finally told me you quit. It’s been over five months, Natasha, and not one word from you. I’ve been terrified. Sick. I hired a P.I. and he just found you here. I came as soon as he gave me this address. What happened? What’s going on?”

“It’s been a complicated time in my life, Ben. I’m sorry you were worried, but I’m fine.”

Natasha looks at me, signaling she could use a hand. Ben follows her gaze and sneers at me over his shoulder.

“Can we please talk, Natasha? I’d be more comfortable without an audience for the things I need to say to you. Please,” he begs turning his focus completely to her once again.

She’s crumbling under his pressure. Natasha’s not back to normal yet and she’s crumbling when she would typically stand tall.

“Ben,” she starts and clears her throat. “I would love to talk to you, but I’m spending the evening with my friend. I’m not going to ask him to leave. If you’d like to join us, you’re more than welcome. Or if you’re more comfortable, we can have coffee tomorrow.”